I Think Too Much!
by PierceMD
Summary: I think too much. Thats what my friends tell me. And my father! AND Sidney.I don't know how to summarize my thoughts and I have no idea how to describe this...experience I had. I am Dr.BF Pierce, a misplaced civilian, left to rot in Korea. Here's my story
1. Chapter 1

My first ever story of this sort. Wanna review, be my guest. Don't wanna review, thats cool too. I have already written almost 95,ooo words and am set in my ways. Mostly, its just what the name says. Too much thinking! And rest assured, I will post all of it, even if none of you reads it :p

Also, its a long, long, long story. And not as fast and out-of-the box as most others. Its as close to show as I could possibly make it and that means no long term romances, just flings every once a while. And nothing terribly dramatic either. Now, its nearing its end but even then, I have no clue when it ends so just read on. I doubt if you would regret it!

Happy Reading!

_**It Starts...**_

They say believing is hard. What they don't know is, not believing is harder. How can one go on if one does not believe? In something larger? Bigger? I had to know it. I had to know why I was here, in this place worse than a hellhole. Why did we have to deal with blood and gore like this if there was no greater plan? And if there was a greater plan, what was it? And why was it necessary for all this loss of life and limb, not to mention, my sanity, to get that bigger plan in motion. And what purpose did that plan serve? The only guy I could ask these questions had no answers. I knew it because I had heard him cry and beg for answers from his _Guy_ himself. That was when I knew that there were no answers. We were subject to the whims of idiots beyond out grasp, our reach, our imagination. People who never saw us and people we would never see either. That was all there was to it . It was all a power play. Nothing more, nothing less. Greed, ideology, self-righteousness...whatever its name was, it always sought red blood to sate itself.

The bottom line was simple. Kids died in the name of principles and good-governance and the American way and they hadn't even had their first kiss, their first late night out. And I stood in their blood, while more of it filled my boots, stained my socks and left me numb from neck down. If only I could stop thinking! If only the numbness reached a little above my neck too.

"Clamp", I repeated myself. Today just wasn't my day. I drew short straw tonight when it came to nurse on my table. More like the kid on the table drew the short straw. She was green as it was. And the messy bulk of flesh and bones and blood I was trying to put back together into one Private Hendricks did not help her. He had probably swallowed a live grenade, right before it exploded.

"Hurry up, miss! The kid cannot wait for you to get your act together. Damnit! He probably swallowed a live grenade. After pulling the pin out".

"How bad is it", I heard BJ's mumble from behind his mask.

"Whole right side is a jigsaw puzzle. No! Two puzzles. Both missing half their pieces!"

"Why can't you stop dramatizing and just give a straight answer, for once". BJ spoke, rather testily.

I looked up. This was a new development. That cool, calm exterior was finally breaking. It HAD to get to him. Nobody was perfect. Nobody was that good. It got us all. And BJ was no exception. And now that I heard the strain in his voice, I just realized, again, how bad all this really had to be for _him_ to break. He looked up too. And when he saw me looking at him, averted his gaze. Something was bothering him. Something from home. Maybe Peg had to change the tire of her car. Or maybe Erin was teething? Something inconsequential, I was sure.

' Kid,you are getting rottener by the day', I told myself. The bitterness of what I just thought amazed me. I was a known malcontent when it came to war. My bitterness was stuff of legend. But it was never directed towards my friend. And even less so, his family, which was my surrogate family too. They kept him sane and he kept _me_ sane.

"His right side is blown. Right lobe of liver is shredded. So is the right kidney. Most of it anyway. Adrenal is gone completely. And the diaphragm had a large enough hole in it to let me put my fist through, not to mention some shredded liver. I had to do a lobectomy on right lung as well. Its a colossal mess".

"SUCTION", I yelled as a small fragment I was trying to remove from behind one of the smaller arteries gave me the slip and nicked it. Blood was in my face but I probably picked a good time to close my eyes, which was not what I could say about that nurse.

My hand reached down as I put pressure on the little spurter while the nurse got suction going.

"Margaret, give me an experienced nurse. This has already gone longer than I wanted and I don't have any patience left"

I was feeling the need to go to little boys' room. Good news was, mess tent or the cook, or both perhaps, had finally managed to kill my appetite completely. I had stopped feeling hungry anymore. That was good when you had to stay at your work station for as many hours as we did. Working on automaton without any fuel was a blessing, pervasive as it was. Needing water or coffee was another matter. My last cuppa was right before I started working on Hendricks. My kidneys usually knew when to start or stop working. Came from a long training in standing in the ORs in Boston and New York but still, a man's gotta do when a man's gotta do. And this seemed very much like another hour before I could even begin to close. Part of the ileum needed resection. Too many holes, just like my socks. I could feel the swishy, slushy, squishy feeling from all the blood inside my boots by now. And it was congealing. Reminded me of Jello, only when you use too much water and it becomes runny?

NO, I could not think about it. He also needed a right hemicolectomy. I briefly considered the idea of ileocolic anastomosis versus transverse colostomy and an ileostomy. Both seemed equally hard and long.

I finally decided to exteriorize the gut.

"Fuck!", I silently swore.

The new nurse was not as painfully inept as the previous ones. But I knew I was going to have a long, hard talk with Margaret after I was done. She ought to know better than sending a rookie when so much was at stake.

Maybe I will take my post-op shower in my boots and underwear. But then, what was the point? I would never get the blood out of my boots. And even if I did, which I knew I wouldn't, it would be the same tomorrow. Or who knows,tonight? I was rambling in my thought, I could feel it!

"Klinger, get somebody to get me a cup of engine oil from mess", a faint attempt at humor.

"Pierce, you tired? Need help?", I heard Potter's drawl.

"No Colonel. I am just fine and dandy. Just need to oil my hinges though. They might be losing their magic touch", I replied. I knew how tired he himself was. If he could catch a break, he would not get cranky. I liked my COs un-cranked. Made up for better mornings. And evenings.

I wondered how BJ never got his shoes dirty. His shoes had the same clean look they had when he got here, despite the dirt and blood. Maybe the sheer size made little drops inconsequential? And what about Frank? And his shoes.

"Doctor!", I suddenly heard the nurse calling me.

"What?", I asked.

"Nothing. I thought you nodded off".

"Oh!", that was all I could say. She may have been right. I wouldn't know. I knew it was my mistake too. Not so much as trying to prove my invincibility, I was more afraid of the fact that if I took a break, I won't be able to come back. Not tonight anyway.

And thats when the inevitable nasal whine entered my ear.

"The Invincible Pierce nodding off? Like ordinary interns. What, pray tell, is the world coming to"? The smugness. Too bad I was a card carrying pacifist.

"Shut up Frank"! That was all I was going to say, being neck deep in this kid's gut,l egs crossed to fight one urge while trying not to topple into this kids guts. I had already given up eating liver, as it was. And to think I had spent five years of residency digging into guts and gore and blood. That never stopped me from being a total carnivore.

"Aaah, the big chief surgeon is not feeling very witty right now, is he?", followed by his annoying snicker. I am sure he calls it something polysyllabically moronic, like a cackle. Or a giggle. It never stopped reminding me of a hyena with bronchitis, no matter what he called his high pitched ...laugh, I suppose. It annoyed me. Always did.But right now, more than ever.

"Frank.Drop it. I am not in the mood!", I hoped he got the message though it seemed liked an unlikely possibility for him to take a hint.

"What happened Pierce? You are not feeling the pressure now, are you", he droned on, as expected.

"DROP IT FRANK! I AM NOT IN THE MOOD. SO JUST... SHUT UP Alright?!", this time, I tried to be more firm.He got the hint. I smiled. This was good. I was getting better at this.Now if only BJ and Margaret stay away from me after this session. Maybe I was hoping for too much.

"Finished! Keep him hydrated with Ringer's, 150mls/hr for next 6 hrs and then 100ml/hr. And transfuse two units of whole blood. Tell the duty nurse to give me an update every 30mins. And also, get his liver function tests along with BUN/Creatinine and 'lytes along with complete blood count after 4 hours. Bring in the next patient. I will be back in 5". And with that announcement , I fled the scene to the nearest latrine. Which was taken.

"What the hell!",I decided to use bushes instead.

P.S. I edited this first chapter and am going to post it again. This is for the new readers in particular. I think its a fairly realistic and decent story and you should continue reading it. That's all.  
Hope to see more of you around!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Now that I got rid of the pooled up water inside me it was time to replenish the amount lost. And what better way to do that than using some engine oil , compliments - or condolences, whichever you wished to go with - of mess tent. Coffee from mess was like tension.You could cut it with a knife. It gave you palpitations and ulcers. About the only good thing it had to offer, if you could call it that, was that it could drive away any notion of sleep like...Nah, I was too tired to come with an analogy.

By the time I got back to scrub room, almost three minutes later, the reliable steed from Lebanon had the coffe ready.

"Pour it in!", I commanded him while I got busy with the ritualistic cleansing required before I went back to the OR.

Coffee was cold, hence the straw. I wondered if it tasted worse when cold or hot? It was a toss up.

"How many left?",I asked Klinger.

"Twelve, counting the one on your tabel right now."

I did the math in my head. Four for me, three each for Col.Potter and BJ and if Major Bungler did not kill or maim any of his, two for him. And that meant another 7-8 hours. That was not so bad, really, if you discounted the previous lifetime we had spent repairing the gunfodder coming out of our current deluge.

"Who is covering the pre-op?", I asked.

"Nurse Kellye and Nurse Able", Klinger replied.

"Alright.Time to start rolling.Secure your nose cz here we goooooo", I barely controlled my urge to honk his nose. He looked at me with confusion plastered on his face.

"What?"I asked him.

"Nothing Cap'n. I was just wondering what wonder drug you took when you went out. I might wanna use it too. And maybe give it to Col.Potter once in a while", he commented mischievously.

"Promise me you won't tell anyone and I will let you in on my secret", I told him as I entered the OR again.

"Cross my heart", he made the sign.

"I thought you were a gypsy. Aren't they pagans?"

"Alright,scout's honor!", he said.

"So you were a scout. Never figured you for one.", I smiled, enjoying this light moment while it lasted. "Sooooo,what do we have here? Hmmmmm, alright. A regular junkyard belly. I should have gone into scrap metal business. Maybe once I get back...". Gas passer was smart and patient was all relaxed and ready for me to tango on his duodenum and Waltz on his jejunum. I liked this kind of cooperation from those I danced with. Or on, as the case might have been.

"How many to go Klinger"? Col.Potter asked him while he placed the X-Rays for his new patient. I was already elbow deep in this new kid's gut. This one was not as bad as the previous one. That was the upside of triage. Unless surgery went parallel to a battle, of course, because then you just knew that the next one would be harder than the last. And you would be tireder than before. And chances of screwing up went up exponentially. I don't know about others, but I was getting tired of the adrenaline rush I lived in all the time. The faith Army put in us was astounding. They just _knew_ we would be upto whatever they threw at us and always made us go past our previous records of total exhaustion. How we did not lose as many patients as we should have was beyond me.

And what was with this room? Why did I become philosophical as soon as I started dancing on someone's small intestines? Surgery never stopped me before.

Oh, well...  
Time to Tango!

"So Margaret. How is your Donald doing"? I asked the head nurse, expecting a scathing remark. She was predictable even when she was unpredictable. What wasn't there to love.

"That's Col.Penobscot to you,_captain"_, came her reply. Emphasizing my rank...Hmmmmm, that was interesting!

"Oh cummon. I am your favorite enemy in olive drab and he is your favorite Romeo in greens. We are both special to you," I winked, hopefulyl not too lecherously, "and that gives me a right to call him whatever I like. It also gives me a right to check on him and see if he is behaving. Which is precisely what I am going to do on my next R&R. Have you told him about me? And why did I not think of that earlier? What do you say BJ?" I winked at her again and saw a flash of anger that made my heart dance triumphantly. _Mission Accomplished!_

I was impressed by this idea though. Maybe this would give me the break I was looking forward to. Or maybe not!

"Captain Pierce,kindly try to _act_ the gentleman even if...", I heard Margaret saying something about gentlemen but right now, my focus was my friend, one table down.

I turned to see BJ's feedback. He just gave me a blank look and continued working on his patient.

"Is everything alright? How is your patient doing?" I asked him because now I was a little confused. This was becoming really weird.BJ was ominously quiet. My last jab at Margaret was a sureshot way of eliciting a cheesy smile. I could just imagine him in a cheesy mustache. One cheesy smile with one cheesy mustache togo!

"Now that **you** want to crack jokes, its alright, huh? Only ten minutes ago and you were biting off everybody's heads and now that you had your break, you think everybody should feel nice and funny and start playing along your tunes. Maybe Captain Hunnicut is tired of your sick sense of humor and mood swings just like the rest of us."

"Frank,if you don't shut up about me or if you don't stop addressing me,I will staple your tongue to your nose and your lower lip to your umbilicus." This guy never knew when to shut up. I had to think of something to help him achieve his new goal in life, 'how to shut up'.

I stole another glance at BJ as I tied knots to ligate the mesenteric vessels. Hopefully, this one would not cause me too much trouble.

Just then, somebody entered the OR and gave another free hand a slip.

"Is that for me?" I asked, expecting the latest vitals on Hendricks. That kid had a long way to go and if I were a betting person...

"Yes Hawkeye. Pulse is 110RR. Ummmm, RR is 18. BP is 90/50. And temp is 100. Color is pale.IO is 150WB/24."

"Damnit", I swore. And then I swore some more but this time, made sure nobody heard me. Hendricks was not looking good. I was unsure about what to do? Watch him for now? BP was holding for now. But I was not sure it would hold much longer if things stayed the way they were. How about if I start pressors and expect some improvement? Maybe wait for the labs to come? I was acutely unhappy about his kidneys and his liver was chopped when he got into the OR.

"Pierce, that your grenade swallower?"

"Yes Col. He is not looking good. And I don't see how it can get any better. It took me four hours to fix what was left of that meatloaf inside his belly. And now...Father, could you ask duty nurse in post op to give him blood a little faster? Like one unit in this hour and another in next. And then update me with a fresh hematocrit plus all the rest of details"?

"Sure Hawkeye. Anything else?"

"How about staying out while Gene Tierney replaces you? And not in your robes, I might add. Or any robes, for that matter?"

"Pierce, before the majors tells me to tell you to shut up, why don't you volunteer just this once and SHUT UP",

"Oh Col., haven't you heard? There' this law in the Army. They tried to teach us in basic. 'Never volunteer'!".

"Well, Pierce, the Army I came from was real big on volunteering. So if you don't volunteer yourself, I am volunteering ME to volunteer YOU. You got THAT?"

"Metallically Loud and noisy, Col! You know, your voice reminds me of the..."

"PIERCE".

"Awwwwwrrriiiiiiiiiiiigggggggghhht".

"Cap'n, you never told me your secret". Klinger, bless his soul and his beak. They required two blessings anyway.

"Not in front of mom and dad, Klinger. Did those training films not teach you anything? Ask me after this shift. Bring along my Tiny Tim. Where is he, by the way? I have not seen him all day today. I miss his shuffling on his tiny feet."

Radar was absent from my radar. I could not remember when was the last time I saw him.

"I cannot remember the last time I saw him. Maybe he has grown taller all this time that I was gone. My little boy has grown up, hasn't he?"

I knew they were all looking at me, all for different reasons. BJ was moody and sulky and was trying to figure out how my mood really was. Potter was worried about me losing my marbles. He did not know that I had none left to lose. And if I had, I left them uner his pillow while he was sleeping. Margaret was part concerned, part annoyed. Frank was just plain annoyed. And intimidated. I liked to do that to him. His voice turned into that high pitch whine which somehow acted as a stimulus for my wit and sarcasm and some other higher mental functions and kept me from losing it completely when it came to dealing with life in this ...place worse than hell. The nurses and other staff was just amused because I could say things they only wished to.

Just then,OR door opened again.


	3. Chapter 3

3

"Col.Potter Sir, cook wants to know if last night's dinner could pass as breakfast? Almost nobody turned up for dinner last night and there is plenty of it to go around..." We all heard, probably with sheer dread, that squeaky voice that belonged to the one and only Cpl.O'Reilly. He had not grown taller! And I could not even let him finish this chain of thought.

"And come around, to haunt us in the day and scare us at nights", I cut him off, appalled at the thought of having the same rejects for breakfast that I had rejected twice already.

"Pierce, if I hear one more word from you, one whine, one wisecrack, I will put you on KP for a week. It might be cruel and unusual punishment for you but you are close to earning it and I am sick and tired of your constant wisecracking and whining! Radar, you tell him to bury that dinner deep as possible. It was toxic. And it could only have gotten worse, I am sure. Tell him , for once, to try and make something edible. People have not eaten more than one meal in last twenty four hours and after this shift is over, some might lose it if mistreated by his cooking and I don't want him to die because he did not listen to an older, wiser man's words!"

"Boy thats just great! When I say it, its whining and wisecracking and when its himself, he threatens the cook of bodily harm. And to think this was a fair war!" This time I just mumbled so Col. could not hear me two tables down. My current work schedule was not short of punishing but KP? That was plain torture, against ALL conventions - whether set in Geneva, Oslo or the Great State of Maine - and religious/moral standards. That did not mean I was empathizing with Igor. He was still in my crosshairs. And thats when I felt the cramps in my stomach. I had stopped having hunger pangs within my first month of getting to 4077. Eating meals in mess was more out of habit than out of need. But even with that, I had never gone for over 24hours without any food. Maybe this time I go for R&R, I get myself something to eat too. Crackers would be nice. You could dunk 'em in martinis.

"Colonel Potter, Pierce is whining again. He ..."

"SHUT UP FRANK!", Col.Potter, Margaret and I all said at the same time.

I snickered so only Frank could hear me and busied myself with repair or removal of the gut.

"Pierce, I will get you for this!" I heard Frank declare quietly. This was a first. And I did not know what to make of it. What we were doing was not something new. It was a regular on our OR show. Or Camp show, for that matter. We were the camp regulars. And except for the time he tried to pin the Mutiny charge on me, or the multiple times he tried to get me court martialed, it never got out of hand. He did what he knew best, whining and complaining. I did what I did best, making him miserable. And after these months, we had gotten used to all of this, just like two seasoned dance partners.

"Oh yeah, Frank? What are you gonna do this time? Go running back to mommie that big bad Pierce dyed your shorts yellow?"

"You DID NOT", He bellowed.

"Of course I did not. It was just a hypothetical scenario, and a good one, I might add. Which patetrn do you like better? Polka dots or flowers? I took an Arts course in school. You would love my work when I am done!"

"DON'T. YOU. DARE."

This was going to be a lot of fun.

"Frank, you know, when somebody says that to me, this part of me, this dormant yet dominant, powerful, mean, EVIL part of me takes over. I lose control over my actions and end up doing exactly what I was told _not_ to dare do. Especially if the dare was made in a shrieking, whining tone. I just can't help it!"

"Col.Potter. I have had enough of this...this...this Orangutan.I am warning him and you are my witness. You won't stop him from harassing me and I cannot leave this camp without jeopardizing my Military career but I am reaching the point where you will regret not stopping him!"

"Wow Frank, that sentence actually made some sense. How long did you practice saying it in one breath? And are you threatening me? Or are you threatening Col.Potter?" This was the most fun I had in last coupla hours.

"Maj.Burns, calm down. You know its all done in good humor. Pierce! You are on KP for next week, barring casualties."

"NO. Thats not fair. You can't do that to me. That punishment was if I cracked a crack on mess or whatever they concoct there. Frank was supposed to be fair game! This is Not Fair! I protest! I am resigning my commission effective immediately. Col. Potter? SIR?"

I heard Frank snickering. I could not believe my ears. Potter was joking, I was sure. He couldn't not be joking. Boy I hoped he was joking! He had a wry, killing sense of humor. I knew it. Problem was, I was the one he was killing it with!

"No sireee. I never said anything about mess. Its decided. KP starting as soon as this deluge is over!"

"Frank, you are dead!" I hissed. And hoped he loved BOTH flowers AND polka dots because thats what his underwear looked like! Right Now! I was glad I had already done that. The threat was only post-effect.

Just then the OR door opened again, letting in nurse Kellye. Here was my update.

"What is it Kellye?" I asked, knowing she had eyes for me only.

"His color is the same. Pulse is 115 now. And BP is hovering around 85/50. I don't like the way he is looking."

"What about drain? And urine output?"

"Chest Drain is hemorrhagic.140ml. And output is 35ml. TOTAL."

"Can somebody take over for me? I have to go see that kid."

"I am free." My friend in need, BJ Hunnicut. Finally! The kid can talk, I thought. But chose to keep my mouth shut in case I needed BJ to unload later today, or tomorrow, or whenever possible.

"Thanks Beej."

I quickly left the OR. My second time in as many hours. Was it a good sign or a bad one? I never believed in that stuff but there is always a first time. Now wasn't one of those 'firsts', I reflected.

"Kellye, get three units of whole blood, typed and cross matched. And arrange for six more, in case I have to reopen." I told the efficient nurse before I even stepped into Post-Op. If I had to go in again, I needed all my assets in place.

There he was. He was not pale so much as gray. Breathing was not so bad, all things considered. Chest seemed fine or his breathing would have been worse. Could I have missed something in his belly? Every piece of shrapnel was acounted for. It was too soon to know and yet, with every minute, he was slipping away.

"How much blood have you given him already?"

"Just the one Father Mulcahy told me about."

"What do you mean 'told you about'. Where is his chart? I ordered 2 units stat. And then a hematocrit, Damnit!"

"Here is the chart, Captain. And will you please refrain from foul language. And yelling? Some people ARE sleeping, in case you did not see them."

'Not you too, Kellye', I silently groaned as I leafed through the chart.

And the chart had no such entry.

"DAMNIT! Who moved him from the OR? I want his hide. And now. DAMN!!!" After counting to ten, I gave her my orders, "Alright, start with levophed in Ringer's 150ml/hr. Titrate the dose carefully! Start Dopamine at renal dose. Give him 2 units whole blood stat and get his hematocrit checked after the second unit is transfused. Also, after three hours, I want a complete blood count, BUN/Cr, 'lytes, LFTs and urinary sodium. I want you to check his vitals every 10mins and send me an update in the OR every 15mins or so and I want the name of the...idiot who transferred him from the OR."

With that, I returned to the OR. One patient I had to abdicate to BJ and the other was ...

NO, he was not gonna die.

Not on my watch.


	4. Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

When I finally returned to the OR, BJ was busy with the same patient I left him with.

"Did I miss something?" I asked him. I knew I was almost done before I left and was almost ready for final touches before he was sewn up and shifted to post-op.

"No. You did not miss anything. Not that I can find. I am closing him now."

I looked at the clock. I had been gone for 12 minutes. Bj was a little slow. I knew it had been long but still, for his previous self, he was working a little slow. Something definitely wasn't right!

Shaking my head, I took the kid on BJ's table. Yet another laparotomy. Yet another dance in a kid's gut. A kid whose sole mission in life should have been to lose his virginity to the prettiest girl in town. This one was not even 18 yet. Kids underage were considered emancipated once they joined the Armed forces. To lie to be a soldier and then be emancipated? The irony of this concept was mind boggling. AND absurd. I decided to consider it at a later time when I had at least some bit of sanity restored. But if I were my last dollar, I would not bet myself on that hope. Hoping to restore my sanity was almost as absurd as...

I was rambling again. Good thing I had plenty of training,first in Boston and NY and then here, in surgery, not rambling. I could do this with my eyes closed. Open. Cut. Suture. Press. Close. There were intervals where you needed suction. Or retraction. Having Margaret on my table meant I did not even have to ask for it most of the time. What a wonderful creature, that woman.

Updates on Hendricks began to improve. I reconsidered not killing the idiot who almost killed the boy. If one lives, so shalll the other, I finally decided. But still, the message needed to get across. I could not always hand over my patient to BJ so I could go see what was going on in the post-op. Or, for that matter, the patient won't always be lucky. This one got out of the woods, hopefully. What about next time? I also had to talk to the person responsible for taking down post-op orders. When did you know that a mistake was not just a mistake? Till something happened? I was waxing philosophical again. It was time to do what I did best, after surgery that is. Who was it gonna be this time? Frank? Margaret? Radar? Father? Or maybe . The quiet in the OR was disturbing but I had already been at the receiving end of a torturous punishment , complimets . It was a threat, I hoped an empty one. I was not going to do KP, come rain or snow. Even if it meant court martial. Was my current boredom worth getting court-martialed? Thinking of mess made me nauseous as I felt another cramping pain in my stomach. It wasn't something I ate. All I had eaten since...whenever I had last eaten was a martini olive. No, I had a sandwich while I was in OR. I just wasn't sure when exactly. Or what? There was a mystery bread wrapped around a mystery meat, probably a reject from Nazi camps in WW2. Could it be an ulcer? I never had that problem . At least not yet. Trap had it. But it was not really contagious unless we considered the still as the pathogen. Maybe I try some antacid?That seemed like a good idea.

Finally, after an eternity and a half, I was closing my last patient. And as expected, Frank was bungling his second patient since the announcement about twelve patients. I had to check all the patients he had bungled in this session. Good thing he was slow. Or our efficiency rating would have tanked. Another good thing was lack of malpractice lawyers in this place. I remembered a professor from med school. He was the head of surgical unit 3. He also was the crowned bungler. Frank could have taken lessons from him. What was worse, he was fast too. That meant record mess ups in shortest time possible. Finally he was diagnosed with mania, his license stripped and he was sent to the nearest wacketeria. Maybe when Frank got to that point, they would do the same to him? Or was I hoping for too much?

"Who is doing post-op?" I asked no one in particular.

"I am", came BJ's voice.

"I will cover for ya. I need to keep an eye on Hendricks, IF that's okay with you? Could you cover mine?"

I knew what a murder this shift was gonna be. It was almost as bad as a shift in the OR, if not worse. But I wanted to keep an eye on Hendricks. I trusted BJ but there was also another reason. I knew something was bothering him. And he could use a break.

"Pierce, you have to do KP, remember?" I heard the solemn announcement.

"Col. Sir! You are kidding, right?"

"Do you see my teeth? Do you see me smiling?"

"They are hidden behind your mask, Sir Col. Potter, sir!"

"That does it Pierce. I may have been joshin' ya earlier but now, I am serious. When did you say your R&R was?"

", you can't do that to me, SIR. You can't!" He was kidding. Right? He had to be? If he wasn't? What if he wasn't? No, he won't do this to me. He was strict and I did draw short straw when it came to drawing fire from him but he was not cruel. And this was barbaric. No R&R?

"I can. And I will. See me in my office after you are done with post-op. Your offer to BJ stands, I gather?"

"Huh? Oh! Oh, yes BJ wants to take his shift anyway. Huh BJ? Can you do my shift?"

"Alright. I can use some sleep. I hate post-deluge post-op anyway. But Hawk, as far as I remember, you did not take any break all this time, did you?"

"Nah, I did. Last one was hardly seven hours ago, remember? When I left for a few minutes and had some coffee? I will be fine. Don't worry!"

"Can we cut this molly-coddling and get back to work? All this caring makes me sick!"

"Frank, were you born with your foot knee-deep in your mouth or you accomplished this task later on?" I asked him sweetly. It had been a while since I had insulted him. I needed my fix.

"Both of you, shut up! Burns, how much work left on your patient? I am free if you need a hand. The sooner we finish the OR, the sooner we can go and sleep." Col. sounded tired.

"I have to resect and anastomose some intestine and repair a couple of rents. That is all. Can you help me out here, Col.?" Frank was incurably inept. Maybe this kid would make it, with Col.'s help.

"Pierce, you finished? Go have something to eat and then get to Post-op, pronto! Don't just stand here and dig your grave deeper.I am still undecided about KP versus no R&R and I am sure the longer you stay without reason, the bigger the chance you will get both. So amscray!"

"Yes sir, Col. Potter Sir!" I did my final Klinger suck-up imitation. Hope it sways him, I silently thought.

First a shower. Maybe that would dampen the effect the breakfast would have on me, I hoped, yet again. The blood in my boots had congealed. If only it was not unbelievably hard to get a boot when you needed it, I would have thrown this one right now. Maybe ask dad to send me some crocs? And a boot? His last letter was still unanswered. Maybe today? I doubted it. Too many patients. And they were everywhere. Mess tent, pre-op, O-Club and of course, Post-Op. That meant longer rounds and a lot of walking. Maybe ask for sneakers too? How about a shoe shop? Or a wheel chair? Or a skate board?

I was rambling. Or was it my thought that was rambling? What difference did it make? Maybe I would ask Col. to return a couple of my left over marbles when I see him tonight?

Showers! I hoped they did not put any patients there. That would be too bad especially if they saw me washing their blood out of my boots.


	5. Chapter 5

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Chapter 5

What to wear, what to wear? Olive drab or my robe? Finally I decided on just wearing my underwear and getting into clean scrubs again. Shower was vacant. Except for Father Mulcahy, who was cheerful. Argh!

"Father, you know, after a session like this, your cheerfulness ought to be outlawed!"

"Oh Hawkeye", he laughed his tiny laugh as usual. "How can you crack jokes yourself and call my cheerfulness a crime?" He was positively jovial. That was not exactly rare but still. Maybe he had not had his breakfast.

"I am full of surprises, Father!", water was cold. Freezing cold!

"You probably haven't gone to mess today, have you? Any idea whats there for breakfast?"

"Father, you know my views on death-by-eating. Ranks right up there with suicide. I may not be religious but I do condemn suicide. Are you seriously asking me this question?

"No, no. I heard threatened the cook and as a result, the breakfast is good."

"Good as in? Non-existent? He refused to cook, saving hundreds of lives?"

"Oh Hawkeye! Can you ever get serious? Why do you always have to joke about everything?"So the cheerfulness was only temporary.I had the magic touch!

"Sorry father. I did not mean to! Its just that...Uhhh, forget it. Anyway, no. I did not go to mess and have no plans either. The coffee I had a few hours...Never mind. I am not hungry!"

"Going to sleep, I believe?" He asked in a neutral tone. I had dampened his spirits. How? I wouldn't know!

"No, got post-op duty. Actually I asked BJ to let me do it. One of my patients was sicker than most and somebody bungled on his post-op orders. Now I wanna make sure nothing gets messed up again." I suddenly felt drained and exhausted.

"Surely BJ is a responsible and an exceptionally competent doctor. He could have done it just as well, couldn't he?" All was not forgiven. Father Mulcahy was mad at me too. Four out of five in a matter of hours. I was on a winning streak today, having riled up Potter, Margaret, Frank and now Father. And yeah, I forgot Kellye. And then there was that new nurse. I was on a roll today!

"Thats not the reason Father. I trust BJ with my own life, which, to me, is infinitely more important than anyone else's, truth be told. I am just not sleepy and if I HAVE to stay awake, why not let BJ rest while I stay awake doing something useful, right?" I hoped this made some sense. It sure did when I was thinking it.

It probably did. I saw some softening around his eyes. That was a good sign. I was not ready for a shiner.I liked being a coward. Enjoyed it! Reveled in it. And I was proud of it.

"Alright Hawkeye. Whatever suits you. But if I remember correctly, you did not take time off during this session in OR, did you?" I did not understand what the big deal was. It was not like I did this for the first time. Everytime we pulled a long one, I was unable to sleep during the session ,and the only rest I did get was those catnaps right in the OR during change-of-patient ceremonies.

"I did, father. When you did!" I winked at him and suddenly remembered his earlier admonishment." Sorry Father, long day!" I was done and decided to leave before they had to operate on me to pull my foot out of my gut. It was at least hip deep by now.

I returned to OR to get into a pair of scrubs, leaving my robe there. I knew some bean counter somewhere was keeping tabs on our turn out. I could not care any less. They were too many. We were too few. It was like climbing on a descending escalator. For every step climbed, we came down three steps. I had lost track of the day or date. I knew Radar would know it. But what difference would it make? None!

And I needed coffee. Or did I? First things first. I got into the pharmacy and pilfered some antacids. Next stop was Post-Op. President's Day sale on surgery! Even aisles were taken. Hendricks was doing fine now. Rest of them were not as bad as he was. All limb wounds had good pulses. All chest wounds had good air entry and breath sounds. It was the belly wounds that worried me at times like this. Why did it have to be the size of a barrel? And with so much stuff shoved in? One stray bullet or shrapnel and it was an unholy mess. For now, all bellies were soft or else, ready to be. Our first patients from this session were already mobile. Some were even shipped away, depending on where they needed to be. Assembly Line, thats what we were, no matter who denied it and how forcefully. I had patched up some of my previous customers. And others' too. One had Frank's hand all over his gut. Took me a while to break his adhesions!

Now I had to put the paper work in order. That had to be the worst job in the world. What I wouldn't give for someone else to handle it for me?

"Captain!", I felt someone tap on my shoulder. Had I dozed off? I was not sure. There was a tray in front of me. And there was food in it. With steam rising. Warm food? I WAS ASLEEP!

"Captain!", this time I did feel the tap. I looked at this person. My first thought was, 'Zombie'. Drawn, haggard, kinda like he had a rather intimate rendezvous with a speeding bus.

"Yes Corporal?" I asked.

"Sir, Lt. Nakahara told me to see you. About the post-op orders on one of your patients."

"Yeah. About that...Not right now, Corporal. Where are you detailed right now? And when does your shift end?"

"Sir, I have Post-Op detail now. I messed up on more than one thing last few days."

"Nothing as serious, I hope?" There was something wrong with this picture. He was ready to drop dead. I wondered if anyone else had noticed the condition he was in?

"No sir. _This_ was horrible. I am really sorry sir. It has never happened before. And won't happen again. I promise." It sounded genuine.

"Alright! When was the last time you slept? Or ate, for that matter?" I could see that kid would drop dead the minute he was permitted to do so. And there was no point having such a wasted kid working in post-op. I could not figure out what his duty was like around here. Maybe orderly or janitorial detail?

"I don't know sir. I have lost track." That sounded familiar.

"Who is your immediate superior? Ask him to come see me. And after giving him this message, go to mess tent. I hear there is some good chow there today. We will talk about that patient later!"

"Yes sir. Radar told me when he brought this tray for you."

"Radar brought this for me? Why? If Radar says its good..." I changed my mind about what I was gonna say. "If Radar said its good, then it probably is."

The corporal looked at me in a funny way. And then got back to being at attention.

"Now do what I said. Dismissed!"

Why would Radar bring me food? He knew what I thought about mess. And how did he know? I would ask him later, I thought.

Food did not look or smell scary. Not from this distance. And nothing looked back at me. Those were good signs. I decided to try it out. Or at least sniff it. So far, so good! But before I could put it in my mouth, my stomach cramped like it was gonna explode. I may have made some kinda sound because next thing I knew, there was a nurse looking at me with a worried expression and a sergeant looking at us both.

"Cap'n, you alright?" I heard the nurse ask me. This was getting old now.

"Yes. I am fine. Just hunger carry on with your work. Dismissed! Yes sergeant? What can I do for you?"

"Sir, Cpl. Mathis gave me your message that you wanted to see me. I was going off duty so I figured I would come right away before going to bed."

"Mathis? Oh yeah! Uhhhh, Sgt., I am not sure if you saw him when you saw him, but have you seen him lately? I mean, he is completely wasted. I wanted to know why he has been without food and sleep?"

"Sir, Maj. Burns found him smoking behind post-op ward. And he did not salute him right away. So he was given laundry detail along with his regular post-op duty and was restricted to bread and water for seven days. Then this whole deluge happened. I saw him sir. I even sneaked him some food. But he could not eat it. Said it was making him sick. I know he needs rest and food but my hands are tied." Damn Frank! And Potter wants me to make nice to him? Son of a ...

"Alright. I will take care of this. He is off both shifts. And if Frank...Maj. Burns gives you trouble, tell him that you were working under my orders. Or better yet, tell him to ask me. I will clear this with Col. Potter sometime tonight. Dismissed!"

"Thank you, Cap'n Pierce, Sir".

Frank was getting closer to a high colonic everyday

"By the way, sir. What you had was NOT a hunger pang, sir!", I heard the sergeant making a stage whisper before clicking his heels and about facing.

Before I could respond, he was gone.

**PS: **For feedback, my email address is .


	6. Chapter 6

Made a mistake with splicing in chapter 5 figured it out and changed for those who are who aren't,again,nothing has changed.I just had to fix it,that was all!

Chapter 6

'What does he know? He is just a sergeant. A regular army guy!', I told myself as I turned around towards the paperwork littered all over the desk and the food tray which was cold now, I was sure. Was I hungry or not? I asked myself. I was not, I decided. But what the heck! I tried the scrambled eggs first. Not bad! Toast was two shades lighter than hash browns, which were just the right shade of brown. This was the first time ever since I came here than I had cleaned my tray despite having food in more than one compartment. Maybe it was the prolonged fasting? Maybe thats what I ought to do. Not eat for...what?

"Nurse!", I called out to the nearest beauty.

"Yes Doctor?" I had not seen this fine specimen before. My loss, entirely!

"Call me Hawkeye!" And wondered if my drool was obvious or not. "And you are?"

"The nurse you kicked aside from your table yesterday, Sir!"

Oh. Thats why this specimen was unnoticed until now. Now my foot was lodged deep in the recess of my gut. Even a surgery could not remove it.

"Oh. Alright. I just wanted to know what day it is, today that is?"

"Its Friday, Cap'n. And I thought you did not use cliches to get attention. Now, if there isn't anything else..." With that, she about faced and was off before I could resonate my anger at her selfrighteousness. Maybe not right now. I will settle this score AFTER I have settled the rest, I decided.

Friday meant...why did I ask for the day? Oh. Oh yeah! Last I ate was a lunch. Yesterday? No. Before that. Yeah. In the OR. Some meat of unknown origin wrapped in some bread of unknown origin. Or date, now that I remembered. Probably some roadkill Koreans refused to eat. And was too dead to be buried. Back from these appetizing thoughts, I looked at the vacant tray again. So the key to eating mess chow was to go hungry for almost 48hours, go through the guts of at least thirty patients, and sit in post-op, half dead. Not to mention, no sleep for even longer period of time.

Was mess chow really worth all this pain and suffering on my part? I had to be a masochist to go through all this just so I could have a decent meal . Life was too short for such torture. Which reminded me, Colonel Potter and my meeitng with him. Either it was gonna be his infamous father speech followed by a plea to my better judgment and a whole lot of manipulation or else, it was going to be a lot of thunder bolts and fire storms and volcanic eruptions. I had no idea which was worse. One made me promise things that I would never promise if sober and in command of my senses. The other meant those very senses would get threatened by KP or even worse, if that was possible, a denial of my request for R&R.

Henry was easy, rest his soul. But he had his drawbacks as well. When he got stuck, no call to his better judgment or sense of fairness worked. Potter at least listened, most of the time!

There it was, again. It was getting worse. The cramping was sickening. Was it the food? It was related to food. But how? When I thought about food, I cramped. When I smelled food, I cramped. And when I ate it, most understandably, I cramped. I felt cold sweat break out on my skin. This was not looking good. I could not get sick here. I could not afford to. Maybe it was dysentry taking a more aggressive course?

Time could not pass fast enough for me. Still a few hours till BJ finally relieved me.

"Captain Pierce, we need a hand." I heard a nurse call me. Which one, I did not know.

"Somebody called my name?"

"Yes cap'n. Since you were so generous to send away the orderly, now would you mind helping us with his work?" Boy, she hated me with a passion. I could feel it pouring out of her mouth.

"Yesss?" I moved closer to her, trying to understand her dilemma. One of the other nurses was trying to say something to her. Maybe giving her pointers?

"What can I do for you on behalf of Mathis?"

"I need to change this patient's pyjamas and also, his linen. He wants to use the ..."

"Cate, I told you I will help you. Can't you wait just for a minute? Whats the hurry?" That was Ginger.

"No problem, Ginger. I will help Nurse..."

"Catherine O'Hara!"

"I will help Nurse O'Hara with the linen and changing rituals. Private Sanders here is big enough to make it to little boys room on his own. Whaddaya say, Private?"

"I would rather go by myself than with _you_, Sir!" The private's grin faded when he saw the options.

"Alright. Be a good boy and show mommy and daddy you have mastered the art of walking by yourself to the bathroom. There you go. See, not so hard. Left foot, right foot, and repeat."

"Captain. Two things. First, don't make your sexist jokes with me. Second, the private may fall or may need support. Have you considered that possiblity?"

"Nurse...O'Hara, right? Alright Nurse O'Hara. Two things. First, it was a generalized statement. Stop taking things personally, especially when they are not meant to be personal. Second, I happen to be the surgeon of this private you are so concerned about. I did not need to 'consider' the possibility. Third, next time you try to pull something like this, I won't be my usual pleasant self. Last, and yeah, I know I said two things but what can I say, I am this mean little boy who likes to play unfair. So, the last thing is, what happened in OR could have happened to anyone. Try to think past your own ego!"

Enough said. I had never talked to a woman in this manner before. But she really got to me.

"Who is the shift incharge, Ginger?" I asked the sweet nurse.

"Lt. Baker, Cap'n".

"I don't see her here. In case anyone needs me in a hurry, I am going to be in mess tent and when I leave there, I will head for O-Club, alright?" I needed a glass of cold water.

"Aren't you on duty till Cap'n Hunnicut relieves you?" Predictably,it was O'Hara again. Boy she was driving me crazy.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because I don't think its really a good idea to leave your patients just so you could have a drink!"

"Lieutenant O'Hara, patients are all over the camp, including the mess tent and the O-Club. And I think your patient is back from latrine. Let me know if you need any help changing his gown and pyjamas." Even before I opened my mouth to counter this attack, Ginger took over. And she could be devastatingly, scathingly, cooly cold. I was glad I was not at the receiving end of her diatribe.

PS: Too much got lost thanks to website. Now reposting.


	7. Chapter 7

A lot of seriousness. A lot of dialog. Personally, I do not like it but I don't know how to keep story going without having this chapter in. So bear with it, if you are still reading!

Chapter 7

Mess tent was enjoying one of its rare full-house moments. Of course whoever entered here seldom left without feeling almost as sick as our patients. The only difference was, while patients could be resuscitated, there was no hope for victims of Igor and company. But not today. Somehow, Colonel Potter had reinvented food, the four letter word forbidden within the mess tent. I checked on the patients while people ate their lunch. It WAS a full house. Finally, I found a vacant spot against the tent wall and rushed to it before anybody else could. I was hoping to catch some winks. Father Mulcahy was sitting on that table. I ignored him. I had enough carnage behind me and after my encounter with him in the shower earlier today, I was not in the mood to provoke him again. My foot was already lodged far down my throat for me to drive away one of the rare, chosen few I actually respected.

"Wake me up when the war is over!" I spoke to no one in particular. Of course I could not sleep here, but just the feeling of something behind my head that was not hard relaxed me.

"Still not feeling hungry?" I heard the father and assumed he was talking to me.

"Who? Me? Naah! Radar brought a tray of breakfast into post-op. I don't know who sent it or for whom. But I cleaned it up anyway, only a coupla hours back, I think."

"Oh. But I asked Radar to get you some breakfast after I showered."

"You sure take long showers, Father!"

"Hawkeyeeeee", I was not sure if it was plain admonishment reduxed or he enjoyed it.

"Sorry father. Force of habit." I meant it though I really did not know how to stop it.

"No, no. That's alright. I have been thinking about you all morning. You do what you have to do to survive here. And mostly, what you do helps others too. But sometimes, it does not. That does not mean its not good. Or useful. Just that, if others get to you, you turn things into jokes but when you get to others, they don't know what to do. And that perhaps upsets them. Anyway, just something I thought. I might be wrong."

"Well. Maybe you **are** wrong. About me not letting anyone get to me. I left post-op because someone got to me there."

"Oh yeah? Well! Its been a long session and everybody is tired and edgy. Don't let them get to you, Hawkeye? How are the patients in post-op? I haven't gotten around to visiting them yet. Most are probably sleeping off the anesthesia anwyay, I believe."

"Yeah, most are. One is up and about though. Maybe we can move him out and place someone sicker in post-op. I am sure one of Frank's victims might need closer observation. The arrangement and patient dispersal has been rather haphazard."

"I haven't seen anyone really sick either here or at the O-Club. But you know what to look for, right?"

"I certainly hope so, Father. My father paid big bucks to put me through med school."

"Well, it didn't go waste now, did it?"

"Define waste, Father! He is not getting anything out of my education. All that money bought for him was a long-distance son. Come to think of it, _**I**_ am not getting anything out of it either. There is no money. There certainly is no job satisfaction. How many times can a man marvel at his own embroidery. On the same patient?"

"I understand Hawkeye. You definitely don't want to be here, doing this impossible task. But these people need you and you are doing a damned good work!"

"Thats the whole point father. I know they need me. My problem is more basic. Why should they need me? That kid I worked on ...the one with a shredded right half of the body, he was not even eighteen. I am tired of this waste. None of us should be here!"

"Hawkeye, they are looking for you in the O-Club. One of the patients needs you." Here comes the buzz-kill!

"Duty calls! It was nice talking to you, Father."I sighed, more for dramatic effect than anything else. More than my speech, this latest demand for me made my point. The only irony was, I WAS preaching to the choir, quite literally!

'Waxing philosophical again!' Part of me snickered.

'Oh shut it already', the other part hissed. I did not even need somebody to talk to anymore. I had these two different people inside me, talking while another part of me watched them. They were both annoying, that spectator part decided. I wondered how rest of them put up with me. Even I could not put up with me right now. No wonder Colonel Potter wanted to see me. And what was that all about. Cracking jokes and mocking Frank was not something worthy of a punishment.

If anything, I deserved a medal!

And there it was, the O-Club. Why did they have to make it so far away from Post-op? All it did was to either get people bombed or help them once they were bombed. Maybe Army worked hard on weeding out any common sense from everyone so no one even by mistake ended up doing something that would actually make sense. Army was diabloical! Maybe it was the olive drab that killed the common sense? That would explain my sanity and ever present common sense. My refusal to wear green helped me retain my sanity in more ways than one. I was more diabolical than Army!

"Bartender! What's my tab?"

"Hawkeye! Here! This is Major Woods. Here..."Baker handed me this guy's chart.

"Ahhh, Major Burns. Hmmmm, lemme see." This guy came with the usual shrapnel injuries. The fact that he was awake was a good sign, I thought, even though his breathing seemed tad bit labored. He had some shoulder and neck injuries. Nothing too serious, I hoped, even if Frank had a walk all over his body. In his boots, I feared!

"Let me see his pre-op X-Rays while Major Woods, you tell me how I can help you?" X-Ray seemed fine but with neck and shoulder injuries...And between shrapnel and Frank's ten thumbs...I leaned forward to examine his chest.

"Dr.! My chest hurts when I breathe. And it keeps getting worse. Nurse gave me some pain killer but it did not do me a lot of good."

"Major, now that you will start moving, it is going to hurt some. Nothing to worry about if pain is bearable, alright?How is your breathing?" I wondered if he had noticed that he was breathing faster.

"I told you it hurts when I breathe." Wow, was it just me or people really liked snapping at me?

"Is there anything else?" I wondered if he had noticed if his breathing was labored. Apparently not.

"No. Nothing else. Not yet anyway." That was right. Frank was not a stud to begin with. With Margaret's engagement, he was getting worse, if that was possible. Problem was not so much his skill. He was alright for a meatball surgeon. It was his 'could not care less' attitude that landed his patients in a ditch more often than we liked. I made a mental note of checking out all of Frank's patients after I took care of this one. He probably had a pneumothorax. What caused it was anybody's guess.

"Nurse, I want another chest film for this patient. And then, I want you to set up a thoracostomy tray. Send me the wet film, right off the press. And when did he have his last shot of morphine? If its over two hours, give him another. I will be in post-op! Alright Major, I need a chest X-Ray to make sure but I think you will need a minor procedure and a tube in your chest for next few days. Lieutenant. Baker here will give you some morphine to help with the pain. You rest!"

Post op was calm. I checked on Frank's patients and Hendricks. They all seemed fine. I was tired now. No, past tired. I was dead! Still four hours before I get off this shift. I had a few choices. First was to write a letter to Dad. I had not yet replied to his last one and the sooner I wrote him, the sooner he would get it and answer it and I would have my next mail call all that earlier. But, thinking about what I had been thinking all day, I postponed this idea. I had no idea what I would write and was pretty sure I won't remember what I wrote. Writing Dad was becoming a rather hard exercise lately. Most of the times, I just blurted out everything that was on my mind. Well, almost everything! But ever since they sent the news of my death to him without confirming it first, I saw a change in his letters. The same details that may have amused him earlier now worried him. I could not joke about the same stuff I used to anymore.

It had been a long time since I had seen him and in my memory, I did not see him as the old guy he had turned into. He was still DAD, mostly. The guy who fixed my problems. Was I really acting childish? Sidney would have something to say about this, if I asked him. I wasn't going to! I realized the way I was unloading on my father. And it was affecting him. I could not remain a kid when it came to him. But worrying about him did not get me anywhere either. So now, my letters were not as open as they used to be. We were both playing the same game. Worrying while not letting other know why. The only difference was, if I shut my mouth about trivia, he wouldn't be as worried as he got otherwise. So all I had to do was, 'think before you write'. That couldn't be too hard, right?

That reminded me of two current problems I was facing. One was BJ's awkward behavior. I was pretty sure it was something rather trivial from home. But there was always a possibility that it was something more serious. In all honesty, despite my current dismissal of his possible dilemma, when it came to BJ, nothing was insignificant. He was too important to me to dismiss anything that worried him. And we simply haven't had any chance to talk. I knew he wouldn't talk till I badger him to death. He had post-op tonight, and I was in no shape to badger anyone. That did not stop me from worrying though.

The other problem was Colonel Potter. I knew he was bluffing. He loved me too much to do this to me. That meant it was a smoke screen. But for what? And to appease whom? Frank? Margaret? Had they or either of them launched yet another paper chain-lasso to bring me down? Margaret had grown a little over last few months but Frank? I never thought it was possible but he WAS deteriorating. Margaret did not help his situation either. But for them both to take it out on one Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce was just not what the doctor ordered. It had to be Frank. Margaret loved me, I knew it. Not lovey-dovey love. But I am irresistible. Nobody can help loving me!

"Cap'n Pierce?", somebody called my name. I did not know the face.

"Yes?"

"Lieutenant Baker sent this for you!" It was a chest film.

"Aha! I was right. Frank Burns strikes again!" I said as I got up from the chair.

"What should I tell the Lieutenan, Captain?"

"Tell her her knight in shining armor...Uhhh, never mind! I am going there myself and will give her my message in person. Dismissed!"

I was in the O-Club in less than a minute. During day time, it seemed sombre and almost modest.

"Hawkeye, should I call Major Burns? He threw a tant...He really yelled and was so angry last time you fixed up one of his patients. He ordered me to wake him for his patients next time."

"He was drunk at that time. On his Shirley Temples. He is a Walking Medical Malpractice in Army drag even when fully rested and sober. Do you really want him here after this session? Or do you not like this Major patient? He does have a way with people, I must say." I wondered if the major had been snide towards Baker too. He sure did not try to make friends with me last I was here. Maybe this time is different, seeing I hold the scalpel in my hand?

"NO Hawkeye!" Baker was the first laugh I had elicited that day. It felt good, especially when I was not even trying to be funny.

"Alright then. Lets set him right. Hello Major...Your chest pain is due to a small damage to your right lung. I just got it confirmed through your chest film. You will need a chest tube for now and hopefully, the damaged lung will heal in a few days time and we can take out the tube."

"What do you mean a small damage? How bad is it, really?And how do you know it will heal itself?" Questions were not so bad but the tone was bordering on menacing.

"I know because its my job to know. Now lie back down so I place the tube nice and easy and get going. If you need detailed answers, I have to refer you to Major Burns, your surgeon of record! He will be here to see you when he wakes up."

"Wakes up? How can he be sleeping when one of his patients might need another surgery because of the poor job he did in the first place? And he is a major? And you, a captain? What if _you_ mess up? Who fixes me then? A corporal?" The man was livid. And the effect was contagious.

"Listen, Major! I don't have the time or energy to explain all this. You can take up with Colonel Potter or God, whichever suits your requirement for seniority. Now lie back down and let me do my job. And keep your voice down. Other patients don't know about our collective incompetence and I prefer to keep it that way. Nurse, position the major and get me some alcohol to sterilize my hands."

A few more hours, kid! And then you can sleep.

Once the air column started moving right, and I could hear his lung all over his chest, I left my present company. I had enough of this crap for the day. But the day was not over yet.

I had yet to go see Colonel Potter.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Seeing BJ always made me happy. This time was no exception. But he was still moody. I decided if I could not sleep, I would come to post-op later and ask him about that. After giving him the highlights of the day, I signed off. Good thing I remembered to get my robe from scrub room.

Colonel Potter was in his office. I could not wait for Klinger to announce me and just walked in and landed on one of the chairs. He did not look up. What was that? Was he mad or just _playing_ mad?

"Hello Dad, I am home!" A tester to gauge how bad the situation was.

"Hello Son. I know. I am old, not deaf!" So far so good. He even used humor. In a sing-song voice. A useless singer, if he asked me. He could never hit the notes I could.

" Colonel Potter, sir, as you might know, I have been..."

"I know Pierce. I am working on something that might concern you so just hold your horses for a minute. You have waited this long. A few more minutes won't kill ya!"

Hmmmm. He was giving me mixed signals. If he were a girl, _**I**_ would have made _the_ move and gotten over with this limbo.

"Alright! I will wait for the movie to come out then." I said after what seemed like ten minutes or six pages later, whichever took longer, and moved my feet and chair so he would think I was leaving.

"Go have a drink while I finish this report." That reminded me of Billy when he would try to get rid of me by offering me a nickel so he could walk and talk with Amy, my next door neighbor and the prettiest girl in Crabapple Cove. Maybe my not getting a drink would change the dynamics of our current situation?

"PIERCE!" It was like he pierced my eardrum. For a guy intent on ignoring me ever since I came in, he sure sounded painfully and loudly communicative. He had startled me.

"WHAT? What? Oh, Colonel. You are finished with your paper work, I am glad to inform me. Or did you just want to intimidate me before going back to ignoring me?"

"I offered you a drink. Even poured one when I heard silence. You had dozed off. When was the last time you slept?"

"Before my latest nap here? Ummmm, this afternoon, in the mess. No, not then, I think. I was dead then. Yeah, in the post op before Radar brought me food. Why?"

"No reason. I was informed that you did not take any break during this last session. Is that true?"

"No Colonel I took plenty of breaks. Why this sudden concern? Everybody had it rough. How long was this deluge? Sixty hours? My longest was over seventy hours back when Henry was in command."

"Hmmmmm. Alright son. If you can go like this, by all means do! But take it from a an old horse, right now you may not feel it but it will catch up with you and with the way things are going, nobody knows how long we are gonna be stuck here so be a miser when it comes to your resources!"

"Yes sir, Colonel Potter sir. Now I am sure you love me and everything and if it were not for my father, you would have adopted me but you did not cut into my sleep time to molly-coddle me, especially after the dressing down you gave me in the OR today. So what do I owe the pleasure of your company to?" Why was I being so annoyed? And rude?

"Pierce, I need your help!"

"Help? My help? Are you sick or something? Need some kind of surgery? A hernia? I am great with a knife, ya know! Anything I can do, just say the word, Colonel!"

He startled me. He also scared me. Maybe thats why he was so mad at me lately. Was I his safety valve? I thought Klinger was. I was not ready to lose two commanders in less than a year's time. We couldn't be lucky the third time.

"No, no. Nothing like that..."

"Good. Thank God. You had me scared for a minute there. Next time, don't do it this way! I have a weak heart! And yeah, my offer to do 'anything' just expired." I took a deep breath of relief.

"We'll see about that. Its about Burns."

"You need my help with Frank? You want me to box him and ship him to North Korea? Or mail him to his wife, postage due? Just say the word!"

"PIERCE! I am tired and sleepy. So just shut your trap for now and let me finish. Burns is losing it. I tried to procure a new surgeon but its a process. Major Houlihan's engagement has rocked his fanny even worse. And you are not helping the situation either. Now I don't want you to babysit him but this is a request, go easy on him, son! He is ready to snap and I cannot lose him right now. He is not the brightest stud in this man's Army but God knows, we need all the inept surgeons we have. At least he covers one shift in post op. Imagine doing round the clock post-op along with OR without him."

"Colonel, I agree with you but here's the problem. If I don't do what I do to Frank, I feel suffocated. Trapped! Frustrated! And at times, _I_ feel like I am losing it. So what am I supposed to do about _me_ if I do the supreme sacrifice and leave Frank alone?"

"Don't leave him alone. Just don't dye all his underwear yellow next time. He was here with all his collection earlier. What a mess! And you said you took Arts in school? What did you do in your classes? Lob paint at other kids? Seemed like you bleached it and then dyed it yellow? And with orange and red flowers and polka dots? No wonder he was suicidal!" Potter was laughing by the time he finished his sentence.

I joined in, regretting having missed Frank telling Colonel about his underwear. Beej and I did a great job. And I was proud to announce that it was all my idea and I procured the bleach and the dye, Beej only assisted me!

"On one condition. For as long as I live, or work under you, whichever ends up being the shorter -or longer one - I don't want to be threatened with KP or loss of R&R. EVER! If you agree I will try to go easy on Frank. I will stop dying his underwear!"

"Fine. You got yourself a deal. How come you never touched your drink? I thought free scotch was your favorite drink?"

"Nah, I am staying away from scotch or any other kind of booze. Its not doing me much good. Now I cannot sleep despite cleaning up the still..." Me and my big mouth! Why couldn't I stay quiet? Good thing about Colonel, he always knew when to leave me alone.

"Hawkeye!" Fatherly manipulation cometh.

"I will behave, Dad. Cross my heart!" I changed subject very subtly.

"Sometimes, I feel for your dad. I certainly don't envy him. Now go catch some winks if you can. I won't mind taking some chemical help from the pharmacy if I were you."

"We'll see. I am too beat to walk that far. 'Night Colonel" And that was it.

Frank WAS cracking up, despite our claim that he arrived here cracked up. Of course he did but now he was getting worse, and it required a strong imagination to even fathom that possibility. BJ was my partner in crime. So was Trapper. But Frank's hatred started and ended at me. I never understood this special privilege, not that I minded it one bit.

"Captain Pierce! You look like hell." Klinger informed me.

"Thank you Klinger. I tried!"

"Heading for Swamp?"

"That's the idea. Why?"

"Have you seen Major Burn's new collection of underwear? Its terrible. I think BJ did it when you were in Post-op. Maj Burns was pretty angry. He even brought it all here to show it to ."

"Yeah? I wonder how the Swamp looks like now. All sunny and bright, I am sure!" This seemed interesting but I was too tired to keep standing. My mind was sending my body some urgent signals but my body was dead on its feet. To drag a carcass all the way to Swamp? Why couldn't they make war a little easier?

I practically lived in the OR or post-op. They could make accommodations for me in a wee corner of post-op. They could save me the trip I was dreading right now.

Swamp was dark and quiet. Frank, I hoped, was sleeping. This was the first deluge in recent history that he had taken only two hour breaks per day. His naps alone lasted longer than that.

There he was, asleep. Too bad I missed his tantrum earlier today.

"Goodnight Gracie!"

"Goodnight Darling", came the reply.

Frank Burns was a twerp even when asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Don' review if you don't want to! Don't even bother telling me if you like it. Or hate it. Or don't care whether I finish it or not!  
I am still gonna keep posting, trust me ;)

So Here It Comes ...

Chapter 9

Somehow, despite my fear of not being able to sleep, I slept. This may have been one of the rare few nights when I had nothing to drink and still I slept. Even the dreams left me alone.

By the by, I felt shaken by the earth quake. Everything was moving. I could hear loud noises, like boulders falling off the face of a cliff. And then there was lightening.

I must have said something. Maybe I screamed. I am not sure. My ears were ringing and my heart, racing. And then I woke up. It was Radar. He was trying to wake me up. And he had succeeded, at my peril, of course.

"WHAT? What? Owww", I could not help it. I did not know what hurt worse, my head or my gut.

"Hawkeye! Are you awake? " Who else but Radar to ask such a question. I wanted to say something witty but nothing came to mind.

"No, I am still asleep. Why? Something wrong with my patients? Or do we have new casualties?" With that I looked at the other bed. Gracie was still asleep. No new wounded, I presumed. But then, Frank being asleep did not mean anything. He slept through everything anyway.

"Somebody wants to see you. In my office!" Radar informed me. And lowered his voice while doing so.

"Radar! If its a nurse, tell her your office is the last place I wanna be seen in with a girl. And tonight is the last night I wanna be with a girl. Tell her to postpone our date!"

With that, I leaned back on the pillow, ready to go back to sleep.

And I was shaken again. And not very nicely. Reminded me of my childhood when Dad would wake me like this. I hated it!

"Go away Radar! I don't wanna see a face that belongs to anything on this camp! I know you are cute and cuddly and tiny and portable but for the last time, LET ME SLEEP."

"HAWKEYE! It might be an emergency! Its is an LIP waiting for you in my office. Remember the family that took care of you when you had that accident?" I looked at him again, quizzically. Why would he want to see me again?

"Of course I remember. They are the ones who caused the accident to begin with! What does he want?" And where is my robe? I knew I had to go see him and then try and make out what he was trying to say. "Any ROK guys around in the camp? I am not good at Korean sign language." There! Left arm, right arm. Done. Now where are my boots? I knew I should have showered in them. The blood was all congealed inside. Damn it!

"I will check around. But they won't like it if I wake them up so late. I think he wants you to go with him anyway."

"Of course he does. I am known for making house calls! And I also love being awakened like this. By YOU. Find a Korean soldier and bring him in. And if there's more than one, pick the senior most. By the way, what time is it?" I had two reasons behind asking for the senior most person. One was obvious. His seniority. Why should I bother a lower rank when I had a senior one to torment? And maybe he knew better English than the rest, though that was not as important.

"2 AM. I am sorry Hawkeye but he seemed desperate and had a note written by you telling him to come to 4077 and find Cap'n Pierce whenever he needs help." I was already feeling guilty for being mad. Of course if he was here at this hour, he must have walked twenty miles. And that also meant that whatever the problem, we were already fighting against the clock.

"I knew I should have torn that note on my first house call when I delivered the baby...No good deed goes unpunished! Anyway, get a Korean soldier. And get a jeep ready just in case. And see if you can scrounge some food and medicines, antibiotics." With that I left the Swamp. What hurt me the worst was watching Ferret Face sleeping like nothing happened. If I had a mouse trap handy...And then I took a double take.

"Radar, wh..."

"He is waiting for you in my office." Came the reply. It seemed like he had said something about his office but still...Thinking of Radar, that kid amazed me. Exceptional hearing I could understand, having been there myself, but this...mind reading? Even his dirty glasses could not explain this ability. I could do wonders with that talent. Think of all the women...

He was sitting on Radar's cot. I hoped he woke Radar with just as much gusto as Radar did me. The old man looked shrunken. I kinda knew that he was not even remotely responsible for care of the baby so what he was doing here was beyond me. The moment he saw me, he started pulling on my robe, ordering me out.

"Hold it, Kemo Sabe. Let Radar get Tonto first, alright? What happened?" Then re-realized that he understood even less English than I understood Korean and that was saying something. Whatever he said probably made less sense to me than what I had said, to him.

Finally Radar arrived in which time, this guy had tried to abduct me three times. I was not going to fight it the 4th time.

"No Korean soldiers in the camp, Hawkeye. What should I do now?"

"Alright then. Get me a lucid soul . I cannot drive in this state!"

"A What? And you asked for the jeep, Hawkeye. You don't remember?" The same tone again. Like I was forgetting things.

"I do, Tiny Tim, I do. I cannot drive myself though. Unless you have switched sides and joined hands with Frank and want me dead or worse, maimed? Get me someone who is not as wasted as I am and can drive a jeep. Got it? Now hurry! I won't be able to keep his hands off of me the fourth time." I gave Radar a one-arm hug before pushing him out of his office.

"Would an MP do?" He asked, looking at me from behind those dirty glasses.

"Anybody whose feet can reach the pedals and a body with at least six hours rest is good. If I don't return before morning call, you have my permission to bug out!"

"Oh Hawkeye." Radar laughed his cute little laugh and shuffled out. I smiled too. His laughter was contagious, the little fink, I thought as I saw the door close behind his retreating figure, or figurine. This reminded me of my early days when I was telling Dad about Radar and his exploits and his ability to read minds. I wondered if he could read mine right now. That is, if he could find it in the first place. Maybe thats why he had a little trouble reading mine lately.

"I heard that!", suddenly the door opened a little and I saw Radar's face before it disappeared again.

"RADAR!" But he was already gone.

'Some day!' , I thought while waiting for Radar to return then decided to go get some supplies before leaving for the Center for Breaking and Resetting GIs, Ouijangbou Chapter. Writing for Radar where he might find me, I left the note to the Korean fella, hoping my speaking real slow English made him understand that he was to wait here while I got meds and such.

The jeep was parked outside and was already stocked with food and supplies.

And why did he ask if an MP would do? Considering it a futile exercise in cognition and intellect, I left it to the wise old little soul responsible for making the arrangements. My mind wandered to the possible scenarios awaiting me. Scariest of all was that one of the kids, or worse, the baby needed me. My experience with kids was limited to the rotations in residency and then the few surgeries we had to perform on kids injured during the war. Surgery was straightforward. What if one of the kids had some medical problem? What if the family had some medical problem? What if it was contagious? I knew he wouldn't have walked twenty miles if it was not something he could take care of through his herbal remedies and such.

Radar's voice broke my reverie. I was glad to hear him.

The MP, a corporal, saluted me. Does this guy even know who I am? I decided to ignore the offense.

"Lets get rollin'. Get my host." I parked myself in the backseat, considering a little shuteye till we got to the old man's hut.

Not helpful. I had all but slept out. It had been almost three weeks before I was ushered to deliver the baby. They named him something-Joe. I was honored. I knew there was a Benjamin back home whom I had delivered. But this was the first time Joe was used to name a baby in my honor.

When I got there, it was a relief to see that mom and baby were alright. So was the hostess. And the bull. That left the only possibility that it was one of the kids. Not a landmine injury, I hoped. And rejected the thought even as it came. If it were a land mine, they would have needed Father Mulcahy and not me. It had to be over five hours before that happened. I was saved from further speculation because the kid was lying in front of me. He was in pain. Why couldn't the idiot old man bring him to the camp was beyond me. I knew he had a bull. Probably a cart too. And then only did I see the girl lying next to the little guy. She had a broken leg, from the looks of it. She was trying to be brave about it. I looked at the old man for some explanation.

Examination revealed an advanced appendicitis in the boy. He had a mass and a raging fever. The girl had a fractured tibia and some scrapes and bruises. Questions would come later.

Giving them adult doses of antibiotics and not-so-adult doses of morphine, and starting both of them on IV fluids and splinting the leg, I asked MP to load the kids in the jeep with me while I tried to explain to the family about what happened. It was an exercise in futility and soon as the corporal place the girl on front seat, I hopped in the backside. It was time to get out of Dodge!


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thar she blows...**_

Chapter 10

"Step on it, corporal!," I commanded as I settled myself in the back seat again, holding the boy's head in my lap.

It took us lesser time to get back. And we got back in one piece. This stretch of Korean roads was becoming intimately familiar with my ribs. And other body parts, come to think of it. When we got to 4077, I saw BJ standing outside pre-op. Good ol' Radar.

"What happened?" asked Beej, a little worriedly.

"This kid has an appendicular mass. High grade fever, tachycardia, the works. The girl broke her leg, how is anybody's guess. I am taking the kid in the OR. You get an X-Ray on that leg. And get me a gas passer." I told Beej as we transferred the kid to a litter.

"Wait, Hawk! I will take the boy. YOU get me a gas passer and take care of that leg and post-op!" He looked at me intently, not stating the obvious. I was going to argue but then decided against it. He did have a point, if his point was what I thought his point was suppoed to be. And there was always the fact that if _I_ could entrust my life to him, anybody could!

It took him over an hour before he came back to post-op. I kept vigil on post-op after setting the leg of that kid and doing a repeat x-ray.

"So?" I asked.

"Just short of a rupture. He will live! What about the girl?" He looked tired. I wondered if he slept after our OR session yesterday.

"Simple fracture. Nothing fancy. She will live. Skin was a little abraded and bruised. Had some wood splinters in it too. I wonder how she got the injury."

"Abuse?" He asked, somewhat heated. That was my first thought too. Like somebody hit her with a big stick on her leg. But it did not seem likely considering the family and the kid herself.

"I dunno. And even if it is abuse, what can we do? But to be honest, she seemed like too nice kid to provoke any of the elders and the family does not seem abusive either. I suspected a crush injury but nothing was crashed around there. Hut was intact." I replied, tiredly. It was almost daybreak. Where had the last twenty four hours gone?

"Well, we may have some Korean guys around here. I will ask one to come and translate for us." Beej was heated. What the hell was going on? And was now a good time to poke my nose in his business? I did like my nose! But then, I was not sure when else could I do it so I gave it a shot anyway.

"I checked for Koreans before I left. No joy! How was the shift?"

_Tread carefully, mon ami!_

"It isn't over. Lets see what next coupla hours bring in." He said, again, moodily. And then his expression changed a little. "I am sorry, Hawkeye. Its just been too long and I still feel tired. Maybe I go get some coffee. Care to join me?"

"Don't worry. I kinda remember that _tired_ feeling. Now I am adjusting to _dead_." Maybe not the smartest thing to say. What _was_ I trying to say? That I was better than him despite being tired? Maybe it was time I stopped analyzing myself.

"Oh yeah. You have been weird this last session. I am amazed you can still walk. What is bothering you? Why did you not take any nap-break?" This was wrong. This was supposed to be my line of enquiry.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Seems you did not sleep yesterday despite the respite I so gallantly provided you with." Best way to avoid a question! Ask one of your own. And hope he falls for it. Maybe he goes stupid in next five seconds?

"I asked you first, _doctor_!" So much for wishful thinking.

"No reason really. I just did not feel like sleeping. And figured if I _had_ to be awake, might as well keep working. I took breaks though. Clark Kent has not given up his night job on my account. Or his spandex suit, come to think of that. Now its your turn."

"I slept!" BJ answered succinctly, untruthfully and very evasively. He forgot he was talking to a Maestro.

"That's it? You slept? And? What about your mood? You have been the ugly face of war last coupla days. Maybe longer but I did not notice first forty eight hours. I was drunk mostly. Cummon, spill it!"

"Its nothing. Really." And opened the door of mess tent. It was still as excitingly crowded as when I last saw it yesterday evening.

He picked a tray to get some breakfast while I filled two cups with brackish and _brick_ish coffee. I wondered if it would stain my teeth first or break 'em before they even begin to turn brown. My bet was on losing 'em before they saw autumn. Or maybe both occur simultaneously? This coffee was multi-purpose. I did not put it past this stuff to dissolve the teeth before staining OR breaking them.

"No breakfast? Just coffee? It will dissolve your stomach!" BJ said in his most fatherly tone. What was it with me and these people. All their paternal instincts popped up as soon as they saw my face. I was getting tired of this constant attention.

"Stop evading my question, _**DAD!**_ And tell me, did Peg say something? Or had to _do_ something? That she was not supposed to do? What is it? You know you can confide me. Father Mulcahy keeps telling me I could be a good priest. Maybe I would give it a shot, if only to hear some confessions. But back to the point, what is it?

"Why are you not eating anything?" GAWD!

"You know what? You are infuriating!"

"Me? Look who's talking!"

"What? _**I**_ am infuriating? If I am infuriating, they have not even invented the right word to describe _you_. I am not eating because I don't have the strength to sniff the food right now. I will come for some later, I guess. Happy now? Now tell me what is bothering you. And don't make me beg you. You know you can confide in papa!"

"Hawk, there is nothing! Alright? I just have not received any letters from home in last couple of days and miss my daughter. Nothing new about that."

"That makes sense. But you did receive a letter last I remember. Before casualties started coming in?" I knew he was bluffing but he could have been right. Unlike Trap, he did not try to find _interests_ in the camp. It did strike me as strange sometimes. I could not do it under these circumstances. Or maybe under any circumstance? I shook my head as a long lost memory tried to resurface.

"Yeah, but thats what I am saying. Its Saturday. We went to OR on Tuesday. And came out yesterday. Are you seriously this disoriented?"

"Huh? Uhhh, Tuesday. And Saturday. Somebody owes me ... a few days. I don't know how many. I don't even know who, either. Maybe I _am_ disoriented." I did not touch the coffee. Mess tent was making me nauseous again. And this time, without touching any of its delicacies.

BJ had finished his breakfast so it was time to bid this place adieu. He wanted to stay and look a few patients over. I decided to go see O-Club and its occupants. There simply was nothing else to do. I could not sleep. I could not drink. That only left work, even if I stole it from Beej.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Never did these words seem truer than at times like these, 'Officers Club; Enlisted Welcome'. I checked up on couple of my own patients before I signed their release. Their injuries were relatively minor and in case of more wounded, we needed as much space as we could. And sooner we had all our eggs in one basket, sooner the nursing staff's life got easier not to mention, my commute.

Major Woods was doing fine. His lung was expanded and he was mobile now, as ordered, despite his protests. I decided to wait till evening before clamping his chest tube to see how he fared. He could have been sent to Seoul by now, save for Frank's ten toes and their wonders. His mood was the same as yesterday. I wanted to see the showdown between him and Frank. That had only one disadvantage. Frank would flip because of my interference and Colonel Potter would feel all hurt because I did not honor his request. I hated to be a recipient of his almost sorrowfully disappointed manipulation. Especially when it was at least partly justfied.

Oh. well...

Figuring they would start from Post-op, I decided to go there and just play nice with Frank. That would light up his paranoia real fast. More power to me, I grinned to myself. Paranoid Frank was fun to watch!

"Hello, Captain Hunnicut!" I said quietly. He was finishing up his paper work. " Do you need help? I have already covered O-club for you. Two of mine are ready to go. And Major Thumbs' patient is doing well, thank you." I informed him, eliciting an indifferent glance. "You must remember him Beej. That major with an excellent bed-snide manner. He will give Frank a run for his money. And I don't wanna miss the first show. He was mad at his surgeon for sleeping while his patient needed more surgery. Ungrateful twit! Does not know the undisguised blessing Frank's sleep and my artistry brought him."

Finally! BJ smiled. I thought he had forgotten how to.

"You should have left him alone. He was not sure what infuriated him more, your presence or Frank's absence. And he was not happy at all when he was mobilized today. Said you used too much force in stitching and poking _that hose-pipe_ into his chest."

"He is an idiot. Baker wanted me to leave him alone too. I wondered if she hated Woods more or loved me more? I think I will clamp his chest tube sometime later today."

" Frank won't let you near him. He _is_ the surgeon of record."

"_**I**_ am the surgeon of record, Frank is the _bungler of record_." I hardly kept myself from rolling my eyes. That was way too elementary school.

"I thought Potter asked you to lay off of Frank?" BJ smiled again. So Potter told him as well. No wonder he was so amused.

"How do you know? He told you? Or asked you to go easy on him as well?"

"Not really. He thinks Frank does not hate me. He would actually love me if I disown you. I believe Potter on this. You do have this ability to bring out the very worst in him. I envy you!" We both laughed at this.

"Hello Major Thumbs! Oops, top of the morning to you, Frank!" I said cheerfully, but the damage was done. I just forgot my promise. I decided to make up for that somehow. Except, my mind just did not know how to do that. I was drawing a complete blank! My mind was not used to such ludicrous demands.

"Good morning Major Burns!" Damn you BJ, he was hinting rather heavy-handedly. I just glared at him and gave him the infamous 'I KNOW' look.

"Good morning Cap'n Hunnicut."

I decided to try again, "Good Morning Major Burns". All that evoked was a a glare which, if Frank's eyes were not so beady, could have scorched me to my socks.

"Pierce!" Frank acknowledged me curtly. So far so good.

" How are you Frank?" Still trying to make nice. It was amusing how his eyes shifted at this unusual courtesy. His mind was at work, trying to figure out what I was up to, really.

"What is it Pierce? And its Major Burns to you! Is this your idea of a new joke? Trying to be nice so I let my guard down? Just wait! I am watching you. I have had enough of you and I swear I will not rest till I make you pay for every single thing that you have done to me."

Where was that coming from? I looked quizzically at BJ. He mouthed 'yellow shorts'.

Oops!

" Frank, I am sorry about your shorts. That was not the smartest idea we...**I** have had in a long time."

All that earned me was a pair of glares. Frank's I could take but BJ?

Ahhhh, for saying it was _our_ idea. Alright, fine. It was my idea. But most other ideas were his too.

BJ, you scoundrel! Why was I always the one left holding the bag? His modesty was costing me a lot!

BJ started signing patients over to Frank. I just walked along. Hendricks was doing a lot better. But with Frank on watch...I decided to step aside to talk to the duty nurse.

There she was. O'Hara. But I silently thanked God Margaret was on duty as well. Of course she was! Now, she had to be on the same shift as Frank if only for professional reasons. With him at the helm, she was the only thing standing between patients and death. I felt sorry for her. And also admired her professionalism.

"Margaret! I need a favor." I tried to sound nice.

"Captain! Don't you ever ..." And all my niceness evaporated alongwith the goodwill I had mustered in last thirty seconds.

"Hold it Major! Let me finish. My patient, Private Hendricks, needs special attention. I want you to keep an eye on him personally. I also want you to call me, and not Major Burns in case he, my patient, needs me. I hope I have made myself clear. Now, you were saying...?" O'Hara just watched us wide eyed.

"Yes Captain. I will let you know if there is any need. Where will you be?"

"Just page me through the PA system. Don't waste time sending some much needed orderly to search for me."

"Alright. Now I would like to take over from night shift. Don't worry about Hendricks!"

I gave them a noncommittal smile and joined BJ and Frank. I decided not to tell Frank of my order to Margeret. His temper and ego could not take that kind of insult so early in his shift.

Next stop was O-Club. I let them both discuss patients while I let my mind wander.

That is, till we got to Major Woods.

Now I was attentive.

"He is my patient! He had no pneumothorax yesterday when I operated on him."

"Doctor, you operated on him on Wednesday." One of the nurses piped in, to her peril.

"Who asked you? Mind your own beeswax! So? Hunnicut? What happened? How did he get a pneumothorax? And why was I not informed?" Frank's temp was up. And I was sorta amused by the possibility of a showdown.

"Are you Major Burns?" The show begins. I could have cackled except...I could smell the blood!

"Yes, I am. I am your surgeon and am glad to inform you that you will have complete restoration of function in your arm and shoulder." Burns trying to charm someone. Woods was just a major. Or was he? I suddenly found something useful for Radar to do while he was wasting time over his paper-fetish..

"That...," Woods pointed towards me while BJ stayed quiet. I now knew what he was trying to do. If that was possible, he was trying to make himself separate from me. 'I will get you for this, Beej', I silently vowed to myself. "...Captain fixed something that you probably missed when you operated on me."

Frank looked at me with disbelief. Of course I never said that Frank screwed up. In all honesty, I did not think he did. OK, maybe I _thought_ he did but I never _said_ it aloud. Patient's pre-op CXR was not suggestive of any pulmonary injury. My guess was, Frank missed a small rent in pleura and underlying lung when he took care of overlying muscular and rib injury. It could have happened to anyone. Well, almost anyone!

I looked at the patient and Frank incredulously. I could not say that Frank had not screwed up either. I just did not know!

This was not going as planned.

"Major Burns, can you step aside for a minute?" I asked him politely.

"Why? You can say it in front of Major Woods. I know I did not screw up. So why did you put in a chest tube?"

"Because patient developed a pneumothorax. I found out yesterday afternoon!"

"Oh! Alright. Thank you Pierce!" That was a strange reaction. No tantrum, no smugness, no other display of emotion? But by that time, I had lost interest in any and all commotion that might have ensued. Maybe it was not such a great idea to begin with.

Major Woods pestered Frank for a minute or so till BJ politely asked 'Major Burns' to move along so he could get over with this.

I let them do their work and left O-Club. Shower seemed like a good idea. Suddenly, this small altercation and Frank's polite thank-you left me winded. I was feeling the exhaustion now. And then my stomach rumbled again. These were not hunger pangs. These cramps really hurt. I could brealy keep myself from doubling over.

P.S. Thanks for the reviews and messages. I 'preciate 'em!


	12. Chapter 12

Hello!

Here's a short one. I edited it last night because of inability to sleep or study. Consider it a bonus before I return on Friday with the new chapter. Or who knows? maybe tomorrow? Just hang in there if you are not already.

Chapter 12

I was finished with shower and throwing up when BJ returned.

He did not seem to be in a mood to be bothered and that suited me just fine. I decided to write Dad. His last letter was still unanswered. There was nothing to report except the latest deluge and the Korean kids. Yes, I could tell him about the dye job we, _I_ did on Frank's shorts. That would give him a good laugh. If only I could see how they looked. And maybe take a picture or two? Where was my camera?

Nah, I was too tired to open my footlocker. Putting everything back in order took a lot of time and I was not upto it.

Suddenly, I heard a loud noise like a thunderstorm. This time it was BJ, waking me up because I was being paged.

I got up with effort. This session in OR was finally catching up with me.

"What's wrong Hawk?" BJ sounded concerned.

"Nothing Beej. Just tired. I did not know I had dozed off."

"Then why did you groan?"

"Groan? My neck is stiff. Maybe its not a good idea to doze off like this." I wondered why BJ did not wake me up if he saw me doze off like this. I just shook my head. War was catching up with us. It tended to happen every couple of months or so.

I hurried to post-op to see what was wrong. Hendricks was coming to. And he wanted to see his doctor right away. So Frank, after finding out about my instructions for Hendricks, asked Radar to page me.

"Niiiiiice!" I hissed in Frank's ear before shuffling out of the post-op.

Oh yeah!

"Radar, do you know who this Major Woods is? He came in during Tuesday/Wednesday intake", I knew he would know.

"He is the son of one General Woods. He works at Pentagon. And the major is assigned to another General's general staff."

"So what was he doing at the front?"

"The other general, Major Woods boss General, wanted to see the combat troops and the combat. He has never seen a battle."

"So? Did he die? Or lived to tell the tale?" I was getting light headed now.

"He had already left when shelling started. Major Woods was taking some pictures of the troops when he got wounded."

"No wonder lipless wonder was so jumpy about scoring points with that ..."

I made it in time before I hurled at the doorstep of the command post of 4077 MASH.

"Hawkeye, are you alright?"

"Yes I am fine. Just the breakfast that refused to agree with me.Nothing new, Radar. Go back to...whatever you were doing!"

I made it to Swamp. And just crashed on my cot.

"Hawk! You did not start the still last night? Its dry!" Accusatory tone. Why was he asking me this?

"I don't know. I did not even touch it!"

"I know. That's why I am asking you why could you not restock it before you finished all the gin?"

"What?" Now I was confused. Or delirious! He was mad at me because I did not what?

" You cleaned it up last night, right? Like every night for last few days. All I wanna know is, why didn't you start it again? I could use a belt now!" And what was eating him that he needed a belt _now_?

"I did not clean it up. I did not touch it. I did not even look at it! Next time, check your facts before you start yelling at me. My head is killing me as it is!" I did not mean to sound rude or mad but right now, I could not care less either way.

"You did not drink last night? And you have a headache? That's convenient!" His sarcasm was palpable. Why was he doing this?

I just decided to ignore him. I could feel bile rising all over again and those semi-dry heaves had left me with more burning in my stomach and above than an all-night intimate session with still ever did. And that was saying something!

"Hawk! What's wrong?"

"Nothing! I am tired. Just leave me alone!"

"I need some sleep too. Except, we are all out of our helper. Are you sure you did not have any? So far as I remember, you could not sleep without having a stomach full of gin till not so long ago. You sure you OK?"

"Yeah. And now I am not going to drink for a few days so I CAN sleep again without any aid, especially when you are trying your best not to let me. Now leave me alone!"

I had barely closed my eyes when I heard the thunderstorm for the third time in last eight hours.

"HAWKEYE!"

"WHAT"? I sat up, my heart was pounding in my ears.

"Cummon. Its lunch time. I am starving." BJ spoke from a mile away. And there were two of them. It had been a long while since I last ate. My stomach was crying out loud now. Poor baby! I had to listen to it sometimes.

Finally, after a few decades, I found my robe and shoes. I decided not to think about the horror awaiting for me in the mess tent and trudged along with BJ towards the mess tent.

P.S. Next two-three chapters will open up the story so just bear with this one for now and consider it an effort of a tired mind!


	13. Chapter 13

Like I said, you could get a new one real soon. And here I am. And a new chapter too. I had to splice this one because it had gone far too long.  
I am not sure too many of you like this story but heck, I am having fun. I just might stop doing what I do for a living and turn to writing full time ;)

Chapter 13

Food looked interesting. And smelled fine too. Or maybe my nose was tanked? Apparently not! I could smell the roasted coal Igor was trying to pass as toast. I could do without this lethal dose of pure carbon so I declined. Mess was not as crowded anymore. Most patients were sent away, depending on their luck, and the definition of luck. The sicker ones could be called lucky since they were not back to front but that meant they were in really bad shape and would be sent to 121st Evac and if their bad luck beheld, home. Those not in a terrible shape, which could also be considered good OR bad luck, had gone back to their outfits.

Maybe the most unlucky ones were those on whom Major Disaster worked.

Think of the devil...

"Wanna join him?" I asked BJ, pointing towards Frank taking it out on the food in his tray. That could always lift moods if not spirits.

"Nah! I have to go to post-op and could do without him to deal with when I sign in. He was spitting fire after you left earlier. What did you tell that ass?"

"Frank? I haven't talked to him without a chaperon for as long as I can remember. He is not his congenial self around me lately, in case you didn't notice."

"Not Frank, Hawk!"

"You know another ass? Another ass besides Frank? And I don't? And I thought you and I were on the same team. We were _**Us**_ against all those_thems!_" I asked incredulously. Which other ass had he encountered since last we met. And how come I was unaware of his presence?

"Are you intentionally being dense?"

"Nope. I mean, I am not being dense. I am just worried that there is another ass in the camp and I am not aware of him despite my astounding powers of observation and ability to smell an ass."

"Why do you have to be so annoyingly disgusting when I am trying to eat?" BJ made a face that screamed 'gross', pointing his fork at me before I realized what I had just said. And that, of course, was really funny, even if slightly disgusting.

"That was not as disgusting when I thought it. And I am eating too. You just have a single-tracked mind. I cannot help if ass means only one thing to you. And in case you forgot, you are the one to use the 'A' word on the table, dad!" I said with a straight face. I knew he was not in his best moods these days. That was the only reason I came with him to begin with. Telling him no could have meant further recluse on his part and next time I wanted him to spill it, it would have been harder. So what if I was still half-dead from last few days' ordeal?

"Sure. And you want me to really believe that? I was talking about Woods. They had a pissing contest. Woods is someone big. He wanted to know why Potter did not operate on him himself?"

"I checked him out. He is not just someone big himself. He has two other titles and claims to throne. He is someone Big's aide and shares someone-bigger's surname. His dad is a big-wig desk jockey in Pentagon, the axis of evil so far as I know! No wonder he was having a hissy fit." I told him with all the authenticity of a press reporter after his first eavesdropping mission on Beltway.

"One of these days, they will blindfold and handcuff you and hand you over to Chinese for treason. Why can't you keep your trap shut for God's sake? I am worried about you. That Woods is going to make some waves about you and Burns. "

"Aww, Beej, I knew you loved me." I grinned at BJ while trying to discover what exactly went into this meatloaf. My nose was failing me. Nothing suspicious? Was I sure this thing came into being in our very own mess kitchen? Losing my sense of smell was the second best thing that could happen to me here. Too bad it happened after I had lost my appetite.

"Captain Pierce, Captain Hunnicut, can I join you?" A female sound, definitely not belonging to BJ and definitely not resembling BJ's mood entered my ears and I turned my face to see the luscious yet somewhat unsavory O'Hara looking at us with a loaded tray. 'Wow', I thought as too many thoughts came rushing into my head. I had not yet made up my mind about her but the way things had gone so far, I was pretty sure I was not going to like her much. And that thought was a new one. I had yet to meet a woman that I disliked.

I was not sure if I had vocalized any of my thoughts but then I saw her color turn slightly pink and BJ elbowed me before asking her to feel free to join.

"OW, what the hell is wrong with you? Watch where you put your fat elbow next time!" I did not try to appear all that polite in front of her. What the hell was she doing on this table? I could not be her object of interest and she did seem like a woman with an agenda. Was it BJ?? Warning bells tolled in my head as I turned to look first at BJ and then at our table mate again.

'Naaahh, nothing fishy!' I decided. Not between them anyway.

"Are you always this impolite, _Captain Pierce_?" I knew the mouth in front of me did not move. It had to be BJ, trying to chastise me. What was wrong with BJ? I looked at him again and saw him smiling. He definitely did not know our history. Or did he? I did not like that smile,No Sir!

"Yes.I am! Why? I thought that's what drew you towards me to begin with." I told him in the same tone. My mind had not recovered enough to understand what the hell was going on here.

"Lieutenant, forgive him. He is cranky if awakened from his beauty sleep. And also when he hasn't had a drink or two in recent past, which can be anything from thirty minutes to an hour. And also when he is in the mess tent. Basically, he is almost always cranky so just forgive him. Or ignore him. And yeah, I am BJ." BJ was not playing her. He was playing me. And I did not understand why?

"Hello BJ! I am Catherine. But you can call me Cate. And its not what I heard from others regarding Captain Pierce!" That flash of a perfect set of teeth. I heard an undertone of...mischief? She was not trying to play him either. But she was upto something. I could tell. I knew that if a woman suddenly turned nice with me within earshot and I had a history with that particular specimen of female persuasion, I had reason to be weary! Now was just the time.

I silently watched them while trying to figure out what to eat. Meatloaf? Or mashed potatoes? Or creamed corn? I needed a strw for creamed corn though I had lost whatever was left of my appetite watching this verbal volleyball.

"Yeah? Well, I would like to know what you heard about me, Lt." I did not mean it to come out as sharp as it did and felt bad.

"Its Cate, Cap'n. And it was all good stuff but now I wonder..." She was hurt. Damn it!

"Hawkeye!" I finally capsized, knowing as I did that, _men are stupid_!

She smiled. BJ excused himself. I hated him at that moment. What did he see here? Some connection? Because I did not see anything like that. I was being manipulated by a woman who could have scorched me with her eyes alone not so long ago. Normally, I did not mind being manipulated by a pretty girl like her. Normally, I did not mind being scorched at first glances from pretty girls either. I knew how to work out the kinks. I also knew how to make them turn around and fall for me. But this did not fit. She had a change of heart and it was too sudden and I knew my reputation had nothing to do with it.

I was missing something here.

"Uhh, Cate. I will see you later, I guess. Enjoy your lunch." And with that, I left the table. I had not been this awkward since grammar school.

P.S. Be grateful for my insomnia and inability to study!  
Next chapter might be up tomorrow depending on the feedback I get on this one. But chances are, I won't be around till Friday. I have never waited for a weekend this desperately all my life.


	14. Chapter 14

So I return! And so does the story. Here's the thing. I need a little feedback. I need to know if I am moving the story too slow or not. I want a feedback from you guys about this. And about anything else you wanna feed me back about!

Chapter 14

Back in the Swamp, BJ was sitting sipping at some fresh Martini.

"Care for a drink?" He asked me. He was smiling smugly. Sometimes, I was glad I was not a violent man or I would have punched him on his nose and he would have flattened me in return. Cowardice meant survival for likes of me. But still...

"No. I distinctly remember that 1pm was not a very good year. And what are you smiling about? Letter from home?" And suddenly, like a light turned off, his expression changed from smug to intensely serious. And within a blink of an eye, smugness returned. But not completely. I could see the frown on his brow. Something was bothering him and he was not telling.

"Nothing. I am not smiling. And no, no letter from home. So...?" He raised his eyebrows and continued smiling.

"Your teeth are getting on my nerves and if you don't put them away, I will!" I warned him, watching him carefully.

"Yeah? Well, maybe if you had a drink , you would find my smile charming and sweet and would stop being annoyed by it?"

"No. I am not thirsty. And I would never find that smile of yours charming and sweet. Not even if I am drunk!"

"Alright. As it suits you. So-o-o-o...?"

"So what?" I was getting really annoyed because I kinda knew what his smile was about.

"So tell me? What's going on in your personal life? Have you _introduced _yourself to _Cate_?" He asked with that cheesy grin and raised eyebrows.

"Yeah? How is my personal life any of your business? And what is this _introduction to Cate_ supposed to mean? She is a new nurse. And I think she knows me well enough! My fame usually precedes me."

"Cummon Hawk!" the same grin plastered on his face. Pestering me was making him very happy, I could see that. "You know what I mean. You sure know each other from some earlier encounter, Right?"

"Yeah, we do know each other, rather intimately. I asked Hotlips to replace her on my table when I was working in the OR a coupla days back and then, yesterday, she ordered me to take over the janitorial workload since I let one of the orderlies off duty. She also told me not to harass her. Sure we know each other rather intimately!" I was not sure what made me angrier. I had done worse things than helping patients. And without even being asked to help, I always helped. It was the tone that still managed to infuriate me.

BJ's expressions had changed. He was unaware of the altercation we had in the OR or Post-op.

"Hmmm, thats interesting! And I thought the reason why you were not your pleasant self towards her was the same as your current abstinence from booze." He remarked thoughtfully. I just looked at him in surprise.

"Interesting? Lay off of the booze. It has fried your brain. And no, that's not the reason for either of my abstinences. I am _abstaining_ from two things that seem very enticing but might be harmful for me personally if I am not too careful, Booze and Nurse O'Hara!"

" I was being rhetorical. _Cate?_ Hmmmmm. I wonder why did she come to our table then? Definitely not on my account. I am well known as a happily married man." Was there some bitterness I heard in his voice?

" Neither on mine, doctor. Neither on mine. She knows that behind this disarming, charming, sweet, innocent face lies the mind of a genius. Especially when I am not drunk! She would never underestimate me. Unless someone fed her some wrong info..." That was a tester to gauge BJ's level of distraction. That frown was back. Something was bothering him and he was not telling. Had he been paying attention, the idea of subversion could have been interesting to him. It was none of my business but his well being directly affected my own well-being which made it my business, so to speak.

"Yeah. I know. Hey, who is due in post-op tonight? I thought I was but seems like rotation system has changed." He asked as he finished his drink and poured himself another one.

"I don't know. Either you or me. Post-Frank post-op..." I shuddered, more for dramatic effect than real fear but there was some fear nonetheless. I hated the post-massacre massacre that defined Frank's talents.

"Wanna toss a coin? It has to be either you or me." He looked wasted. I could do it tonight, having slept a few hours since yesterday.

" I will do it. You enjoy your night off. But sleep, for goodness sake! You know I cannot operate alone, and not in _that_ way, you gutter mind!" and realized too late what I had just said, " Were you born in the gutter or did your parents decided to throw you there after they found your reality?" I grinned stupidly and disgustedly. So did he. Somethings better remain unsaid. And I had just said yet another one of those things.

"You know what? You are the first candidate for a real deal speech filter. Maybe Army should work on using black tongue on your mind. You would be so good to North Koreans if caught! Its time to observe some control, Hawk! If I didn't know you better, I would have thought you were coming down with something and were delirious with fever. Or some wicked bug." A wink? He was positively drunk!

"Thank you for your advice, dad! I will try to. Now I am off to sleep. Wake me up around 6:30pm." And I lied back down. Sleep, as always, turned out to be an elusive mistress. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, I gave up on the idea of catching a few hours respite from this hell.

Dad's letter was on my mind and I just never got around to answering it despite knowng that he was probably desperately waiting for my reply. I decided to read it again before formulating a reply that would tell him exactly what I felt.

I decided to read it again. It was in my footlocker.

Finally, I excavated it and began reading it, third time.

If I hadn't know him, I would have said '_Gee, what was _**that **_all about?'._Good thing I had known him long enough to know exactly what that was all about.

The tiptoeing never stopped. He either treated me like a fragile little kid or a landmine. And what I really hated was, I could not tell him to stop. Or hate him for doing this. Now he was awaiting my reply. I could sense it. I could feel it. And I did not know how to say what I wanted to say without getting too emotional or weird.

Why couldn't he tell me things straight? I knew what he wanted to say between the lines but why? Why? Why did he have to tread like this around me? I was not twelve anymore! And I was always open to him. He knew everything. Well, almost everything. I told him about Carlye even. Her return to me and her disastrous departure. I never felt like I could **not** talk to him, not since I was twelve. But he did. He felt he could not talk to me. Sometimes, I had felt that but when I was back home, I could make him talk so it was not so bad. With this distance between us, I could not make him speak up like I used to. I knew his instincts to protect me. But I was not ten anymore. And he could not blame himself for not protecting me then by being like this _now_. He could not change mom's death! It just didn't make any sense. Maybe parenthood meant an obligatory admission into scions of insanity. Looking out for the offspring, no matter how old, took over any rational thought process that might otherwise exist in an allegedly smart and rational person's mind. I saw it daily in the form of BJ. I had yet to find out what was wrong with him too. He was not writing letters like he used to. Maybe it was now my turn to pester him.

And then there was Frank.

But then, again he was Frank.

What else could you expect from him?

But back to the father I was currently concerned about. My own!

What was it really? We had not done this sort of dance for almost two decades. I was amazed he still remembered the steps. The only good thing was, even though he had not really grown up in that time, I had.

I decided to read the letter yet again!

P.S. Next Chapter tomorrow!


	15. Chapter 15

Alright children! You don't wanna talk to papa? Thats alright! I will write it anyway. Here's the letter Papa Pierce wrote to Sonny Pierce. And its follow-up. I will try to write something tonight but I am bushed so it maybe a few days before I can post more. Or maybe not? Who knows? But then, from looks of it, I am the only one enjoying it.

So there!

Chapter 15

My dear Hawkeye,

How are you? How is life in Korea? I have been watching news on television. Yes, I finally bought one. Paid in full. I heard on the radio that they were doing a program on a MASH unit on CBS and I just knew it had to be your unit. What other MASH unit could be this distinguished, right? The fighting is getting rather severe as they tell us but Big Mac is still going strong. I wish they decide to end it soon and I get to see you again. I still cannot believe that I was lucky enough to escape getting drafted in two wars. I wish you had my luck. But hell...

I watched the show on TV and saw you again. It made me so happy to see you smile and talk. It has been such a long while. I am glad I bought the TV well in time. I liked your friend too. He seems like a nice guy. Quite unlike Trapper, I must say, but just as friendly. And your CO seemes like the reasonable guy you tell me about. I still have problem picturing him painting though. The guy would be at home in trenches or farms or even rodeos but painting? Army is sure full of weirdness! And I could not believe Klinger. I figured he would never let go of this opportunity to earn his section eight but he was wearing a uniform. The man isn't half as smart as I had pegged him to be. And that kid with glasses, Radar. I could see his dirty glasses even through the TV screen. Your unit chaplain seems very unorthodox. I think I might like him. You have one hell of an interesting group around you,Ben. Now, I can picture every word of your letters. I owe Clete Roberts a thank you.

You seem to have lost weight. And I could see you were exhausted. Please take care of yourself. I will need you to take care of me when I grow old, say in forty years time?

Autumn is here and the leaves have all turned into the beautiful fiery shades of what makes Maine, Maine! Anyday now, and the trees will be bare and soon enough, snow and winter will be here. I need to get the boiler fixed before it gets cold here. And the storm windows. I could use your help right now. Let me know if you want me to send you something warm. I remember how unprepared you were last winter and the time you got the package, it was already spring.

Last week, I was out raking fallen leaves from front yard when I saw this new neighbor. She has moved into the house the Stuarts used to live in. You remember Stuarts? Their son always followed you around and you followed their daughter? Well, they moved out last spring. I think I told you about that in one of my letters. They had decided to move to Florida. Who wants to leave Maine for Florida? There's not even a comparison! But then, the world is full of stupid people and now, Florida is richer by two.

Anyway, so, as I was telling you, I was raking the leaves and she passed by. Nice looking girl. Her husband died in world war two and she has no children of her own. Her husband was from Maine and wanted to move back here after they retired. Poor fella, never made it. He was from Muscongus Bay area. You know the place I think. So she was driving there and saw our town and fell in love, just like your mama. Not with me, mind you. I don't seem to share your luck with women. But she did fall in love with the town. The town is looking pretty pretty right now. No wonder she fell for it. I have seen her a couple of times. She seems like a nice girl. We talked about wars and her husband and your mother and then, you. She saw you on TV as well. She does not have a TV so I had invited her. She had heard a lot about you from me and other people she has met in town. And I wanted to show her my son. I think she likes you.

Boy, this letter has gone rather long. Let me know what's new and everything you wanna say. I miss you everyday and cannot wait to see you again, and in person, God willing.

Please take care and keep your father free of worries. I am growing old and need you more than you know.

Take care, Ben!

Love,

Dad.

He had written this letter too tentatively. And he had lied. No way he could have seen this lady only twice. But then, he just may have. But introducing your son on a second date? Thats advanced even by my standards! And a son like me? I hoped I did not disappoint him. Or scare her! That warranted a chuckle but I just smiled since BJ was nodding off.

I reread the letter again. I missed dad. I missed the time we spent together. The jokes, the fun. I also remembered when it really started for me. That was also, incidentally, the first time he told me about a nice lady who might have liked me.

Mom had been gone for two years. Dad was busy with work. I had school. Billy was home for his last summer before he left for college and kept regaling me with the possibilities that opened up for a man after high school, girl-wise. I was probably in seventh or eighth grade. I was growing older, smarter. I was entering manhood! Under Billy's watchful guidance of course. Girls looked cuter. Getting taller was a huge priority considering Billy had already touched the six foot mark. He kept annoying me by messing my hair and calling me kid and shorty. He did not appreciate my _beard_ or the fact that I was ready to shave in a few days time. He called it fuzz and made baby noises around me. Good thing he was going to college. Now I could use things I learned from him over a period of a lifetime. Everynight I went to bed hoping not to have a pimple on my face in the morning.

Me and dad kinda slipped into this routine of avoiding each other and staying out of each others way. Sure we talked and went fishing over weekends but with mom gone, there were quieter dinners and he would go to his books and journals and me to mine. It was never uncomfortable between us. That was a fact. But it wasn't like before either.

Things changed during that fall!

One day dad dropped a bombshell.

It was not even a drop.

I saw him!

That was not possible. Old men did not date women. They were not supposed to do that! And what about mom? Had he already forgotten her? How could he do that to her? And to me? She would take him away from me. She was pretty. I just knew it. And then what? What would I do?

I did not fight. I did not scream. I did not yell. Nothing like that. I did not do anything. I did not have to do anything. I just went to the pond where me and mom used to walk and throw stones. I just sat there for hours on everyday. There was no point talking to him. He and I were not close anymore. And he never knew that I knew.

He missed mom and home reminded him of her. I knew it. That fall, his routine changed suddenly. He started coming home a little late once or twice a week. He seemed to be happy. I investigated! Small town, I saw his car parked outside the only restaurant we had. And I rode on my bike past the window everyday he was not home at his usual time. It was the same lady everytime. That same pretty, blonde lady. She was not from the town. Would she make him leave Crabapple Cove? I thought so. Not everybody was like mom. Not everybody loved this place like she did.

And then he came home early one day. It was his usual day out. I was glad he was home early. It meant she had gone away. And he won't embarrass me anymore by dating again. And he would not leave Crabapple Cove! But that was not the case.

"Hawkeye, I have a guest coming over tonight. I am going to make dinner and you get washed up and cleaned up. Alright?"

"Guest? That blonde lady from restaurant?" I asked him. And his expression changed. Now that I remember that night, I think it was more of guilt and sadness. At that time, I figured it to be anger and something else that I could not put in words. Something like defiance. Against me! And mom!

"Yes. The same. You seem to know about her, I gather. Now be a good kid and wash up. I have told her a lot about you. We don't want to disappoint her, right?"

"I am not a kid! And I have to go for basketball practice today. I did not know you would be here so soon." And with that, I left.

And that was that. That dinner never happened. Neither did she find out what kinda boy I really was.

That was the day dad tried to speak his mind for the first time. And that was the day he stopped doing it altogether. And that was the day he made me talk about what I thought. It was strange. And I liked it. I had finally reclaimed one parent. He was always there to hear me out after that. And now, again, it was like it had been nineteen years ago. He wanted to know what I thought. He wanted to know what a lonely twelve year old boy thought about his father dating another woman. Nothing had changed for him from that day onwards.

I wished it had!


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews. For the kid who has a morbid fantasy about seeing Pierce dead or dying, hold your horses, little Miss! I am sticking to the show format except for tiny details. That means nobody is going to die or fall in love, period.

Now about this chapter, nothing happens in this one. Nothing dramatic anyway. But it will begin to reveal another subplot involving O'Hara. Details will be in some later chapters, though I am not sure which one since I have stalled for all practical purposes. Work has caught up with me and is drowning me, one breath at a time.  
Guess that's about it.  
Now read it and enjoy. Or not, as the case maybe!

Chapter 16

"Care for a drink?" I heard BJ. That was the second time he had asked me the same question. I thought he had dozed off.

"No. I am fine. And I have work to do later so I better stay sober." I dismissed the offer. Antacids were doing a little good and the pain in my stomach was subsiding. Maybe it was not such a bad idea to reduce my alcohol consumption. The only problem was, my sleep pattern had gone from wacky to wackier. The liquid courage also helped me sleep. But remembering the last few days, I had actually ended up cleaning up the still and even then, wasn't able to sleep for more than two hours at a stretch.

"What is wrong? Letter from home?"

"Yeah, dad's."

"He alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. He is good. Better than he was, I think. Better than I am, I am pretty sure." I did not want to sound like that but maybe it was all the brooding that I was doing that spilled out. I was not sure.

"Hawk! What happened?"

"I asked you first, remember? You tell me what happened first and I will tell you mine." Maybe I could bait him into spilling his guts. No such luck!

"Fine! Don't tell. I am going to bed now. Don't make noise when you leave for post-op." And with that, he lied down.

"I won't. But will make sure Frank wakes you up when he is done with his daily share of malpractice."

"You know something, I don't even like you!"

"Good. That makes two of us." And with that, I left the Swamp.

Sun was still up here. Another day starting in Maine. I had to answer dad soon. He deserved better from me.

I should have answered earlier but I was not sure if I could tell him off for being an idiot in my wasted state. I wanted him to stop acting like he owed me his loneliness! I had to be tentative too!

Finding a spot to sit in peace, I started formulating a reply. Nothing I wrote even came close to expressing my guilt and stupidity all those years ago. But then, he was not much smart either. So how to tell him that he ought to stop thinking about what I would think? And even if he wanted to, how about knowing, once and for all, that I understood what being lonely meant. And that, he deserved his shot at happiness. And that I knew I might not be going home from this war...Police Action. And it was a relief for me to know that he did have somebody to look forward to whether I was there or not?

Finally, I decided to just tell him to just let go and enjoy the company of the fine 'girl' he had met. And that I hoped to be the best man for his wedding!

That was good enough for now. Sun was setting and Swamp was dark meaning BJ was all boozed up. Or down, as the case might be. Dinner was a questionable proposition so I decided to pend it till Beej was up and left him a note to that effect before putting on my robe to go to Post-Op. My shift was not going to start for another forty five minutes but there just wasn't anything to do. Maybe try make it upto Frank? I also decided to ask dad to send me a few books with really fine print and lots of pages. Or maybe start writing Frank's Memoirs? Now that was a good idea. BJ needed to hear this. It was a sure way of killing some quality time! I even knew what to call the story. Major Ten Thumbs: The Big Korean Adventure. Too corny? We could always work something out, just so long as we were willing to try.

Post-op was fine. So was Frank, apparently. Woods was still here. So was Hendricks. He looked tad bit pale but that was understandable. That kid was not going back to his outfit. He had a long way to go before he could safely be sent home. Better late than in a body bag. Pretty cheery thought to begin my shift with.

I needed a drink!

It was a curt sign off by Frank. No jabs from either side for a change. He did not even comment on my unshaved face and the presence of my favorite robe. That was, until we got to Woods.

No chest tube!

No chest tube?

I was going to clamp it today. So who did the honors, albeit prematurely, of removing it? It shows how stupid I can get if I have to ask who did that. Answer is, pretty damned stupid.

Now what? I asked myself.

I was hoping for a quiet night but apparently, now, I had an impending disaster in the form of Woods. I knew he could be alright but even with the off chance that he might not, we would end up having extra unwanted business. Doing a thoracotomy was not my idea of fun.

I was too tired to spar so I ignored his meaningful glance at me when he told me about Woods and his most recent attempt at malpractice. With the way he worked, I wondered what he really did before the war? Maybe mended shoes? Or perhaps worked at the scrap yard? His fine touch sure pointed towards some similar occupation.

Replacing Margaret was O'Hara. _Perfect! _A perfect ending to a perfect day. And I thought things could not get any better.

"Hello Captain Pierce!", came a cheery greeting. Seemed sincere enough. But, somehow, part of me did not feel very comfortable with her complete turnaround.

"Hawkeye, remember? And top of the evening to you too!" Damn you, Hawkeye! I just could not help it anymore. Such things just slipped out of my mouth when I saw a pretty face.

"Its too long a name. I would call you Pierce but that sounds kinda like I am your boss or something." I never heard that complaint before and did not know how to respond. She was not so close to me to call me Hawk. Currently, there was only one person on that roster and he was drunk and probably asleep, dreaming of drool over his shoulder and sounds of goo-gooo gaga in his ears.

"You can call me what you want. It just has to be in the dictionary, thats all!" She liked that idea. Was she manipulating me? For what? Her smile said something but I had left my antlers back in Maine.

"Alright. I will call you Benjamin then. Thats your first name, if I recall correctly."

_Benjamin?_

I hadn't heard the full name for such a long time, at least not in a nice way, it felt like she was talking to someone else about someone else. All I remembered was when people decided to yell at me and called me by my given name. Or decided to read me the riot act or charge sheet or something equally evocative and frenzied!

"That has three syllables, in case you didn't notice. That is one more that Hakweye." I informed her, settling myself in a chair parked at the desk. At times like these, the on-call room during residency seemed like a visit to a hotel. Even Basic seemed like a bed of roses.

"Oh if you don't like me to call you by your first name, I understand. You like Hawkeye, I think."

That was a very long discussion about what she should call me. It was making me somewhat uncomfortable. Why was she so...persistently sincere? What the hell!

"Call me what you want, and I don't care if its in a dictionary or not. Now back to..."

GAWD!

"I will call you Benjamin then. Or Ben, for short."

_Ben? What was I? Her pre-school bestest buddy? _But to avoid another verbal dance, I conceded

"Great. Thats settled then. Now, back to business, I need you to look after Maj. Woods. His chest tube was removed today but I think he could have used it for another night. Keep an eye on him and if you need me, holler. I will come running over!"

"You got it. Major Houlihan asked me to keep an extra eye on Private Hendricks. That makes two patients to keep an extra eye on. I need another eye to keep on rest of the patients." I ignored the joke. Why did Margaret ask her to keep an eye on Hendricks?

"Why did she ask you to keep an eye on him? He is doing fine, I think!"

"Yes, he is fine. Its because of his injuries. He will be staying over a little longer while most of the rest will be evac'd tomorrow and the day after." That did not explain it. I hated inadequate answers.

I decided to ask her myself.


	17. Chapter 17

Here we go. Yet another chapter. And the last one for now. If I get in the mood tonight, I might write more. If not, I don't know when I might post next.  
All reviews are appreciated. I asked you guys something about the momentum of the story. Guess you don't care either way. No problem, neither do I!  
This one is a relatively lighter episode of my story. Who knows, tomorrow I write a full dramatic chapter?

Anyway, read on. And lemme know what you think.

Chapter 17

Think of the devil...

I had barely stepped out of the post op and into Radar's office when the door to his office flew open and in came my favorite Major. Was it wise to try to harness a tempest? Or even stand its way?

My good sense and survivor instincts prevailed. I decided to stand aside and seek her attention from a distance but she had eyes only for Radar who was holding the receiver mumbling something.

"I'll take it from here, Cpl. You can leave now!"

"But sir...Major, this is my office. And my room. And Sparky is still trying to get the call through here. Too much static on the line."

"Either you leave on your own, _Corporal_ or I will personally escort you out. And I won't be very nice. Now LEAVE!" She was not in a very good mood. Nobody was in a good mood these days except me. And I decided to spread the good cheer and try to save my little Andy.

"MARGARET! Its cold outside. Sure you won't feel it, all hot and bothered as you are, but look at this tiny specimen of a human being. Don't throw him out. I promise he won't snoop on your conversation. Right Tinker Bell?" I put an arm around Radar while trying to assuage Margaret's temper over this tiny specimen of efficiency and _snoopery_. Maybe people don't deserve a good cheer. Or a knight in shining red robes. Margaret could have fried me with her glare while Radar pulled away so fast, he probably took away half my arm muscles with him and next thing I knew, he was out of the office. So much for being nice!

"Thank you, Pierce!", a genuine thanks. Wow. Wait! She thought I did this to make him leave? She could not believe me to be this devious now, could she? But this needed the kind of attention that I did not have time to spare so returning to my original problem.

"Margaret, I need to ask you about..."

"Yes, this is Maj. Houlihan. I need to speak with Col. Penobscot. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS NOT HERE. HE JUST CALLED ME AND NOW YOU SAY HE IS NOT HERE? FIND HIM. YES, I WILL HOLD." And then she realized I was waiting to talk to her.

"Whatever it is Pierce, it can wait. I need to talk to him. Alone. So leave! And don't slam the door on your way out.Yes, This is...Donald! Hi, honey. How are you? I have been waiting for your call since such a long time...PIERCE! Hold on Donald, honey. PIERCE, LEAVE THIS OFFICE NOW OR..."

The speed with which she switched between Donald and me, between love and acid, between ice and fire, between drool and screech never ceased to amaze me. Donald Penobscot was one person I envied and pitied at the same time. Maybe once she was done with her call, I try my luck again.

With that thought, I re-entered my home away from home-away-from-home, the post-op. O'Hara raised her eyebrows. I doubted if she hadn't heard the kicking and screaming emanating from the office a few seconds ago. Her smile confirmed my suspicions.

"Seems you caught her at a bad time. She has been rather nasty lately. Has she always been this hard and harsh?" Coming from her, this statement did not go well with me. Who was she to judge...

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CANNOT DO IT. YOU PROMISED...You promised me." came the rebuttal from outer office.

"Well, she has been here for over a year now. Sometimes, this place gets to some of us!"

" I did not mean it that way, Ben. All nursing staff and hospital detail seems intimidated or scared of her. Personally, I think she is a terrific nurse. I have so much to learn from her." Too bad I was not a lobster. Or Frank's fingers. This much butter just for Margaret? And she wasn't even here. O'Hara was another specimen of the confusion God put in while making women!

"Yeah, she is the best one I have ever seen. And yes, she is scary. Now I am going to try and be brave one last time." And with that, I stepped into the outer office again.

She was intently listening to what was being said and did not notice me.

"FINE!" And with that, she slammed the phone down.

"Something wrong, Margaret? If you are trying to scare him away, I can help you with that!"

"You...You... You men!"

" Yeah, yeah, yeah we men. We are all alike. I know the song and dance. Just wanted to ask you why you told O'Hara to keep an eye on Hendricks? Did something happen today that Frank _forgot _ to mention in his daily note?"

"What? O'Hara? And Hendricks? I am busting my butt here, trying to talk to my fiance and all you can do is..."

"Yeah, ask about my patient, afraid he might be Frank's latest notch on his gravedigger's shovel. So? Why did you ask her to..."

"I did not ask her to do anything. Why would I tell her to do that? Hendricks is your patient, right? The one with a lot of damage on the right side? His blood pressure was fluctuant but in safe range all day. And his stomas are working fine too. I was a little concerned about Major Woods. He is a big gun and Fr... Maj. Burns removed his chest tube a little earlier then expected. He did not like my suggestion to clamp it or wait before you had him looked over. The idiot!" That was strange. And unusual. And disturbing. What was wrong with O'Hara? She did not seem diabolical.

"Maybe I misheard. Anyway, anytime you want to get rid of Donald, let me know. I realized after you got engaged how interesting a woman you can be. Keep me posted so I don't have to snoop around."

"You ..." And Bang! The door slammed again. And then opened and in came my favorite soldier figurine.

"Cap'n Pierce, Sir!" He saluted me. Boy, he was mad!

"Corporal O'Reilly, Little wonder!" I imitated him, except for the salute. They could never teach me how to salute in Basic. Or boyscouts. Maybe thats why I was thrown out of the camp when I was eleven?

And then Radar's color changed to orange. Grime and the multiple layers of Korea on his face changed the redness of a blood surge to a dull orange.

"Hawkeye!" Indignation. I loved it. Probably the funnest moment of the whole day for me. Maybe the whole week?

"Ray-Daar!" I imitated him again. But he did not react any further. According to him, he was not a physically emotional person and so I was not afraid of being punched by him. That would be humiliating! Seemingly, he had given up on being mad at me. Some things were more important than staying mad at me!

"Hey, you know I heard the whole fight. Boy she is mad when she is scary! I am glad I am not Donald Col. Penobscot."

"I knew I could count on you. You and your tiny ears make me so proud! So what did you hear that you were not supposed to be hearing?"

"She wanted him to come over here and meet you guys. He said something like he could not. His General was keeping him busy or something. Said he had to stay in Tokyo. Or maybe even fly stateside."

"And how do you know what he said? You were outside the whole time. I know it since I was in here half the time."

"I just figured." And shrugged his trademark shrug. Good thing he liked me. I wouldn't want to cross his path. For a non-devious person, he sure was diabolical in his own innocent way!

I had to talk to Margaret about assigning somewhat experienced nurses next time some complicated casualty came to our OR. But now was not really a good time. And why did she want Donald to come see us? If anything, she had reason for him to stay away. Between Frank, BJ and Trapper, she had seldom seen a day in peace. And then there was me. Had she finally gone bananas? That woman never ceased to amaze me.

"What's for dinner?" I asked Radar.

"I am going to the mess now. Want me to get you something?"

"Nah! I need to prep myself before putting myself through that torture. Just take notes on what's on menu and ask Father Mulcahy or BJ what food really is like. Only then will I go there. And yeah, see if BJ is awake. If not, please wake him before mess is closed for dinner. I don't want him to miss the pain that rest have to deal with. That would be unfair to the rest."

"You want me to wake him? From sleep? For dinner? He is crazy, you know. Almost as crazy as you. And he can be physically emotional when mad. I have seen him punch Father Mulcahy's punching bag. Boy you sure ask me to do difficult things."

"When did he punch the bag? And why did you not tell me? I would have put Frank in that bag."

"Oh, I don't know. Before the deluge? When he got letter from home."

"Did you read that letter? Cummon, I need to know!"

"NO. I never read his mail Or yours." Came the heated reply.

"OK, don't get into a tizzy! Let me know when he gets another one from home. Now go before they start painting the walls with that gruel."

With that, I returned to Post-op.

It was quiet. I checked on Woods once more. Good air entry in both lungs. Maybe a chest X-Ray before he was sent back to where ever he was supposed to go after his discharge from hospital. I made an entry into his chart and looked Hendricks over next. He was doing well for a kid with his kinda injuries. It was a colossal mess inside him and I could not get my own hopes up all the way.

P.S. Am caught up in work right now. Wrote something but it sucks so no posting till further orders!

PPS: Sorry for reposting the same chapter but I wanted to let those who are reading this that I would be away and for some reason, I could not upload the edited chapter so had to delete it completely and repost the same thing. Still stuck, though I might post a new one tonight/today?


	18. Chapter 18

I am singularly unhappy about this chapter. And I just might end up deleting it if I can find a way to move my story ahead in a better way but for now, just bear with me and with my monologue!

�

Chapter 18

The night passed without another incident. BJ was still sulky and moody and unwilling to talk and I was feeling a little tired lately. Maybe it was all the missed meals and lost sleep. It had to catch up with me sometime and I knew that only I would end up paying the price. Or perhaps Potter and BJ too, but I could not care less.

Next few days were quiet and peaceful. Nobody was doing much of anything. I was bored out of my skull but felt tired and just caught up with my lost sleep mostly. 

O'Hara was still being friendly to me. I was not betting on it lasting long though. She had shown her talents in the field of volatility and I wondered when her phase of affection for me would end. 

There was just a trickle of casualties but nothing big because of all the hype about peace talks so life had pretty much returned to the pre-deluge insanity. Klinger was strutting in his new dress and Potter was trying to play polo but the rocky terrain and the neighboring mine field not to mention absence of any partner or opponent seriously thwarted his efforts.

Radar was keeping an eye on BJ's mail but so far, he had only received one letter since the last one before he started abusing Mulcahy's punching bag or whatever that little diddy was called these days. Finally, I had enough of his moodiness and decided to take decisive action. The worse that could happen was that he would take it out on me and not that bag but that would affect me less than his current behavior was. I knew it had been only a few months since he had come here and was probably still trying to adjust to the whole situation and I also knew that he had the tendency to turn into an erratic and irrational man as soon as something happened in Mill Valley that Peg had the stupidity to write him about. On top of that was the fact that unlike previous few times, I was not even trying hard enough to figure out what was bothering him. So today was the day!

"Beej!" I called him towards the chess board. We had not had any poker or chess in the longest time and I figured it could be a good ice breaker. With Trapper, I used to play gin draft and by the time we finished, both of us would be drunk and could sleep the sleep of the just. But with BJ, it was not yet like that. Trap and I had a long history of inebriation and wacky behavior. We could lay it on each other and not think twice. With BJ, it was very different sometimes. I was not comparing them but I felt bad not being able to help when he needed a friend.

"Yeah?" Came the monosyllabic answer. 

"Would you mind joining me on this table for yet another game of chess?" I did not know why he was so tight lipped about his current problem. Or was he always this way except this time I was more sensitive to it for some reason?

"No! I am not interested." Clearly he was not busy. And was not really doing something terribly amusing unless one could call staring at Swamp's roof amusing.

"Can you at least tell me what is bothering you? I cannot stand this ...whole...depression."

"Then leave me alone. There is nothing you can do or say so why not just shut up?" That was a new one!

"Beej! This is not fair. Not to me. Not yourself. I cannot make you talk. But trust me, this way, this place will hurt you in more ways than you will ever know. You are not alone in being lonely, ya know! All of us miss our families."

"YEAH? You really think so? My little girl is growing up without me and my wife does not bother to...Never mind. Go write to your _daddy_ and tell him all your latest escapades. And never again tell me that its the same for you missing your dad as it is for me missing my daughter! Now leave me alone."

That was uncalled for. How could I not feel offended? He really was wallowing in self-pity. And I had no idea how to pull him out of it. The idea about him looking at others and realizing that everybody else was here without families certainly backfired big time. I stared at him while he stared at the celing.

How do you help someone who does not want your help? And can break your ribs if you tried too hard?

I decided to leave him be and went outside. Maybe talking to a nurse of female persuasion help lift my mood?

How about a cup of coffee? Mess tent was bound to have some folk in there and I did not mind seeing someone who was willing to make and take a joke or two. I could feel a headache developing behind my eyes.

"Hawkeye!" Kellye waved towards me. There were three nurses on that table. Not too bad for a rotten afternoon, I thought as I carried my mug towards them.

"Hello Ladies! How may I be of service?" I seated my tuchus on one of the benches. One of them passed me sugar while the other looked at Kellye.

"What's going on? Have I missed something? Or am I about to miss something?" I did not understand the looks.

"You have new company these days and we never get to see you anymore." _What was that about?_

"New company? The only new company I have these days is of the rats trying to find room in my less than warm blanket. What are you trying too hard not to say?"

They all giggled. What was _that_ all about?

"Hey! Its rude to laugh at a man when he is sitting right next to you, ya know?"

"Oh Hawkeye!" And the annoying giggle again. 

Coffee was wretched, even by mess standards. It always made me wonder why they even bothered erecting this monument to disservice innocent beings? I knew I was a sinner but even I did nit deserve the kind of punishment I was put through day after day. And in the name of food, no less!

But more than anything, the mess tent mortified my senses the worst and that was saying something considering the situation we all were living in. And then I thought of Radar and the relish and devotion with which he cleaned up everything on his tray and the neighbors' too. Wasn't he amazing?

After a few exchanges of good humor and a couple more giggling fits of unknown etiology, I was done with socializing for the day and figured I should write to dad. I had received his latest letter few days back and he did not mention anything about his new nice girl. I wondered what happened? Maybe I scared her away? Or maybe it did not work out? I did not know what to write so I decided to write yet another inconspicuous letter saying much of nothing except maybe mention O'Hara and her Ben-bit. So I went back to Swamp and wrote to dad. I decided to drop the letter with Radar right away. But now what? I was all done with things I could do and now I was bored again. There just wasn't anything to do here. And when they sent us work, they sent it by bulk mail. That whole insane activity followed by an insaner inactivity...I hated it.

'What to do, what to do?' I was mumbling on my way to Radar when I remembered something I needed to ask Margaret.

"Who is it?" Came the reply at my knock.

" Prince Charming in Olive Drab!" I made my voice a little deeper and more nasal, trying to sound like Donalad. It worked because within thirty seconds the door opened with Margaret in one of her pretty little night dresses, the operational word being _little_, militarily speaking. I barely resisted the urge to wink and whistle.

"YOU? Its you? What do you want?" Out went all the love and joy that showed on her face for that tiniest of moments.  
"Of course its me. Donald is not this good lookin'. And he must have told you, you look angry when you are pretty!" I smiled lecherously. Winking would have earned me a black eye. I knew she could give Father Mulcahy lessons on a right hook!

"Pierce, what is it? What is it that you want? And can't it wait?" She was exasperated so I did not push my luck further. Potter was not Henry and he paid heed to what Margaret had to say and after his warning few days ago, I did not need to be insolent. There were better ways to piss him off!

"It was about the OR incident. Well, not really an incident. Can I come in?"

"What incident? And NO! I can hear just fine with you outside my tent."

"Yeah? I am so tired, I might drop dead at your door step. So I will be quick. I want you to assign senior nurses to difficult patients while in OR. That nurse, O'Hara, almost cost me Hendricks. I appreciate that you wash up with Frank despite everything but please, show same diligence for rest of the unfortunates!" I was trying to sound coherent but was not sure if I was really making any sense.

"First of all, that was a rare thing that happened. I usually assign nurses that way anyway. So you don't have to tell me how to do my job based on one slip. Secondly, I know why I work on Frank's table. I don't need you to patronize me. Thirdly, are you alright? You look sick!" 

The last part took me by surprise and I had to bite back all the _nice_ things I was going to say to her about her firstly and secondly. I could never figure her out, really. One moment, she was Hitler and Stalin rolled in one package, and next, it was Florence Nightingale and my mother rolled in another. Maybe she had multiple personalities?

"I am fine. Better than when I came here. This little talk has really perked me up!" And with that, I about faced and headed away when my arm was yanked and I was about faced once more.

"Margaret, don't start something you cannot finish!" As I freed my arm from her grip.

"Your eyes are pale!" Matter of fact statement!

"What? My eyes? Can't be! Now let me go or invite in me your tent. I cannot take this standing up anymore! Especially when you are dressed to entertain."

"Pierce. Shut up for once in your life, will you? You are jaundiced, I am pretty sure."

"And you are drunk! I cannot be jaundiced. I haven't been near a contact since ever. Now, be a good girl and let me go!" And finally freed my arm again to go away.

"Come with me to Col. Potter!" God she was infuriating. 

"Listen, I don't have jaundice and you cannot say I do in this light anyway. Its not a sunny morning, in case you did not notice."

With that, I left her tent and went towards Swamp. All this time, I thought about Hepatitis. It was fairly common around here but you had to have some contact. I had none. None of the patients we dealt with in last few weeks had Hepatitis or we would have been notified. But then, it was Army. But then, again, if there _was_ a Hepatitis patient, somebody else would have had it too. I was not the only one dealing with a particular patient at any given time. Nurses, orderlies, other patients...

Margaret was just paranoid and possibly drunk, I finally decided.


	19. Chapter 19

Again, I am not happy about this chapter. I am posting it anyway. I am not in a great mood and cannot be bothered with fixing it. Anybody has any suggestions, you are welcome to let me know. Next chapter might be up tomorrow or on Thursday. I have written it but its worse than this one!

Chapter 19

BJ was lying on his cot and Frank was sitting, polishing his shoes.

"Don't forget to polish the sole, Frank!"

"Go suck a catfish, Pierce!"

Good thing I remembered Potter's request.

And I had forgotten to post the letter. 

Great!

This one can wait. I lied back down and started looking at the Frolicking Nudists latest edition.

"Degenerate!"

"What did you say?" Maybe this was the extreme boredom I was suffering from that I actually looked forward to having a conversation with Frank.

"Pierce! I have never seen a morally defunct human like you. At least now Hunnicut is acting smart, by avoiding you!"

"Frank! Don't bite off more than you can chew. If I am being nice to you these days, does not mean I will stay that way forever. So don't push your luck. And what BJ and I do has absolutely nothing to do with you so keep your trap shut!"

"Hunnicut is not McIntyre! He is smart. And not a moral degenerate like you and him. And you know that too. So ..."

"Frank! Leave me out of your discussion. And shut up. I am trying to sleep!" Came the reply from BJ. Frank had struck a nerve. 

Nahh!

BJ knew nobody compared him to Trapper. Especially me. That was not the reason. I knew it. But damn Frank. He had to open his big mouth and utter nonsense.

"Pierce!" suddenly the booming voice tore me out of my reverie. It was Potter. And Margaret was in his tow. 

Just what I needed!

"Yes Col.?"

"Major Houlihan says you are jaundiced and in denial."

"Major is a ...she is seeing things. I don't have jaundice. I am a doctor and I haven't noticed any jaundice. Nobody else in the camp has noticed anybody with jaundice _or_ Hepatitis for quite a long time now. How can I have jaundice? "

"Why not do it a little scientifically? Step outside!" Came the order.

I did as was told. And now I was worried. All those patients I had come across. ...

And practically the whole camp? I was the Korean version of Typhoid Mary in Army drag. Even the thought was scary.

"Affirmative! Maj., draw some blood and send it for serology and do a liver panel. Pierce, you are confined to isolation till further notice. I will make arrangements for you to be flown to Japan for next few weeks. Anything you need will be sent to you. You stay put. Compende?"

"Just like that? Thats what they call summary judgment by a kangaroo court! And why Japan? What's wrong with 4077? Have you guys turned into Frank overnight? I don't think I can take more than one. I don't think I can take even one!"

Potter looked at me with those doleful eyes before reminding me , "Son, you better watch it before angering your CO. Now be a good boy and pack a small bag. And be our guest of honor for next few days. Now MOVE!"

"But Col. Potter..." I started before realizing some stirring on the bunk next to mine. BJ was coming back to life. I also realized the whine I had started. It was very disturbing but I could not figure out why really?

Good thing Potter cut me in the middle.

"Pierce! That's the SOP. If you do have Hepatitis, you go to Japan. Now stop your whining and get moving."

"SOP-shessopeee, I don't care. You want me to die? Of boredom? Its bad enough to be invited to a war. Now you are trying to tell me that I got dressed up for nothing? I am not going to Japan. Either keep me here or send me home. I will try to return as soon as I am up to it. Scout's honor!" How did they salute? Two fingers and a thumb? No, that was ridiculous. I could see Col. Potter's color change as he tried to keep his anger at bay. What had I done _now_? Everybody was mad at me lately!

"So you wanna stay here?"

" NO, I wanna go home but **if** I _**HAVE**_ to stay somewhere on this continent, I would rather stay where me and the neighboring rats are on first name basis. I hate to break in new bunk mates."

"That was uncalled for, Pierce. Col. Potter, you heard that? He called me and Hunnicut rats! I will not take this lying down." Came the never-dying whine from Frank. Now that I remembered, when I started whining, it was the memory of Frank's whine that stopped me in my tracks. Margaret was standing quiet up until now.

"Shut up, Maj. Burns! He is sick and does not want to leave his unit. Some people do have a bond with others, unlike some who are just full of themselves." Retorted Margaret, somewhat scathingly.

"Yeah, shut up Frank or I will kiss you on your mouth and make you my new bunk mate in isolation. Then we can both go to Japan together!"

"Shut up Pierce. Burns, you need to lighten up a little! Pierce, if you want to stay, you will have to follow every order that I give you."

"Provided its reasonable!"

"You are in no position to dictate conditions. And definitely not in calling my orders unreasonable. Now do you agree or I send you packing?"

What the hell! He was not going to make me give up anything important. Though, on reflection, the way things were between me and BJ... It was like losing my best friend twice in less than six months. And this time, I could see him leave and not be able to stop it. 

But there were other people too. This place just couldn't be as bad as Japan.

"Fine!" And shoved some stuff in my duffel bag before heading out.

"BJ..." I was going to ask him to come visit me everyday but then just shut up, " nothing! See ya."

"Major Houlihan, will you make sure that he behaves. Get the blood and send it for serology. I need to have a talk with Hunnicut and Burns."

"Col. I need to know what you are going to tell them behind my back. I am alive, you know. You cannot ignore your head cutter while conferring with the rooky and the malpractitioner! Hey, that could be the title of my new book. Or maybe my new movie?"

"PIERCE, LEAVE OR I WILL BUNDLE YOU TO JAPAN!"

I made an angry groan before finally leaving the Swamp. I was looking forward to a few weeks of complete relaxation. Maybe I would stop feeling tired after all the rest that awaited me.

VIP tent was dark. And depressing. I dropped my duffle bag on the floor and lied down on the cot. Not two minutes later, I heard a soft knock. My first visitor!

"Its open, Margaret. Just like the door to my heart."

"Hmmmmph. Roll up your sleeve. I need to draw blood. So be careful with your mouth." She looked worried. And it was not me. I had noticed the strain earlier when I went to talk to her about assigning nurses.

"What is wrong?" I asked, solemnly. And felt the jab in my arm. "OW, you stabbed me. I was careful with my mouth and you still stabbed me." Boy that hurt. But the look on her face did not say that it was intentional.

"Sorry, Pierce. I got distracted. Just hold on!" She took four vials of blood before she looked up.

"Yeah? You were saying?"

"You really were distracted, weren't you? Something to do with your Donald?" I asked as tentatively as I was capable of. The problem was simple. I was not blessed with the art and gift of tact.

"Nothing's wrong. And even if it was, why do you care? Just mind your own business and try to get better soon. We have only two surgeons left now and fighting can pick up anytime!" She was evasive. That wasn't new. I figured it was not any of my business to interfere. We were not really friends. And even my friend was giving me flak. Maybe I was being too intrusive. People needed their space!

"_Nice _ Margaret! Very nice. I think a couple of weeks rest should be enough. See you soon!"

"Pierce! How long since you have been feeling sick?"

"Since midnight Eastern. Why?"

"I am amazed how nobody noticed anything. As I recall, you get anorexia and other constitutional symptoms before you develop jaundice. Is everything alright between you and BJ?" Right to the point. I could not tell her I was asking myself the same thing!

"Yes, everything is alright, Major darling. And even if it wasn't, why do you care? Just mind your own business and try to make others better soon. We have only one Head Nurse left and fighting can pick up anytime!" That evoked a smile. I liked that.

"Did you eat lunch today?" 

"I don't think so. And I am not hungry either. So don't bother! Now go before I change my mind about locking the door. You don't wanna be locked in with the dark prince, do you?"

She left in such a hurry as if I was really going to lock her in with me. Did she really think I was that crazy?

Now my thoughts reverted to her again. Why did she have to be so evasive? I would not have cared in the past but maybe we had grown out of that nonsensical hatred for each other. But we were not friends either.  
Shaking her off my mind, I realized the question she had raised about nobody noticing anything. Maybe I was evasive too. And not just with her. It had been almost ten days since I started using antacid for my _ulcer_, that being my initial and final diagnosis. Did it really matter if I told anybody about something like this? I was not a child. And certainly, BJ was not my father. And what could he have done anyway? His case was different. I could have helped him. But if he had known that I was unwell, he could not have helped me. 

If guilt was pervasive, which I knew for a fact it was, then why was I comparing his evasion with mine? 

_Damn IT!_

Suddenly, I was not sleepy anymore. Just tired.. Bone tired. Maybe the anticipation of prolonged rest-without-recreation had made my body less needy. I kinda knew I would be seeing Potter and BJ soon. Who would come first was anybody's guess.

I closed my eyes, already bored to death!


	20. Chapter 20

Here's the new chapter. There is one more and then a dry spell. But maybe I write something tomorrow. I will have a relatively free week and that can go either way:Either I write a whole lot or I don't even look at this story. You guys don't tell me whether you like it or not, except Hypermint. Feedback can make my ego feel good, ya know! Or maybe not. I don't know for sure. I have to get some feedback to know how it affects me :p

Anyway, hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Chapter 20

I must have dozed off because next thing I knew, Potter was here, calling my name.

"Sorry, son! I had to ask you of any contacts. Burns and Hunnicut are already testing rest of the camp and giving them immunoglobulins. So far as I remmeber, we did not have a patient with Hepatitis in last few weeks. Have you been on RnR that I am forgetting about?"

"Mmmm, not that I recall. And I take umbrage, Col. Potter! What kinda man do you think I am? If I had been on RnR, I am the last person to remember it anyway. Besides, I am always careful, giving the prospective acquaintances a through physical before letting them too close." I smiled at him, hoping he knew that after the _activities_ that I indulged in on my RnR, it was hard for me to remember much of anything. Alcohol has a way of making good times happen very often but it also had the ability to induce amnesia ala inebriation.

Potter chuckled before ploughing on.

"That's right. How about that Korean family that took care of you when you got my jeep ruined?"

"Don't tell me they caused this too. If that's the case, they have been my most expensive caregivers to date, you know. They have cost me the most. And I have seen some expensive doctors in my time! First they cause the accident. Then they feed me a hot meal which makes me drink some of the water I previously refused to even touch. And now this?" Despite the indignation, this made sense. They were the only ones I had come across in last few weeks who could have caused it. That also meant that camp had been re-exposed when I brought those kids from their house for treatment here. The baby was probably going to be asymptomatic.

"Who else then? We have discharged those kids or I could have tested them too. And another thing, how come Hunnicut never noticed? And how come Maj. Houlihan noticed? You know she is engaged, right?" He had a mischievous look on his face that annoyed me more than the statement accompanying it.

"I am hurt, Col. Again! And I ask you again, what kind of man do you think I am? Me and Margaret? Are you really serious? I went to her tent to ask her to put experienced nurses on complicated cases. And she gave me the royal kickass treatment, as usual! Remember that kid? Hendricks? The nurse assisting me on him almost cost me his life."

"Scuttlebutt is that you two are pretty friendly."

"Not you too, Col. For one, you never seemed the kind to believe the scuttlebutt. Secondly, I have no idea what you are talking about. If you were someone else, I would have politely asked you to let me mind my own business."

"I am sorry, Pierce. I was just trying to lighten your mood and make you feel better. Seems I have done the opposite. So, if that does not upset you, can I ask what is up with Hunnicut? How come he did not notice your jaundice first? I think you must have been skipping meals and now that I recall, you did not touch the scotch I offered you a few days back. You said something like,' it was not doing you any good anymore'. So how come he never noticed?"

"Even I did not notice that, Col. He has been a little upset about something personal and its understandable. You know how he gets all worked up about his home and family." I tried to deflect the personal nature of his questions. We could talk about anything among us but right now, I was feeling slightly annoyed.

"Alright, son! You know him best. Now I talked to a friend in Japan who has been working on this study about Hepatitis patients management. He says that you have to eat high protein, high calorie diet to get better quick. That quickens recovery. Now the condition for your stay was that you will follow every order I give you, right?"

I was too stunned to answer him right away so he boomed in my ear again.

"RIGHT?"

"What? NO. How can you do this to me? I protest. If I don't protest, I might die of mess-poisoning."

"Pierce, have you always been this spoiled or do I have the special privilege of living with a ten year old version of you? I feel sorry for your father!"

"No. And so do I. And no. I am not hungry anyway."

" Yeah? That's why they call it _force-feeding_ son. Don't give me tough time or I promise you, I will send you to Japan. We cannot take care of you here if you keep acting like an unbroken mule!" And with that, he got up to leave.

I was seriously pissed at the Korean family now. And Korea. And Army. Why the hell? How could things get so out of control? 

Why do things need to get so screwed up? What the hell was I doing here?

As I grew older, I did realize that dad had a tough life but it was not until I got here that I truly understood what he was going through during mom's illness and then later, while taking care of me. The loneliness really gets to you, especially if you don't have a friend you have gotten used to around anymore.

I decided to sleep again but could not sleep and thinking was driving me crazy. I tried to find the deck of cards I had thrown in my duffel bag in anticipation of some similar contingency. It was the first thing I put in the bag. 

'Very smart, Hawkeye!'

It was right at the bottom and when my efforts to retrieve it failed, I decided to just empty the bag on the bed. This was a real bed, I was glad to notice. Somethings did try to bite me but I could not bite back. That always annoyed me. How unfair could this war get, really?

For the first time in my adult life, as far as I could remember, I started folding my clothes. It was an exercise in futility. That was the major reason I hated doing laundry in the first place. Washing clothes was not so bad. It was the folding that killed me. God bless Mrs. Marstson who did this for me everytime she found a pile on my bedroom floor before dad could find out. 

Now what? I had folded the laundry. Some were folded into lumps and the pile toppled and dropped to the floor. Another fifteen minutes of hard work. Finally I gave up. I was not going on a damned date anytime soon and where was I going to put these folded clothes anyway? And only then did I notice a closet. A _real_ closet. Except for the falling and feeling sick part, this was not half as bad as I had expected. I dumped the whole pile in the closet and closed the door. That reminded me of my teen years. And the walk-in closet. I just dumped everything in and shoved it closed back then too. It never ceased to make me happy every time I closed the door after an impossible bulk of junk was shoved in. I grinned as I remembered the effort of finding something from that pile while trying not to enter the closet. I also envied Frank. He had spent more hours in Margaret's closet than he did on her bed.

Why was I reverting to my childhood memories these days? Dad's letter was to blame. I hoped things were working out for him. This place was scary-unpredictable. And proponents of life were not liked by either side in a war. I wanted to go back to Crabapple Cove as soon as possible but there was always a possibility that I might not and I really did not want him to suffer a second time because of me!

Why was I being morbid? Good thing I had stopped rambling in my thoughts but this was worse than rambling, to be honest. I could not afford to be depressed. I just could not!

I decided to think of new ways to annoy old Frank. My partner in crime was on a sabbatical but I was hoping of getting him back in action. Should I write Peg and ask her what was wrong? Now I had a rather bad feeling. It had to be really bad for BJ not to be able to talk to me about it. Was it something,someone, Peg was involved in? And if yes, how did BJ know? This was frustrating. We both had this ability, to be there when other needed us. I knew when that stove blew in my face and I feared getting blind, he was there and got my mind off my worry for my life and my career and it was in no small part because of him that I got to really hear things I usually could not. He did not know that. I did not want his head to get bigger. Or maybe that was not entirely a bad idea? That way, his head would become relatively normal when compared to his feet.

So... what was I going to do to Frank once I got better? Maybe this time I would really box him in and mail him to Tokyo? Or how about India? That sounded more than fun. I decided to write everything down and tried to find my notepad and a pencil. 

_Damn!_

I forgot it back in the Swamp. Maybe just go and get it from the Swamp? I could also give Radar my letter to put it in the next outgoing mail bag?

Oh, well!

It could wait, I decided while shuffling the cards, trying to guess the card I was going to pick from the pack.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Perhaps I had underestimated my ability to sleep because next thing I knew, I was shaken awake by one of the corpsmen. He had a tray in his hand which seemed loaded for three normal people. Or one Radar, as the case may be. What was he thinking?

"Sir. Here's your dinner. And a message from the CO. He ordered me to tell you to finish this. And that is an order for you. Sir!"

"Stop _sirring_ me. I got the message already. In technicolor, of course." I said, grumpily, while eyeing the latest culinary atrocities.

" Yes sir, Captain Pierce, Sir! Would that be all?" Was he trying to be funny or was he completely humorless? And did this question make any sense? 

"Yeah, yeah! Dismissed. You have done enough to add to my anguish anyway. Tell Col. Potter...Never mind. Just leave before you come up with a new way of inflicting agony to me."

"Yes sir!" He grinned as he turned back to leave.

"And don't get fresh!"

"Yes sir, Captain Pierce!" And out he went. Must be new, I decided.

_Please God, or whoever controls everything thats good or bad, give me strength to deal with this food. And if you don't have strength to offer, give me patience. And if not even patience, I will gladly take numbness!  
_

Food did not smell too bad. Actually, it was not bad, period. Maybe CO was threatening the cook again. If he was, he had my vote for next election! Henry was a great guy. I still missed him. I also missed Trapper sometimes. But I was glad for the replacements we got for them. Potter definitely had no contacts in Havana, Cuba. But then, not everybody was perfect. For a Southern cowboy, he sure as hell was alright!

It helped that I had no one to discuss this food with. With me and my private thoughts, I was downing food without paying it any attention. Not a bad position, if anyone were to ask. 

Suddenly I heard a squeaky voice of my beloved Radar, 'Choppers! Choppers! Loaded and too many!' and then PA system blared, 'Both shifts to OR, Both shifts to OR. Cancel your dates, folks. We are in for a long ride!'

_Damn!_

The only upside of my absence was the definite possibility of Frank whining about it and the workload he had to share. The downside far outweighed this upside. My absence meant an additional 8.3 malpractice cases which was not so cool. I hated that! Him working on who were supposed to be my patients. BJ would cover the chest cases mostly. Potter would do a few too but he would stick mostly to abdomen cases. And the small cases would go to Frank who would make their recovery just as precarious as that of the sicker ones. He was the great Leveler of 4077. The relatively less sick ones had no right to get better before the more sick ones. It was Frank's undefined duty to make sure of that!

Suddenly the door opened without a knock and Radar barged in before checking himself. 

"Hawk! Col. Potter says you stay put. And that you must be shedding virus and he cannot have an epidemic in the camp. If you need anything, just holler my name. I will be in my office. Gotta go."

" Hey, WAIT! Did he tell you to tell me that if I need anything, I holler **_Sherman_** and he will come running? Tell him he cannot run and he does not have the best of hearing. he would never hear me holler to begin with! Disadvantage of being old." I said all this to a half-retreating figure of Radar who made a face and mumbled, " Thats not funny!" before leaving.

"RADAR!" I hollered as I remembered the letter I wanted to send to dad.

It took him a few minutes before he made it to my tent.

"Sorry Hawk! I was on the phone. What can I do?" He was half in, half out of the door.

"You won't be doing anything from that distance. I wanted a nurse here but for now, you would do!"

"HAWKEYE! I won't come next time even if you do need me. Can't you just stop making fun?"

And with that, he started leaving.

"Heyyyy, I wanted you to send this letter for me in your next outgoing mail. Here." I offered him the letter but he refused to take it.

"Col. Potter said you were shedding virus and I should not touch anything that you touched." Kid had a point.

"You had your shot, right? Its not gonna hurt you. And I am sending it to my dad. I wouldn't send him anything that could hurt him, right? Please take this even if you have to use a pair of long fingers." My plea moved him. It was either that or his blind faith in Army Issue shots. He took the letter as if it was a grenade swallowed by a rat who had died. No, he loved animals. I was not sure about his love for the dead ones though. Did he mourn them? If yes, for how long? I decided to pursue this chain of thought at a later time. Maybe he though of it as a grenade with the pin removed?

My mind was failing me in coming up with the right analogy to describe his facial expressions. It was also wandering in every direction. My mind, that is. Not his face or its expression!

"Also, ask someone to get this tray from here. I don't want company for the night. And if this tray stays here, your rodent buddies are bound to pay me a nocturnal visits and even though I personally am a great fan of nocturnal visits, my pleasure does not extend to your bosom buddies!" I pointed towards the tray which was still half loaded. 

"Alright! You need anything, let me know!" He made yet another cute-annoyed face and started to leave.

"How about some water? That would be good enough. How is the situation?"

"Its bad but not as bad as the last big one. So far, we have had eleven rather serious soldiers and twenty eight less serious ones. But they say that battle is still going on. They will cease firing around midnight. So we may get more."

"Keep me posted, will you?" I hated to be cut off like this. This was already driving me mad, kinda like solitary imprisonment. I had read that prisoners tended to go crazy in solitary. I was not really solitary but it sure felt that way right now.

Maybe it was time for another nap.

I was awakened by the PA system. I had no idea what time it was and did not care. I just felt bad. And guilty. To be able to sleep while BJ and Potter and rest of the camp busted their butts. That was not fair!

There was another load of injured ones out in the compound. I just opened the door to see who was doing triage. It was BJ. He looked at me once and then turned his attention to the soldier lying in front of him and then shook his head towards a corpsman. The soldier probably did not make it. I saw corpsmen remove the litter to a side while BJ returned his attention towards another soldier. I looked at rest of the compound. Jeeps were coming loaded from the front as were the buses. It was a big one. With me sticking here, Col. Potter probably could not ask for a replacement. It was going to be a good few weeks before I could go back to the OR and that was a long time to go with one out of four missing. Fighting was going to get worse close to Christmas before truce took hold. 

God I hated this place. I hated this war. I hated all war. What were they going to gain? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! 

Except thousands, or in case of Koreans, millions of dead bodies and mourning families left behind. How could they teach us in school not to fight and then encourage kids to go in Military where the only mission in life was to destroy the enemy. And who decided who the enemy was? The guys who decided who the enemy was never had to go out and look the _enemy_ in the eye and pull the trigger. They were not the ones we were drafted to save! And it wasn't even saving. All we did was patching them up so they could go back to the killing till they were killed themselves and replaced by fresh faces, younger faces. Was I the only one who saw the pervasiveness of this whole process? I wished I could find one of those bastards who decided to kill those kids, feed them in a large howitzer, and aim him at the Chinese. But right now, I just hated my own selfishness. And the fact that this hatred was just as futile as our efforts at saving those kids. Most were repeat customers. Smart ones probably just lied back down and waited for storm to pass over. Or maybe they were all mostly repeats? Even if I wanted to, I could not remember all the soldiers I had worked on. That was not what I wanted to grow into once I was a fully working surgeon. I was not the one to get too involved with patients. I had learned to keep some distance to sustain my own sanity. But this level of forced indifference made me feel inadequate. And mechanical. This was not what I spent my life training for!

This was not fair. This just wasn't fair!


	22. Chapter 22

Alright! Here's the new chapter. If it were not for the stats option, I wouldn't have known if anyone has even looked at this story. It sure seems like nobody really reads it or would have seen my request to let me know what they think. That is why, this time, I am not even gonna ask for a review.  
Story turns a dark left now. And I have no idea when I will write the next chapter. I also have no idea how long the story is gonna be or if I am going to put myself through more troubles or just make my life easy, once and for all! You will find out soon as I do!  
Happy reading!

Chapter 22

I have no idea how next coupla days went by. I was tired most of the time and kept sleeping or dozing off. Worst part of having Hepatitis was the absolute lack of energy. Even if I wanted to I could not provide any help to Potter and his minions.

Radar and Klinger found me as much printed material as they could. Finally, after two days, I had read two of Col. Potter's Zane Grays and Radar's collection of comics. I had run out of things to do and had all but slept out. There just wasn't one damned thing that I could do and everybody was catching up with their sleep after the latest session in the OR so no visitors either!

Finally, I picked the knife from me lunch tray and started scraping blood out of my boots. How many patients had I worked on during the last sixteen months? They were definitely more than I had worked on during my residency and the year of my fellowship I had the good luck to finish before I got drafted.

It was getting really cold around here and I needed the stove to be turned on. Or was it a heater? Whatever this thing was, it sure did not make much heat. Radar was here earlier to tell me that he was going to bed. That was a few hours back, of course. Maybe I could wake him up? Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Enter!" I said loudly. A new face again. They all looked new to me unless they had the pleasure of playing poker with me, or getting drunk with me, or were under my knife. I think except me, Margaret and Radar, everybody was new.

"Sir, your mail." He handed me a package and a letter. I decided to check the letter later. Of course it was from dad. That was a no-brainer. Package was from dad too. It had a pair of warm gloves, three pairs of winter socks and a pair of long johns and packed among all of them was a bottle of brandy. Good ol' dad. There was also a couple of books. Now it was time for the letter.

_What the ..._

It was not dad's writing. It had the return address saying Crabapple Cove, ME. And that was all. Something was not right. NO! Something was terribly wrong. Suddenly my heart filled with dread and fear I had not known in all this time here.

_This couldn't be..._

_He couldn't be!_

Writing on the letter was unfamiliar so I scanned at the bottom for the name of the sender. It was from Uncle Jim. Dad's best friend.

I felt my heart stop as I started reading.

_Dear Ben,_

_How are you? I am writing you this letter because Daniel refused to. Don't worry, he is alive and well. He just left a few minutes ago. We had dinner together. I know its not my place to tell you what to do and what not to do, especially when it comes to your father. But Daniel is like a brother to me and you know that too. That gives me a right to look out for him and I hope that you understand and not take anything negatively._

_This has to do with Olivia. I think your father told you about her in one of his recent letters. Olivia moved into Stuarts' a few weeks back. More like a couple of months now, I think. She and your father hit it off right away. I was happy for him, just like everybody else who has known him over his lifetime. We all know what he went through when your mother died. He stopped living his life just so he could take care of you. I remember when he met Meredith a couple of years after your mom's death. You were not ready and he did not push you about it and just stopped seeing her. You were always his first priority. You were young then, I know! But what about now? You are not young anymore. Why did you stop her from finding happiness again? _

_He did not tell me what you told him, really. He never mentioned what you said or did not say on the subject, about her! But the way he was reminded me of Meredith. He looked tired and lonely. His look reminded me of all those years ago, of your reaction towards Meredith and his refusal to let you down. Or not be there for you! But can't you see, you are so far away. He has been alone over half his life now. Do you really love him? And if yes, why are you being so selfish? You are not twelve anymore. And he is all alone. And lives in constant fear of your not coming back. When he received that damned telegram telling him of your death, I saw him wither. It was worse than when he lost your mom. Can't you see? The man needs a break. He needs someone now, more than ever. Back then, he had you! Now I know you two are very close and he treats you like the same little kid you were when your mother died but YOU know you are not ten anymore. Why not cut him lose? Give him a break? Has he ever asked anything of you? Please, son! Even if you don't want to, just let him try and find someone he can share life with. Just let him be happy, son. He does not deserve this. He definitely did not deserve to lose his wife. And now you are in a war. And he is scared and alone. So please, Ben! I know you. You are above this selfishness! Do for your father what he did for you. Let_him_ be happy this time, like he let _you_ be happy all those years ago. Make him your first priority like he has always made you his!_

_But I fear I might be too late. I have seen Olivia. She has aged. So has your father. I don't know what he has told her. But I know, he is avoiding her. I have told Dan he is an idiot! I also told Dan he did not need your permission or approval. But he thinks he does. So do the decent thing. Tell him to do what he wants and tell him to just be happy. This is a request from me for a friend I have seen lose more than his share. He loves you too much. Maybe its time you loved him back._

_I am sorry for being so rude and for invading in your personal life but I don't want him hurting anymore. Not from you! _

_I hope you are doing well and am looking forward to your safe return and our poker games and fishing trips._

_You take care and get back safe and sound._

_Dan needs you. And so do we. The town is waiting for its new doctor so the old one can retire._

_Looking forward to seeing you again, kid!_

_Yours,_

_Lovingly,_

_Uncle Jim._

What was he talking about? And why was _he_ talking about it? About dad? He was talking as if I had condemned dad to some terrible fate. And why did dad not talk to me? He had written me once after the letter in which he told me about...yeah, Olivia. And in that letter, he had been quiet about her and I figured maybe he did not want to talk about her. I would have asked but written word has a way of coming out wrong if the other person is not at the same wavelength as you. So what was the whole deal about this permission? The only explanation was that he never got my letter telling him to go and have a life and fun and happiness.

I had hated the war with a passionate vengeance. And now it was hating me right back, giving me yet another reason to be mad, angry, lousy. With no work to do, no activity to take my mind off of the whole damned business, it was just too hard, too much to deal with. And now dad was distant too. Was it just me or life really took a wrong turn last few months?

And what was I going to do about dad?

Why did everything had to go wrong at the same time?

And why everything needed urgent, priority attention?

All my life, when things went bad, I had at least someone or in case of the still, _something_ to fall back on. But right now, I did not have dad, I did not have school, work, Trapper, BJ, or the trusted still. Life was not so easy anymore!

Why the hell was I here?

And when would it ever become easy?

PS: I am in the process. not exactly a block because I have the whole summary/outline on my computer. Its more like filling in the details and staying true with the timeline I have set/am going to set. And then, there is the slight problem of me not having a lot of free time. I am beat right now. So I am going to hit the sack. I think I might be posting a new one by the end of the week. So hang in there!


	23. Chapter 23

Ch 23

I was lying in bed, thinking about the letter and how to fix what was not even my fault to begin with but what would hurt my father and quite possibly, my relationship with him. How to explain to him that he was the single most important person in my life?

After this?

And whether I should tell him about Uncle Jim's letter? Seemingly small questions but I was feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it was because I was, at the same time, trying to be _in_ the situation and be removed from it to objectively assess and act accordingly. I also thought about BJ. He had not been in ever since I was dumped in here. Now I was feeling slightly annoyed. And maybe a little bad for myself.

Before I could explore the extent of my self-pity and feeling of overwhelm, there was a soft knock. I was not interested in company so I did not answer and wished the person away. My power of suggestion was not so strong, I suppose. The door opened a bit and I saw the last person I hoped to see right now.

_O'Hara._

"Hey, can I come in?" Asked the woman I still failed to understand.

"I am still contagious. Enter at your own risk!" I tried to warn her so she would go away. Seemingly, I had lost my powers of suggestion completely.

"Don't worry! I had it when I came to Korea. Now, after the shot, I think I am pretty safe. So... How are you doing?"

"I am good. Good! I am doing good, thank you. How about you?" I decided to act rude after ten minutes in case she tried to settle. I needed time to think and preferably alone if not in some better company. Maybe I showed some sign of interest or maybe she was either completely blasé or as pushy as I had expected her to be.

"Oh I am doing great. Work has been in bulk lately and I am getting the hang of it. How about you?" She was too cheerful and was being a little eager, to my annoyance. Somehow, I was not getting the right vibes from her. That was my skeptic side. But the same side told me not to judge her and maybe we both got started off wrong but one or even two encounters ought not to decide the kinda person she was, right? The same side also yelled at my _gut feeling_ about her. What the hell did _that_ mean? I knew it to be just an excuse for our irrational dislikes or likes for somethhing that was othrwise just not reasonable! I decided to act scientifically and confront the problem head on, which in this case, was a person I happened to dislike for absolutely no good reason.

"I am good. I just told you. So, tell me, why are you being nice to me now? As far as I know, you know of my reputation and also, as far as I _remember_, we had some skirmishes before you met me in the mess tent full of morning glory. So be honest and tell me what are you trying to do?" I hoped that did not come out as rude as it seemed to but then, I could not care. If I could not have a real friend, I could certainly do without a phony one!

" Yeah. I remember. Its a long story and I don't wanna stay too long right now. You need rest and I have to go get something to eat. Want me to get you something?" What the hell was she doing? I decided not to care.

"No, thank you. I can do without the food for now. Not too hungry, really!"

"Listen Ben! We started off wrong but that does not mean we cannot set it right. I think, over here, we can use all the friends we have and if we can get a new one every once a while, so much the better. Don't think..." And she was cut off in the middle by one of my favorite people peeking in from a half opened door.

"Hawk!" He said.

"BJ!"

"Ben, I will see you later. Take care, will ya?"

"Hey Cate. Don't leave on my account. I can come later." Said BJ to O'Hara.

"No, that's alright. I was leaving anyway. See you later, Ben!" And with that, she left the tent leaving a faint whiff of flowers. Lilacs and maybe lillies?

"Come on in." I ushered him in. This was promising to be a very awkward evening. I did not want company but I was not sure how to tell him off after all the silence he had ritualistically observed over past few days or so. Maybe I could postpone my thought process for a while. It was not going to leave me alone anytime soon anyway. And I could fill the long night with it.

"You look sick." That was a nice opening line.

"Yeah. Hence the palatial accommodation. How is work?"

"Rough. Just as usual. We are facing more than our expected share of post-op complications though we should have expected that, what with you gone and Frank taking up some of the slack."

_Gone?_

_Slack?_

Why did it sound like I fell sick on purpose? Like it was my fault? Like it was my fault that a few of _my _ patients were suffering from post-op problems? Why did I even ask him about work to begin with?

"Hmmmm. So how is family doing?" That was probably not a very good thing to do as I saw his color change.

"Fine. They are fine. So how long before you can move back to Swamp?"

"Potter said in about three to four weeks. But I don't think I will be staying here that long. If I cannot move back in two weeks time, I will request transfer to Seoul or Tokyo. If I have to be bored to death, I would rather be in some company besides dust and bad food and a blaring PA system!"

"I am sorry Hawk! I should have come earlier but ..." He sounded wounded this time. It made me feel a little better but at the same time, I felt a tiny bit guilty for saying what I had said.

"I did not mean you. I know you have work to do and all. Its more like, my inability to help is driving me insane. Its not even like backseat driving. Its like somebody jacked my car and then gagged and tied me up and shoved me in the trunk."

"I know buddy! You look tired and sick. Have you been eating? You seem to have shrunk last I saw you."

"Yeah, I am. That was the only condition that Potter had for me to stay here. Maybe the stay is not worth that. I stayed because...Never mind."

"Listen Hawk! I am really sorry. Col. Potter was in the Swamp earlier. He yelled at me again for not seeing any signs of illness in you. Or that you were using antacids or not drinking any gin. All the signs someone can exhibit in this cesspool that don't fit..." I decided to cut him off. If he had come because he was feeling guilty or because Potter told him to, I could do without it. I was feeling sorry for myself as it was. And did not need _him_ of all the people to feel that way for me.

"Don't apologize. And you did not _have_ to come. I am all grown up, in case you cannot see. So you can go back without feeling guilty and if you don't wanna come, feel free not to. I have been doing fine without you, in case you hadn't noticed till now. And tell Potter to keep his nose out of my business. I am not Erin and you don't have to watch out for me!"

"Alright. When you do wanna see me, lemme know. I will be around. And yeah, I did not come because he asked me. I came because...What the hell! Maybe when you are feeling less sorry for yourself, you may wanna see me. All you have to do is ask someone to call me."

"SORRY FOR MYSELF? Maybe you need to stay away from booze. It has fried your brains. _I_ am the one feeling sorry? That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. _I_ am the one feeling sorry? Pal, its you! You are the one feeling sorry for whatever happened back home a few days back. Sorry for yourself. Sorry for being stuck here. With me. How dare you say that about _me_? You don't wanna talk about it because I will tell you to take it easy? Its the same thing I have been seeing ever since you came here. And you say that _I_ am feeling _sorry?_ For _myself_. If I am feeling sorry for anyone, its you!" I did not realize I had gotten a little loud. And BJ's face had turned a little pink. I feared him slugging me. I remembered his latest pursuits in pugilism. But recklessness had taken over me. I was sick of this war. I was sick of this life.

"You are right!" And with that, he left.

That was just dandy! If he had been angry, maybe I had felt better. But now, I felt bad. Worse, considering the fact that I was feeling plenty of bad already. This new _bad_ just piled up on all the remaining bad I had accumulated.

Whoever said this war was an easy business?


	24. Chapter 24

Next two chapters will be up tomorrow and the night after. They are pretty damned long but I cannot splice them without killing them in the process. Don't you hate that?

Anyway, read on and be persistent in not letting me know how you feel. I prefer silence, now that I have gotten so used to it.

Chapter 24

Next few hours, I thought and thought. It was a frenzy. I thought about how much I hated this war for ruining everything for me. I hated the war for giving me friends who could walk out anytime they damned well pleased. I hated the war for sending Carlye back to me just to snatch her away all over again. But most of all, I hated the war for making me feel so damned sorry for myself. Before now, everytime things had gone bad, I had someone to fall back on. When Mom died, it was Dad. When Carlye left, it was booze plus work. When I was drafted, it was Dad and then Trap. When Henry died, initially, it was Trap and then BJ. And now, when things were not even as drastically bad, I was suddenly dealing with it alone and feeling incompetent. Or was it the virus talking? I hoped that it was the virus and not just plain old self pity. But what about Dad? Even after cursing everybody who got me involved in this damned fiasco loudly in poly-syllabic expletives, I was none the wiser. How to fix the damned mess with Dad? And why the hell was _he_ so damned hung up on my whims?

This whole thing was beyond me. And after all the pacing I had done, I was pretty dead on my feet. Somebody had left some food on the table but I think this time something stared right back at me when I stared at it long enough. I had no intentions of knowing that living being intimately. It could have the food for itself, for all I cared.

I also seriously considered asking for transfer to Seoul or Tokyo. Maybe change of scenery would do me some good? But I was sure it won't. It was getting late but I was not sleepy, just tired beyond the point of exhaustion. In fact, beyond the point where exhaustion makes you giddy. I was so exhausted, I was not even giddy anymore. Just fuzzy. And felt like my head was above my body, watching it from a distance, while it decided on how stupid I could get with all the pacing in the little tent. If there were any walls, I would have climbed them.

I decided to lie down and remember the good old days. I had too many and that was the truth. Life was so relaxed. So free. Maybe I was long overdue to pay back for all the good I had enjoyed? I always figured that to be a strictly Presbyterian concept but why else would I be shot to hell while I was still alive? Me and Dad never really went to Church. Sunday was our only day of relative freedom. He was on call on alternative Sundays along with another guy from nearby town.

There was fishing.

And riding the bike.

And Dad teaching me to drive when I was twelve.

And fixing the storm shutters.

Listening to music on radio. Sometimes, even plays though that really came much later for me. I used to sort of assist him sometimes in the clinic during the holidays.

And then there was the fall. Those colors. God I missed those colors. I could walk in the wind all day, watching those trees changing colors before my very own eyes.

So many of the trees had my initials carved on them, along with Toby and Dicky and Tommy. Riding the bike down the slopes on the road at a breakneck speed. And the sleds in winters.

All these things made me feel worse.Tommy had died in my arms. I had hated Henry that day, for not letting me work on him. I hated Tommy for being so damned macho. One of us was stuck here. Wasn't that enough for him? He could have stayed back and lived. This damned stupid war! I kept losing my friends to it.

I decided to step outside in the open air. I doubted if there was anybody out there at this hour. Everybody was probably and hopefully bushed.

It WAS quiet on the main street. And the side streets. I knew that with the cold in the air, it was imperative for people to stay warm, however they accomplished that exercise in futility. The cold hit me like a slap in the face. But that did wonders for that fuzziness. I was wide awake and probably would be able to think now. I decided to take a walk down the main street towards CO's office and then back, maybe around Swamp. Maybe try and scare Frank? Kiss him on the mouth? Not now, I decided. I was still infective and could do without his whining if he became my roommate.

Downtown was less quiet. I could hear shrill yelling from outer office. I was familiar with the tone and the voice, having been at the receiving end of that fusilade all too often in last sixteen months.

I ignored it, not sure if I should feel sorry for Penobscott or Margaret.

My thoughts shifted towards Margaret and her de lovely. I knew that Penobscotts were mainly from Maine but I was not sure if he was from there or somewhere else. In any case, I was not interested. For all I cared, he could have been related to the Russian Czars!

Margaret had changed a little in last few months since she had been engaged. Still a stickler for discipline with that GI Jane gung-ho holier-than-thou attitude that sparked all too often but ever since her separation from Ferret Face, she had mellowed. If time allowed, I might even end up liking her some though I wouldn't bet on that. The biggest change, though, so far as I was concerned was that all along, her hatred for me was not really something real. It was more a projection of Frank's enmity towards me than any of her own feelings. That meant less crap flowing towards me. Much less than when they were an item. And maybe BJ was to be blamed for that too. Trap enjoyed similar sentiments from them as I did. Almost the same. And that was because he aggravated them almost as much as I did. But even with him, they preferred him over me. Margaret probably liked him secretly. However, BJ was the antithesis of Trap in so many ways that I doubted if even Frank disliked him. So all his hatred was for me now.

By the time I came back outside outer office, the yelling was high pitched and I felt the end nearing. Deciding to stick around to see how she was doing and of course, to make some fun of Donald, I slowed my pace even further. And she did not disappoint me. The door flew open and she stamped outside before yelping because of the gusty wind blowing.

"PIERCE!" I felt my eardrum puncture.

"Why are you screaming. I can hear you fine."

"What the hell are you doing out here? Aren't you sick enough? And were you eavesdropping on me again?" She shrieked. I loved that shriek.

"AGAIN? I take umbrage, Ms. Houlihan. That was below the belt. Its been such a long time, statute of limitations has expired. And NO. I was not eavesdropping. Anybody with decent, sober hearing can hear you loud and clear withina hundred yard radius. I think even enemies have our position locked by now!"

"Oh stuff it, Pierce! Why the hell are you out here?" She started walking and I joined her since she was not going to her tent. She was actually going towards the minefield. I decided to keep some distance though. With her, I never knew. What if she decided she had enough of me and pushes me in the minefield?

_Nahhh._

_She loves more too much. _

_I chuckled._

"I was missing Maine winters and this bone chilling wind reminds me of home. Kinda nostalgic!"

She stopped a few feet from the board warning us of landmines.

"It looks beautiful." She commented almost silently, looking towards the sky. It was a half moon and a clear starry night.

"Yeah. I have hardly ever seen the sky here without a few gallons of the elixir of life in my veins. Now I can tell that it really is beautiful."

"Why do you drink like that?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Pierce!"

"Margaret!"

And then we stood quietly. I remembered Mom telling me of the stars and constellations. She loved the sky. She was from New York and was happy to be living in Maine. Too much of nature to satisfy even the most urban of souls. I suddenly shivered. When I looked sideways, I saw her staring at me again. This was bad!

"You look sick!"

"Thank you. I have heard that before. I try!"

"Frank wanted to visit you."

"To do what? Slip me some venom?"

"He was afraid you would kiss him on his mouth and give him the germs. He was scared of you. I told him I would accompany him if he wanted me to. But he got carried away..." She left the sentence unfinished but I knew what she did not say.

A few minutes passed before I spoke again.

"Margaret!"

"What?"

"Thanks."

"For?"

"Nothing." I wanted to thank her for picking on my jaundice when nobody else had.

"You are welcome!"

We again stood quietly for a few minutes staring ahead, in my case, and in her case, I don't know.

"Anything you wanna talk about?" I heard her speak to me. This was new. And way out of left field.

"No!"

Another long period of silence as the temperature dropped a few hundred degrees.

"You?" I asked her this time.

"No!"

This was fun. I knew she wanted to talk. And I knew it had to be me whom she wanted to talk. Or could talk, for that matter. Maybe if I had opened up, she would have spilled too. But I was not very well equipped for any form of support for anyone else. Not right now.

"You are crazy. So am I. What are you doing out here in this cold? What do you want? Hypothermia? Last thing I want for you is Frank performing malpractice on you. OR me. Argh! Cummon, get going. I will walk you to your tent." I almost yelled in a dramatic way as wind picked up some speed.

"The gallant, chivalrous Hawkeye Pierce." She giggled as she started trudging along me towards her tent. "It should be _me_ escorting an eloping patient back to his bed but I know an idiot when I see one. Reasoning with your still might be more productive. But Pierce, please, go to bed and sleep. Get better because we need you back. And fast. BJ and Col. Potter cannot work like this for more than necessary!"

"Don't make me feel worse than I already am. I should have gone to Seoul or Tokyo and Potter could have asked for a new man. Staying here is driving me nuts anyway. I should have known!"

"Listen! Its not your fault. OK?"

"I know that." And with that, all my chivalry and gallantry vanished. "Goodnight Margaret!" I said as I took long strides towards my tent without waiting for her reply.


	25. Chapter 25

This is along one. So is the next one. Next one will explain BJ's moodiness and why he is acting so strangely. And it will be up either tomorrow morning or tomorrow night, depending on the position of my story on the charts.

Chapter 25

I was still nowhere. It was not so much an indecision as feeling mad and bad that had taken over me. I was sick of asking the same old questions from myself all night.

_Why me?_

_Why?_

_Why this war?_

_Why did things have to get so crappy, all at the same time?_

And how the hell was I gonna get out of this mess?

An all-night record of pacing in that tiny tent left me none the wiser. After someone brought in the breakfast, I decided to lie down and take a nap.

It was a dreamless nap. I was awakened by the commander.

I was not sure how long he had been standing there but I knew that I had not been asleep for more than an hour. The sudden pounding headache that took me over as soon as I woke up reminded me of the good old days of residency. Somehow, I had never gotten over the startling effect this kind of sudden awakening had on me. My heart was racing as I sat up, seeing not one or two but three tiny, twinkly, red faced Potters. And I thought one was hard to manage!

"You called my name?" I tried to make it sound funny but it came out as a croak. Where the hell was the water?

"Not hungry, I presume?" He asked, with obvious restraint.

"You presume right, Oh Wise Chief!" I took a long pull at the glass while I saw his color change from red to puce.

"Pierce, why are you acting like this? You know the condition I set forth before when you requested to stay here. You've Got To Follow My Orders!"

"Maybe I don't feel like it!" I got off the bed and sat on the chair in one corner, holding my head in my hands. Only if the pounding would stop.

"Then you won't be able to stay here." Still the same restraint. Why the hell was everybody treating me like I was twelve? This was driving me insane.

"Maybe I don't feel like _that_ either."

"Insolence will get you nowhere, son. Anything particular bothering you? I happen to know you received a letter from home except it was not from your dad. Is everything alright?"

"Why can't someone's business remain someone's business alone? Why does it have to become everyone's business? Why did you ask BJ to come see me when he did not feel like it? Why can't you just...Damn it. Sorry, Col. Potter. But this is a request, a very humble one. Don't tell BJ to come see me again. And don't worry about me. I don't think I want to stay here anyway. Maybe you send me to Tokyo or even Seoul. I don't care!"

"You don't want to talk, thats your call. If and when you do, you know the door to knock at. So far as asking Hunnicut to come and see you, I did not. I just told him what a lousy bunkmate he was for not noticing any change or problem with you. And that was when I sent you here. I haven't talked to him since, except for business related matters. About your request to be moved out, that's out of question too. At least for next week, all traffic to and from Seoul and Tokyo is on hold. So for now, you are stuck. And after the tantrum you threw that day and the way you acted now, I think you deserve to stay here for the duration anyway. Now clean up the damned tray. I am sick and tired of your juvenile behavior. I really wonder how your father puts up with your tantrums. God knows I don't envy him."

"Can we not talk about him, please? And don't you have an outfit to run or something?" Yeah, fine! I was the most rotten son in the history of rotten sons. Cane could take lessons from me. Why did everybody need to point that out to me?

"I think the most important problem for me today is the wellbeing of one of my men. _You_! Now spill it. What is it? What happened? I have seen you down and I have seen you angry but I have never seen you like this so I am concerned. Now be a good boy and tell me!"

"Its nothing."

"Yeah? And that's why you have tried to make me yell at you for so many times in last few minutes? Nobody has tested my patience and pushed my buttons like this in a long time and lived to tell the tale. And I know you. So I am concerned. What is going on, Hawkeye?"

"Honestly, its nothing. Just a misunderstanding between Dad and me. And now it might be too late to fix the damage. Its a long story and I doubt if I can tell it anyway."

"It may sound silly to you but sometimes, the only thing you can do is clear up the air. If he is anything like you, he will understand and forgive and forget. Don't sell him short. Maybe placing a call Stateside would help?"

That made sense. I was thinking the same thing but was not sure if it would help. Besides, I was too busy being angry.

"That makes sense."

"If you had eaten some dinner last night, you would have thought the same thing. Listen Hawkeye, I know its hard, being here with your only family so far away and you feeling out of contact and out of sorts, but son, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not here because you wanted to be. You know it. I know it. I bet he knows it too!"

"Its not that, Col. But thank you anyway. I think I will place the call."

"Want me to tell Radar to do that? I think he has your home number memorized."

"I don't want to call home. I have to find the number before I place the call."

He looked at me quizzically.

"I am not calling Dad. Someone else!"

"Oh..." His eyes twinkled in mischief and he smiled.

"Not _that_."

"I didn't say anything."

"Of course you didn't, Sir."

"Now finish your breakfast. I will see you later."

"Thank you, Col."

"And next time BJ comes, don't assume anything. Just remember, he IS your best friend. And he has the right to _stupid_ almost as much as you do."

"Yes Father!"

He just shook his head and left without another word.

Boy that felt good. I felt a little less overwhelmed. Was that all I was looking for? That was so childish, part of me decided. But what the hell. It worked. Maybe only for a short while but that feeling of overwhelm was almost gone now.

Breakfast was not as bad as I had expected. Partly because of my below par expectations, of course. Mess tent concotions had stopped to surprise me anymore unless it was something particularly revolting.

After breakfast I decided to sleep again.

I had quite a few visitors that day. The most notable were Frank and O'Hara.

Frank stood at the doorstep while trying to sound sincere though I could smell happiness escaping through every big pore he possessed now that he could do what he damned well pleased while I was stashed away. Then he started gloating about him and BJ getting along so well with me gone. Finally, after about five minutes of groveling, gloating and sniveling, I had enough and I made a move towards him, telling him I was gonna kiss him and make him my bride. The fink! He could be fast when he needed to. And as soon as I had turned back from the now closed door, I heard a soft knock and saw O'Hara peeking in. She was smiling, grinning actually.

"What did you do to him?" She asked me.

"Nothing. He was trying to get cute so I decided to kiss him and thats when he ran to save his virginity. And you can come in. I won't kiss you, at least not right now."

"I wonder if I should be honored or insulted," She commented laughingly. "And how can you kiss a man?" What was it? A tone of disgust?

"I did not kiss a _man_. I am strictly a woman's man. And in case you are wondering about Frank, its like kissing a...Oh I don't know. He has no lips so you its like you are kissing ...Nah, I don't know. Also, he is not a man. He is Frank Burns, the lipless wonder, our walking, talking, snorting Malpractice in Drag!"

"Cummon Ben, he can't be that bad. Or Col. Potter would have sent him away long ago. I don't see him as a very tolerant man when it comes to taking care of patients."

"He is worse. I wondered about that too but not anymore. Sometimes, Frank does come through, when he has his hide at stake but more often than not, that's not the case. You will see, once you assist him long enough."

"I always see Major Houlihan assisting him. I heard them talking. He has a thing for her, doesn't he?"

I did not like her tone.

"Thats because he is the most incompetent dunce around here and she makes sure he makes as few mistakes as possible, saving as many lives as she can, especially after those poor fellows have had to endure Frank's scalpel and ten thumbs. You hear a lot around here. You cannot believe everything! But whatever you hear about Frank Burns' incompetence, it is bound to be true. Margaret is the best nurse we have and is mostly the only thing between Death and Frank's patients."

"Thats true. She is the best nurse I have ever worked with. But she is too hard on us. And you are right. I heard a lot about you too. And most of it was interesting but not enticing. But everybody has a different opinion of everybody else. So I am not believing anything I hear unless I see it with my own eyes. I learned it the hard way." And with that, she gave me a smile.

"So what did you hear about _me_?" I was curious and interested in what she would say. I very well knew what they did say about me but I wanted her to tell me what she had _heard_.

"Oh, a little of this and a little of that." She was evading it. This could be fun.

"Oh cummon! Tell me what they love me for. I do know they love me, thats for sure."

"You won't be able to handle the details." She smiled. Nice teeth.

"Cummon Lt. Humor a sick man!"

"Its Cate, remember? And this is what I found out. That you are the camp Romeo, and I am being polite here. Your cot has notches for the nurses you scored. You gamble, lie and drink to excess. But you are the best cutter anybody has ever seen. And those are the good qualities. Care to hear more?"

" I don't think my ego can take another boost. Or was it the guillotine?"

"Then I would stop. I don't want you to die on my watch." And laughed. It was nice to be able to talk like this again. She had a nice sense of humor too. I was feeling giddy for some unknown reason. The mood swings were annoying and strange and unpredictable and I wanted to stop flirting with her but it felt good. And I doubted if I could have stopped.

She stayed much longer this time and kept me company.

Maybe she was right. We could use all the friends we had and right now, I needed as many as I could find. I couldn't call her a friend as yet but she was fun to be around with. And intriguing.


	26. Chapter 26

Here's a long one. Let me know if I am stretching this storyline too much. I feel I am all over the place and the story is too big now with multiple storylines. It just might come out as a colossal mess so be warned. Now you are forearmed. Come to think of that, now you are forelegged too!

Think about it!

Chapter 26

Finally I decided to take Col. Potter's advice and make the call to Crabapple Cove. I was not sure whom to call though. Maybe Uncle Jim? Nah, that would only appease him. It was not going to fix the problem. Calling Dad would have been just as futile. It would'nt serve anybody any good. The last choice was the gutsiest but 'Guts' was my middle name. I had decided to call Olivia. And that's where the problem came in. I did not know her last name. I did not know squat about her except that she was a _fine girl_. I did not know her phone number, in case she had a phone. It felt weird, though. Calling someone who might end up replacing Mom? I had to run it by someone but whom?

Just then, Father Mulcahy came in after knocking. He was holding the dinner tray.

_Perfect!_

Nahhhh, this was a very secular advice and maybe he could have helped but I was not sure I wanted to talk to him about this.

"Hello Hawkeye. You look better."

"Hello Father. Thank you. I had some good company today."

"Yeah, Lt. O'Hara was around earlier. She told me you looked better so I decided to take a look myself."

"You did not have to get me dinner too. That's not considered very nice around these parts of the world." I heard his tiny laugh that made me smile. This man never ceased to amaze me with his compassion and understanding.

"Oh Hawkeye! You ARE better, I am so glad to see that. We miss you and your sense of humor. BJ has been so quiet lately. I think he misses you the most. The OR sessions feel longer and more tiring with you away. How long before you come back to work?"

"Col. Potter says in about three weeks time. But all depends on my liver function tests. Three weeks is the minimum time. I hope its not any longer than that or I would ask for a medical discharge and go and convalesce in Crabapple Cove."

"Could you eat while its still warm? I intend to take the tray with me on my way out."

"Sure Father." And I started sniffing the food. The meat smelled like meat. Or deep fried charcoal, depending on your level of inebriation. The vegetables did not smell like anything I had known all my life. And of course, pudding and mashed potatoes were doing a rather intimate imitation of making out Which was which, I couldn't tell.

"Why do you sniff your food, Hawkeye?" He asked, laughingly. I wondered why it amused some people so much. It was a very natural thing to do if you had grown up with my Dad. He was not the best cook in the world. The only two people I knew who were worse than him were me and the man who had made 'food' a four letter word, the 4077 mess cook.

"Premonitus, Praemunitus Father! When I smell it, I am forewarned so my stomach, in fact, all my gastrointestinal tract is prepared for the assault ahead and it braces itself. Its my key to survival here."

"I never thought about that. Quite an interesting way of warning oneself, I must say. But don't you think it makes you scared even before you, shall we say, indulge in the latest invention passed on as food? My word, I cannot do that to myself and still eat. Its like BJ says, if you smell it, you just cannot eat it."

"Father, it all depends on your ability to modify your perception. I hate surprises, especially of the non-biblical kind, so I need as much headsup as I can muster. Speaking of BJ, have you seen him around? If you do, could you please tell him to come and see me?" I said it before I could tell myself not to say it. _What the hell!_

"No problem, Hawkeye. I saw him as I was leaving mess tent. He was going in for dinner, I believe. Can I ask you something, Hawkeye?"

_Here it comes._

"Sure Father. Go ahead."

"Is everything alright with BJ? He seems slightly out of sorts. I am a little worried about him. He is new here and the stress keeps getting worse, especially with you being here and an increased work load. Forgive me for prying but I was a little concerned." He did not mention BJ's pugilistic pursuits. But Father Mulcahy was worried or he wouldn't have asked.

"He is missing me, that's all. Tonight I will sing him a lullaby and he will be all better, I am pretty sure."

"Oh Hawkeye, we miss you. Just get better quick. I will pray for your recovery."

"Father, pray for this damned war to end fast. I will feel good soon as ceasefire takes place."

"That's true. It can never end too soon. Now I shall get going. I will tell someone to get the tray before you go to bed. I have someone waiting for me."

"Thank you Father, but only for the company, not the food, in case you get any wrong ideas. And you can take the tray if you want to. I am done!"

"Try to eat some more. I will see you later!"

Hardly a minute had passed when I heard another knock. It was BJ. And this was fast.

"That was fast. Thank you for coming over. I needed to talk to you."

"_Fast_? And _thank you_? Are you alright?" He touched my forehead in mock worry. "Maybe you have gone crazy after all."

"Living with you for last few months, its about time I went crazy. No, I asked Father Mulcahy to tell you to come over and was just surprised with the speed with which he delivered my request."

"Father Mulcahy? I was coming here anyway. I saw him going towards the mess tent. Anyway, I came to see you without someone telling me to go and see you. I heard that you looked better today and figured I ought to check you out myself."

"Yeah, it was a good day. So...wanna sit down?"

"Yeah, sure. I hope you are not too tired. I wanted to talk to you." He was tentative. I felt sorry for putting him through this.

"No, No. Not at all. Uhhhh, I wanted to, ya know..." I was gonna apologize to him for all the awkwardness but he cut me off.

"Listen Hawk, I am sorry. For last few weeks. For treating you like that. And for missing your illness. I cannot feel bad enough though I don't think I can feel any worse either. You deserved better from me since all along, you tried to listen to me and I did not let you. I think now you are sick of my sulking and want to ask me what has been bothering me. So I am here. I wanted to...No, _needed_ to talk to you. I may need some advice."

"None of what you just said made any sense. Just for the sake of clarity and brevity, and correct me if I am wrong but, you were heading this way to tell me what was bothering you? Why now?"

"Yes, to tell you all that. And now because ... I don't know. I owe you that? I am not sure. Maybe I cannot make sense of it anymore and need someone who can help me understand? I don't know. Maybe just to feel better? I am sorry if none of these sound like good enough reasons but I don't know why I feel like I need to talk to you. I just do."

"OK, shoot!"

"Just like that?"

"What? You need invitation? Or a drink? I am running low on stationary and am dry as a bone right now so yeah, just like that! What the hell is bothering you?"

"Peg!"

"Peg?"

"Yeah, Peg."

"That's it? Peg is bothering you? That's all?"

"Yeah!"

"Peg is bothering you?"

"Yeah!"

"That clears it all up!" I said rhetorically before going on, " Care to explain? Shed some light? "

"Don't think I can."

"OK. And what do you expect me to say about it?"

"I don't know, Hawk."

"Maybe tell me what Peg did? Said? Did not do? Did not say? Something more than _Peg Bothering Me_ might actually turn out to be a little helpful and maybe in turn, I can help you?"

"Its too hard, Hawk!" He looked so helpless and lost. I felt bad for him.

"Listen Beej, whats the worst that can happen if you tell me? I know that if it took you so many days to spill this detail, which by the way I had already surmised, it IS big for you. But honestly, sometimes, you end up blowing things so out of proportions, its insane. You become paranoid, overtly protective, helpless and plain old stupid. She is a big girl. The only stupid thing she probably did was marrying you, if you ask me. Because you never give her full credit for anything. So either explain to me what she did this time or just tell yourself to get over whatever she did. You are in no position to change anything back home so let her manage her life as she deems possible and appropriate."

"She is seeing someone else."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me!"

"She is cheating on you?"

"Yes."

"With another guy?"

"Yeah."

"And who, may I ask, broke the news to you? The one she is cheating on you with or herself?"

"Neither."

"OKAY-Y-Y-Y. Then?"

"I just know."

"Oh!"

"Hawk, she is elusive, evasive and dances around topics never really saying much of anything. My parents are gone for a cruise and now she is alone. Only Erin is there. How could she do it to me? And to Erin?" He sounded on the verge of hysteria.

"Beej, BEEJ! Have you called her? Asked her? Done anything a reasonable, rational man would do?"

"No, I don't want my suspicions confirmed. Hawk, I am scared, alright! What if I am proven right? I won't be able to handle that. I love her too much."  
"Don't you think you are just being paranoid and irrational? There could be another explanation, no?"

"In her last letter, she sent me this picture. She is all dressed up. Does not look like she had a kid only a few months back. Her hair is all styled and everything. She never did that when I was there. How do you explain that?"

"I don't know. But I won't jump the gun till I am dead sure my suspicions are correct beyond the point of doubt. I think you are just being jealous and paranoid."

"You know something, Hawk? That is exactly why I did not tell you what I was going through. All you do is make fun of me. I would ask you when your own wife does that to you."

"Does what? Be there for me? Give me a beautiful daughter? I would be lucky to get a woman half as good as Peg, I think. And I was not making fun of you. I was just telling you to be reasonable and come up with an explanation that makes more sense than this one. I cannot tell you she is cheating unless I catch her or I get proof."

"She was worried about getting a babysitter or some daycare while she was gone for work. And she needed work because she could not manage in my salary alone. So she got a job in an office. And now she is out all day but now, there is no mention of a babysitter. Or how she is affording one? And then she has enough money to get all dressed up and prettied and get her photographs taken. Its like, she was waiting for my parents to leave town so she could make her life the life she always wanted or hoped for and I could not give her. How does that strike you for an explanation that makes sense?"

"Listen Beej, I am sorry. I did not know any of this. And even if I did, best I can do is hope its wrong. And that, for your sake, don't get ahead of yourself. Please! It could be all just in your head and what if you are wrong? Is your marriage worth putting through this kind of speculation and paranoia? In any case, you have to wait for your parents to return or better yet, for your own return back home. You can figure things out once you are back there. There just isn't any point getting all worked up about something which might as well be just a hypothesis of a war-torn mind. So please, please, BJ, stay sane. If not for yourself, then for me! Do you have any idea how many of my visitors have asked me about you?"

"I don't care about them. Or this damned war. I am tired."

"Not even me?" I asked with my best puppydog impression. That made him smile. I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. It was going to be alright after all!

"Yes, not even you. You are such an idiot, you know. Why the hell did you not tell me you were feeling sick?"

"Somebody told me you were slugging Father Mulcahy's punching bag and I was scared you would slug me, the way you were drunk."

"No, seriously. Why did you not tell me?"

"I knew you were worried and did not want you to worry for me as well. I know a Mama Bear when I see one and I could do without someone worrying for me. I hate that."

"Great it did for you, smartass! Now we are short one surgeon, Swamp is the new torture cell for one Capt. Hunnicut and I get to hear ten commandments ten times a day. And rest of the time, just plain old whining."

"Now you see what a great friend I am, keeping Frank in his place and all. Bet you miss me."

"Not really. I can still smell your dirty socks and that alone reminds me of your existence in the Swamp. All I miss is someone who drew all of Frank's energy and wrath, leaving the camp in relative peace. I wonder how you can take all that he dishes out and not feel anything."

"That was below the belt, dude! My socks are much cleaner now. And so far as Frank is concerned, he cannot give me all that much because he knows, I believe in solid returns so whatever he gives me is returned with interest. He watches himself around me."

"Maybe thats a factor. I did not think it through. But fact remains, you had everybody insulated form His Royal Menace pretty effectively. Now, with you away, Ferret Face is in his full glory, making everybody miss you twice as much."

"I am irresistible. Part of my charm." I was feeling tired now. He noticed it too.

"Seems you are tired. You not gonna finish your food? Potter won't like it."

"Don't care! I am tired of his fatherly concern. I asked him to send me to Seoul or Tokyo but he said he could not. So now all bets are off. I cannot eat this anymore. Could you take it with you when you leave?"

"You said you wanted to talk to me? What was that about?"

"Not now. Maybe later." Suddenly, I was feeling like I was in a prize fight and had lost it fifteen to nothing. But who would continue fighting for fifteen rounds in my shape? Why did he not knock me out in first couple of rounds? Why did he keep beating me up for fifteen rounds when I could have conceded after the first? Judges were unfair, that was all. They made me fight fifteen rounds. Or was it a beating? They made me get beaten...  
"HAWK!"

"WHA'?" I was startled.

"You dozed off. I think I should leave. I will see you later. Lemme know if you need anything?"

"Huh? Yeah, uhhhhh, dunno. And yeah, see you. Don't need anything. You go!"

"Goodnight sweet prince!"

"Night Beej!"

And with that, light was turned off. And suddenly, sleep vanished from my eyes.

_Here's to another sleepless night._

I silently thought...

P.S. I have edited chapters 26 through 30. Just a little bit of fine tuning, nothing serious. Other chapters will be posted sometime today and tomorrow before I go on a lull till further orders!


	27. Chapter 27

I am acutely unhappy about the way my story is going right now because I don't think I am quite catching BJ right. Apart from that, I was unaware of the fact that I had a long chapter written in advance and in stock. I figured I had already posted it. Complications of travel shock and exhaustion, I guess. So now, I am going to post it and I know you guys don't care how I portray BJ. Some of you may not even care if I post a new one or not. But there you are wrong, the 'some' who think I ain't gonna finish it. Cz I AM!

AT least I think so...

Anyway, its stupid of me to expect any feedback or criticism about how I am portraying BJ so I am not even going to bother asking.

Keep reading. Or leave and find something more fun and constructive to do ;)

You are still cool!

Chapter 27

So this was what was worrying BJ. I had seen him worried before. All the pomp and circumstance was almost ritualistic. Everytime something happened or did not happen as expected in Mill Valley, he went through the same agonizing process where he would fume and sulk and drink and so on. The BJ Hunnicut who was life and soul of Swamp and the camp in general would disappear behind this guy who resembled my friend only in appearance. It was like, he had no memory of whatever had happened a few weeks back or so. When his last distressing letter came. Everytime, he started afresh with all of this, almost with a religious fervor.

In most ways, this was all really enviable, how he was committed to his family. But it stopped being enviable and entered the realms of ludicrous as soon as he forgot to be realistic, or just maybe, a little less paranoid. But then, maybe, I did not know what it was like to be a family man. I had been in a serious relationship not so long ago. Or was it really a very long time ago? Residency seemed like a lifetime away. I liked being with her, no question about that. But she did not like being with me as much. Or was it the other way round? She wanted more than I could give? I always figured I was already giving her the most I could. That is, until she came here and then, of course, when I compared myself to BJ, I saw some big differences. I could not commit myself to a relationship like he did. But then, I was not paranoid as he was either. At least I thought I wasn't. So how to help him when I did not even know why he was like this? To me, it was paradoxical. So far as I was concerned, there were two possibilities. Either he was right or he was wrong. And so far as I knew, he _was_ wrong. But part of me also told me that Peg was human, just as BJ was. But that was not something I could tell him. The only thing I could do for him was to tell him to not think like that and just trust his wife. And the only thing I could tell him was to hold onto what he had and not ruin it based on assumptions, presumptions and insecurity. And if all else failed, I would either push him to ask her straight up or else, I would do it myself. That sort of confrontation had the finality which even I was not prepared for, let alone expecting it from BJ.

_Reason 387 for hating the war_.

_Or was it Reason # 837?_

What difference did it make anyway?

So-o-o-o-o...

Where was I?

Yeah, BJ and his domestic problems.

Why did men choose to be domesticated anyway?

But that thought was not relevant to my current dilemma so I dropped it for now. It certainly wasn't going to help me help BJ. The only person who could benefit from this line of thought was me, myself.

So this was what I was going to do tomorrow. I was going to tell BJ he was an idiot. But I had already said that today. Hell, I could tell him this again. Perhaps rephrase it? I knew for a fact he was not going to get smart overnight. But after stating the obvious for a second time in as many days, I needed more than a clever way of calling him an idiot, a dunce, a moron, to convince him that I was correct. About everything, including his stupidity and his paranoia. I also needed to find a foxhole to hide in after delivering this mantra or next thing I would utter would be my own eulogy.

That settled, I returned to my own problems. And another thought struck me. Why was everyone around me having so many problems? And why was _I_ involved in them? Or, aware of them? Or the cause behind them? Was there some form of seasonal craziness that came here in Korea when trees got leaves and flowers, pollen? That drove everybody nuts? And through some inexplicable reason, put me smack in the middle of it?

Maybe not! It was just all the free time on my hands with absolutely nothing to occupy it with that brought all of this to my attention and then refused to leave it alone for something more important because there just wasn't anything more important. Not when I was not working.

Anyway, back to my own problems, what to do? One obvious thing was to call Uncle Jim and tell him of my lost letter and then ask for Olivia's number. The other option was to call Crabapple Cove switchboard and ask the operator, which I hoped was either Molly or Giselda, depending on the time of the day, to patch me through to Olivia? That is if they did not know anything about my fatal _nonmistake_. There was another option, the cynical me informed me. Let all of them go to hell. Why was it my fault if Dad had decided to act like an idiot? All this sensory input was playing weird games with my sanity which was sketchy at best, even on my good days!

The other question was about leaving isolation and going out on a germ spreading spree in order to make the call. That was not such a huge problem since Hepatitis virus was not airborne. I could leave the tent to make the call.

I felt like I had accomplished something big. Like a successful surgery. I was missing doing surgery. I also knew that once I was back, it would be impossible to catch a break till I got sick again but being sick was worse than being tired which was better than sick and tired, of course, which was how I was feeling right now.

_You are rambling again!_

Part of my brain informed me. I turned on the light because suddenly I realized how crazy it felt to ramble in thought in dark.

_That does not make any sense either_, the same part informed me.

_Oh shut up!_. This time, I told it to lay off.

Maybe write a letter to kill some time?

To whom?

Dad?

Billy?

Some friend?

One by one, I discarded all of these options.

Or maybe, I could write Dad? I was not sure I could write him objectively right now. I was not feeling right in the head. I felt that I would spill my anger and shame on the paper and did not know if I wanted that. Being face to face and saying all that needed to be said was one thing. Writing it down was altogether another. Maybe just write him about BJ this time?

Suddenly, Dad was telling me what a rotten, selfish son I was. He was yelling at me at the top of his voice. BJ was standing next to him, yelling at Peg for cheating on him and leaving him all alone. His clothes were soaked in blood. Peg was hiding behind me, crying and was wearing a wedding gown with veil on her face and Army boots on her feet. Dad was wearing his scrubs with blood on them too. I was trying to keep Peg safe from BJ while BJ was latched onto Dad, who was struggling against him. It was very noisy and loud and suddenly, I saw Erin standing by the side, holding a fishing rod, _my fishing rod_, shedding silent tears, wearing _my_ clothes, the ones I wore when I fell into the pond and Billy saved my life. Next to her was the little boat that Billy and I used to fish in those days and then, Billy appeared, putting one hand over Erin's shoulders, trying to console her. I just knew it was Erin even though the kid was at least six or seven years old. She had black hair and light colored eyes. Part of my mind informed me that her hair was a peach fuzz. It was too loud and I was telling them both to shut up. I was trying to explain to Dad how Olivia was just not good for him because Mom loved him more than Olivia did and then I yelled at BJ that Peg loved him more than she loved Stanley and I saw them both lunge at me and started shaking me, screaming at me, calling out my name.  
"HAWKEYE! HAWKEYE! WAKE UP, GODDAMNIT."

Suddenly, I saw BJ staring at me from a distance of less than two feet holding my arms very tightly in his hands in a vice-like grip. I tried to move backwards before realizing what had just happened.

"Oh, hi!"

My heart was still racing.

"Hi." He took a step back, letting go of my arms. "Nightmare?"

"Huh? Uhh, no. Not really. Well, kinda. I don't know. What are you doing here this late?" I did not know what to tell him about the dream I just had. I did not know what it meant myself.

"Its not late. Its early. Like really early. Like six in the morning early! When did you go to sleep? I remember turning the lights off when I left last night."

"I don't know when. And you know, seeing you last thing before going to bed and then waking up to see you as the first thing in the morning is kinda...disturbing, I guess. And speaks so much for my dismal lack of social life. What are you doing here? Want to catch the bug? I can kiss you and save you the visits if you want!"

"I would rather be kissed by a tarantula."

"How about a lobster? And you did not answer my question."

"Brought you your breakfast."

"Why? Anybody else could have done it. I am not so fortunate as to be ignored by the torture known around here as 'food', am I? Potter saw to that!"

"Consider it an apology. I am trying to make up for last few weeks."

" By bringing me _food_? Do you even know me? And I thought you were my friend. So much for my assumptions!"  
"In case you haven't noticed, which most obviously you haven't, food has taken a turn for the better. I don't know how it happened but cook is actually trying to cook, for a change. So just, for once, eat what you got without complaining. OR sniffing!"

"I cannot eat without sniffing it first. I have explained it to someone else not so long ago which reminds me, now that everybody feels obliged to visit me or watch me eat, I am feeling like a caged chimpanzee. And everybody has to comment on how I eat or why I sniff it. I have to announce it on PA system today to tell them all to leave me alone. I am sick and tired..." And then I remembered my thoughts from last night about either being sick or tired.

" And I thought you would never shut up. Is this what keeps you awake at night? Coming up with arias to annoy the hell out of the sorry figures trying to give you some company?"

"What? Uhhhh, yeah. I need to improve these skills, ya know. For future purposes. Have you been discussing me behind my back?" I asked suspiciously.

" Who? Me? You kidding? I have been busy lately. Too busy to even think let alone talk about you." He said with that undertone of guilt and apology that I did not much like.

"Yeah, I noticed. Hey Beej! How does your day look like today?"

" The usual. Why?" Now _he_ asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. Just wanted to talk to you whenever you had some time today. So just drop in when you can, Okay?" I thought I would tell him what I had been thinking and maybe get him to feel a little better even though he seemed like a different man already.

"How about now? I have plenty of time right now. What is it?"

"Nah, not now. You seem to be in a relatively good mood. I don't wanna ruin it or your day, for that matter." I said dismissively.

" I was in a good mood even before I came here yesterday and you don't have to worry about me. My mood is just fine!"

" Yeah? About that, ummm, I need to talk, alright. I have been thinking. That's the only thing I am doing right now. I need some advice on something personal. So be a good sport, for old times' sake!" I said somewhat mischievously, trying to make him smile. It was not really a lost cause after all. He smiled before getting serious again.

" Listen Hawk! I have been thinking too. About what you said. Part of me agrees with it but its a tough pill to swallow. I know...I _hope_ I am wrong but I know her. Not like she would run to the next man who crosses her path but...Its like, I am not there. She is lonely. And she is beautiful. And she is never evasive. She tells me everything. EVERYTHING. So when I think about all that and then I think about her last couple of letters, it feels like she is hiding something. And because there is nothing to hide, not from me...unless...Unless its something like _that_. I don't know, Hawk. I am torn. And afraid. Scared. What if I am right? Even the possibility is killing me. So... so I just don't know. And this is something I cannot talk to anyone about. Its just too hard..."

All my mischief and the effort to make him smile was gone by the time he stopped talking. I knew, how much he was hurting. But it was distant till now. And it was all a load of speculation. But now, I could feel the very visceral fear he was feeling.

"I think I know..."

"NO, you don't! You can never know what it feels like so don't say what you don't know. OR mean."

" Damnit will you listen? I know you are the most miserable person right now. Right now, your life sucks. I don't know how you are dealing with any of that because frankly, you are not used to that. Neither am I. So I am not qualified to tell you how to deal with any of this. That is why I need you to spare me sometime when you can. I have something important to tell you. Just not right now because you are not listening to my voice let alone some form of advice. And I thought I could ask you for some help about something personal... But hell! Now go before I lose it completely, damnit! And take the damned tray with you." I think I did a good job faking the anger. It was not all faking because sometimes, this self pity really got to me. Nobody liked being here. Nobody had it easy. All I knew was that everybody felt he was the worst off because of the war. But was there a way of quantifying individual misery? Maybe I had it the easiest. No ties, no nothing. Or maybe that was my self pity talking.

"I will come later. And I am not taking the tray with me. Either eat it or throw it away, I don't care."

And that was when I did lose it.

"NEITHER DO I!" And threw the tray across the tent.

BJ left without another word.

_Perfect!_

So much for faking it.

P.S. Next chapter might be up rather soon. Its too long and I am unsure how to splice it. So I just might discard it in which case, new chapter might not be up too soon. But then, there is always a possibility that I would neither splice it nor throw it and just end up posting it.

OK, enough talking on my part. My fingers need rest.

Ciao.


	28. Chapter 28

I spliced it!

I won't ask for feedback because asking would raise my expectations and since you won't fulfill them, I will feel bad and sad. Well, I won't but it is a remote possibility so why put myself through the grindstone?

So read it and don't review it.

Chapter 28

I decided to go find Radar before I decided to not give _that_ a damn either and later, regret it. The call was already past overdue.

Radar jumped when he saw me in the outer office. His reaction would have been funny if it were not for my acute lack of sense of humor. However, any other reactions that I saw on my way paled in his comparison. The speed with which he went to cower next to file cabinets was amazing.

"I won't bite you. Relax! Just need to put a call through to Crabapple Cove switchboard. Can you do it or I ask Sparky personally?" His glasses were fogging, how, I did not know.

"But..." He started telling me something but I was not in the mood for that. I needed that call and I needed it now.

"RADAR! I Want That Call and I Want it NOW. Now put the damned thing through." I started moving towards him. If it meant pulling him towards the phone to push him to make it...

"Captain Pierce, Sir..."

"Don't _Cap'n Pierce _me. I want you to put the damned call through. NOW. I NEED to speak to someone. URGENTLY!"

" I _know_ you do. Col. Potter already told me to do it as soon as possible. But all lines of communication are down in this sector. I will place it as soon as they are up again and bring the phone to you in your tent." He was angry. Or scared? He was at the verge of crying, I think. Or maybe willing to get _physically_ emotional, as he once put it. Col. Potter, on the other hand... My respect for the commander just increased many folds. Last thing I had expected from him was to be this perceptive. He did deserve better from me than what he was receiving lately.

I was embarassed now. All I could do was utter a groan of understanding and guilt and shame.

" Now can I use my office again?" Came the very angry voice of my little friend.

_Pierce on the roll!_

" Uhhh, yeah! Thank you Radar. And I am sorry for... Tell Col. Potter I said _Hi_!" I shook my head and left the outer office. That was embarrassing.

_Now what?_

Feeling rather deflated, I started trudging along Broadway without thinking. I already hated the feeling of helplessness when it came to my work in Korea where no matter what I did, results remained almost the same. Or got worse. And yeah, sometimes... the one time when I did feel a connection to a woman, I felt this sort of helplessness. But with Dad, this was the first time. I did not really know how to explain what I was feeling about all this. And the inability to control what was happening along with the inability to control what I was thinking was hard to cope with. Part of me told me to leave things alone and let them be, BJ, Dad and everybody else. This was the same part that, when furious, told me to tell them all to go to hell. But I could not do that. I couldn't **not**__do anything. But what to do? That was the big question. And it was driving me nuts real fast.

If only I knew someone who could tell me what to do. I knew nobody could and that just added to the frustration. Surgery was a good cathartic process for me when faced with such existential questions but right now...

I kicked out at a a small rock lying on the ground and realized I had walked rather far off from the camp. I was much closer to the side that faced the hill side with the chopper pads to my right. Radar would hear them before I would, I thought, feeling the quintessential rambling beginning.

_Oh, well! Whatever keeps my mind off of ..._

I picked another rock and threw it as far as I could. That felt good. Reminded me of some good old days too. Joint pains were all but gone and even if they had not, I couldn't not care less. I should have brought my driver here. I could whack some golf balls and feel better, perhaps. But for now, throwing rocks was the next best thing. Dad had given away my golf set. I hoped that the person he gave it to would return it unless he gave it away in charity. That would have been awful fast if he had given it to some charity. That meant he was already mentally prepared for some such possibility.

_Who are you kidding?_

Of course he was prepared. Maybe not so much prepared as trying to brace himself for any such possibility. All our letters and talks remained lighthearted bordering on jovial and sometimes even silly but there was an undercurrent and we both knew it and we both evaded it and talked around it.

_That I might not go home again._

The only time we faced it was when that morbid son of a... It was not his fault -the morgue fellow who came to inform me of my death, _Digger_ - that was when we did sort of faced the fears. Actually, he did. I did not. I was too busy being guilty and worried about him suffering through this SNAFU.

_Stop being morbid. You are not on the front and you are a life saver, not a killer. _

Lets hope Koreans afford me the same courtesy as I do to myself!

Where was my Caduseus, by the way?

Sun was pale and shivering with the cold. Or was it just me? Cold felt good though. Had the nostalgic feeling. Cold in Korea was the only thing common with my hometown. And that too, in theory alone. There were no trees on this side of town. And trees that did survive the bombings never turned those colors that I was used to. And the rugged, almost brutal coast. I would drive down there just to enjoy the scenery during this time of the year. And when my old car broke down. That was interesting, to say the least. Taught me a good lesson at a young age. Not to be an idiot by going out alone in weather like that. Take a beautiful blonde with you. If all else fails, at least you can share body heat! Maybe the same lesson applied to life in general. And of course, there was always a fire and a boiler and hot water and a really warm house. And the loud Thanksgiving with so much noise, followed by a louder countdown to Christmas.

"What are you smiling at?" I was startled. And almost hated BJ for ruining my perfect moment, my first perfect moment in so many days.

"Nothing!" I must have shown irritation or disappointment because he became apologetic again.

"Listen Hawk! I'm sor..." I cut him off before he even finished.

"Forget it Beej. Just give and receive a blanket apology to last a life time. I wasn't too bright myself earlier. I won't tell you I know what you are going through and you don't discard my concern for you. Deal?" I reasoned calmly while bracing myself. Lately, I was having trouble figuring out his reactions and behavior.

"I can live with that!" He conceded and I took a very silent sigh of relief.

"Good. Now that's settled. I am glad we had this talk."

"How about the other way round?"

" Huh?" Now I was confused. And here I thought I had settled _something_. Or part of something.

"How about me not knowing what you are going through and you discarding my concern?"

"Oh! That. Well, for one, I never discard your concern for me. And secondly, add the clause 'vice-versa' to my earlier statement." I did not know where he was going with that. My problems were small and were somewhat distant compared to his and I could handle them without telling him and adding to his own. That was the only reason, or bunch of reasons why I did not feel the need to tell him whatever was bothering me, IF anything was, to begin with.

"I know you don't." He was sombre. I did not like his tone.

"Yeah? Then what's the problem?"

"I was in the Col.'s office earlier."

"Yeah. So was I. So?"

"I know you were. I heard the ...I heard you!"

"Oh, that! Yeah. I needed to call someone back home and the lines were down and I took out my anger on Radar before realizing it was not his fault. I feel bad about it, in case you are wondering. I have decided not to kiss him anymore as my way of apologising."

" Not just _him_!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What about throwing the tray across the tent?" I knew he would throw this one at me. How could I tell him why I did it when even I did not know the reason behind it.

"You made me angry. That was all. And it was the same anger that I took out on Radar too. Throwing tray was the effect and you were the cause!"

"Yeah?" God I hated that smug look.

"Yeah! Now, are you finished? I have a few more rocks to throw in the field before retiring for the day." And with that, I turned and picked the biggest, ugliest rock I could find and threw it across the field as hard as possible. I felt my arm leave the socket and fly away with the rock. It landed too far out because the cloud of dust was somewhat small. Where was this force coming from? I could throw a fifty yard ball in college but then I had to ice my elbow for a few hours. Maybe I should have had a fit of silent rage before I had gone out on the field back then?

Clouds were gathering and the temperature had dropped a good ten degrees since I came here. Windchill alone put the temperature in low twenties and we still hadn't received our supply of winter gear.

I picked another big one and threw it silently thinking, 'Here's to the Army'!

BJ just stood there watching me.

P.S. Next chapter tonight. Or tomorrow morning. Or maybe next week. Who knows?


	29. Chapter 29

Another one is here. Enjoy and like before, don't review!

Chapter 29

I thought he would leave now that I was ignoring him to the best of my abilities but he persevered.

"Mind if I join you?" Came the response to my loud ignore-you silence.

I made a noncommittal noise that probably died before it left my larynx.

"Lets see who throws 'em farthest. And I am not finished but seems you don't want to talk about it and I can...I can understand why you don't want to talk to me so I won't push you." He picked a rock and threw it across. It fell short of mine. I looked at him smugly before picking a new one.

"I will win! And what do you understand? Why don't I want to talk to you about something that I am supposed to be talking to you about?" The new one fell a little short of the first big one. Rage makes you really strong.

"You won't! You can't! And you won't talk because this is your way of throwing a tantrum." His throw sent the little stone ahead of mine this time.

" I will. And you know what they say about pissing people with big stones in their hands? _Don't mess with them!"_

"That's what they were saying when I messed with them? Damn, I never had it figured out till now. Thank God for smart friends. Mine went farther. AGAIN." I still thought it fell a little short of my first one.

"Your hearing is bad. All the blood goes to your feet and none to your brain. All your higher senses are messed up. And mine went way ahead." This one did go too far. Even the cloud of dust was tiny.

" You are jealous of my feet. And you did not answer my question.Damn!" I snorted and rolled my eyes. His stone fell much short this time.

" Jealous of your feet? Your feet? Ugh, I am too disgusted by this thought to even come up with something witty or appropriate. And you have lost squarely. You owe me 168." I cleaned my hands with my pants before shoving them in the pockets. Sun had completely disappeared and there was a heavy overcast with promise of rain or God forbid, snow. There was that stillness in the air that preceded such bad weather and I could feel my elbow starting to ache, compliments of an old injury. God, I missed home and the fireplace!

" How _is_ your nausea, by the way? _Hawk_! Everything alright?" He looked concerned. That look annoyed me but I did not say anything.

"Yeah. Yeah. Its fine. Just realized winter is here. My second winter. It might snow today, a concept you are not equipped to comprehend, understand or appreciate."

"I have seen snow. I am not coming from Mercury. Went to Vermont during our honeymoon." I felt a shadow pass over his face. Some of it lingered.

"You can come to Crabapple Cove once you are back home. Even stay with us. I can find you some room in the attic. You may have to clean up some raccoon pellets though. And Peg and Erin can sleep in the guestbed. I can show you some real snow. And some real deal winters too, though these are much worse. No. These **are** the worst winters I have ever endured, not discounting the day I almost froze to death because my car broke down on a back road in the middle of a snow storm."

"Cummon Hawk, it can't be that bad."

"You kidding? This is coming from someone who has suffered New England winters. Its the absolute worst of weathers ever. Only the peak of summer comes close to it. The tents are equipped to let all heat OUT during winters and let all heat IN during summers. Sometimes, the fuel and wood go so low, there just isn't anything to burn. Last year, they removed all stoves from all tents to heat up the post-op. And the snow boots never arrived. OR the heavy jackets. Lets see what goes wrong this time."

"Alright! Alright! I get your point. Can we move to warmer climate now? It has started drizzling and I have no intention of getting every warm piece of clothing I own all wet."

"Beej! Write to her and ask her to send you something warm." I gently advised.

"I will think about it. What was it that was bothering _you_?" Was that his way of hinting that if I wouldn't talk, he won't either? Or had my advice provoked the guilt again?  
"I was bluffing so you would spill your guts and stop being so damned miserable and a generalized pain in the ass. But apparently, you have found a middle ground where you remain miserable without being a generalized pain in the ass. Either that or my threshold for pains in the ass has gone up a few notches."

"Then what was the tantrum about?" We had reached the outskirts of mess tent. I decided to go in with him. Maybe a cup of coffee?

"What tantrum?" I asked him despite knowing what he was going to say.

"How many have you thrown? I am talking about the flying tray and the incident with Radar."

"There was no _incident_. I am homesick. Winters make me feel sad. And I am alone most of the day. So I just figured I should talk to some old friends back home and feel the winter over there. That was all."

"Yeah? You really think I am stupid, don't you? I have been blasé but I am not as stupid as you think I am. When you are homesick, you write letters. I think with all the spare time on your hands these days, you have written real long ones home so it's not something you wanna _say_. It seems more like something you wanna _hear_ and know they won't say it unless you make them spill it. Is it your father?" Clever! I knew I made friends with him for a good reason.

"Honest Beej. Its nothing. I...We had a little misunderstanding, me and Dad. And now...Its a little complicated. He is not talking to me like he used to. I may have hurt him. And if I don't fix it...I don't know. He is a big boy. He can take care of himself."

"_He_ is the big boy? Its more like _you_ are the big boy. What did you say to him? What happened?"

I did not answer him.

"Hawk!" I should have known. He was not going to leave me alone on this.

"Why do you want to know? What can you do about it? Nothing! And I am not trying to insult your concern or help. I have tried everything and I cannot find a way out of the mess so why tell you and get you worried too?"

"I won't get worried. And talking to me might not fix your problem but it might help you feel less overhwelmed."

"Thanks but no, thanks!" I waved my hand in dismissal as we seated ourselves in the mess with mugs of brackish coffee.

"You still not hungry?"

"No. I am back to my regular appetite now."

"What does that mean? You refused to eat even when you did not have hepatitis. How do you know you are better?"

"Before I was sick, nausea followed food. Then, I got sick and nausea preceded food. Now, nausea again follows food, meaning I am back to my normal. That is par for Korea, in case you haven't noticed

He just shook his head and smiled before taking a sip from the coffee. The smile vanished as soon as he took the sip.

"Who comes up with this torture day in, day out?"

I was feeling tired now and wanted to lie down but did not want to miss out on this really nice turn of fortune. BJ was talking and it was good to hear his voice again but the headache was building up rather fast. I decided to just leave.

I excused myself while BJ looked at me quizzically and left the mess tent but I had hardly moved a few feet when I felt bile rising. Right outside my tent, I threw up spectacularly. Completely winded, I entered my tent and just collapsed on my cot.


	30. Chapter 30

This is the last chapter for now. I have completely lost characters and it is more like I am writing about my personal life and problems than a fanfiction. I will get back to you guys when I am sure I have got the characters right and if not, I don't know if I will post any further. I will keep working on it and the day I get the characters right, I will start posting again but till then...

I am sorry!

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

First thing I noticed was the cold. The heater was not working to the best of my knowledge. My breath was fogging which was a pretty good indicator of the indoor temperature in this tiny tent. Second thing was even more unpleasant.

"Pierce!" He was standing in the doorway leaving it half open.

"What do you want? And either come in or leave. Its not really warm in here and your presence just adds to my agony."

"Col. Potter sent me to ...check on you. I have to examine you and let him know how you are doing."

_What the..._

"Tell him I am fine. Or, I was fine till you came in. Now go away and kindly close the door. Why couldn't he come himself like everyday?"

"Him and Hunnicut were called in to tend to some casualties that came in and I was the only one free who could examine you."

"RIGHT. Save the soldiers while _launch_ Frank on me."

"Pierce! I won't stand for this." There was a hint of pink in his pale face which meant he was ready to hold his breath or throw a tantrum. Or perhaps both.

"Then go away, by all means. I am not exposing my stomach to you. I have seen you operate and I like my viscera intact!"

"Pierce! You will regret everything that you have ever said or done to me. I promise you that."

"Go away Frank before I change my mind about kissing you. And..."

The door slammed.

"...don't slam the door on your way out."

_How rude!_

Col. Potter had made it a routine to come and examine me everyday for last few days since I was incarcerated. Tenderness was still there but nausea and vomiting had all but gone. When I had asked him to let me go back to the Swamp, he reminded me of one of my bunkmates and his hatred for me. He was not sure Frank would let me rest in peace and suggested I spent another few days in here till...I asked him about this random time frame but he just shrugged it off while I laughed at his concern. But he was right and after the way I flared up over nothing earlier today, I wondered if I could even stand Frank when I could lash out at BJ and Radar like I did.

I got up to check the heater situation. It was warm but dead. The gust of wind that accompanied Frank killed the flame. Cursing him and the winters under my breath, I went towards the door to see if there was anyone around I could ask for a matchbox from. It was snowing, not too heavily but it was early for Korea to even think about snow. This was going to be a purely torturous winter. I saw Frank and a slightly smaller figure talking not too far from my tent. Probably some nurse who forgot to give him the clamp he asked for and not the one he needed. Or some new kid who did not know the royal pain in the ass and forgot to salute or something.

"FRANK! TELL SOMEBODY TO GIVE ME A MATCHBOX. YOUR EARLIER VISIT EXTINGUISHED MY HEATER." Frank looked at me and acted as if he did not hear me. I should have known.

I went back inside, hoping for the other soldier or nurse to do the favor while I searched for something to light the fire with within this _VIP_ tent. After I had turned almost half the tent over, I felt the wind on my back and shivered. The door closed softly and I heard O'Hara's voice.

"Here!" And she handed me the matchbook.

"You are a savior! How did you ...Oh! You were talking to Frank and heard me."

"You sound like it was a bad thing that I heard you."

"That's not the bad thing."

"Then?"

"Nothing. Thank you, Lt." I took the matches and lit the fire very carefulll with my eyes almost closed. I could never forget the last time I tried to light a heater. Felt like such a long time ago.

"CATE, remember? We dropped the salutations and last names a long time ago."

"Yeah, Cate. Sorry. So, what brings you to Dr. Pierce's hovel, abode, palatial accommodations?"

"I don't understand you, Ben. At one end you don't seem too pleased that I was talking to Maj. Burns and at the other, you are still not used to using first names with me when everybody and his uncle calls you by your first name and you return the favor. I was even told that you used to call your previous CO by his given name too. So why this paradoxical treatment for me?"

"Its complicated!" I tried to evade the question even though I knew the answer too well. Even though I enjoyed her company, I found an air of slefrighteousness about her that made me cringe. And now she had met the ultinate authority on ill-placed selfrighteousness, Herr Burns. I was trying to stay out of her business as I was already neck deep in so many others as it was.

"He is not a bad person, Ben. Just very misunderstood. And after what Maj. Houlihan did to him, he is very lonely and everytime you pull a fast one on him he gets hurt."

_Wow!_

Seemed they had been talking lately.

" I don't want to hear anything about him and Margaret and I certainly am not interested in his portrayal of a boy scout and mine as the playground bully. You don't know him well enough. You definitely don't know Margaret or me. Its not that simple as he pretends it to be. Give yourself time. Give _him_ time. You will be surprised." I waved my hand to emphasize. I knew that given enough rope, Frank could hang anybody, and if luck beheld, himself.

"You think I am naïve?"

"I did not say that!"

" Gullible?"

"I did not say _that_."

"I did not say that!"

"You meant it."

"Don't put words in my mouth. I said what I said and that is it. He is a manipulating, selfish man and you are a pretty, sweet girl. Just watch it!"

"See, you are so condescending. I have heard the same about you too!"

"That I am a pretty, sweet girl? If I were you, I would disregard the rumor."

"I should have known. Your reputation is right on the money. Why can't you leave that poor man alone?"

"Are you sure we are talking about the same Frank Burns aka Ferret Face? Because if we are, then either _you_ are deluded or ...or you **are** deluded! If I start telling you the things he has done ever since we have been shot to this hell, you will be surprised."

"So what if he is a little strict about military discipline? Or that he is religious? I mean, some of us do need some form of regular, structured organization in our life to carry on with the stresses of our day to day lives."

"Are you seriously trying to change my mind about him? Because if you are, you ARE naïve. I have better ideas about using my time and changing my mind about Ferret Face ain't on the list."

"He finds peace in religion and discipline from the atrocities of war. Its better than drinking and gambling, if you ask me. Or chasing any skirt out here."

" Wow, he has done his homework well. Listen Cate! I don't need you to try and fix me or my beliefs or my habits. Secondly, He is an atrocity this war brought on us. Thirdly, women in this outfit don't wear skirts. The only skirt I have seen is on a pair of hairy legs belonging to one Maxwell Q. Klinger and the camp will vouch for me; I admire his dress sense and his fashion awareness but by God, I have never chased him or his skirt."

"Can we talk about something else, please? And I agree with Frank...Maj. Burns on dealing with Cpl. Klinger. He should be courtmartialed and sent to Leavenworth."

"By all means change the topic. I don't like it when someone insults my friends anyway." There was a flush in her cheeks which told me she got embarassed. I was glad to have finally gotten through to her. She was alright, despite her recitation of Frank's praises but if this kept on long enough, I was sure we would lose her to the dark side. Too bad my plate was full with impossible missions already or I would have tried to save her from Frank.

"Tell me about your family."

_Great!_

"I have two parents. A Mom and a Dad. Mom is a woman. Dad is a man. I am the son." I don't know why I used present tense for Mom. I did not delve in it either. What the hell!

"Can you be serious? I know that much." She laughed a little at my description.

"What do you want to know? Did a stork dropped me in the chimney or did someone left their baby at my parents doorstep because they could not put up with the little monster? Nothing to tell really. No brothers or sisters. An only child. Parents figured one was all they could handle when they found out about my talents. Two of my kind and they could write Crabapple Cove off the map."

"Nice name. I have never heard of it. Where is it?"

"Its in Maine. And don't worry. Neither has the rest of the US. Its a small town."

"You don't sound like a small town guy. They are shy, no?"

"I don't know. All of us were the same. Well, maybe not all. I could take lessons from a couple of them myself. What about you?"

"I am from Florida. My dad is a doctor and mom is a nurse. Older brother is in med school. I wanted to go to med school but they take too few women. So I joined nursing. There are two younger sisters. Still in school."

"You still want to be a doctor?"

"Yeah. I sometimes resent men who have it so easy."

"Easy? EASY? You are kidding, right? Its anything BUT easy."

"I did not mean the hard work part. I just meant...You won't understand. Very few men do."

"Yeah? Help me understand then." I was enjoying the conversation.

"You have to be sensitive to understand. Like Frank!"

"Frank is sensitive? Thats a new one. Don't tell him you said that about him or he might get offended."

"He knows how I feel and is a very supportive man, unlike some other friends."

"What? Uhhh, he understands women should be allowed to get into med schools? He told you that?"

"Yes. He encouraged me to study and apply once I get back to States."

"Bet he offered to help you with the lessons." I smiled knowingly.

"Yeah, why? You have a problem with that?"

"Me? NO. NO. Not at all. Maybe you will though, sometime in future."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Now she was angry. Maybe I had hit a nerve.

"Just be careful around him, Cate. Take it from someone who has lived with him for a long time. He is not as delightful as he seems to you."

"I heard the same thing about you, Ben. And the way you treat him, I think it should be you I should be careful around. I have to get to post-op now. See you!" And with that, she sprinted out of the tent.


	31. Chapter 31

Still unhappy about the way its coming out but hell, I have to post it all. My betas are asleep or worse, ignoring me. So here I go again. All feedback is welcome.

And please, if you find some form of compassion in your heart, let me know if you are even remotely enjoying this story and if I am getting the characters right.

Chapter 31

That was interesting!

I was enjoying a marvelous effect on people and was as surprised at that as they were. Part of me wanted this girl not to get hurt but the other, wiser, cynical part firmly told me to let her do as she saw fit and not butt in. For once, I agreed with its assessment and let things be. Frank had all the subtlety of an irked tarantula. Cate would soon come back to senses. Frank did have that sort of predictable effect on people and that never surprised anyone but the most naïve.

I was hungry after all. Not sure if it was a sign of losing it completely or getting better, I decided to go to mess tent and find out.

There was a fine layer of white on everything which was a step up from the olive green that always reminded me of an overflowing biliary fistula. The cold, however, was another story. I had to inventory my cold-weather supplies. That meant a head long dive in the footlocker. I could not believe BJ did not know about the deadly winter here. He seemed like the smart kind of guy, the kind I had never met in real life. The kind that thought of everything in advance and took care of things before they even happened. The kind that never left anything to chance.

Mess tent was full. But I had the same effect as Moses had on the Red Sea. The crowds parted, making way for me. I got some vegetables and some ambiguous looking brown stuff that was part beef part leather. At least thats how it sounded when it hit the tray. Creamed peas. Some bread that could have passed as tree bark. Every compartment was filled with something that was either indiscernible or inedible.

But I was hungry!

I looked around and saw my favorite major sitting alone.

"Move!" I told her as I sat myself at the table. And then appraised her more throughly. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes today. And sore noses...No. That sounds...You cannot be a sight to sore noses..." I was trying to come up with the right adjective before she cut me and saved me the effort.

"Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce in person, as we live and breathe. Howdy stranger! How come you are here? I thought you were having take out today?" She was smiling.

" Ah, the rapier-wit! I was hungry and was sick of the babysitters who force-converse with me to my detest, anguish and desperation, not to mention, at a detriment to my already limited patience. At least, this way, I don't have to look at the tray or the person next to me more frequently than necessary, right? And thats not the _only_ upside" I answered mischievously, mocking her tone while wiggling my eyebrows and looking at her with my most lecherous impersonation.

"I was going to get you something to eat today. Thank you for saving me the trip!"

" To what do I, or is it, _was I_ supposed to, owe the honor?"

"Its your mommy...Sorry! It was BJ. He asked me to make sure you ate. He was in Post-op and was not sure what with your recent tantrums and hissy fits, you would let anyone in your tent or not. So I was the scape goat."

"He has a flair for drama. Comes from living in California. Either that or the weather has frozen what's left of his tiny brain."

"What was the tantrum about?"

"There WAS no tantrum, Margaret. Would you believe me or that putty brain?"

"Of course I believe him. I saw O'Hara here and her eyes were red. And I know only two people who have that effect on my girls. And she came to the second one."

"Frank?"

"You don't seem surprised."

"I am not the first one but I don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure _that_ out. I hate to make women cry. Especially the ones with voluptuous bodies and readily kissa...OW! You broke my ribs!"

"She is young and stupid. And Frank is an old goat. I think you tried to knock some sense into her?"

"For a blond, you sure are smart." I chuckled at her correct assessment. "I could not let Frank take my place as the resident Romeo."

"These days, you are anything BUT a sweetheart."

"Try me! OWWWW. You are taking advantage of my incapacitation and chivalry. I can only feel sorry for..." I moved a little further before continuing, "for Donald."

" You _men_! You are all the same. Frank, you, Donald. Why can't I find someone like Col. Potter or BJ Hunnicut?"

"Margaret! They are spoken for, remember? And so are _you_, as I recall. And I take umbrage. You place me at the same level as Frank? If I were not so hungry, I would have walked out at this worst of the worst insults."

"Oh stuff it, Pierce! You maybe better in some ways but in the rest...Frank at least...forget it!" The shift in her mood was not unusual but still, it came somewhat unexpectedly.

"What happened Margaret?" I put my fork down and faced Margaret.

"Nothing. I am due in post-op. I have to go."

"Liar! O'Hara said the same thing. And I know for a fact that your shift CANNOT start before 3PM. So tell me what it is!"

"Why do men use women?" I knew there was no point denying it despite it being a generally wrong statement. She would balk and steam and seethe and hiss for many hours to come, if not days. Maybe I could get this out of her system.

"I don't know."

"See!"

"See what, Margaret?"

"Look at you. Smart, good looking, great sense of humor and a promising career, and yet, uncommitted. Why are you still single? Is it the _smart_ in you that tells you not to get too involved?"

" I have no idea my personal life evoked such interest in you so give me time to think and come up with an appropriate answer. But for the record, I don't do it on purpose. The _not getting involved_ bit. It just happens. I think women are smarter than you give them credit for! They see in me something they don't want to see in their betrothed."

"Then why do you flirt and ...and you know!" She blushed. I had no idea where she was coming from and did not know how to respond to this. My personal life had suddenly become a hot topic in the camp. Something was not right!

"Uhhhh, because!"

"Because?"

"Yeah! Because. Now can we move back to your personal life and leave mine alone?"

"_You men!" _She started leaving but I held her hand and stopped her.

"Maybe I am not the best person you can talk to. But, just so you know, you can talk to me. Anytime! Any place."

"Like you talked to O'Hara?"

"Maybe." I winked. She smiled.

"Idiot!"

I let her go, hoping she would act smart this time over. Frank was the worst thing she could opt for and she did. I just hoped time and experience improved her judgment. I finished the now cold food which did not taste any better or worse than before. That alone was a huge improvement because according to the canon, the food quickly decomposed once it entered the mess hall. There were eye witness reports of people who saw the lettuce wilt and turn from an ambiguous green to a deep shade of brown while they were standing in the chow line.

Without work and any soft company, the rest of the day was already appearing to be a long, dreadful exercise in boredom.

I remembered a pair of knitting needles and a ball of wool that I made into a perfect ball not so long ago. It was time to knit something and be constructive. A nice sweater for BJ, not the one like cousin Susan knitted me last Christmas. Maybe BJ could use it next winter. I was not going to get finished before that. Or maybe he won't need it next year, being back in Mill Valley and all. But he would need it if he came to see me in Crabapple Cove. Or Augusta?

Before the war, I could never imagine missing the winters. Fall, yes. Alright, a little snow too. But still, it was there every year. I never thought I would be away from it. Of course I never wanted to move South despite some really good job offers in places where winters meant temperatures in the range of 50s and 60s. And real, sandy beaches, not the coastal areas we had. I loved it but did not know I would miss that all so bad.

But now I knew better.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"Captain Pierce!" I heard Klinger's voice before I had even opened the door to the Swamp. I turned to see the most amazingly mismatched fashion atrocities on Klinger. And the stench was awful. For someone from Toledo, he sure had a real intolerance for cold weather. I wondered how he survived there during winters.

"Yes, my beaky prince?"

"Col. Potter wants to see you. Pronto."

"What happened to your dress sense? You look like The-Scarlet-Pimpernel-meets-Teddy Hesh."

"I am on garbage duty..."

"So you decided to put some on to blend in? I can smell some rotten fish and spinach mixed with dried leaves and...potatoes, yes. Nice perfume! Mulch a la Sewer! Starting your own line, I presume!"

"Very nice, Hawkeye! While you sit in your cozy tent, I am freezing my ass out there and need all the warmth I can get. My nose is frozen."

"Its size rules out any effective circulation." I smiled mischievously, "Hey! Thats what they told us in Med school, alright!" I raised my hands as I saw his expressions.

"You are wanted and the old man is not in one of his best moods. I have to go get some chow before going back to the dump. Don't know which is worse." He mumbled something in Arabic while waving his arms around.

I entered the outer office and say Radar's back disappearing into Col.'s office so I naturally followed him in.

"...Cap'n Pierce here to see you sir!"

"Send him in. I really need to set him...Aha, so you are already in. Dismissed."

Radar stayed while I turned about face and started leaving.

"PIERCE! I am not in the mood for cute. Radar, I need to speak with the captain. ALONE. No physical for the wall and no interruptions. If there is anything you need to know, I am sure the Captain will gladly disregard my advice and fill you in. Dismissed!"

This sounded bad.

"I did not do it!" Sprawling on one of the chairs while putting up my legs on another, I spoke as soon as Radar left the office and Col. Potter returned to his paper work.

"I know!"

"You do?"

"Yes!"

"Then what am I doing here? I hate detention. Personally, I prefer suspension over detention." I got up to leave.

"SIT DOWN, PIERCE. And stop horsing around! I know you have been in detention long enough. I have no intention of putting you back in there any longer than necessary. That's not what I called you for."

"OK. You have my extremely divided and fleetingly sketchy attention now. Could you stop being Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes at the same time? The suspense is killing me, not that it needs any hard work right now."

"Frank was here earlier."

"The prodigal son!"

"I did not hear that. I made a personal request for you to go easy on him not so long ago. Why do I have to keep reminding you of that request again and again?"

"He was trying to grope me!"

"PIERCE! I did not hear that either. I need you back in the OR sooner than you would want. We are expecting a heavy pre-Christmas push in more than one sectors and that would mean a murderous winter. Between your tantrums and your illness, you have added to my gray hair more than I expected you to. I sent that horse's patoot to help you make nice but you are not the one for subtle hints, are you?" He was controlling his anger and I felt bad but what could I do. Frank just had the knack to push my buttons at the worst of times.

"But Col..." I started protesting but he cut me off with an angry glare and a wave of hand.

"Let me finish! With the push, we will be bombarded with casualties. Between you and Frank, we cannot muster even one semi-decent surgeon." That was it!

"Col. _I_ did not hear that. You want me to operate today, I will do it today! But don't you compare me with that..." He cut me off again.

_How dare he?_

" I know you can. And I was not _comparing_ you with him. I might be old but I ain't stupid. I just wanted you to stop pushing him around. And start taking care of yourself. Eat! Rest! Get better! Any questions?"

"Why not just shoot Frank and put him out of my misery? Better yet, why not just send me home so I can fix at least _something_ that is not entirely my fault and I am still held responsible for!" With that, I stormed out of the office.

_Between me and Frank..._

_Like it was my fault I got sick. And why did he have to make me make nice to him. _

I even forgot to ask Radar about the phone lines. I heard him call my name but ignored him. Of all the people, I did not want to take it out on him, not after the infamous _tantrum_ I had thrown earlier today.

"HAWK! Hawk!" I felt my arm grabbed and he turned me around. Before I could lash out or even open my mouth, " We got through. Hurry up before we lose the connection again."

I blindly followed him, not sure what he was talking about.

He shoved the receiver in my hand.  
"Pierce here, I need to place a call for..._Dad_, Hi-i-i-i." Forced greetings.

"Hey-y-y Son, How are ya?" Return of greetings, just as forced.

" I am good. Good. How about you? What's cookin'?" I glared at Radar and waved at him to go away or else. He left the office for post-op.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. See you got the stuff I sent you? These damned postal services, Pony Express was more reliable. And fast."

"Yeah Dad, thank you. And...uhhhhhh...about the postal services, I wrote you a letter a few weeks ago. I think mail people lost it or something. I mean...I just wanted to say that I was really happy you found that lady. How is she doing?"

_Damn!_

Radar could not have done this favor at a worse time.

"Oh. She is fine. Fine. We did not hit it off all that well. Did not work out as expected. You know how its is with women. Unpredictable. She may move back to where she came from. Says its too cold here. And lonely. You know, with all the snow and everything. Not everybody is like your mother."

_God I hated this._

I could feel the pain in his voice. He had told me more than he knew.

" Listen Dad, I don't have a lot of time so let me get to the point. Just for future, don't wait for my approval. Find someone and just be happy, alright? _Dad_?"

Line had gone dead.

I slammed the phone down and left the office.

This was the perfect ending to a perfectly miserable day. And I did not know if it could get any worse. I sincerely doubted it!


	33. Chapter 33

Here we are with another one. Enjoy it while it lasts!

And again, thank you for ignoring me completely except for Animesoul and Hypermint, whom I thank for not ignoring. What a wonderfully grateful guy I am, you wonder!

Chapter 33

I did not know what to do. I did not know where to go. I did not know what to feel. All I could come up with was anger. At this war. At Dad. At Col. Potter. At Radar. But I was angry at myself the most. Why did I have to screw things up like this? And if I had to, why the hell could I not handle them?

What if I were a plumber? What if I worked on a real assembly line in Detroit? Or an oil refinery? They wouldn't have drafted me, right?

_You don't know that._

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW??

Nothing!

I know nothing.

_Attention all personnel. This just came in. UN forces and North Korea have reached an agreement that says that 38__th__ Parallel is the new Line of Demarcation. This is considered a major breakthrough and to celebrate this ostentatious occasion, dinner will __**not**__ be served tonight._

_Great!_

Took them a year and a half to define the borders. How long before they decide to cease fire? To stop killing each other? Killing _us_?

_I will never get out of here._

No, Sir!

I am not getting out of this war alive. I just know I am not.

_Have you ever felt this lousy?_

No. Never.

_What are you going to do about it?_

I don't know!

_Who knows?_

I don't know!

_This will not get fixed on its own._

Thank you for your reassuring presence!

The expanse in front of me could have been anywhere in the US. Why did it have to be so far away? Why did it have to be in the middle of a war? Why did _I_ have to be in the middle of a war? This could have been somewhere in the foothills of Appalachians or Rockies. Or Smoky Mountains. Or It could have been anywhere but it **had** to be Korea.

I had to do something, anything to stop me from going crazy. I thought I could fix it with the call. I thought I could call Olivia first because I knew my Dad. He would never go back to her after humiliating her emotions on my account. But Col. Potter had to butt in. And Radar had to be the most efficient company clerk in the history of efficient company clerks.

I couldn't do anything and that was the fact.

There has to be something...

"Hawkeye!" I was startled. It was Father Mulcahy.

"Uh, Hi, Father!"

"We have been looking all over for you. Didn't you hear the PA announcements?"

"Just the one about 38th Parallel. Why?"

"Col. Potter went to examine you and did not see you in your tent and sounded the alarm bells. And this news is a few days old, I have been told."

"Why the alarms? I am not six. No offense, Father, but I want to be alone right now." The concern infuriated me to no limit. It was the same concern that just made my life a whole lot more difficult than it really was only an hour ago.

"Hawkeye, its cold. Can you please be alone in your own tent?"

"No Father. Its not that cold. And I don't want anything to do with the camp right now. Please leave me be and don't send troops after me. I am all grown up and don't need this concern!"

"I cannot. Whether you like it or not, we ARE family and I am concerned about you, just like everybody else whether you need it or not."

"FINE! Then I will leave!" And with that, I stormed off.

Back at camp, everybody had turned in. It was getting dark already.

I saw the man I was looking for.

"RIZZO! I need a vehicle with snow tires. NOW."

"Hello Cap'n Pierce. Col. Potter has ordered all personnel to stay put till weather clears..."

"Rizzo, I was not asking you. I need a vehicle. Either you give it or I take it myself." His reluctance only helped me reach a decision quicker. I went towards motorpool and found what I needed. Good thing nobody tried to stop me. I was not sure where I was going but I knew I was not staying _put_.

_Not very smart_, I thought. But I had used up all the _smart_ I had in one day and was interested in finding out what 'stupid' would do for me.

The road had gotten bumpier over past few weeks. I remembered my last trip down the same track and just knew where I wanted to go.

The Korean Family with a permanently surprised look and my little exchange with them about whether the kid knew where Uijeongbu was.

_Does she know where Uijeongbu is?_

_Uijeongbu?_

_Oh, Great!_

I could never forget that fearfully comic situation. I felt cracking of the stiff facial muscles as I couldn't help but smile.

Road conditions demanded my full and undivided attention and kept my mind off of everything else in the world. Even with effort, I could not focus on anything but keeping the wheels on the road.

Hardly five miles out, I saw the first road block.

"Yes Sergeant." I asked nicely from the Sgt. who approached me.

"Can I see your identification please?" Of course there was no caduceus and no captain's bars. All I had were my dogtags and a lot of verbal manipulation.

"Captain Benjamin Pierce, 4077 MASH. There is a medical emergency down in one of the Korean aid stations and they requested help. I am a surgeon and need to get there as soon as possible." I showed him my dogtags and the verbal waltz, whatever blitzed him was anybody's guess.

"We are not aware of any Korean medical stations in nearby areas."

"Maybe you need to talk to your superiors. Meanwhile, every minute you waste might mean a wasted life so let me through and save a few lives!"

Reluctantly they let me through. I could have tried the _around-the-roadblock_ routine but in this weather, that was positively _counterproductive_, someone from Basic shouted in my ear.

My first victory in days and my first real action in a very long time filled me with a new energy. I considered the possibility that the family had already fled the area because of some heavy fighting in the area a few weeks back but with two sick kids and a new baby, I hoped they hadn't. And then felt guilty. That was the worst thing they could have done, staying there. How come I never thought of this before? I could have sent someone...

The huts were dark and lifeless. They had been bombed. I stopped the jeep recklessly and got off, falling spectacularly. Could have been funny had the situation not been so grave suddenly. Rubbing my shoulder and side of head, remembering the similar albeit less severe injuries those many weeks ago, I entered the closest hut. The roof was gone and there was not a single living soul. The upside was, there was no possession of theirs lying around either. That meant they packed and left and did not have to hurry out of here. I could live with that. But the spark of life, of hope, that I came looking for never materialized.

Somewhat dejectedly, I returned to the jeep and turned it around to go back to the camp I was escaping. Col. Potter would definitely tear me a new one. I could see his doleful eyes full of disappointment. And then there was BJ. And Margaret. And of course Father Mulcahy.

The checkpost was still there when I got there.

"Back already?"

"You were right. It was someone's way of playing April Fool's Day on me. And to think I left a patient on the table to attend to this emergency."

"Of course! Some people just love to make a fool out of you. If I were you, I would hurry back. Your commander has sent an APB all over Korea for a fugitive."

"Of course Sgt. I shall get going. Who knows where that idiot is hiding and what he might do. So long!" And with that I amscrayed. A Sgt. with a funny bone. He belonged in Smithsonian's. Or American Museum of Natural History. Or _unnatural history_, perhaps.

P.S. Next one will be up soon since my Beta has a life, unlike me and cannot review the chapters I sent her/him where as I keep writing them!


	34. Chapter 34

So-o-o-o, here I am, again. Enjoy!

Chapter 34

_Best Care Anywhere._

I just got to the outskirts of the camp before I saw the sign perched on top of two precariously held together poles. And I got the best idea of the day. The claim needed some tweaking, some fine tuning and the hand of a Mastermind and it could be perfect. Perfection was my other middle name! But it had to wait. I smiled. This idea lifted the fog off my mind that seemed to turn everything into a mass of depressing gray.

I silently wondered about the blazing guns awaiting for my reception. The worst they could do was play it down. Not gonna happen. But I could not put it past Col. Potter. He knew just as well as I did that when all else failed, that look of disappointment really got to me. I hoped he did not use that on me tonight. The sudden idea that struck me on my way in helped lift my mood like nothing in last few days did. I could not do what needed to be done if he acted all hurt and despondent.

_I was not disappointed._

How about going to him myself and present myself as the culprit.

I parked the jeep right in front of his office and got off. Everybody was indoors. It was very cold so close to mountains.

"Hello Radar!"

"Hawkeye! You are back. Crimeny's sake. Where did you go? Boy you had us worried. I mean in this snow and all. Boy you scared us. Everybody was so worried, you know. It was like... BJ was so mad at you. And Col. Potter. You know, sometimes you really... Boy! I had been calling all outposts and I-Corps! We were worried something happened to you." He said with the concern only he could show for me. Especially after the way I treated him earlier. And then, in a stage whisper, "Col. Potter says he will court martial you and then hang you from the yardstick...uhhh, something yard, like on ships or something. But he was bluffing. I know when he is bluffing."

"Radar, I missed you too." I smiled and pinched his cheeks. That drive did something for me. It was like nothing had happened. Life was back to the normal state of chaos and abnormality.

"Eek! Hawkeye, stop horsin' around, will you. Jeez, eeeek, you had hepatitis. Yikes, now I will get it too. Aw Hawkeye! You are really something, you know." With that he stomped his feet before telling someone in post-op to tell Margaret, Father Mulcahy and BJ to come to Col.'s office.

"Are you finished with Pierce, Radar?" Came the booming voice from the inner office. Radar looked slightly unsettled. I made the sign of slaughter on my neck before entering Col. Potter's office.

"Yo! Dad, I am home."

"Keep your YOs to yourself. RADAR! Call Major Houlihan, Hunnicut and Padre to my office. Now!"

" Are you throwing me a welcoming party? Homecoming Party? I am tired. Can we do that tomorrow?"

I settled myself on one of the farthest chairs, hoping others would try and save my hide from the angry Col. What are friends for, right?

As I later found out, either this notion was wrong or they were not my friends.

"Feeling funny now, huh. I could give you the Royal welcome myself but they requested to be part of it so I obliged them."

"I know they love me but you take the cake!"

"Yeah. They do love you. I am thinking of putting you in the clink for a few months before telling them to send you back here, or if luck beholds, in some administrative position! What were you trying to do?"

"Why? Did you go out for a midnight stroll yourself before they put you in charge of 4077?"

"I may have committed some grave sins or God wouldn't have put me in charge of ... I have seen some pieces of work in my time but...Come on in. Meet the cowboy." Restrained anger. That was not necessarily a good thing.

Suddenly, I heard loud shrieking, a soft, restrained Father and a groaning BJ. Nothing made sense as they crowded me and talked all at the same time. I tried to look at Col. Potter but he was obscured by them. No wonder he did not mind my sitting in the corner.

Just as suddenly they started talking, they stopped as well.

The last thing I heard was a silently spoken 'The prodigal son returneth' from father.

"Finished?" I said as I glanced at Col. Potter. He just gave me a grin before changing his expressions to neutral again.

"_Hrmphhhhhhh_." That was the eloquent major. She moved towards the Colonel's desk, sitting to my side before springing up again.

"What happened to you?" She literally shrieked in my ear as her hands grabbed my head.

"When?" I asked. She started probing my head.

"He went crazy. I am amazed how you still fail to see that. You don't have to see his cracked head to see he is cracked!" Piped in BJ.

" I know THAT. Did you fall down?" The inquiry continued with the probing.

"Ye... OW." I got my head out of her hands. Remembering the damned fall, I realized I must have hit something and Margaret had picked on some smudge or graze.

"Did that happen before or after you went crazy?" Asked BJ while Father Mulcahy kept looking at me in silent fury. Or was it concern.

"I am not crazy." They all stared at me as if forcing me to come clean about my insanity.

"Try again." That was BJ. Col. Potter was watching this display quietly.

" Alright! I went a little crazy. We all do. So?"

"Do you have any idea how crazy you have been acting lately?" Would BJ stop with me and my craziness?

" Yes Hawkeye. My word, I was so worried when I found you earlier. And then you just fleeted. Do you have any idea..." _Not you too, Father!_

"Listen guys! Hold your...OW. Will you leave my head alone?"

"There's a bad gash here. Blood is clotted. And there is some dirt in it."

"Margaret, I will check it out after we are done with him." Spoke BJ, without much feeling.

"_Done_ with me? What is that..." Col. cut me off.

"Let Burns handle it." Spoke Col. Potter.

They all snickered and the mood lightened suddenly.

"I won't let him near me!"

"Yes you will. That's your punishment. And my order!"

"Yeah. Not a bad idea." That was Margaret. And I thought she cared.

"Col. Don't you think it is a little too extreme, putting him under Frank's supervision? I mean I am all for punishing him...Stop looking at me like that. Do you have even the remotest idea what you did? And how it affected us? Affected me? Col.! Frank is a little too much, even for him." And with that, he shot me an angry glance but I saw his lips twitching. And I smiled myself.

"I will make it a democracy. Padre's vote will decide. And stop smiling, Pierce. Or I will veto your protectors and do as _I_ see appropriate." Even Col. Potter was having fun.

"I don't need any medical help. And it seems that all of you have finally run out of things to yell so I shall retire. My bed beckons." With that, I started getting up but Col. Potter cut me off.

"Pierce. I need to talk to you. Padre and Major, you can leave. Hunnicut, you stay!" His tone marked the end of fun time.

" Just in case my vote still holds any weight, I think _I_ should take care of his wound. But Major Burns is the next best choice. Goodnight Col., BJ. Hawkeye!" And with that he left the office.

"I will see if mess tent has something reasonable to eat. And we are not finished, Pierce!" With that, Margaret left as well.

Now there were only BJ and Col. Potter left.

"What time is it?" I had no idea what time it was but Margaret's rollers and Padre's robe meant it was a little late in the night.

"Almost eleven. So, what was this all about? " Col. Potter responded.

"That's a little late then expected. And you tell me. You were the writer and director of this act."

"Pierce!" The admonishing tone. But I was not sure what he meant by 'this'.

"Colonel. I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Hunnicut, take a look at the gash on his head. I am talking about the way you are behaving in general. And around me in particular. Were you bucking for a section eight?"

"Hold your head steady!" BJ told me curtly.

"Around you? Ow! And isn't section eight Klinger's fiefdom?"

"Repeating after me won't get you anywhere. How bad is it, Hunnicut?"

"Its a small gash. Nothing big but he will need a few stitches. Some dirt in it. Needs some cleaning up and maybe a tetanus shot." He sat down across me.

"I don't feel anything till someone rakes it with his thick fingers." I shot a poisonous glance at BJ before continuing, "I did not do anything _around you _. In fact, I tried to do as you told me but Frank just cannot leave me alone. I honestly tried." And I smiled inwardly at the little idea I had that switched my mood from glum to outright good.

"I noticed. The reason I asked Hunnicut to stay concerned you both. Camp follows your lead. Last few weeks, you two have been less than cordial to each other. I am not into prying so I left it to you both to figure out but when my camp starts getting affected, I have reason to worry. Pierce told me your problem was of a personal nature so I will not ask about it. But you, Hawkeye, you told me a little and then phone call this afternoon."

"Yeah. Ummmm, I am working on that."

"By leaving the camp?" BJ retorted.

"Beej, don't!"

"He does not know?" Col. Potter asked me.

"He does. As much as you do." I saw BJ's expressions change from slight anger to hurt. This was ridiculous.

"That means he knows squat. Care to fill us in?"

"You can tell Col. I can leave if you want me to." That was juvenile and idiotic but I guess I had hurt him by not talking to him. Why it hurt him was beyond me.

"Wait Beej! OK, here's the thing. My father met a woman. A war widow. They both hit it off. He waited for my approval. He never got it. And he ended the relationship."

"You told him to do that?" Angry BJ was scary BJ. I heard some menace in his tone.

"What? Are you crazy? I told him to stop waiting for my approval and to have fun. He never got the letter."

"Oh!" Comprehension dawned on both their faces.

"So that's what was bothering you?"

"You should have seen him earlier when he yelled at..."

"Radar, yeah. I heard that. I was in the post-op."

" If you want to keep talking about him, he can leave!" I asked them both.

"Just a few minutes more." Right then, Igor entered with a tray full of mess debauchery. I quietly accepted it to avoid any further argument.

"OK. So is that all?" Col. asked me.

"Is that all? He asks me 'is that all'." I looked at Potter incredulously and theatrically. Too bad they knew my playbook back to front.

"Hawk, stop being a drama queen. You know what he means."

Meanwhile, Potter poured himself and BJ a stiff drink each.

"I came across some footage from Col. Blake's time. Pierce sure has a flair for drama."

We both looked at him quizzically.

"Drama? Me?" I realized what he meant by 'footage'. It was the infamous documentary we made for Gen. Clayton.

"Your burlesque routine is not new to me, son. Now back to the sixty four dollar question. Besides your father, is there anything else?"

"Not really, no. Just that, being isolated and away from work has ruined whatever good feelings I did have for the war."

"Hunnicut, you have any problem with that?" Problem with what?

"No sir."

"Alright Pierce. I am moving you back to Swamp. I have checked the latest research on Hepatitis. The time you needed to be isolated was before you got jaundice. Now, it is only adding to my problems. And besides, after your excursions last couple of days, I doubt if anyone in the camp is left unexposed anyway."

So they had discussed me earlier, in my absence. I felt gratitude for both Beej and the Col. If it were not for them, I may have gone half-crazy after Trapper left. And Henry died.

"Thank you, Col." I felt genuinely relieved. BJ was quiet. I decided to talk to him a little later.

"Now one last thing, the reason why I made Hunnicut stay. You boys need someone to lean on from time to time. Just be there when the other needs you. And don't be a stubborn mule when it comes to leaning yourself. War is a bad business. If not for the camp, just for each other, act like grown ups! Dismissed."

_What a day!_

We both stepped out and turned in opposite directions.

"Hey Hawk! Where do you think you are going."

"To VIP tent. To get my things. Where are _you_ going?"

"You and me, we both, are going to suture room."

"Cummon Beej. Relax. It was just a small fall. I don't even feel anything."

"Hawk!"

" FINE Mother!"

And with that, we both started marching towards the suture room.


	35. Chapter 35

Here's the new one. It continues where I left the last one.

Chapter 35

"Maybe getting out of the camp was not such a bad idea."

"Yeah? You could have been shot. Killed. Injured. Captured."

"But I wasn't. Why can't you let it go? It was not such a big deal. Certainly did not deserve the big welcome party."

" All these people...All of us, we were...We were feeling guilty. Of course we shouldn't have been. Not any of them, anyway."

" Guilty? Why should they feel guilty? Why should _you_ feel guilty."

"For not realizing that something was not right. Yeah, yeah, I know. You did not want to tell them but what about me?"

We had reached the suture room.

Finding a place under overhead lights, I sat down while he got the instrument tray and a pair of gloves. He needed an assistant but he did not get one.

"All of you are crazy. If anyone is supposed to feel bad, its me. And since I have done a lot of that lately, I am not going to do it tonight. What's done is done and nothing can change that."

"Its gonna sting a little."

I yelped as he started cleaning it.

"A LITTLE? STING? Can't you inject some local before trying to kill me?"

"The bacteria will enter the bloodstream from unsterilized field."

"I will take my...OW...chances. Jeez."

"Don't be such a baby, Hawk. I remember a wise man saying not so long ago that it doesn't hurt at all."

"That was before you tried to kill me."

"Look at the bright side."

"Bright side? There's a bright side to this?"

"Yeah. Imagine Frank doing this. After all you have done to him. He would have loved driving a stake through this tiny gash right into your brain stem."

"Yeah. There's that too."

"STOP MOVING YOUR HEAD!"

"Yes mother!"

"So..."

"So...?"

"What was it really?"

"Huh?"

"Cummon Hawk. The mess with Dr. Pierce was just the tip of the iceberg. I know you better than that."

"Can you translate all this in English? I slept through Crypto 101."

"OK. All done. Anything else needs patching up? And I mean that it was not _just_ your father. OR me. You don't climb the watchtower because of a non-communicating friend or a non-decisive father."

"Oh! Yeah. Well, something like this happened a while back too. And I celebrated my success back then. I was a kid. And fought the idea of having him replace Mom with someone else. He respected my wishes and stayed single till last few weeks. He met this woman and wrote me about her but when he did not get any response from me, he figured I did not like the idea. And now he is single all over again."

BJ put his hands in his pockets and looked at me intently.

"I don't know what to tell you."

"I know. That's why I saw no point dragging you into this."

"Why did you leave like that today?"

"I don't know."

"Where did you think you were going?"

"Not sure." BJ raised his eye brows so I tried to explain, "I tried to escape. To see something that meant something. Explained why I was sitting here in this bug-infested hellhole doing nothing but running an assembly line of body parts."

"Yeah?" He raised his eyebrows. My speech went unnoticed.

"Went to see the family that cared for me when I had the accident."

"The one that caused the accident to begin with?"

We both laughed.

"Yeah. And then gave me hepatitis."

"Maybe it was their way of thanking you. Or warning you. From trying to run them over again. So you would leave them alone."

"Yeah. They had left. The place was bombed."

"Oh. Did they..."

"Yeah. Seemed like they got out in time. No pans or anything. Even Clarabelle was gone."

"Clarabelle? Oh..." He smiled as he realized what I meant.

"Just wanted to see my patients. And yours."

"I asked you if anything else needs patching up? I don't want to stay in this cold place longer than necessary."

"No patching up, I think. I slipped on an icy patch and fell sideways. Shoulder and my head took the brunt."

"Let me look at the shoulder then. And we can go home. Ferret face is doing Post-op tonight."

"There's no need..._Alright_."

Shoulder just had a large bruise.

"How was your PT today?"

"Nobody checked it today."

"Great! Lemme check it then. You don't want a hemarthrosis. Unless you _want_ a hemarthrosis."

"I don't. Unlike Frank, I prefer keeping pain a stranger. I can't take pain. I can only give it."

"OK. Then an X-Ray and a vial of blood. Where do you want your tetanus shot?"

"Have you ever received one in your arm?" I asked rhetorically.

"No. Turn around!" I followed the command. And yelped.

"Good God, Hawk! Girls make less noise." He theatrically rubbed his ear.

"For a medical man, you sure have magic touch. What did you stick me with? A poker?"

"Don't put on your jacket. Its wet anyway. Lemme get the blood first and then you can go to your tent and change."

He dressed the slight graze on the shoulder and took what looked like a lot of blood.

"Thanks Beej." I was shivering now. Even with the moisture, the jacket offered a lot of warmth. And now I had to go to X-Ray which meant braving the cold outside. Suture room was really cold.

"Here!" BJ gave me his jacket and pushed me out of the suture room.

"Gently!" I told him.

"Why? Does it hurt?"

"No. Because its _civil_. Unless you wanna teach Erin the how to push her uncle around." He just smiled.

"Feel any better? After your rendezvous?"

"What do you think?" I asked him as we opened the door to X-Ray. We heard some interesting sounding noises. I decided to sneak in on them but BJ and his 'civility' stopped me physically from doing it. He made a loud noise which halted all the other noises, apparently in mid-grope. The back door opened and then closed before Frank made his appearance.

"Voyeurs! Degenerates!"

"Aren't you supposed to be married, Frank?" BJ asked him with some heat.

"Mind your own beeswax, Hunnicut!"

"Who was the poor girl, Frank? It _was_ a girl, right? Beej, remind me to tell Radar to keep an eye on his animals. For paternity suits, etc." I looked sideways at BJ who, after a moment's heat was now barely controlling a smile.

"Pierce. I have yet to meet a more morally degenerate, defunct, pervert human being than you. And Hunnicut, I thought you were smarter than this."

"_This?_ Who are you calling 'this'?" I asked with a threatening edge in my voice.

And at the same time, BJ piped in with, "Beats being a Ferret face, right Frank?"

"Oh you-u-u, you-u-u..."

"Who are you calling a you-you, now?" I went close to Frank in a fake threatening posture as he backed off till he hit the wall behind him while BJ intervened to save his life by stepping between him and me, his grin going ear to ear..

"Let him go, Hawk!"

"Step aside Beej! He called me _'this'_ and then a you-you!"

"Frank, promise him you won't call him a you-you. Or _this!_ That was not very gallant of you to call him that. You know how he gets all worked up and cranky!"

"But he...Oh! Nerts to you both." And with that, he slithered out to the back of the X-Ray room and escaped.

We both howled in laughter and it took us a good few seconds before we could regain some control over ourselves.

"Old Ferret Face sure has his charms!" BJ exclaimed.

"Not to mention ten magic thumbs." And we both started laughing again.

Boy that felt good.

"Do you think...naaahhh!" BJ started but stopped in the middle, smiling.

"What?"

"Who do you think Frank was with?"

"Cannot be Margaret. Though she did mention his name with a longing today."

"NO, that's not possible. She couldn't be. You think thats because...Nah!"

"WHAT? You know something that I don't."

"Has Cate mentioned anything to you?"

"Cate? About? Oh! You don't think...Naahh!"

"Yeah. She seems smarter than that. Alright. Stand still."

"Now that you mentioned it...Tell me when I can move. She did say something about Frank. That he was going to give her _private_ lessons." And with that I snorted and heard BJ do the same behind the screen.

"Hold still, you idiot! Turn a little to your right. Push your shoulder back against the plate. Alright, one, two, three. Done! Let me get the tech. You can wait here or go to Swamp. I will see you there."

"I can go with you. We can swap notes." And we both snickered again.

"No, you go. I will catch up with you in the Swamp."

"Alright. Hey, wait." I took off the jacket and gave it to him. He tried to protest but I had enough of mollycoddling for the night.

Back in the VIP tent, I tried to find a jacket and then remembered that I had given the other one in laundry earlier in the week. Cursing under my breath, shivering in the cold tent as the heater was dead, I packed up my belongings and left for Swamp again.

If I HAD to be in Korea...

Whistling first movement from Beethoven's symphony no. 6, I went back to that dumpster I so lovingly called The Swamp!


	36. Chapter 36

Here's a short one. Next one is just too long and I might not be able to splice it. Read this one for the weekend and I might update it soon as I see some feedback!

Chapter 36

It felt good to be back in the Swamp. If I _had_ to be in Korea, there was no place better than this beauty. Alright, besides Seoul and Tokyo, which was in Japan anyway.

_Semantics!_

I was tired now. Lying back on my cot, the bumps and troughs of which I was intimately familiar with, a thought crossed my mind about how disturbing it was for me to actually feel at home anywhere in Korea, let alone a few miles behind the lines.

_There's no accounting for taste in a war zone. Or sanity, for that matter!_

I was gently rocked by this giant hand while I was lying under a beautiful Oak tree on a hammock trying to cover myself with something warm as the weather turned from very sunny and beautiful to extremely chilly and cloudy. The wind rocked the hammock faster. Even the tree was rocking and calling my name.

"Hawk!"

I woke with a start. It was BJ towering over me, blocking all light, hence the overcast.

"Up and at 'em, big guy!"

"Huh?"

"Dinner! Igor left it in Potter's office. It had gone cold till Radar heated it up again while I woke the tech up."

"You know what they say about people like you, right?"

"That the world would go bankrupt without us?"

"With friend's like you, who needs enemies." I started picking at food and was surprised, " Hey, this food isn't bad. Anything I knew in its previous life?"

"All I can tell you is, it ain't Clarabelle."

"You know, once, I punched Frank..."

"What? You punched our very own Frank? You used violence on Frank? This is the first time I have regretted not being here earlier." He was already laughing. I wondered how much Frank had annoyed him to make him all giddy just by telling him of a punch.

"Yeah, he struck me with a towel and I punched him in his face. Gave him a black eye. Margaret and Frank went berserk and Henry proceeded with court martial hearings. And I was treated with a water buffalo steak. That was the premise of the story." BJ laughed and laughed.

"Wow, what would they do if I slug him?"

"Maybe give you truckload of Adam's ribs and Congressional Medal of Honor on the side." We were both grinning ear to ear.

"Adam's ribs?"

"That's yet another war story worth telling. I have to be awake to tell it but the bottom line was, we, me and Trapper, flew in forty pounds of spare ribs from Adam's ribs in Chicago, the best ribs in the whole world. The only hitch was, by the time they were ready, we were hit by wounded and when I finally got to them, only the rib portion of the ribs remained. And yeah, I forgot to order coleslaw."

"Wow! That's some take out order." BJ laughed.

"Trapper made some calls to an old acquaintance of female persuasion to get them delivered. Good man, Trap. Really came through."

"You miss Trapper, don't you?"

"Yeah. A lot. He never even left a note for me before leaving." Then I looked into BJ's eyes. They had gone serious, contemplative, sad. "Don't think I compare you with him. There just isn't any comparison. Just like there is no comparison between those ribs and the water buffalo steak. Both are awesome." I smiled widely as I saw a grin break on his face too.

"Hawk!"

"Yes?"

"Thanks!"

"For?"

"Everything!"

"Thank me when you get home in one piece to your wife and kid."

"I am serious!"

"So am I."

"I don't know that. And you cannot be responsible for keeping me safe."

"I know. I am no good with guns or any of that army stuff anyway."

"Hawk! There's always a possibility I won't..."

"Beej, relax. Stick it out, alright. One day at a time. Some days are going to be harder and worse than others. But just hang in there, alright? And try to be safe."

"How about you?"

"How do you think I survive this sewer? All I have to do is...play poker and drink gin." I wanted to tell him all I had to do was turn to my right and see him there, on his cot but it felt too maudlin and sappy. And I could do with a break from melodrama.

"When was the last time we played poker?" I asked him, changing the subject with my usual lack of tact. The tray was almost vacant now. Heat had done wonders for food and one better for pudding. It could have been renamed 'puddle' instead of its more famous designation.

"We can talk about that tomorrow. I have to replace Frank in the morning." With that he stretched out on his cot and turned off his lamp.

"Beej, I am sorry!"

"'Night Hawk!"

"I will make it up to you!"

"Shut up Hawk! Lemme sleep."

"'Night Beej!" And with that, I, too, lied down. Suddenly, Korea was not as dreary as it was in the morning and the weather was not as cold as before.

_I just might make it through this war alive..._

With that cheerful thought, I switched my lamp off.


	37. Chapter 37

Hello people! I am back. Tomorrow or tonight, I will post a new one!

Enjoy.

Chapter 37

Sleep came fitfully. There were dreams of me walking in Manhattan, missing the A train to Queens because every time I tried to get on one, somebody from inside pushed me out before the doors closed. I walked from station to station, finally ending up walking from Fulton Street to Columbus Circle and saw the Maine Monument and heard music from somewhere close by. Bolero. Haunting and melancholy. It was coming from inside the park and I wanted to walk inside but I just could not.

Lack of inactivity on top of lack of booze made it obvious to me that unless I decided to start practicing for both Boston AND New York Marathons tomorrow, sleep would remain elusive. Finally, around five in the morning, I had enough of tossing and turning and the pushing and shoving and landing on my back outside the train had given me a slight backache. Shower and then maybe some breakfast seemed like the only things I could do even though I was not hungry on account of an extremely late dinner.

The day was already looking like a long exercise in boredom.

Plenty of hot water. Now that was a cause worth waking up early for if one could give up his love for crud. I thought about who would be up this early besides me. Col. Potter proved me right.

I interrupted my song long enough to greet him, "Yo Boss Man!"

"What's up with these Yos? And Boss Man? Have you started nipping at the still already? And mornin' to you too!"

"Its just cool and sweet and short. And you ARE the Boss Man, aren't you?"

"How is your head?"

"My head? That has nothing to do with the respect, Col. My respect comes from the heart, not head."

Already looking amusedly annoyed, Col. ignored my early morning cheer.

"Keep water away from your head. "

"Oh! I forgot about that. Good thing I don't shampoo my hair till Christmas."

"Good! " Col. Potter seemed quiet.

"Is everything alright, Col.? I mean...I am sorry about yesterday. I should have been smarter."

"Yeah, you should be sorry. And yes, you could have been smarter. You know why I let those three come and scream at you last night?"

"Because you didn't have the heart?" I spoke before I had the chance to check my tongue. Col. Potter just glared at me. I kept my peace till he spoke again.

"Wanna try again?"

"Why? I tried to think about it but could not understand. Seemed too theatrical coming from you." This time, I spoke the truth. It was uncharacteristic.

"Good thing you asked. One was the obvious reason. They asked me to let them know as soon as you returned or any news of you came in. But more importantly, it was to let you see how much they care...Hold it, let me finish. You know it now, as well as I do if you are half as smart as I think you are, that the unit loves you. They see you as their hope. They care about you more than they care about anybody else in the camp and that includes me. And you return the favor too, I have to admit. You and Hunnicut are the informal morale boosters. So when your morale is down, believe me, the camp suffers."

"But how is it my fault? And all I do is crack jokes and play pranks. How can they see me as a sign of hope? WHY should they see me as a sign of hope?"

"Maybe you remind them that you don't have to be home to feel alive again? I don't know Hawkeye. That's how it is. They don't 'see' you as hope. You 'give' them hope. And without even realizing it."

"Even if you are right, how does that explain the welcome I received last night?" Now, I was feeling a little angry again.

"Pierce. They just represented the camp. Its like this; they are down, they see you, they know there HAS to be a way out of despair. When they see YOU in despair, they know there is NO way out of this. That's too much to ask from someone, I know. But you know, there is an upside."

"Yeah?" Now, I was feeling really hot.

"Yeah! That means that when it is hard for you, you have another family to be there for you if you need them! All you have to do is ask."

I could not tell him that I knew that. Part of me did, anyway. This was a great bunch of people to be stuck in hell with. It could have been much worse and it wasn't. But I could not talk to them. Maybe part of me liked the attention I was given. Part of me craved for it, I suppose. But I could not take the responsibility for a whole camp. And I could not make them responsible for my well being either.

I decided to kill this uncomfortable conversation with a noncommittal nod.

"Nice lookin' shiner you got yourself."

"Huh?"

"Your shoulder. I did not know about that. Tell Hunnicut to check for your PT. You don't want hemarthrosis."

"He sent blood for it last night."

"Is everything alright, son?"

"Yes, Col. Everything is fine. See you later." With that I left the showers wondering if it was his way of manipulating me into not becoming reckless again. That was the only thing that made sense and it made me angry. Like being guilty at letting Dad down was not enough. Now the camp and not letting it down was my responsibility as well.

It was too cold outside and by the time I got to Swamp, I could feel icicles on my body. BJ was still asleep. He did say something about relieving Frank in the morning but I could not care less about Frank's relief. Beej was up till late last night and deserved a few extra minutes. After drying myself and putting on some clothes which appeared clean if you had a good imagination, I left for mess tent.

After getting some breakfast, I pulled out paper and pencil and started composing a letter to Dad.

That was the decision I had come up with sometimes during last night and now. It was not supposed to be such a big deal. And it wasn't. So I started writing. I had barely written a couple of paragraphs when I was interrupted.


	38. Chapter 38

As promised!

Chapter 38

"Look who's here." I looked up to see both Col. Potter and Margaret standing at the table.

"Hello Margaret."

"Hello Pierce. Good to see you here."

"Thanks."

"How are you now?" Asked Margaret as Col. Potter just sat down quietly.

"Good as ever, as you can see."

"GOOD! Because I did not want to feel guilty when I..." She started off heatedly but I curbed her enthusiasm in the bud.

"Margaret, I am sorry. About yesterday. That was not the brightest idea I had."

"Damn right, buster! Sorry Col."

"That's alright, Major. I think he has learned his lesson, right son?"

"Yes sir! I have." Again, unwilling to get into a pointless discussion or worse still, disappoint Potter, I decided to just go along.

"You are not eating. Everything alright?" Margaret again.

"Margaret, will you stop worrying? Everything is alright. Better, actually. I had a late dinner and then, here, I just got busy writing and forgot!" They both looked at me suspiciously but decided against butting in.

"There maybe something that might cheer you up, son."

"You are sending me home?"

"No..."

"Tokyo?"

"No."

"Then it won't cheer me up!"

"I am thinking of letting you return to work next week." I started opening my mouth in response but he held his hand up, signaling me to shut up. "Hold on, let me finish, just post-op and triage for now. No surgery for next three weeks." He was looking serious but I had other ideas. That was the best news I had heard in a long time. I grinned from ear to ear. Margaret gave me a broad smile herself.

"Thank you Boss Man, sorry, Col. Potter Sir!" This time, he couldn't help but smile.

"Pierce, you are impossible!" Margaret spoke, in her best exasperated impersonation.

"Don't worry Margaret, he is tired when he is cranky." That was BJ who just got here with his tray. "Did I miss something?" He probably hadn't noticed that it was not a sombre gathering for a change.

"Boss...Col. Potter has declared me persona very grata in post-op and triage. I am not banished anymore. Margaret was just reminding me that I was impossible not to miss."

"I did not say that. I wouldn't even have noticed you were gone if it were not for some peace in the OR."

"Yeah? Thats not what the little birdie told me." BJ looked at her in mischief. Now it was my turn to ask if I had missed something.

"You have a little birdie? And I don't even know about her?"

" Its not a _her_! Nobody is replacing you as the camp Casanova, relax!"

"Good morning sirs." That was Radar. Obviously Col. could not go anywhere in the camp without Radar following him a few minutes later.

"Mornin' Radar!" Came a chorus of replies. Margaret just shook her head. It had to be the whole sir/madam thing again. I nodded towards Margaret when Radar looked at me. He just shrugged. His tray was lobbed with food.

"Radar, have you dispatched the demands for supplies? For once, we are receiving some form of heads up and have no supplies to work with. These I Corps yahoos really burn my tail sometimes."

"What kind of heads up?" That was Margaret, of course.

"We are expecting some heavy fighting from now till Christmas Eve when official Christmas truce takes hold."

"I thought this lull WAS the truce." BJ spoke.

"You thought wrong, Hunnicut. We are not that lucky. The push is going to be from us this time."

"The infinite Army wisdom! Why do they want to get more kids killed right before Christmas?" I said somewhat heatedly.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be here. I would be pushing a desk somewhere in the SE Asia command HQ."

"So what is the problem with supplies?" Major Frank 'Ten Thumbs' Burns was probably the acting chief surgeon making BJ's life miserable. Any news of casualties meant almost double work for BJ. And on top of that, dealing with Frank on a daily basis. I did not envy him. I actually felt guilty for not leaving for Seoul and letting them have a replacement surgeon. The good thing was, I was returning to work finally. That ought to cheer him up!

"Besides the usual SNAFUs you mean? Instead of five hundred oral thermometers, we received a shipment of tongue depressors, only fifteen thousand of them. We sent them back, when was that Radar?"

"November thirteenth, Col."

"Yeah, so I sent them back with some colorful language on phone and some solid kick in the butt, pardon me Major., on paper. So they fix the mistake by sending us , how many Radar?"

"Twelve thousand, Sir!" Radar blushed. What did they send? Rubber? Diapers?

"Yes, twelve thousand thermometers. Rectal, of course!"

I was trying out the coffee at that unfortunate moment and BJ was probably sampling some ambiguous looking yellow liquid, most likely the scrambled eggs. For some reason, the disdain in Colonel's voice made me snort resulting in a surge of coffee up my nose and some spluttering all around. BJ, sitting in front of me, spluttered me with the yellow stuff. Col. Potter looked at us pitifully before cracking a small smile while Margaret probably swore under breath before speaking loud enough for everyone to turn and look at the commotion at our table.

"So much for missing you! And you too, after acting like a regular human for a whole three weeks. Overgrown oafs!" She addressed me first and then turned her attention to BJ who was responsible for most of this mess.

"You just cannot please some people." BJ spoke in general, barely avoiding the fit of the giggles.

"Now I have to change into something clean. Why did you have to splutter on me alone?" I asked faking indignation because most of his splutter had landed on Margaret.

"You won't know clean if it hit you between the eyes." BJ snorted some more.

"It was not so funny. Did you plan on it before coming here?" Margaret was still slightly miffed. Our sincere lack of apology added insult to splutter.

"Planned? You mean I made Col. Potter tell us of twelve thousand rectal thermometers...Cummon Margaret, even we are not that good. Col., really? Twelve thousand rectal thermometers? Who came up with this bit of brilliance?" I was laughing again.

"There's more! Instead of snow boots, they have sent us some surplus desert boots from WW II. What else went bad this time, Radar?"

"Three thousand sheets of carbon paper, seven thousand glycerin suppost...suppo..."

"Suppositories?" I asked incredulously before starting to laugh again.

"And brilliant. Leave it to Army to fulfill your needs. Since we cannot give you fiber we give you suppositories." BJ joined me all over again.

"Don't you have anything else to do in the world other than perfecting your Abbot n Costello routine?"

"I take umbrage, Margaret. This was all spontaneous. Improvised. And funnier. Right Beej?"

"You have nothing to do in the world, pardner. But I have to replace someone in post-op. I gotta go." And with that, BJ left the table with some egg still on his clothes.


	39. Chapter 39

Here's another one! Read and enjoy.

Chapter 39

"I have to go as well. Paperwork awaits me. Col., can you spare me an hour of your time today? I need to go over some admin details with you."

"Anytime Major. Just give me a heads up so I know what you want to discuss."

"How about now I can give you highlights on my way to your office and once Cpl. O'Reilly is finished here, he can pull your papers for you."

"Cummon then." Potter told her in a less than enthusiastic tone.

"Oh, I have to change, Col. This ...Give me fifteen minutes, Col."

"Alright. And Radar can finish his food in the mean time."

That meant a premature death of Radar's breakfast. I chuckled at her conning both the CO and his pediatric shadow.

"I don't see that happening. Not in the near future." I whispered to Radar who turned red again.

"Cut that out!"

"Radar, uhhh, I did not thank you for placing the call yesterday." Turning serious, I decided to make use of the opportunity.

"Guess it did not go too well."

"Yeah. Dad was not the one I wanted to call."

"Oh. Col. Potter told me to call the switchboard in Crabapple Cove but as soon as I told the operator I was calling from Korea, she patched me through to your father. That operator does not listen to anybody, does she?"

I laughed, remembering the two operators who worked the town switchboard. They did what I used to ask them to do back in college and then med school and residency. A hurried and a harried call pushing them to find Dad and patch me through so I did not run out of the few nickels I was left with before I could ask for some money.

"Not really, no. Neither of them." I smiled at the memory.

"Hey Hawk! Do you mind if I leave? Sausages are burned and Major Houlihan will be there and Col. might need something."

"Go ahead, kid." I could do with some free time to finish my letter.

_Dear Dad,_

_How are you? We had quite some snow here yesterday all day and then some over night. Camp and the mountains behind it look very beautiful if you can ignore the occasional sound of shellfire. We may get busy soon as the pre-Christmas sales go sky high in this region and everybody wants to be a customer in our little shop. _

_I got your package a few days ago. Thank you very much. BJ did not know it was going to be this cold and, being from California, did not bother to pack in the heavies to fight the cold. Or maybe he was being very optimistic about the war and its premature demise. I told him to write his wife, Peg, to send him some stuff or he would freeze to death. I remember my last winters here. Cannot believe its been so long since I have been here. My second winters, second Christmas and second New Year. Thanksgiving is this Thursday. Last year, they served some surplus turkey from 1944. I kept thinking why they even bothered packaging turkey for that war but Army is something I have given up trying to understand._

_How is Olivia? I hope she falls in love with Maine winter and decides to stay. Dad, I had to tell you..._

That was where I was interrupted by Margaret and Col. I tried to remember my chain of thought to be interrupted yet again by Klinger. He was coming off from guard duty and did not look very happy. He had another brush with Zale.

Not being in the mood to hear his gripes right now, I excused myself and left the mess tent. Swamp was quiet and so, I settled on my cot and started writing all over again.

..._Dad, I had to tell you...?_ What then? That was just perfect. Cursing my earlier company a little, I decided to just get to the point. Tact never got me anywhere anyway.

_Dad, I had to tell you something yesterday when I called you. You may have guessed. It was about Olivia. But maybe not something you expected I would say. I am sorry you did not get my earlier letter where I told you how thrilled I was to hear you found yourself a girl. It made me feel bad a little, for denying you some happiness all those years ago but I was a kid then. I thought you could do that math now. I am not 12 anymore. And war has a way of scaring the hell out of any plans one might make. And that means me. So, even if there is no thought more cheerful than to see you again, there is always the possibility, whether we say it or not. I know it. And you know it too. So here's the deal: You tell me what you think and/or feel. I have always been open to you and now, I expect no less from you. I don't want to hear from Uncle Jim what a jerk I am to you, alright? Go to her, kiss and make up!_

_I want you to be happy, with or without me. So be happy._

_Love you._

_Miss you._

_Your son._

_P.S. I won't mind babysitting any offsprings of yours either. I will only charge you half the market price._

I decided that if I needed to, I would write a supplementary letter but for now, this would do.

Just then, the door opened and entered Frank.

"Morning Frank."

"Go blow up yourself, Pierce." That was a new one. Previous ones used to be less mean.

"Not a very nice thing to say so early, Frank."

"Oh yeah? You and ...and that buddy of yours. I will see you both." With that, he started pulling stuff out of his footlocker.

Seemed like BJ said something to him. This could be interesting.

" Need help with your footlocker, Frank? I was thinking of rearranging it today. And maybe finding that sex shop catalog. What do you say?"

He slammed down the lid before sitting on the locker.

"Don't you dare come near my footlocker. And for your information, there is no catalog, you sex fiend."

"Sex fiend, Frank? Who told you about_ that_, Frank? Rawrrrr." I made a move towards him. He jumped like a weasel before getting on his cot and jumping to the other side. I laughed and kept moving towards him.

"If you kiss me Pierce..."

I cackled like Dracula and got on his cot following him. With that, he just scampered out of the Swamp. I could not keep a straight face anymore. The return to Swamp was better than expected so far as my emotional state was concerned. I decided to go nice and opened the door to scream, " FRANK! Come back. You are safe in the Swamp. Its too cold outside."

A couple of soldiers and a nurse looked at me in a quizzical manner before hurrying towards warmth. Sun was hiding behind a haze of clouds and seemed too shy to face Korea today.

I considered changing my clothes. Frank's jacket was lying on his cot after he removed it from his footlocker. I switched his with mine and removed his clusters and dumped it all on his bed. Maybe while pinning the clusters to his new wardrobe, he would do the ultimate merciful act of malpractice and stab himself. Or maybe I was hoping for too much.


	40. Chapter 40

Last chapter for this week. And enough of lighthearted banter. I am getting serious from now on. Or maybe not. Stick around and you will be the first to know.

Chapter 40

BJ was in the post-op. I decided to pay him a visit. Radar was in his office looking busy.

"Hello Radar!"

"Oh hi, Hawkeye."

"'Snew, my toy soldier?"

"_Hawkeye!_"

"_Whaaat" _ I imitated him which irritated him a great deal.

"Cut that out, willya?"

"Margaret left?"

"Yeah. Boy is she crazy or what. Look at this." He showed me a stack of papers with tiny illegible writing on it.

"Yeah?"

"She wants that typed in triplicate by end of business day."

"Use carbon paper. I heard you got a great shipment recently."

"Very funny. You cannot use a carbon paper in a type writer."

"Then I don't know how to help you. Maybe ask Margaret to go easy on you?"

"Can you?"

"Are you kidding? She will make _me_ do all of this instead. Better you than me, I say."

"Thanks for nothing!" He turned his attention back to the stack.

"Who wrote this in such tiny, girlie writing?"

"Do you mind?"

"You don't mean...I mean...Uhhh, I did not mean you, ya know."

"If there's nothing else, _Captain Pierce_, I have to finish some work!" With that, he officially dismissed me. I was chuckling when the door to post-op opened and BJ appeared.

"Giving Radar tough time, I see."

"No. How dare you say that! I was just discussing his adoption options."

"Adoption?"

"_Adoption?" _That was Radar who was plain incredulous. Either he was too naïve or I was too good to still be able to surprise him.

"Yeah. Adoption. A-D-O-P-T..."

"Stop bothering my little friend, will you?" I laughed as I saw Radar making a funny face before returning forcefully back to his work.

"Don't call him little. Alright?" I admonished BJ barely holding back my cackle.

"Boy. You two really are something!" With that, he left for inner office.

"What are you doing here?"

"What did it look like?"

"It looked like you were annoying Radar."

"Then that's exactly what I was doing. First it was Frank and then Radar. Now its your turn. Your place or mine?"

"No soliciting in an official building, Hawkeye! Didn't those long nights teach you anything?"

"I always forget. Blame it on my promiscuity."

"What did you do to Frank?"

"Besides making him wet his pants? I show you mine and you show me yours." We both stepped into post-op as we spoke.

"What is that supposed to mean. Have you been sipping at the still again?"

"No mother. How could you say that in front of strangers?"

"So what was that all about? What did you do to Frank?"

"I never kiss and tell."

"Hawk!"

"BJ."

"I thought you would be resting or something."

"I decided on _something_ instead of resting."

"And what does _something_ entail, pray tell?"

"Besides a failed effort to kiss the lipless wonder, you mean?"

"You did not!!"

"Of course I did not. I couldn't find his lips. God knows I tried."

"Uh huh!"

"Then I decided to change into something clean and come see you because Frank was trifle bit irked even before I tried to smooch him."

"What did you do? Steal my clothes?"

"I would never steal your clothes. I only steal Frank's clothes. And it was not even stealing. He left them on his cot for exhibition and I did a swap. Perfectly legal by the Pierce's Code of Swamp Justice."

"Perfect. And I told him not to bother you when he went back. Maybe I should have asked _you_ and not him."

"He told me to blow myself up. I felt enraged and endangered so I tried to defend my honor. That's legal too, if you look closely at Pierce's code!"

"Of course it is."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"What is what supposed to mean."

"You said of course."

"Yeah."

"You never agree with me."

"Yeah."

"So?"

"So what? You are making less sense than usual." I just rolled my eyes before getting serious again.

"Hey. Did you ask her?"

"Ask her?"

"Yeah. Ask her. Peg."

"Ask her what?"

"Gee, I don't know, Beej. How about how she is doing. Why she is not writing? And that you need warm clothes?"

"I cannot ask her _that_."

"Then?"

"What then?"

"What _can_ you ask her then?"

"I have to wait for my parents to return from the trip."

"That makes no sense."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Besides the fact that this is not an answer to my question, it makes no sense even if it was an answer. She is your wife, in case you forgot. Maybe _you_ said something to her and _she_ is mad at you?"

"Goodness Hawk! I did not think of that."

I saw that struck a cord. All this time of selfpity and misery and he may have said something himself. I doubted it but I knew that if I directed his indignation into guilt, there was a good chance he would try to figure out a solution and stop acting like a love sick teenager beating his sweetheart to the ignore.

"I know. Even _I_ just thought of that. No wonder..."

"Hawk! Do you really believe what you said?"

"That you may have offended her?"

"No. Not this. I mean when you said that she is human too."

"Of course I believe you did not marry out of your species. I have seen her pictures."

"Stop joking about it, will you?"

"Beej! Honestly, I think you are an idiot. I tried to tell you this earlier too but I was afraid of you. I think you are letting war get to you and fry your brain. She is the only reason that's letting you survive here."

"But what if...?"

"What if what, Beej? What if what? You don't know anything except she loves you and is the mother of your kid. These reasons outshine any paranoid obsession you may have developed with her being less than what you thought of her. Stop doing this to yourself. Don't sell her short, Beej. And don't sell yourself short either."

"Yeah. When you say it like that, it makes sense. And then...Wait a minute."

A nurse was calling him to a patient. This was a new one, nurse not the patient. Rate of turnover in the camp was surprising and I was one of the oldest relics.

_Stop it!_

So I stopped.

And then I remembered the letter in my pocket. Tickets were courtesy of one gentleman from Fort Wayne, Indiana who also happened to be my bunkie. I had to hand it to Radar before morning dispatch left the camp. And then there was the added need for some glue, industrial strength. Or would that be too cruel? Well, if I could live without a boot for such a long time, why should he be denied the privilege?

"Yoo Hooo, Honey! I am home."

"PIERCE!" That was Col. Potter. Lately, my encounters with him reminded me of all the time I spent in and out of principal's office in school. I had good practice but I did not want it to turn into a routine.

"Tell him I am not here. Post this letter and get me some super strength glue." With that, I exited the office via out door to take a detour to the post-op's other entrance.

_Things we do_...I silently thought as a huge blob of icy snow fell on me from the top of office roof.


	41. Chapter 41

Just something nice and easy for now. Things will pick up after Thanksgiving. Honeymoon period, so to speak, is over. But I might be unable to update too quickly.

Also, now I seriously think no one reads it. I made a glitch and said TG is on Sunday but maybe I am the only one reading it. Anyway, read and enjoy, IF you are reading it at all. And if not, what the hell, I'm still gonna post!

Chapter 41

Once I made it into post-op without further accidents or chance encounters, I found BJ sitting on the chair doing some paper work. He raised his head even before I got close enough.

"Where did you go?"

"What gave me away?"

"I asked you first."

"I went to post a letter."

"To your Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Good! Your boots."

"Huh?"

"Your boots gave you away. They are the ugliest, most scuffed pair of boots I have ever laid my eyes on."

"Yours are the biggest and ugliest feet I have ever seen. So _your_ shoes are actually an improvement on nature!"

"That was not funny, Hawk. You need to polish your skills. And your boots."

"I just ordered some super strength glue."

"Yeah? To polish your skills? Or your boots?"

"I was thinking..."

"Yeaah?"

"Nothing neat. Or cool. Just basic dorm room stuff." I grinned.

"On Frank?"

"That's the idea but if you want, I can do it to you. Anybody but Col. Potter. Just name the person."

BJ snickered. I knew this would cheer him up.

"He will scream bloody murder."

"Nobody listens to him anyway, except Potter of course. And I won't let him know it. Actually, I am thinking of making him or Frank do it."

"I don't wanna know."

"Why does everybody always say that when I pull something on him?"

"Because you are the only one he will blame anyway. And also because you are both so good for each other."

"That was below the belt, mister!"

"Your PT came, by the way."

"Normal, I presume."

"Almost."

"Almost normal PT is like an almost pregnant female."

"OK, its slightly raised. Just 2-3 seconds. But your LFTs are improving. Maybe it was a lab error. I will check it again today."

"No, thanks! If anybody has to take my blood, it HAS to be a pretty nurse. How about that swank?"

"Which one?"

"The one at bed seven." She was looking at us with neutral expression.

"Your wish is my command, _sahib_."

And with that, he signaled her to come.

"Yes doctor?"

"Take this patient where nobody can hear him scream. He is squeamish around blood especially his own. Draw two vials of blood, one with EDTA and one without and bring them to me."

"What about him?" A sense of humor. I was in love already.

"You can leave him there. Janitor is not due in the pre-op till 10am. He can get rid of him once he goes to clean up that area."

"Come on, soldier." She started walking towards pre-op.

I looked at BJ quizzically.

"I think she is playing you. Your repute precedes you so she must know you are the infamous Hawkeye Pierce."

That was both flattering and disturbing. I could not believe that nurses spent all their time discussing me. That would seriously hamper my social life if they all found out about my generosity. But at the same time, it was pretty cool if they did.

I looked at BJ once before opening the door to pre-op.

"Sit down, soldier."

"Its Hawkeye!"

"Huh?"

"Not soldier." I pointed towards me as if really dumb. "Me not soldier. Me Pierce comma Hawkeye."

"Me First Lt. Brendt. Roll up your sleeve, soldier Hawkeye." She mimicked my gesture and tone before showing me what she meant by 'roll up sleeve'. I did as told, intrigued by this sudden influx of strange nurses with strange names for me.

"Where are you posted, Pierce?" She asked me as she prepared the skin for the assault.

"Korea. You?"

"Me too. What brings you here? All I see is this gash on your head. What happened?"

"I slipped on ice."

"Oh. You were not wounded in battle?"

"Nope. I don't like guns and war. Or blood."

"How long since you have been here?"

"Very long time."

"Have you been wounded before?"

"Once, my jeep toppled."

"Oh! No war injuries?"

"As somebody I know says, even if you get a blister here, its cz of war and you deserve a medal!"

"Have you received any medals yet?

"Not really. I can ask for a Purple Heart for this gash but my commander is a wily old bird and would probably make me go to the front to earn it first. I choose not to cross him."

"That's smart of him. Has it been snowing on the front? It only started yesterday here."

"Lt. You know something. You are good!" I looked at her for some sign of embarrassment that I had her. No such luck.

"Yeah? How?"

"I did not feel the first time you stick me." I was not sure if BJ was right or she really did not know me and it was fun.

"Do you always flirt with officers?" Her tone turned a little stern as she started to stick me again.

"Well, not really. I flirt with nurses whether they are officers or gentlemen. OW." She stabbed me. My timing needed some work especially around people with sharp instruments.

"I am not that good, really. Sorry! When do you get back to front."

"Huh?"

"You had hepatitis, right? Your eyes still have some yellow discoloration. Which one is your bed? Or are you in isolation?"

"You really don't know who I am, do you?"

"My first day here. I got in yesterday."

"So you were not...Never mind. I am Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, Chief Surgeon MASH 4077. Pleased to meet you."

Her face changed color and the stern expression replaced by disbelief. I grinned.

"Oh God. Capt. Hunnicut should have warned me. I am sorry for any disrespect Captain. You were not wearing any insignia or bars. I did not know."

"I stole the jacket in the morning and forgot to put my bars on it. In any case, I have no clue where I last left them. And I am Hawkeye to friends and you seem like a good candidate for friendship." I smiled again, hoping my charms worked.

"Do you always flirt with nurses?" This time, she smiled too. Maybe the day had some good prospects after all.

"Of course I do. I respect beauty when I see it and you are a fine specimen of the said wonder!"

"I think we should get back to post-op." And I realized she had done her job and we were good to go.

"Oh. You are good. I did not feel a thing. Not until you stabbed me."

"I am sorry about that. You just distracted me. I never expected a soldier to be so articulate and lecherous at the same time." She smiled again. I did a mental cartwheel.

"I have much more to offer if you let me buy you a drink tonight. I can show you around too. When do you come off your shift?"

"3PM. And I would like that."

"I will pick you at 3 then. I can buy you lunch and then we can explore the camp."

She smiled and returned to work while I turned to an amused BJ who was listening to everything said while faking doing paper work.

"You seem to have a lunch date today." He commented wryly.

"Yeah. She stabbed me and I knew she would like me to ask her out. Every woman who stabs me ends up liking me."

"Stabbed you? What did you do?"

"Nothing. I did nothing. You know how innocent and sweet I am."

"Yeah?"

"You are the one reason why she stabbed me."

"Wake me up when you start making sense."

"You said she was playing me? She did not know I was, and still am, the great, the one and the only Hawkeye Pierce, resident chief surgeon MASH 4077. She thought I was an ordinary soldier with extraordinary articulation skills."

"Right!"

"Jealous!"

"Of you?" He snorted.

"Of course me. I did not fall for your gag."

"But you did." He spoke in a sing-song voice.

"I did not."

"You did and your big ego does not let you admit I got you!"

"I did not. And you did not!"

"Back to making nonsense?"

"The same can be said about you. Post-op looks vacant. Did Frank strike again?"

"No. Last patient intake was not so big and with weather and almost no fighting, we were just stuck with these few guys. Two of them had post-op atelectasis and I was worried about pneumonia so the extra shifts."

"Yeah. I think I have forgotten how to operate."

"Don't worry! You can always assist Frank and learn what to do."

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself."

"Me or Frank?"

"Frank's wit can give molasses a run for its money. Hey, Beej! I gotta go get spruced up, ya know." I winked at him.

"Be careful, Andy! Always protect yourself."

"Yes dad, I won't let you down."

And with that, I left him and his company.


	42. Chapter 42

Been a while. Was busy. Life happened. This is a filler basically, for me to build up towards a finale. Hang in there IF you are reading. If not, oh well!

Feedback would be welcome, all the more so because I am not expecting it. Or am I?

Chapter 42

Frank was not there. He probably hadn't returned. I wondered who he was whining to these days. Back in the day, it used to be Margaret but now she was in my corner. In fact, she was in any corner that did not belong to Frank – except for that remark about him in the mess tent.

I had run out of toothpaste and it had been a few days since I shaved. It was time to dive into a footlocker. And one that did not belong to me. I was sure the gentleman from Indiana would come through for me. I opened his footlocker and found two cans of Burma Shave and one tube of Crest. There was also a monogrammed towel. I remembered my dire need for a towel.

_Perfect!_

Before closing it, I thought about putting stuff back in his locker. That was the least I could do. After some readjustment and folding, I was finished with my work. Admiring my handiwork, I started shaving.

I heard the door open and Frank entering the Swamp. He was humming something, out of tune. A productive breakfast, it seemed like.

"Hello Frank."

"Very clever, Pierce." He snickered. I looked at him in the mirror, his hands in his pockets and the smug smile plastered. And then the shoe fell. I could barely keep a straight face.

"PIERCE!"

"Yo." I raised my right hand to mark my presence.

"What have you done to my..." He rushed towards my cot. I moved in front of him to stop him from doing whatever he was planning on doing.

"Get out of my way, Pierce. I don't want to hit a sick man."

"Who are you calling sick, Frank? And _I_ don't hit _women_, except for that one occasion... But what does that have to do with ..."

"You Stole My Cot."

"No I did not!"

"Yes you did.

"Frank, you are making less sense then I knew was possible. And thats saying something."

"Pierce, get out of the way. I know you did something to my cot. Where is it? Tell me or...Or..."

"Or what Frank? And by the way, do you feel the warmth in this tent? You think heater works on spit? You need wood, ya know."

"You Did Not!"

"I did not what, Frank?"

"YOU BURNED MY COT."

"I DID NOT." I said in my best indignant impersonation and turned my face to get back to shaving.

"Pierce! I have had it up to here with your attitude."

"Upto where, Frank? I was not looking." I turned towards him to see exactly upto where but he seemed as humorless as ever. I doubted if I could improve on nature. He was standing next to his cot or the space where his cot was supposed to be.

"Oh go stuff a goose, Pierce."

"Clever, Frank. By the way I borrowed some toothpaste from you. I knew you wouldn't mind, me being your bunky and all."

He made some chicken like noises before opening his footlocker. And then he shot me a scathing glance before pulling out his disassembled cot from inside.

"You gotta give me credit for being imaginative, Frank!"

He made some more noises before getting to assemble his cot.

"Need some help, buddy?"

"Pierce, one of these days, you will really regret every single thing you have done since coming here."

"I know I will have your shoulder to lean on, you big lug." I winked at him before using the fresh towel to wipe the residual foam.

"You think you are so smart and clever and...and..."

"Thats as smart as I can hope from _you_ so don't tax your mind."

"Where is rest of my stuff?"

"What stuff? I just took a towel, some toothpaste and some shaving foam. I did not see anything else worth using in your locker. Have you been hiding things from me, Frank?"

"You...you...you animal!"

"Hey, watch your mouth. A man can only take so much!"

I lied on my cot. I could not afford to leave the tent for fear of retribution.

He continued to assemble his cot. Once he was finished with that, he stood by it to admire his handiwork. I kept staring at him. Finally, he loudly lauded himself with an appreciative _hmmmm._ I could not take this anymore.

"If only you could show this level of craftsmanship in the OR, Frank." I smiled at him sweetly.

"Last few weeks have been pure heaven. If only they had sent you to Seoul for the duration, this war would have been so much more fun."

"Only a pervasive caricature of a surgeon like yourself could take pleasure in the war."

"Oh give me a break with your sermons, Pierce. As it happens, I had along night and would like to have some rest."

"_Long night_, Frank? Who shared its longevity with you?"

"Mind your own beeswax, _Captain_." I saw some color raise to his cheeks. That was interesting and worth investigating unless...

"Lt. O'Hara, I presume."

"None of your..."

"You are married, in case you did not remember."

"And you are not my priest. She does not mind either."

"So it _is_ her. You are a weasel, you know that."

"Why are you so concerned? She does not even like you."

I did not answer that. I knew she did not like me and I also knew I was the one bullying her but did she have any idea that the guy she was spending time with was absolutely not worth any of it? Or that, he did not care a dimeabout her? Against my better judgment I decided to butt in. I knew it was a bad idea but even then, I could not see that happening without having anything to say about that. What was the worst that could happen? That she would not listen? My not saying anything would mean the same thing.

"She told me abolut your tries to make a move at her. Seems she has a moral core. She has no use for degenerates like you."

"Sure!"

"I know you will try to make her life miserable just like you did with Margaret but I can tell you, she is much stronger than Margaret. She won't let you..."

"Will you please shut up, Frank?"

"Big Romeo does not take rejection well now, does he."

"Shut up Frank or I will surgically remove that smug smirk off your face."

"Hah." He snorted before lying on his cot. I was not even looking at him anymore. I was not jealous of Frank. I just thought that girl was smarter than this. She surely deserved better, even with all the air of selfrighteousness that she displayed. And all the dislike she had for my treatment for Frank. She deserved better than Frank. Everybody except current Mrs. Burns deserved somebody, hell, anybody better than Frank.

Maybe after my lunch date. With that, my mind shifted towards the beautiful Brendt whose first name eluded me. Maybe I would ask her at lunch.


	43. Chapter 43

I make it a point not to post on weekends. Strategic reasons, if you must know. But I am making an exception because of the new readers who reviewed the story. Thanks guys!

Enjoy!

Chapter 43

3pm was a long time away. There was only so much sprucing up I could do. There had to be something else for me to do in the meanwhile. I just rummaged through my old collection of magazines and books and then on to BJ's collection. No joy. Having already ransacked Frank's footlocker earlier in the day, I could not hope for some miracle to give birth to something readable, not in his locker.

Finally, I decided to go see O'Hara. The visit was long overdue and she deserved some information about Frank. For some strange reason, I did not want her to get hurt. I hoped I was not too late. This plan had one flaw. It was more than likely that it backfired. But I could live with that too.

I knocked at her door. And just reflexly, I did the secret Margaret-Frank knock.

"Come on in, Frank." I smiled when I heard Cate say that.

"Its not Frank." I said as I entered the tent.

Her moth opened a little bit before she closed it again to open it again.

"That was a cheap stunt, even by your standard, Ben." Scathing tone. This was not going as well as I had hoped for, considering my already low expectations.

"No stunt. Just an old habit. Did not know Frank still stuck to his old ways."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I thought for a small fraction of second about laying it all out for her. She did deserve to know.  
"Frank and Margaret had the same knock." I said meaningfully.

"You think I am like Major Houlihan?"

"In a way, Yes. She too fell for that twerp before coming back to her senses."

"You mean she used him and then moved on, don't you?"

"No, I don't. Frank is married, ya know."

"I know. So?"

"So? So it means he will never leave his wife for you. He owes her a large chunk of his financial stability, I think." That came out too direct.

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Plenty! I might seem stupid. I might _act_ stupid. But trust me, I am _not_ stupid. He is a ...He is selfish, arrogant and uses people like you ..."

"People like me? Selfish? Arrogant? You don't think half the camp thinks the same way of you too."

"Don't make it about me, Cate. I came to tell you he will hurt you. He is good at that. Plenty of practice! I have known him longer than you do. You can ask Margaret even. She did not believe us till the end."

"I am surprised at _your_ arrogance, Ben. You have dated every single nurse who has come to this outfit. I know you were instrumental in killing Frank's relationship with Maj. Houlihan. Yous pranks made his life a living hell. You think _I_ am stupid."

"My pranks? They are just for fun. And you know that too.You ARE that stupid if you think I had anything to do with Frank's dismal romantic life."

"That does it, Ben. You won't leave him alone and I am tired of your childish antics." That was enough of melodrama. She was not going to listen to what I was saying. She was acting like Frank was a sick little puppy and I was the bully who kicked it.

"Are you abandoning me because of Frank? Even Margaret never stooped that low." I said lightly.

"Ben, you are not going to grow up and I find Frank to be mature, thoughtful and caring. So yeah, if I want a friend, I would prefer someone who has moved out of adolescence into manhood." Her cheeks colored when she said that. What the hell was _that_ about?

_Manhood?_

"Wow, Nobody ever dumped me for Frank either. That was an insult I was not prepared for. Count it as a new personal low for me!"

"_Dumped?_ I did not dump you. We were not dating, you and I, for me to dump you. And for your information, neither are Frank and I. We are good friends, something you won't understand."  
I chuckled at this despite feeling somewhat disconcerted. This girl was probably just as stupid as anyone dating Frank could possibly be.

"I'm just tired of your juvenile obsession with making him miserable. I tried to tell you that I did not like it since he's a friend too. But I think bullying him is more important to you than our friendship."

_What the hell?_

"_Bullying?_ Are you seriously trying to be my mom, my HS sweetheart and my conscience, all at the same time?"

"Fine, Ben. As it suits you. Either you act like a grown up or its over between us."

"It was fun while it lasted, Lt. Just last bit of advice. Don't trust anything Ferret Face tells you. He will screw you and then leave you for dead. Secondly, grow out of your naivete and your almost whimsical notion of friendship. Everything you said to me, well, except for the one about bullying Frank, a phrase to which I vehemently object...where was I? Yeah, apply those 'grow up, Ben' sermons to yourself. How they let you out of school is anybody's guess."

"Kindly leave my tent, Captain!"

"Sure. Have a good day. Ferret Face might be around to whine later today." I told her as I opened the door to leave.

"GET OUT."

Wow, that was nice. I wondered how Frank got women so worked up about him. He sure liked 'em feisty, that was sure, the weasel.

I decided to tell BJ this latest story and see what he had to say.

Radar was sitting at his desk with those tiny lettered pages in front.

"Hey Andy. Did you mail my letter?"

"No jeeps going out today."

"OK. Still typing those pages you showed me earlier? Or just taking your anger out at the typewriter?"

"Oh cut that out, Hawkeye. I wanted to ask you something."

"I did not do it, Radar."

"Oh Hawkeye, I am serious." He looked a little worried so I kept my cheerfulness to myself this time.

"What is it, kid? Some girl trouble?"

"NO. NO. Jeez, Hawkeye. I wanted to ask you about BJ."

"BJ?"

"Yeah, BJ. Is he alright?"

"Yeah, last I checked. Why?"

"He has not written home in a week. Maybe more. And there has been no mail for him from home either. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. His wife is on vacation."

"In November?"

"Yeah, Tiny Tim, in November. California does not observe seasonal vacation plans."

"Man those big states really know how to live." He shrugged and gave his trademark smile with awe in his voice.

"Sure they do. Hey, would you do me a favor? Let me know whenever BJ receives a letter."

"Naaa, you cannot read it."

"Don't need to. I know you will let me know what it says before BJ reads it to me a hundred times over. Just tell me when he does, alright? We never get to see each other anymore!" I remarked wistfully, shaking my head. He chuckled as I opened the door to post-op.

"You sure are on the move for somebody given some quality down time."

"Have you any idea how time stretches and elongates when you have nothing to do and nowhere to go?"

"I think I have some idea. I thought you had something planned for Frank's homecoming."

"That was a short lived affair. He is so joyless, I feel we have to up the ante just to get some solid reaction out of him. All he does these days is threaten me with consequences."

"_We_? Leave me out of this, Master! You are enough for him."

"You are no fun anymore, BJ Hunnicut."

"I will take that as a compliment these days. What did you do to him today?"

I told him about it. He smiled and chuckled a little. It was good to see him cheer up. Maybe this next story would really lift his spirits.

"Frank kinda told me about his _interest_ in Cate."

"_Cate?_" He raised his eyebrows.

"Its not like _that_. BJ. I just...I don't know. I don't think I like her all that much but seeing the definite chance of Frank hurting her, well. I _had_ to do something, didn't I?"

"Oh! So you did do _something_? And now you want to know my feedback. Why didn't you ask dad first, son?"

"Oh shut up, Beej. Just listen for now and you can come back to mocking me later."

I told BJ the whole story, thinking since he knew how women used their minds, he could tell me what this was about.  
He gave me a big smile when I finished.

"What?" I asked him.

"What what?"

"What do you think, sire?"

"You sure have a way with people, _Ben_." I just glared at him before starting off again.

"Can you believe that woman?"

"I think I can, Hawk."

"I mean, cummon! Taking sides with Frank? Telling me to grow up? _Me!_ It should have been the other way round."

"You mean..."

"NO. Not like that. What are you, the gossip columnist? I thought I had seen it all...If it weren't for the risk to my practice license, I would have slipped salt peter into his breakfast and improved our collective life at this camp."

"She said you bullied Frank? What did she say about me?"

"Nothing. It was like I was the only one to do that to Ferret Face."

"You two do have a connection. A spiritual one. " I glared at him before he clarified, " You and Frank, I mean."  
He chuckled. I joined him. I could imagine Frank whining to her about me.

"Do you think Frank did that as a kid too? The whining, I mean. Going to mommy and telling her about big, bad boys who ate his lunch and tied his pigtails?"

"You bet your ass, Benjamin Franklin." We both laughed again.

"If I had told her of the clean cut, family man Hunnicut being the brains behind most of Frank's plights..."

"Me? Sure I am smarter and wittier than you but when it comes to Frank, you beat me. You are a class of your own. He brings out the best, or worst in you, depending."

"Hey, I got this idea." I told him of my idea about the Unit signboard. And then he came with an old but good one.

"I have asked Radar to get me some industrial strength glue. Lemme see when it gets here and we can make his Christmas worthwhile." We both discussed our plan for next few minutes.

"I thought you had a date today."

"I remember. I am not senile, Beej."

"Oh yeah, one of the two things you are relatively punctual about."

"I am _always_ punctual. At least for important stuff!"

"So are you treating her to eggs a la crap?"

"No, I have to tell cook to come up with something. I shall get going." That was not exactly a plan but hell, in this place, what else could I do?


	44. Chapter 44

Here's another one. Its a little slow right now but it may get a little exciting before Christmas!

Chapter 44

I needed help from Radar or Klinger. Remembering Klinger's foul mood from morning, I decided to seek help from Radar hoping he had forgotten everything I had said to him since morning.

"O' Radar! My dear friend Radar!!" I entered the outer office calling him in a sing-song voice. He was not there. Before I could investigate his absence, he exited the Col.'s office with a smile on his face and his glasses foggy with delight. I gave him a big smile.

"Col. Potter couldn't have run this unit without you, my friend!"

His expressions changed a little as his glasses defogged a bit. Maybe my tutelage made him too smart for my own good but now was not a time for reflection. Now was a time for action and as everybody knew, action was my middle name.

"You need something, right? Now I am your friend, not your _tiny friend_, not your _Tinker Bell_, just your friend, huh?"

"O Radar, Radar. You know I just kid you. Those are my displays of affection. You know _that_." I used my best manipulative tone but no dice. The kid had learned more than I ever desired to teach him.

"I am not letting you read BJ's mail, Hawkeye. He is your best friend."

"Radaaar! I am hurt. What do you think of yourself? That you are good for only one thing? No, my son, you are good for so much more. I need a favor."

"Let me guess, you need industrial strength glue so you can play tricks with Maj. Burns. Right?" His tone had a slight touch of indignation and amusement. Weird sentiments, I thought and then I saw a tiny smile on his face. That meant glue was on its way.

"Yeah, that too. But I know you are on it. And I _will_ get it as soon as possible. Right now, my concerns are of a more immediate nature. I need something good to eat. For two people. I have a lunch date."

"Not gonna happen."

"What is that supposed to mean? You say you cannot do it?"

"I said it cannot be done."

"Why?"

"Cook has refused to do any favors till a week after Thanksgiving. He says he will see the response to his feast and will decide if he still wants to do anyone any favors."

"Thats not fair. Do something, willya? Tell him you are his biggest fan and he should know it. I will vouch for you even! I need it. Please! I will let you take my DeSoto for a spin." I spoke in my most earnest voice. With that, I left the office. I knew Radar would find a way. He always did.

Sun was up and I had a few hours to kill. Thanksgiving was two days away and I wanted to give something to Frank to make it his most memorable Thanksgiving ever. But my imagination was failing me. I returned to Swamp after loitering aimlessly for a few minutes in the sun.

I was feeling tired now. There was a headache building behind my eyes. It was throbbing where I cut my head last night and my shoulder was giving me a wake up call of its own. Maybe it really _was_ too soon after all. Of course I was not going to admit it to anyone but it seemed obvious that I was pushing things a little too far. There was no aspirin in the Swamp. I had to go get some from pharmacy or post-op.

Frank was snoring his girlie snores. Where was a whistle when I needed one? Or maybe I ought to stay away from him for now. I was too tired to deal with his whining anyway. And if I woke him up, I would contribute to his malpractice not to mention a detriment to my personal well being.

_Frank baby, you just got lucky!_

I laid down on my cot, thinking about the Beautiful Brendt wondering where she was from and if she liked Maine or not. With those thoughts, I drifted off to a sound sleep. It was dreamless till Radar shook me awake.

"Hawkeye! Are you awake?"

I swore under breath before squinting my eyes at him.

"I am NOW." My head throbbed a few times before returning to its pre-nap achy status.

"Hey, not so loud. Major Burns is sleeping. Col. Potter wanted to know if you were awake or not."

"Burns is _sleeping_. What do yo think I was...Never mind." I knew I couldn't go to sleep again.

"Sorry Hawk. I did not ...I mean you were just there in the office." He was whispering now.

"Forget it, kid. Potter needs me? What did I do now?" I looked at Frank's cot again. It couldn't be him finking me, I thought. Well, you never know when it comes to finks like him. The other part of me told the first part.

"I don't know. He is not angry or anything."

"That's a relief." I growled feeling bad immediately as I saw his glasses go all foggy till I realized it was because of the change in temperatures.

"Remind me not to adopt you when we get back to humanity!" I told him sternly as I fumbled around for my jacket. He handed it to me with a smile pasted on his face.

"What is so amusing?" I growled again.

"Nothing! Its always fun to wake you up. And yeah, your lunch will be ready at 3pm. Thats when you need it, right?" And with that, he scurried out of the tent.

I smiled, trying not to feel too sorry for myself because of the headache. Maybe now I would get those damned aspirins, I thought as I braced myself against the freezing cold.

"You called for me?" I landed heavily on a chair, putting my feet up on his desk.

"And good morning to you too, _Captain Pierce!_"

"I thought we were done with these niceties earlier today."

"Yes, we did exchange those niceties. We were not really done, were we?"

"I did not do it!"

"I think you did."

"I am telling you, I did not. And so I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Neither have I. And if you did what you think I was asking about, you know I will know. Now back to business..."

"Business? Couldn't it wait a few hours?"

"Radar woke you up, didn't he."

"What business? Am I back to work?"

"I am sorry he woke you up. I told him not to do that."

"Forget it, Col. I can catch up with lost winks anytime I want. What did you need me for?" I looked at him tiredly and he looked back at me thoughtfully before pushing a folder in front of me.

"Take a look at the rota Maj. Houlihan worked out. With you on lighter shifts for next few days, she wanted to scramble nursing staff to provide best cover if needed to do more than just nursing. I could have asked Burns but you know how he acts around nurses and BJ is too boughed down as it is."

"THIS is what he woke me up for?"

"Easy does it, son. He did not know!"

"Ummmmm..." I leafed through the neatly typed pages before pushing the folder back to him.

"If you think its alright, it is alright. Margaret knows our weak areas aka Major Frank Burns and she is in his every shift so I don't think there would be a problem."

"How are you doing?"

"Me? I am in fine fettle, Col. It gets finer and fettler everyday." I rubbed a hand against my forehead.

"Headache?"

"Yeah, when someone replaces Norma Jeane with me, on a beach, with a bespectacled teenage boy in Korea, it tends to give me a headache."

"No horsin' around, Pierce."

"Its nothing Col. I will get some aspirin."

"Be careful, willya?"

I just smiled and waved at him before getting out of the door.

BJ was looking over a soldier at the far end of the ward. He had a solemn expression on his face. I took some aspirin from the cabinet and gulped it down. BJ looked at me and then started walking towards me.

"Good to see ya, Hawk. This kid, Martin, he is not looking very good right now."

"What happened?"

"Most likely, Frank happened."

"No kidding!" That was bad. "Who was the scrub nurse?"

"Cate O'Hara."

"Great! Perfect."

"She not good?"

"I am not so sure. I haven't been to work for last few days."

"I haven't had much experience with her either. I have been drawing the toughest cases and usually Brenda or Margaret assist me."

"Brenda?"

"Yeah, Brenda Brendt, _Soldier Hawkeye!_"

"Oh! Brenda Brendt? What was she thinking?" I chuckled before getting serious again.

"Now what?"

"I want you to man my post and I go and open the kid and see what Frank did this time."

"OK. Don't take too long. I have a date!"

"I am taking your date _with_ me, Master."

I just glared at him, hoping kid was not too bad from inside. And I had more than one reason to hope for that!


	45. Chapter 45

Still there? I am busy. Work is a bitch and so is life, come to think of that. I will probably write more frequently this week as my schedule is less than punishing. But then again, I just might end up catching up with lost sleep, TV, movies and life in general. But I will try!

Happy reading.

Chapter 45

They got back after an hour or so. As usual, Frank had missed a piece of shrapnel that had nicked ileum and he had closed without running the bowel, apparently. My first day out of isolation had exhausted me almost as much as a thirty six hour stretch would have. I was not ready for OR yet and that was a fact.

"Hey Hawk!"

"Yeah?" I looked up at BJ after he returned to his _post_.

"You OK?"

"Yeah, Beej. Just a little tired. Guess its too soon to be back to humanity after all." And with that, my thoughts drifted a little. What would it be like to be back home again? However hard I - _we_ - wanted to get back home, somehow, I did not see it happening all that smoothly. Maybe Col. Potter could come with some pointers when the time came.

_IF the time came..._

STOP THAT!

"Go sleep. I will tell Brendt to get you from Swamp."

I conceded. That made a lot of sense.

Radar was busy with his typewriter again.

"In some cultures, if you stay that close to something, you would be declared married, ya know."

He looked at me quizzically.

"Uhhhhh, never mind. Hey, Radar, can you do me a favor please? I need a wake up call for 2:45 pm. And I need you to ask someone to drop the lunch basket in the Swamp around 3:15 or so. Can you do that?"

"Sure, Hawkeye. No problem." He looked at me in what seemed like a concerned gaze. I had enough of this so I made a beeline to Swamp after mumbling a thanks and 'owe you one'. I owed him so many more than one. I just hoped he could collect from me when he needed to.

_Enough morbid thoughts, Hawkeye-san!_

It was getting pretty cold outside. Why did winters have to be so depressing? It was not like that back home somehow. The advent of winter was colorful, beautiful and brought the whole town together. Winters brought the camp together as well but it was more out of necessity than desire. People had to sleep in cramped up quarters and while in some ways, it brought them closer, it also made them get on each others nerves. I remembered last year when we ran out of heating and supplies and Radar was made housing officer and Henry slept in the Swamp. Good man! There were times I missed him, when I had the time to dwell on the past. Or the future. How many of us won't return home? Statistically speaking? Somebody must have done the math and told someone else whose toughest challenge of the day was perhaps avoiding a paper cut. Or maybe stapling himself?

Stapling reminded me something important. Frank sleeping also contributed. I wondered if he had replenished his lost underwear stock. Last batch was used by BJ's practice for finger painting. Erin would need his skills in a year or two, he rationalized. I of course could never disagree with my friend, could I?

Frank was asleep. I silently reflected what we would have done had it been someone smarter and with more scruples? We couldn't have done half the things we did to Frank and all for the wrongest of wrong reasons. In a very twerpy, pervasive way, Frank was a help to us. I tried to remember someone like him from school but nobody came to my mind. Town was too small for a high school and all of us went to the nearby high school together. We lived like a gang and nobody messed with us and we were too busy with our lives to notice anybody like Frank anyway. The same girls we bugged earlier, we started protecting as we got into foreign territory which was the nearby HS.

I stretched out on my cot. Swamp was warm. It helped that nobody was coming in and going out every five minutes. I thought about dad, as always, whenever I thought about town and winters always remided me of Crabapple Cove. So did summers. And fish. Everything reminded me of home. What the hell was I doing here? Last few days had been rough for me, physically and emotionally. Too many things were wrong, all at the same time. And slowly, most of them had returned to some semblance of normalcy if anything this place ever had could be called that. I thought about my own life. I could not possibly fall in love in this dreary place, could I? First, there was no one to fall for. Brendt seemed like a good candidate but that was probably my Italian blood. Or maybe the French blood? So, no one to fall for and if I did, which I had a feeling I could not possibly, what were the odds of us both making out of here alive? And in one piece?

"US Army has to imburse me for everything I have lost by coming here, from a lucrative practice to a life as an eligible bachelor to all the nights I spend hugging myself instead of a family." I mumbled.

Just then Frank made a sound that was a cross between a cats mewing and something even less admirable.

I smiled as I imagined what he might have been dreaming about. And then, I decided I had to do _something_. Or maybe later. I was too tired to do anything right now. I just closed my eyes, trying to block the daylight and the mewing out of my mind as I slowly drifted to sleep.

Not the way you want to be awakened. Frank was humming some absurdly unfamiliar tune. Loud enough to wake even the deeply anesthetized people, I thought. And equally out of tune, I was sure.

"HEY! FRANK! I am trying to sleep here. Shut up, would you?"

"Awww, wee Captain Pierce is trying to sleep. The whole camp should stay quiet, that what you want Pierce?"

"No Frank. Right now, I will settle with just you shutting up. Unless you want me to surgically render you quiet."

"You cannot threaten a superior officer, Pierce!" He pointed his razor at me. He was shaving.

_He was shaving?_

"You are shaving, Frank." I perched myself on my elbow as I looked at him.

"Yes. You have a problem? Women like a clean man!"

"Still trolling for Margaret's replacement, Frank?"

"Mind your kippers, Pierce." I saw two tiny spots of pink appear on his cheeks. I chuckled before remembering who the possible replacement was.

"I heard you were married Frank."

"Go stuff yourself, Pierce." And with that, he slammed his razor on the floor. "Have you been using my razor again, Pierce?"

"Nope. BJ needed to do some work on his underarms. Look closely at the blade and tell me the color of hair stuck in it."

And that somehow made Frank angrier than I had expected. He rushed towards me. That was not good.

"HEY!" I yelled as he started tossing my stuff around. He probably had gone insane or something because he did not listen and kept tossing my things around.

_Where was BJ when I needed him._

I tried to restrain him and was almost successful but now, he was struggling like a maniac.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? FRANK!" I turned him around forcefully, his face still covered with foam. Some of it on his lips. or was it the foam coming from inside his mouth? I silently pondered while releasing his arms.

That somehow broke his spell. He pushed me aside with considerable force before storming out of Swamp. His push did not go so well with me as I landed on the cot on my injured side. It took me a long time to get over the dizzy spell that was threatening to drown me. Meanwhile, Frank had returned to get his jacket which was previously mine and then he stormed out again.

"DON'T...slam the door!" My outcry died in my throat as he stormed out. That was strange. Frank acting like a man, albeit a fourteen year old one. Usually, he only stood up for himself when no one was looking. And that too, in a purely below-the-belt way. But that was not one of my major concerns. Not right now anyway.

The way things were going between me and him, I could not ignore the possibility of a booby-trapped cot next time. With an anti-personnel land mine, no less. Deciding to dial back my antics for next couple of days or so meant I could not make this his most memorable Thanksgiving. Maybe Col. Potter did have a point. I almost always lost perspective when it came to Frank.

_Things we do, or don't do._

That thought had a feeling of deja vu.

It was then that I heard the knock at the door.

PS: Nothing scary. Just a friend at the door!


	46. Chapter 46

Nobody reviews my story. Anyone with lesser resolve or disdain would have quited long before. I won't. I am enjoying writing it. So yeah, if you don't review, it stings a bit but not a whole lot, really. I am sticking to the storyline and the format. Will probably post more frequently this week, I think. But no promises. Things will start rolling a little after Thanksgiving. Maybe a little dramatic but I need something solid to make it dramatic, both in the OR and outside. Final touches, really.  
Anyway, happy-reading-and-not-reviewing!

Chapter 46

I sat up and held my head in my hands. The person was too polite to walk in on his own. I checked my watch. It was not yet 3pm which meant it was someone I probably did not care to see right now. Still holding my head, I called the person in anyway. It really was too cold outside.

"Hello Hawkeye. Am I interrupting someth...Are you alright Hawkeye?" That was Father Mulcahy. I remembered our encounters from the day before. He was the only one I had not apologized to. And that was because he was the only one who had not yet tried to make me feel bad about my stunt from the day before.

"Yes Father. I am fine. Just woke up and still trying to synchronize myself with the rest of the war. How are you doing?" I looked at him. He was looking slightly concerned. That was good. That meant he would not try to make me feel bad.

"I wanted to talk to you about something, Hawkeye. But maybe now is not entirely a good time." He peered at the wreck Frank had just created. I decided to get this over with too. This whole 'make-Hawkeye-feel-bad' routine was really starting to annoy me now. Wasn't a man entitled to his craziness anymore?

"Didn't they teach you in school, Father? Its now or never. Have a seat and say what you have to say."

"I saw Major Burns left your tent in a huff. And all this clutter?"

"I was trying a new décor and Frank did not like the idea."

He laughed a little at this before turning serious again.

"Tell me Hawkeye, is everything alright? Did Major Burns hit you?"

"Frank? Hit me? Father, I am a pacifist but trust me, I know how to run away from a fight. He did not hit me. It was just a ...never mind. You wanted to talk about something? Want to make a confession? You know I haven't been ordained yet." He laughed again. It was hard to say if his laughter was a real thing or something done out of courtesy. But now was not a time to ponder this question.

"No Hawkeye. I was just a little concerned about a few things and needed your help with them."

"If you wanna tell me that what I did yesterday was stupid, well, I have to admit it was. And I am sorry. And that almost everybody I have met since morning has chastised me about it. So don't worry, I won't do it again."

"Well...Hawkeye. That was part of what I wanted to talk about."

"Okay..."

"Pardon me for intruding like this, Hawkeye. But I feel you are not in very good spirits."

"Well, Father. Yeah. There was this whole hepatitis thing and then some personal problems. I am fine now. Insanity left me last night!"

"I figured that BJ was out of sorts last few days as well and...well, the reason why I came was, if you need someone to talk to, I am here. I prefer you pulling pranks and cracking jokes rather than sulking... and going off like you did yesterday. Makes _my_ life easier." And with that he winked. I was not sure I understood what he really meant but the part that he came to say was clear. I felt a genuine rush of gratitude for our priest.

"Same goes for you too, Father. Feel free to come and confess. I am here to hear." I winked right back at him.

"I will remember that next time." He smiled before continuing, "You need help with the cleaning up?"

"No Father. Thats OK. Thanks for stopping by!"

"Alright then. I have to go oversee the Thanksgiving preparations. Get some rest, Hawkeye. You look awful."

"Yes Father." I smiled before he left the tent.

Frank had created a real mess. Up until now, his retribution was almost always composed of something sneaky and stupid. By doing what we did to him, he had suddenly risen to our level, not to mention, raised the ante and that change of status required a specific strategy to deal with. I decided to go to Post-op again. I had probably ripped a stitch or two with my fall too.

BJ was listening to a patient's chest and bowel. An orderly was standing next to him. Probably it was time for patient to take a walk. I sat on BJ's chair and silently waited for him to get done with his work. There was plenty of paperwork on his desk. I knew Frank was diligent about paperwork. So was BJ. But somehow, BJ did not share Frank's fetish for paperwork. And it was showing. The notes were in typical doc-scrawl, undecipherable to a normal eye. I started shuffling through them to see what it had been like and if they had discovered some new way to treat an old problem. It did not take me all that long since BJ was enjoying a relatively quiet morning today.

"These kids leave after Thanksgiving."

"So besides being injured, they also have to endure our feast?" I asked somewhat sardonically. BJ gave me an almost smile.

"I thought you were going to sleep."

"So did I till Frank decided to go on a date."

"Date?"

"Yeah, thats my idea. He was humming. And shaving. Which reminds me, he asked me if I had used his razor. The idiot! How could I?"

"I did."

"I told him that and he still trashed _my_ stuff."

"Trashed? How?"

"By throwing it down on the floor? And thats after he woke me up with that nasal tune he was trying to hum, off key I am pretty sure." I shook my head in disgust and felt boulders move inside my head.

"What happened?" BJ asked nonchalantly.

"He shoved me. I think I struck my head to something. Now its achy all over again, _twerp!_"

"Lemme see. There is a torn suture. It cut through the edematous scalp. No oozing. What about your shoulder?"

"Its fine. Beej, I think Frank has a case of self esteem."

"Not a case, no. Maybe a sixpack but a case is too big for him." He smiled.

"What if he does to us what we do to him? Besides what he usually does to us?"

"Hmmm. Thats scary, Hawk." And he snickered and I joined him.

"I was thinking of leaving him alone for the time being."

"Chicken!"

"Well, I am still waiting for the glue but in the mean time, how about some truce?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, BJ. I am very serious. I think he might be losing it completely. He is being a little more, how do I put it? Aggressive? Nastier? lately."

"Cummon Hawk, you are reading too much into this. Relax. Remember who he is, really. And you need a stitch in time to save rest of the nine. You don't want to be late for your date, do you?"

"OK. Yeah. You are right. Maybe I have become paranoid. He once broke our still too, back in the day. In a way, it was a favor, really. That still was so rudimentary. We got to build a whole new one after that." I started walking towards suture room with BJ.

"How is Brendt in OR?" I asked BJ once he was finished with the suturing.

"Skillful. Perceptive. Smart. You would like her." He handed me a bottle of Aspirin.

"What makes you think I don't already?"

He just grinned before heading back to post-op.

"Hey, use them carefully. Your liver is still trying to get better, alright."

"I went to med school too, ya know!"

"The hell you did." He said before disappearing behind the swinging door.

I, too, returned to Swamp to get a little more spruced up. Whoever said there was anything called enough preparation?


	47. Chapter 47

Hang in there, children. Just wait till Thanksgiving. Thats when the pot starts boiling.

Happy reading!

Chapter 47

Swamp was vacant. Frank was hiding somewhere, it seemed. Maybe giving Cate _lessons_. I did not mind it one bit. His absence, I meant, not the part about lessons. That still made me feel bad for her and brought up a twinge of guilt for being unable to stop her from ...getting too close to Frank, I guess. She did not see it that way despite my vehement effort. She somehow translated my efforts into jealousy and a desire to control who met and went out with whom. Maybe she had a point. Anything I said about Frank somehow did turn into something personal. People who did not know him too well took that as a loss of objectivity on my part. She was no different. The thought never crossed my mind that maybe she _did_ know him and liked what she knew. It just seemed so...irrational.

_Later!_

I had shaved earlier and decided not to do it again. I was tired enough to do that. It felt like a lifetime ago when I left the Swamp to go to those villagers. And my shouting at Col. Potter, Radar and the mess with Dad. A lot had happened in last few days and more so since yesterday. All of it had left me somewhat tired even if it had turned out fine later, or was going to be OK. But it had taken a toll on me and that was a fact.

Part of sprucing up involved changing into a new set of bilious schmata and I had none left that could even remotely be considered clean. That meant a visit to laundry room. Groaning inwardly for this unwanted yet much needed commute, I sauntered towards the opposite end of the camp where my destination lay. The snow had completely melted and the ground had the slushy feel that meant another cleaning session for my boots.

There was a clothes hangar hanging on the door handle of the laundry room but I did not realize what it was supposed to mean since it was the laundry room, of all the places.

"HAS NOBODY TAUGHT YOU HOW TO KNOCK?" I was startled by this scream coming from a lipless wonder. He was sitting next to Cate on a pile of laundered clothes.

"Uhhh, I am sorry Frank. I did not know..." I was not really sorry but considering my earlier resolute and the statement I had made to BJ, this seemed like the right thing to do.

"The hell you didn't." He said acidly.

"I just came to get some clean clothes, Frank. I did not know you were..." I tried to keep calm and cool despite an urge to laugh out loud for catching him with his pants down, so to speak.

"Yeah, sure. You never know, right? And still you manage to walk in on me everytime I am trying to talk to someone." The same old indignant whining. How he mastered that tone was beyond me. How he survived past school was beyond me as well.

"You were not doing any talking yesterday, buddy!" I tried to contain my smile as I saw Cate turn red.

"Pervert! Degenerate!"

"Watch your mouth, Frank. There's a lady present." I started looking for the pile that belonged to me though I was having second thoughts about their cleanliness now that laundry room was being used for _extracurricular _activities.

"Ben, _I_ thought you were better than this. You sure have the nerve."

"Nerve is my middle name, Lt. O'Hara. Besides, sometimes, however diabolical a person seems to you, he may really only be looking for some clean shirts."

Frank snorted and then started again, "Why? You couldn't find any clean shirts in my footlocker?"

"I did not check. Besides, yours are tight and loose in all the wrong places and my head is still hurting from your shoving from earlier on." I said meaningfully while searching for the damned bag.

He swelled with pride as if he had won a fight in Madison Garden. Cate just looked at him quizzically.

"There. Found it." I picked up my bag of laundry before looking at them again. "Seems you haven't told your girlfriend about your earlier exploits. I am surprised, Frank. Anyway, I really am sorry. I did not know!" I saw him getting all puffed up with pride and righteous indignation, however ill-placed it was before walking out of the tent. Before I closed the door I heard Cate, 'I think he was telling the truth, Frank. He was just as surprised.' I did not wait for Frank's reply.

When I got to the Swamp, I saw someone familiar. He was the same kid I sent to bed after finding him bungling orders on one of my patients all those weeks ago.

"Good afternoon, Captain Pierce. Radar told me to wake you up."

"Did you?"

"Huh?"

"Did you wake me up? I am still waiting for my call."

"Oh." He smiled, a little confused.

"I am up and awake, Corporal..."

"Mathis, sir. You got me out of laundry duty and bread and water."

"I know. I remember. Tell Radar thanks. I hope you have been staying away from Frank."

"Oh yes sir. He is..."

"He is what? Acting crazier than usual? Yeah, I noticed. Helps if you bunk with him. He makes sure you don't miss his mood swings." That elicited another smile.

"Uhh, Sir. I cleared up the clutter that was on your side of the tent."

That was when I noticed the relatively clean side of my tent.

"Thanks, Mathis. Hey, any idea who is on Laundry detail now? I saw a hangar outside the door. Don't think its a good idea to _indulge_ while lying on people's clean underwear, right?"

"I will pass it along, Captain. Anything else, sir?"

"Just one thing. Its not Captain or Sir. Its Hawkeye."

"Uhh, yes sir. Thank you sir." And with that he left.

I made a mental note to check for Private Hendricks at 121 Evac. The kid had some of my finest embroidery in his belly and I had completely forgotten about him after getting incarcerated twenty days ago. That elicited another pang of guilt. I did not want this!

I again looked at my side of the tent. I had not a single really personal item outside. Just never felt like putting Dad's picture here. And I did not have any of Mom's pictures either. They all stayed in Crabapple Cove, on my original nightstand, where they belonged. So Frank's atrocities did not really harm me in any way. The only damage was to tent's general level of cleanliness but that was never really a matter of interest for me.

I quickly changed out of my dirty clothes and tossed them away to change into a clean pair of pants and shirt.

Boy that felt good.

It was then that I heard a soft knock at the door.

_Finally!_

"Hello Captain."

"Soldier Hawkeye, remember? Come on in."

"Oh yeah. Soldier Hawkeye. I once had a patient called Soldier Hawkeye."

"Must be a charming fellow. Want a drink?"

"Charming? Maybe. Gallant he was not. Screamed like a little boy when I stabbed him. And isn't it early for a drink?"

"Cela fait mal, mon amie. I am very gallant. Ask Frank. And I won't have one. My liver is still in its protest mode."

"French? And yeah, alright. Just one."

"Yeah, French. Here!" I handed her a martini with an olive.

"I am not good at French, Soldier."

"Neither am I, despite my father's urging. None of my cousins in Quebec believe I am one of them."

She made a gagging sound before spluttering all over the floor.

"Argh, this stuff is evil." She handed me the glass making a face.

"Well...yeah. It is. Its an acquired taste." I smiled. This was one awkward date unless she did not think of it as a date.

"So Quebec?"

"Yeah. My father's family refused to come on our side of town."

"You live in Maine?"

"Korea, actually. But home is in Maine, yeah."

"Hmmm. I hear it is beautiful."

"Oh yeah. The most beautiful place in the world. What about you?"

"New York."

"Good. I like NY too. Did my fellowship there."

"Oh yeah? Isn't it the best place ever?" She smiled wistfully.

"Well, second to Crabapple Cove, yeah."

"Crabapple Cove?"

"Yeah, we have too many crabapple trees so obviously, creativity being our forte, we named it Crabapple Cove!" And that elicited a bigger grin.

"So when do we leave for lunch?"

"I am having it delivered here. Uhhh, Lt."

"Yeah?"

"Can I call you Brenda?"

"Of course, Soldier Hawkeye." She laughed. That was one of the most beautiful sounds I had heard in a long time. I felt I was falling in love...

I grinned from ear to ear.

"So-o-o-o."

"So. Tell me about this place."

"This place? You mean the Swamp?"

"Swamp? You call the camp 'Swamp?"

"Nope. Just this tent in which I live. You did not notice the board outside? I painted it myself."

"Ooooh, an artistic artiste. I have heard of your other talents as well. I always admire a man who is creative _and_ talented." And then she laughed again.

_Wow._

I was used to flirting but rarely did I meet a woman, such a beautiful woman who flirted with me. I felt some blood rushing to my own head at this thought.

_Control yourself, Pierce!_

"Other talents? This usually does not bid well for my ego but still, I would like to ask what other talents have you heard of." I asked her somewhat mischievously, in an effort to take control of the situation. It worked.

She blushed.

My heart skipped a beat.

And then there was a knock at the door.

_DAMN!_

What a painful way to break a perfect moment. I cursed underbreath.

She was still looking at me and blushed an even deeper shade of pink.

"Excuse me."

Food was here. I wondered how Radar managed to get it done on such short notice but if it was any good, the kid had earned my eternal gratitude.

This was going twenty times better than expected.

And to think war was a bad thing...


	48. Chapter 48

Another one is up. Its light and fun.

Enjoy!

Chapter 48

I took the picnic basket from the private probably sentenced to KP, remembering my own almost-sentencing to the said fate. Maybe going to Med school wasn't such a bad idea after all. Looking at the basket, I wondered whoever thought of bringing one here to this sewer. Someone with eternal optimism of the institutional kind, I reflected as I landed myself on what used to be Spearchucker's bunk.

"So food is here."

"Astounding powers of observation, m'dear." I spoke in a British accent. She smiled at that.

"So what's on the menu, Soldier?"

"Search me, fella." I said as I put the basket on my knees to search for the goodies.

"Sure smells good."

"Oh yeah. Which is a good sign under usual circumstances. How long have you been here?"

"I came this weekend. Why?"

"Well, they say around here, the best thing you can lose regarding food here is your sense of taste. Next best is your sense of smell. Last on the list is your appetite but then, its not a sense really."

"Hmmm, you don't sound like a fan of mess food."

"Another sparkling example of the excellent powers of observation, milady. I am sorry for not setting up a table but I was otherwise occupied last couple of hours."

"Don't worry about that." God, perfect teeth. What was with the current set of nurses and perfect smiles worthy of Journal of Dentistry cover?

"If you say so." I flashed my own teeth this time.

I started taking food out of the basket finally and wondered what I had been doing for last few minutes, poking through it all.

"Come over here. This is our guestbed so anybody can vandalize it. Only Frank might feel angry about it."

"You call Major Burns by his name?"

"Is that a question? If yes, yeah. Force of habit." I smiled. Somehow, Frank always came in the middle of my fun times these days.

"Bet he hates it. This chicken is delicious, by the way."

"Oh Yeeeaaah. Hey, you want some Pierce millésime de vin with the chicken?"

"Oooh, classy guy. What are my choices?" She laughed at my made up name for gin.

"Gin and gin." I feigned contemplation before answering.

"I think I would pass."

"Suit yourself, lady. I hear 2pm was a very good hour."

"No fun drinking alone, ya know."

"Yeah. Thats so true."

"Uh huh!"

"So-o-o-o-o..."

"So? Don't tell me you have run out of things to talk. You don't seem like the kind of guy who easily runs out of topics."

"Well, it depends on the company. And also, on situation."

"Company? Is it your way of telling me I am boring you?" She was funny.

"NO. Jeez, NO, no. Not at all. Its kinda complicated." She laughed again.

"Complicated? Thats a euphemism we used to..."

"No euphemism, Brenda. You don't bore me."

"How do I know?"

And I proved it to her. Her face turned red as I chuckled.

_Finally!_

It felt good to be in control again. She was blushing and smiling.

"Are you always this forward, Soldier?" After what seemed like a lifetime, she managed to speak.

"Truth be told, that too depends on my company." I smiled again.

"You are full of surprises, Hawkeye."

"You aren't any less, Lt."

We had a good time together. It felt like ages since I had such good company, BJ included. I told her of the tricks we pulled on Frank, a little about BJ and the camp in general and she told me about her volunteering for service and coming here.

Suddenly, I felt a cold draft on my back. It was Frank. I hoped he stayed clear but could not be too optimistic after my earlier rendezvous.

"Hello Frank." I greeted him as a goodwill gesture. He completely ignored it.

Brenda looked at me quizzically. I just shook my head.

"Thank you for the lunch. And company, Hawkeye. I will see you later." She gave me a kiss on the cheek before putting on her jacket.

"Lieutenant! This is an Army camp, not your fraternity house. You address senior officers by their rank and accord them the respect they deserve. Is that clear?"

"Frank! Mind your own..." I started off heatedly.

Brenda just squeezed my arm before addressing Frank formally, "Yes Major Burns." Then she turned, gave me a nice kiss, saluted Frank and left the tent.

"You don't sal..." The look on Frank's face was priceless as he tried to choke out the salute etiquette at her retreating figure. I simply burst out in laughter. Wasn't she something?

"Major Burns, are you alright?" Frank was still looking at the door and then towards me in a complete disbelief, his lips or whatever stood for them quivering. It was obvious that if left alone, he was ready to throw a foot stamping, full blown tantrum.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I am fine."

"Certainly don't look that way." I mumbled under breath collecting the plates and bowls from our earlier feast.

"You said something?"

"I said, whatever you say, _sir_." This was fun. I started chuckling again.

"What's so funny, Pierce?"

"Nothing." _Nothing at all, you humorless fink._

"I am going to the mess tent. Hold the fort till I return." And with that, I left for mess tent, basket in hand, humming Sinatra's song.

"Hey! You look better."

"I feel better. Its a set." And then I looked at her. All spruced up, fresh out of GI Factory.

"What are you looking at?" She asked me suspiciously.

"Nothing. Got work tonight?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just checking, Margaret. BJ had to reopen one of Frank's patients today."

"Oh. Which one? And who was the scrub nurse?"

"Martins, I think. And whose? Brendt assisted BJ. O'Hara assisted Frank."

We both reached mess tent and I opened the door for her before entering myself.

"Want some coffee? Or still high on your lunch date."

"How did you...Oh, yeah. The basket. Yeah, I will have coffee. Let me return the basket."

I went to the chow line and dropped the basket behind the counters. Whoever was on KP could pick it up.

"There you go." She pushed one cup towards me.

"Thanks. So any plans for Thanksgiving?"

"Don't tell me you are planning on another of your 'Come as your favorite Nude Pilgrim' parties."

"I won't." I smiled at her.

"What?" She asked me suspiciously.

"I won't tell."

"Idiot!" She smiled this time.

"Am not!"

"Are too. No parties this year, alright?"

"No parties this year. Alright!" I smiled at her while stirring my coffee after putting in some sugar.

"Are you mocking me, Pierce?"

"Nope. Argh... How many spoons of sugar..." She was having fun at my expense. I growled before going for another cup.

"I thought you would not notice it."

"Sugar? Well, when you empty the bowl in a cup, it gets kinda hard not to notice."

"Yeah. Thats true. I keep forgetting."

"Margaret, your cheerfulness is kinda scary right now. May I ask why you are so cheerful?"

"None of your business, Captain!" And she smiled dreamily.

Not too hard to do the math as I smiled at her expression.

"When is he coming?"

"Tomorrow...WHAT?" She suddenly realized she had told me more than she had decided to. I grinned and she smiled as well.

"You checked the rota I asked Col. Potter to show you?"

"Yeah. Its fine. I trust your judgment."

"Lazy ass!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Just that. You think I don't know why you never look at these things and come crying to me later."

"I never come crying to you, Margaret. Thats a lie."

"Yeah? Next time you do..._Creep!_"

"Huh? What did I do now? Did you invite me for coffee so you could abuse me?"

"Nope. I did not ask you along for that. I was talking about him." She nodded towards the table at my back. I turned back. That was Frank, alone.

"You know. I realized something today. For all the good he has ever done anybody, he sure takes a LOT of our conversational space. Much more than he deserves."

"Yeah. And that O'Hara. How long before Frank shows her his real color?"

"How about starting a pool?"

"Good idea." She grinned devilishly.

"You know you look beautiful when you are diabolical." She glared at me but did not say anything.

With that, I left the table to go find Radar to start the pool.

_Finally something constructive to do_.

I thought silently.


	49. Chapter 49

Wow! Not a single piece of feedback. Now, at this stage, I am really beginning to feel sorry for myself and am considering going back to updating it once a week. And that too, if I am in a generous mood. But I feel that it won't change anything either.

Argh!

Anyway, here is a new one. Things are starting to roll from today onwards. They will catch momentum on Thanksgiving and ...like they say, things have to go bad before they go worse so...

Happy reading!

**Chapter 49**

"Ray-daar, O' Ray-daaar!" I called his name while opening the door to his office cum bedroom.

And then I saw him. Actually, I saw Col. Potter first who was staring at me. He shook his head in dismay before trying to contain an almost-smile.

"Uhhh, I did not know, Colonel. Carry on!"

"Gee thanks Hawkeye! And here I was thinking you had some important business, _more important than running a damned MASH unit._"

"No. Thats OK. Its important but it can wait." And with that I hurriedly exited the office into Post-op.

"Some Yaahoo!" I heard Col. Potter remark behind my back and I smiled.

"I thought you had a date." That was BJ, of course.

"I Had a date, yeah. What a date. She is some girl, Beej."

"All girls are _some girl_ with you, Captain Romeo. Why are you here? Again?"

"Because I love you?"

"Is that a question?"

"Not so sure. Hey, Margaret and I thought of starting a pool. Betting pool."

"I am listening."

"How long would it take for Frank to show O'Hara his true colors?"

"Is that the pool? You really don't think she has already seen them?"

"Hmmm. You got a point there, Beej. Now, it does not sound half as good as when we talked about it."

"If you really wanna start a pool, try making it about how long would they remain an item."

"Good idea, Beej. You are pretty evil for a nice fella, ya know."

"Hah. Coming from you..."

"Its a compliment, genius. I salute your evilness!"

"You think people would bet on it? And you think its not really a cruel thing to do?"

"Bet, hell yeah. And cruel? After what Frank did today?"

"What did he do? And by the way, how do you know for sure they are...hanky-pankying?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you." And then I told him the whole story from the afternoon, right down to the final kiss.

"You sure get around for someone on a sick leave, Hawk." He was grinning amusedly as was I. "I thought you were laying off of him for next few days."

"You thought wrong. You have any idea how bored I was today? With you away and no work to do and no girl to speak of, I don't think I can last more than twenty minutes in this sewer. Especially if I don't have anything like Frank to play with."

"Awww, Hawk. You missed me."

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something. I haven't done any shopping for Christmas."

"For? You know how long it takes to send packages Stateside?"

"Yeah, I _know_. This is my second Christmas here."

"Oh yeah. I am sorry."

"'S okay, Beej! I was wondering what to get for Brenda. Any ideas? I mean, you have been shopping for your wife, right?"

"Yeah. I have been. But thats my wife. Brenda is...temporary, right?"

"I am not so sure, Beej."

"Wow, Hawk's in love."

"HEY! Will you keep it down?" I snarled when I saw his grin.

"How do I know what she likes? I usually go and ask the salesgirl to help me pick something. And more often than not, its a whole bunch of things so Peg..." A shadow passed over his face and he turned quiet.

"Beej!"

"Yeah Hawk?"

"Have you..."

"Don't wanna talk about it, Hawk."

"Cummon Beej. Don't do this to yourself. Or your family. Talk to her!"

"She could have called herself if she wanted to talk."

"What is that supposed to mean? She does not know what you are thinking. Or going through."

"She does."

"You told her?"

"No. I just know she does. I...nothing!"

"Beej, you know something. You are an idiot!"

"Yeah. I have heard that before. Hawk, I have some pending work to do. Can we talk later?"

"Sure. Sure. You know where to find me!"

"Cya!"

"Yeah."

Now I was feeling bad. After a really good day, I totally blew it.

_Damnit, Hawkeye!_

Post-op was really warm. I stepped outside. Snow had completely melted. Now, there was lots of icy slush all over Fifth Ave.

_Brenda is from NY_.

_Would she like Maine?_

And then I chuckled.

_Getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we?_ I silently thought.

The sun was down but the reddish glow still remained in the sky. This was going to be a moonless night.

I thought about BJ's problem again. Facts were, Peg was not her usual self. And neither was BJ. And BJ was irrational. Not a lot to go on but maybe I could find a way for BJ to get sensible. If I could get a message across to Peg to call him? That could always backfire if Peg was not prepared. There was also the problem with communication. Most calls from Stateside died over Pacific or Sea of Japan and never got here. But I had to find a way. I could not see my best friend wither away like this. I could not see the family I had come to love as my own suffer through pain. Not when it was completely irrational and absolutely avoidable.

Tomorrow was Thanksgiving. I hoped we were not served some crap from WW II. There were few things worse than a surplus turkey from another war.

I decided to go to O-Club to see if they were doing any preparations. Worse came to worst, I could always play pinball, improve my score and watch people get drunk on the side. Not a bad proposition altogether!

"Hey Hawkeye!"

"Cap'n Pierce!"

Various voices greeted me. It felt good to be back to civilization a la MASH 4077.

I waved at them all before moving towards the other end of the room where pinball machine was. Nobody was playing it.There were not many people here right now anyway. Everybody was trying to decorate. Except Brenda. She was sitting next to the machine, sipping at what seemed like...water?

"May I?"

I pulled a chair opposite her and crashed on it as if I had run a marathon.  
"You sure have a flair for the dramatic, Soldier."  
"Why do you keep calling me soldier?"

"Because!"

"I don't like being called that."

"For someone dressed like one, bearing a rank of captain, living on an Army Camp..."

"Alright already! I get your point, lady!"

"Good! So, what took you so long?"

"Huh?"

"I said, what took..."

"I heard you the first time. I was just trying to remember if we had set a date."

"Well, we did not. And I doubt if you would forget a date. I just figured you owed me a drink."

"I offered you one back in the Swamp. Twice!"

"That dreck? Bet your ass I was not gonna drink it."

"Dreck? I take offense on behalf of our beloved still. That beauty has served us well, above the call of duty, since the day she was born."

"I have drunk gin. And that thing wasn't gin."

"I wouldn't know. BJ is the master of still these days. I will ask him."

"So?"

I looked at her quizzically. She was a funny and fun woman.

"So where is my drink?" She smiled mischievously.

"Right here!" I pointed at her drink, smiling.

"This is water. I was waiting for you to come."

"How did you know I was coming? Even I didn't know I was coming."

"Call me a perceptive woman. Now are you getting me a drink or not?"

I looked at her for a long moment. This was a rare gem, the most unconventional woman I had ever met.

"_Men!" _She got up to get it herself.

I just sat there, thinking. This woman had completely thrown me off my game. She was playing _me. _And that was a first. Not since high school had a woman played me like this. It was fun. And scary, both at the same time.

"I cannot..." She put a glass in front of me.

"Relax, Hawkeye. This is just soda. You can have a soda, right?"

"Thanks."

"See! Not gallant!"

"Huh?"

"This guy I was telling you about. He is not really gallant. When a girl asks him to buy her a drink, he gets comatose." She laughed.

What the hell was wrong with me? I had no comeback, nothing clever or funny or smart to say. It was like my mind had gone completely numb since meeting BJ.

_That was it!_

I had completely forgotten about BJ. I needed to see Radar right away.

"Hey, listen! I have to take a rain check. Kinda tired. Had a long day. I will buy you a drink tomorrow!"

And with that, I got up from the chair and left the O-Club.

P.S. I am going to hold off any further updating until my ego is ready for another barrage of heavy indifference!


	50. Chapter 50

50th Chapter. I have come a long way. And I did not want it to be this long. So now, I am thinking of not posting if you don't want it to go on anymore. Your silence, of course, will be a consent to this statement.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 50**

"Radar". I called his name as soon as I opened the door to outer office.

"Hawkeye,"

"Need to ask you something."

"For the last time..." Then he looked at my face and stopped in mid-sentence. "Everything alright, Hawkeye?"

"Yeah. Need to know when was the last time BJ wrote a letter home."

"Well, its been a few days."

"Oh!"

"Everything alright, Hawkeye?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Just wondering."

"You know I asked BJ about it. He just dismissed me."

"OK. Nothing to worry, Radar. You are still our favorite son. Mommy and daddy still love you the most!" With that, I left the office.

Somehow, the forced isolation and then this elation following my freedom had lulled me into a false sense of _Everything's Fine_ when as a matter of fact, things were almost as screwed up as before. What the hell made me think things were getting better? I was worried about BJ now. And feeling more than just helpless. I was feeling a little guilty too though God alone knew why? I kicked myself for letting it happen but in retrospect, there was hardly anything I could do to change an irrational mind. Holiday season brought its own version of irrationality and we were no different, all things considered.

Feeling deflated, I returned to Swamp. A full active day had left me tired though it was the proverbial last straw that broke the camel's back. Now I was winded and wanted to just lie down and be left alone in the dark tent.

I was not disappointed.

Swamp was cold. Somebody had doused the fire in the heater or maybe everything I shoved inside had burned to ashes already. I restarted the fire, shivering slightly at the coolness of the approaching night and lied down on my cot, fully dressed.

I thought about Dad and then about Peg. How long would it take them both before they started getting worried about us in case they didn't get a letter? For Dad, I could assume that barring any telegrams, he could have gone on for a month without thinking anything was wrong but Peg? How long would it take her? Especially since she had no idea of Army's efficient practices about informing next of kin in cases of emergency. Why was BJ so stuck in his interpretation of the situation? Was it due to Christmas season? What was I doing last Christmas? I was here. I had to go to a foxhole under fire to fix an injured soldier while being dressed as Santa. And then, when I got back, I got drunk. Well, Christmas was not exactly a reason to get drunk, not for me. To get drunk was reason enough to get drunk and that was that. But that night, I made new records of inebriation or so I was told. This year, I doubted if I could get drunk. But it was a first for BJ. And missing his daughter's first Christmas would have been hard enough. Finally, I reached a decision.

I could not let this go on!

With that cheerful thought, I closed my eyes and imagined making a snowman outside my house.

BJ woke me up for dinner but I had no strength or desire to leave the warm bed. I was awakened again by Frank Burns. He was making sure I woke up, with the way he was making all that racket.

"Frank, please! I am trying to sleep."

"Of course you are. Feels good now that the shoe is on the other foot, right?"

"It was a request. For once, try acting like a decent human being, Frank!" With that, I turned away from the light and covered my ears with a pillow.

"Sure. I should act like a decent human being. What about you? You walked in on me twice. Its not like you have never had a little company yourself."

"Frank! I told you I was sorry. I did not know. And also, I am not married."

"Stay out of my personal life, Pierce!"

"No intentions of doing otherwise either, Frank. Now if you don't mind, I want to sleep!"

"I am not stopping you." And with that, he started making some more noise.

Finally, I sat up. There was no point trying to sleep anymore anyway. An old problem for me, if awakened once, I could not sleep again. Not usually anyway. Alcohol used to help me but even before getting Hepatitis, alcohol was losing its touch so far as sleep was concerned.

"Cannot sleep, I see."

"Shut up, Frank!" I sat on my bunk, holding my head in my hands, trying to think of ways of killing time without killing Frank in the process. No matter how solid a resolve I made not to come across him, he made sure my efforts failed.

"You could have gone to Seoul but that meant leaving 4077 and you just cannot leave your kingdom, can you?"

I just looked at him silently. He had struck a cord without realizing it. Even with his malpracticing hands, he may have done more good than me.

"Sure, and leave BJ to your mercy?" I decided to give a flip answer.  
"I can take care of myself, Hawk!" BJ said entering the tent. "Besides, all this work kept us too busy to bother one another!" Frank snickered at that.

That was new. That was strange. That was many more things that I decided not to voice, not even to myself.

"Sure you can, Beej. That was a joke."

"OK." BJ said quietly as he settled on his cot after pouring himself a drink.

Was returning to Swamp a mistake? Now, it definitely seemed like that. I knew they were overworked but did not know how much they resented lack of substitute for me.

I decided to talk to Col. Potter about that_._

_Now!_

Apologies to BJ could wait.

"Where are you going?" BJ asked in a somewhat concerned voice. Maybe he did not resent me all that much after all.

"Nowhere!"

"Its cold outside, Hawk."

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Mess tent is closed."

"I am not going for dinner." And with that, I left the Swamp.

Colonel Potter was the commander. He was supposed to know better than to succumb to my whims if it meant problems for his unit. He should have known better. He was paid to do so, wasn't he?

But how bad could one man's absence affect people, really? Henry died and we just took up the slack. Sure that meant longer hours for Trap and myself but hell, nobody said the war was supposed to be easy. And then Trapper left and BJ came and him being new, the load was left entirely to Frank and myself. Of course nursing staff helped especially Margaret but they were here now too. It was not like I invited extra work before going into hiding. Business was brisk but then, wasn't it always?

Somehow, I felt angry and overwhelmed by this extra responsibility or blame, whatever I chose to call it.

Potter tried to explain the emotional end of the problem to me yesterday but when it came to patients and work, emotions needed to rest in peace. I was not the camp mascot and if they needed, hell, if they _wanted_ an extra hand, Potter should have gotten them one. That was all there was to it, really.

I was getting tired of being blamed.

I was tired of feeling guilty when it may not even have been my fault entirely.

It was time to share the blame!

PS: Last chapter for now. I will continue writing but now, I will post only when I feel like it because I don't think/know whether you want me to carry on or not!

Take care.

Adieu.


	51. Chapter 51

Hello. This chapter is for Krows and Symphony (who called me a pansy and lived to tell the tale, blergh.)  
Rest all of you, shame on you! You cannot even write a line to make a man happy?

Anyway, I will keep trying to write and post despite this severest of all the severe blows to my already fragile ego : Indifference.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 51**

His tent was dark. Either he was asleep which was a remote possibility at best because of the hour and air of festivity in the camp or he was not there. I did not knock at his door just in case he was asleep.

Office was vacant too. Radar was gone and so was Col. Potter. Both could be anywhere and BJ was right, it really was cold outside.

Next bet was the mess tent but BJ had said it was closed for the night. I still decided to take a peek. The lights were still on so I decided to check it out first before going to O-club which was colder than the rest of the tent despite a free flow of liquid heat indoors.

Radar was sitting in the mess tent, having dinner. As usual, his tray was a buffet of muck they so fondly called food.

I got myself a cup of coffee from the urn lying on the heater.

"Hi!"

"Hello Hawkeye." His mouth was full and he was attacking food with a vengeance. Sometimes, I envied him, like right now.

"Dinner?"

"Yeah. Want some?"

"Thanks. I think I will pass."

"You look thin."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You should eat."

"When did I abdicate my parental rights to you?"

"I am serious, Hawkeye."

"No kidding!"

"Col. Potter is worried."

"He is old and prone to worry!"

"Hawkeye!" Radar admonished me. Argh, even kids...

"You can tell him I won't keel over a patient!"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Where is the old buzzard, by the way? I needed to talk to him."

"Probably Officers' club. They are having a party there. I am going there after dinner."

"I saw BJ in Swamp. Think he isn't coming."

"You aren't there either."

"I did not know. And I am no fun if I cannot drink."

"BJ did not tell you?"

"Uh huh."

"Something is not right with him, Hawkeye." He said between forkfuls.

"Ya think!"

"First I thought it was the whole peacetalk thing. Then, I thought it was cz of closeness to Christmas. First Christmas can be hard."

"I don't remember mine except I was drunk out of my skull."

"You are different, Hawkeye. And, its not just Christmas with BJ. Something else is wrong too. You think I don't know about his mailcall? And all that extra work with you being sick n' all."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me how its my fault BJ and everybody else had to do extra work."

"Well, not everybody else. Just surgeons and nurses."

"Potter could have asked for an extra hand from I-Corps. I am sick of everybody laying it all on me about all the extra work everybody had to do. One man cannot possibly be held responsible for everybody's exhaustion and mess ups."

Radar just looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before indulging in his gastronomic adventure.

"Nobody blamed you, Hawkeye!"

He said with his mouth full.

My coffee was finished.

"I am going to the party." I told Radar before leaving.

"I will come after dinner." He was still avoiding my gaze.

"Alright." And with that, I left the mess tent.

It was time to talk to the commander. I was getting tired of the insinuations and the outright sorrowful disdain I was shown. It was like I had conspired with NK to fall sick so 4077 would crumble to its ashes.

_This is the virus talking_.

_NO! This is the 4077 talking, damnit!_

I was angry again. And tired. These were not moodswings as I had assumed earlier. Nothing was making sense to me. It was like everybody who mattered had turned impervious to common logic. All my efforts at explaining were falling on deaf ears. I felt everybody was questioning my intentions and sincerity. I knew that it was a common practice. Somehow, I left somethings to be desired when it came to showing my good intentions or sincerity to those I did care about but it was never a mass-hysteria kinda thing before. These days, everybody I knew was doubting me. It was affecting me more than I expected.

Temperature had dropped another few degrees during those few minutes I spent with Radar. I shivered slightly as the cold wind hit me. This was already looking like a bad winter in the making.

O-Club was in full swing. Loud music with louder soldiers made it look like one cool party. I tried to look for Col. Potter and found him sitting in the back corner, sipping on a bourban with lots of ice. That was a strange sight.

I walked through the crowd. He saw me and waved me over.

"Hello Colonel!" I landed myself on a chair opposite him.

"Hello Pierce. Good to see ya here even if you cannot have fun."

"Who says I cannot?" I asked mischievously. He smiled.

"Hunnicut not coming?"

"Not so sure, Col. He was kinda occupied when I left."

"Rough few weeks for him, I would say."

"Thats what I wanted to talk about even if its a waste of time now."

"That never stopped you before. Why start now?" His voice was not even slurring.

"How come you are not drinking like you usually do?"

"Because of the promise HQ made to me."

"Huh?" I looked at him quizzically.

"Casualties can start rolling in anytime. I cannot get carried away when I am short one hand. But you did not come all the way here to drink and enjoy the party. And certainly not to ask why I was not drinking."

I stayed quiet, hearing the same thing fourth time in less than half an hour. Part of me burned with guilt and another with anger.

"What is it, son?"

"Colonel. I want to ask you something. And this time, I want a serious answer." I stopped myself from saying _honest_ and used the second best choice that came to my mind.

"Serious answer? What do you...Go on." Col. Potter started off somewhat heatedly before cooling down just as quickly.

"When I asked you to stay, when I got sick, you knew the possibility of heavy casualties. I mean look around us. We are in the middle of a war. You knew that not seeking a replacement would mean extra burden for BJ and Frank."

"And me!"

"Huh?"

"Extra burden for me too. But carry on." Was he attempting to lighten up the mood?

"So why did you not ask for a replacement? I know now that my leaving or staying has nothing to do with that even if BJ and Frank and everybody else and his uncle thinks that I am the reason you could not get a replacement surgeon."

"I did."

"Huh?" What the hell was wrong with him, giving short, cryptic answers?

"I asked for a replacement surgeon, Pierce." He solemnly declared while pondering on the melting ice in his glass.

"Oh..." That came as a surprise. Radar hadn't told me that.

"Yeah. The first night we got casualties, I knew we were in way over our heads."

"How so? BJ did triage. I saw him." I remembered him looking at me that night.

"Yeah, but triage was not the only thing. Hunnicut, good as he is, is new. He took longer at triage than usual when you and him do it together. And then, in the OR, I was short one hand. My most dependable and experienced hand! That alone caused huge delays and we almost lost a few patients."

"So why didn't yout get the surgeon?" I ignored the implied praise. It only added to the anger and guilt I was feeling already.

"I tried. They shot me down. It takes a month at least. Mostly, units get short handed only if surgeon is rotated out of the unit and that is planned so replacement is easy. Even when a surgeon gets injured or killed, replacement is relatively quicker, takes 2-3 weeks. But right now, with the big push coming in, they staffed the units with lower proficiency ratings with all the extra hands they could spare. We could not get anybody before second week of December."

"But you are getting one soon, right?"

"No. I took back my request."

"Why?" And to think I was blamed for something which wasn't even my fault to begin with.

"Because you are back to work. Keeping you here was not just good for you. It was good for me too."

"How so?" I asked crossly.

"Because I knew that if I needed a hand, I could count on you." He looked at me this time.

"Uh huh." I felt deflated now.

"So when can you be ready?"

"To operate?" That came from far left.

"No. To do bronco busting." He shook his head.

"Bronco...You mean you are seriously asking me? After what you said yesterday?"

"I always pegged you as a smart man. Don't try to prove me wrong. Its too late in the game." He was having fun. At my expense.

"Monday?" I said tentatively, knowing I was exaggerating it a bit. If today was any indicator of my physical prowess, I was not fit for an OR stint for another week at least. Not the shifts we had gotten used to anyway.

"Not working the weekends? What kinda practice you runnin' son?" He was baiting me. I knew it from his smile. I rose to the bait.

"I can do it today, Col. I am surprised you asked."

"I know. Why didn't you come for dinner?" Where did _that_ come from?

"I wasn't hungry."

"Wrong answer!" He stared at me.

"I wasn't, Colonel."

"I told Hunnicut to wake you up." Slightly admonishing tone. Whom for? I wondered.

"Yeah. He did."

"I know he did. When I ask someone to do something, I expect it to be done, Pierce." He spoke meaningfully before returning to sipping his drink.

"OK!" I did not know what else to say. He had a point but among other things, this chaneling of my mother was getting old. They needed me to work, I knew I could work and that was all that mattered.

"I have seen grown surgeons keel over their patients, sometimes injuring the patient and sometimes, injuring themselves. Exhaustion is a surgeon's worst enemy!"

"I didn't know that." I answered him, knowing now where he was going with this latest line of questions and statements.

"Good. Now you do! Mess tent is open. Get something to eat and get some rest. I need you back soon as possible, son. Now go!"

"Are you dismissing me?"

"What does it look like?"

"Like you are dismissing me?"

"Then that's exactly what I am doing. Goodnight Pierce."

"'Night Colonel." And with that I left the club.

So he had asked for a surgeon and did not get one. BJ and Potter being overworked was not my fault. I was cleared. Why did it not make me feel any better?

Maybe it was time to have another man to man with BJ.

**P.S.** I am lowering my expectations again. I won't expect reviews or feedback. This time, I am sure I won't be disappointed, argh!


	52. Chapter 52

Hello my apathetic and not-so-naughty monkeys! Here's another one. Short and not so good. Thats what you get for not giving any feedback! I am building up for something which just might turn out to be anti-climactic since this is my first ever story, fan- or non-fanfiction. Its just that eve of Thanksgiving is turning out to be longer and more eventful then I was hoping for, considering I am the inventor of this piece of art.

Anyway, enough blabbering.  
Happy reading!

Chapter 52

Officer's club was too hot. The cold outside hit me like a slap in the face. It was windy, chilly and just plain miserable and it still felt good.

What Colonel Potter just said and did not say felt reassuring in more ways than one. But why the hell did it not make me feel any better?

I slowly walked towards the Swamp. All I could hear was silence right now but like Potter said, things were going to change in next few days, probably over the weekend. The whims of senior officers were predictable only in their unpredictability. That and a throughly cruel sense of humor that did not consider sending coffins back home this time of the year.  
Before I came here, Christmas never felt like a very important thing to me. All Dad did was spend time with me. There were times when he had to go tend to an emergency, somebody falling off a ladder or something equally ridiculously submoronic! Tree was optional. Not a free flow of sentimentality so closely associated with the whole season. When Mom was alive, we used to go visit her family in Queens around Christmas. After her death, things changed a lot. One of them was the whole Holiday _spirit_. While Thanksgiving was a loud family affair, we kept it quiet over Christmas. And then I went to college and things changed further. It was not until I came here that I realized how much spending that day with Dad meant to me.

Suddenly I found myself standing in the cold night without realizing it. By the time I got back to Swamp, I was shivering. Frank was gone. Nothing new there. Thats how it used to be before Margaret got engaged. BJ was nursing a drink and reading what looked like a paperback. The title and more than a few pages weer absent. Probably somebody sharing the book with him.

I removed my jacket and stood in front of the heater trying to warm my hands, my back towards him.

"Thought you went to the party."

"Uh huh." I was not sure what to say. That was happening to me a lot these days.

"Had dinner?"

"No. I forgot."

"Right!"

"Beej!" I turned around to look at him.

"Yeah?"

I stayed quiet for a few seconds. Or was it minutes? I was not sure. He stared at me intently and finally, I averted my gaze to my now relatively warm hands.

"You wanted to say something to me?" He asked in a somewhat testy tone that broke my reverie.

I again turned to look at him but stayed quiet.

"Hawk!"

"Yeah?"

"What is it?"

"Nothing, Beej."

"Don't try to be evasive." Still the sharp tone.

_Fine!_

"Do you resent me?" I just blurted it out.

"WHAT?" He looked up sharply.

"Nothing." My moment of courage had passed just as quickly as it had arrived and I was not interested in finding out anymore.

"Don't change the subject!" I looked at him. He was serious, almost sombre.

"Forget it, alright!" I sat on my cot and started removing my boots.

"I don't resent you!" He said quietly. That was unexpected. I was expecting something indignant, angry, hostile.

"Alright. Thanks for the reassurance." Why couldn't he drop it already?

"What's that supposed to mean?" Again the testiness. I did have a marvelous effect on people these days.

"I am tired. Frank did not let me sleep all day. Can I...?" I spoke while getting out of my uniform and dumping it in a pile on the chair next to my cot.

"You think I resent you because?" He cut me off before I could finish. I had struck a nerve, I thought.

"Can we talk about this later, Beej? I really am very tired."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have asked me."

"My mistake. I want to sleep now. I had a long day!" With that, I lied down on my cot.

"Yeah. I know you did, what with all the visits and dates."

"Right!"

"You should have rested!"

"Yeah." Did he not remember what Frank had been doing all day whenever I had tried to sleep? And now he was doing the same thing!

"You shouldn't have spent all day outside." What the hell was that? Admonishment? For what? Not resting? Or was he back to the same old thing about my not getting better and leaving him holding the bag with Frank in tow? This whole chastising was really getting to me now.

"Yeah. I guess I shouldn't have. Good night BJ." And with that, I officially closed the topic.

"Hawk!"

"What, Beej?" I was now irritated.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I am. Will start working as soon as casualties arrive. Don't worry!" I just let this slip and regretted it even as I was saying it.

I was countered by silence.

I turned off my light bulb and turned to my left, still feeling shivers going through my body.

"Hawk!"

"Yeah Beej?"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just trying to sleep. I am really very tired."

"You know I don't resent you, right?"

"Yeah, Beej! I do. I just... I think I am tired, thats all."

"Long day for you today."

"Yeah."

"Hawk!"

"Yeah?"

"Frank is an idiot."

"I know. That's old news."

"He knows how to get to you."

"Maybe."

"He does."

"OK."

"Damnit Hawkeye!"

I turned towards him this time.

"What?"

"You pissed at me?"

"No." I lied this time.

"When Frank was here? He gloated when you left the tent. And I realized how it may have sounded to you."

"We are not in school or a fraternity, Beej. He and I don't enjoy the best of professional relationships but with you, its different. He does not despise you just like you don't despise him."

"I know! I meant, what he said. About you not leaving?"

"Yeah. I thought you were not here."

"I was outside."

"Yeah. Well. Its not very decent to eavesdrop."

"I think I understand why you did not leave. I would have done the same thing!"

"Right!"

"I am glad you did not leave either even if it meant more work for me." What was that? An apology? Or a reassurance? Right now, I could not care less!

"Thanks. Now can I go to sleep?"

"Yeah. Sure. I am going to the party myself."

"Have fun."

"Sure you don't wanna come?"

"Too tired."

"Suit yourself, buddy!"

"'Night BJ."

"'Night Hawk."

And with that, he turned off the light and left the Swamp.

I laid there thinking about last few days, and for once, without self pity or guilt. Maybe BJ was not trying to make me feel better. Maybe he _was_ telling the truth, about being glad I did not leave. That was good enough for now!

Now the only thing missing was my getting back to surgery.

I did not know the error in my wish just then.


	53. Chapter 53

Quite a few reviews. I still won't elevate my expectations. Thank you, guys! One of the readers wanted me to resolve some subplots and jump start the main plot. In all honesty, I don't know how to jump start it. The whole point of the story is how sometimes small, insignificant things affect people in a stressed job and place. Besides, I am trying to keep the story on the same lines as the show so its hard to introduce something like a bolt of electricity. However, if things go as I planned and don't blow up in my face, I think it will all fall into place soon!  
Just hang in there.

Enjoy the weekend treat!

**Chapter 53**

Before I drifted, I just knew it was a bad idea. Frank was going to wake me up. That was a given. For all those times when he was asleep and I wasn't and I bothered him, this was his lifetime's wish coming true where I was the one needing sleep and he was the one at the poking end.

I wasn't proven wrong.

Frank was fairly predictable especially when it came to malice.

He always came through!

Tonight wasn't any different.

I heard the noise first before I felt the sudden cold draft and the loud cackle emanating from his mouth, reminding me of a hyena with bronchitis. Cate shushed him but he kept giggling like a six year old girl. It was not often that he got the upper hand on me and I just knew he was going to savor this rare moment except, I just wasn't ready for his calamitous sense of humor right now.

"Frank! Please, this is the third time today alone. Let me sleep." I spoke loud as I could. I heard him giggle some more before he started sniveling.

"How do you like them apples now, Pierce?"

"Fraaaank! Let him sleep. Is he right?" Chimed in Cate.

"Oh Cate! You don't know him. He is ...You have no idea."

"Third time, Frank?"

"Yeah. Third time. And if you want, I can tell you exactly when everytime. Frank, man! Shut up, willya?" I was angry at him now. Even I never went to such lengths to make him miserable.

"See that? Did you see that, Cate? I am his superior officer."

"He is incorrigible. I know. But you are a grown up, sweetie..."

"_Sweetie..._" I could not contain myself. Ape and Juliet could only last so long, in my opinion.

"Oh stuff it, Pierce!" And with that, they both started arguing.

Maybe Col. Potter did have a point. It really WAS too soon to be back to Swamp.

I waited for them to shut up but then lost the battle of wills. It was time to escape this pandemonium!

I threw off the flimsy standard Army issue blanket.

"PIERCE! You are in your underwear!"

"I know Frank. I was there when I undressed."

"You pervert! There is a lady present."

"Hello lady!" I waved my hand at Cate before figuring out the pile that was my clean uniform only...three hours ago. Cursing Frank under my breath, I put on my pants as they both watched me in horror and amusement.

"Boy its cold!"

"PIERCE!"

"Yo-o-o-o" I looked at him again, buttoning my pants and reaching for the shirt.

"You cannot be in your underwear."

"Better yours than mine, fella. Yours itch!"

"No. They. Don't!" I chuckled when he took the bait and spoke in his signature indignant tone

Cate was watching us quietly, with an amused smile on her face. Maybe there was still a chance to save her. Just maybe.

"They do. Trust me! I tried."

"Pierce, I will have your hide for this." Now he was seething.

"You want me to go out in this cold in my undies? I maybe gallant but even I draw a line between gallantry and stupidity."

"Let it go, Frank. He was sleeping. What's the big deal?"

"Wow, Frank. Don't you think she is a little _too_ smart for you? She actually talks sense." Even as I said it, I knew it was a mistake.

"You stay out of this, Ben." She proved me right.

"Yeah! Stay out of this, buttinsky!"

Frank was giving an expression that I always failed to decipher. It could have been translated as sniveling, whining, indignant and a few other things even Freud wouldn't touch. Not even with a ten foot pole.

"Don't do anything I would do, children!" I advised them while putting on my boots.

"Stuff it, Pierce!" That, of course, was Frank.

"Where are you going?" Cate sounded a little concerned.

"Where I don't have to listen to beauty and the beast whispering sweet nothings in each others ears. Or my ear, for that matter."

With that, I left the Swamp. Frank was only doing what I had done all so often. And then I remembered how he gatecrashed my date earlier and now bullied me out of my own bed in my own tent. I wondered if the tables had turned or had I lost my magic touch?

Best option would have been to go sleep in Cate's bed. But that was not a very good idea. It was just Frank being himself and she had little or nothing to do with that. He was incurable, with or without her.

Knowing post-op to be quiet and almost vacant, I went there to find peace, hoping against hope there was no party going on there.

There wasn't.

I took the farthest bed from the main entrance which incidentally was closer to the officer's club exit. Before I lied down, I took a paper, wrote 'Let Me Sleep' in bold and signed my name under and stuck it to the curtain at the foot end before drawing the side curtains as well.

Last thought before I finally dozed off was, 'Should have thought of this earlier, Hawkeye!'.

Despite the unfamilar lumps and bumps in the mattress, I slept.

No dreams that night. That rarely happened and was always welcome because of the great chances of having a nightmare instead of a dream.

I was awakened by a nurse in the morning.

"Good morning, Hawkeye!"

"Good morning, Sunshine." I looked at my watch. It was eight in the morning. Another long and boring day had started.

"You want breakfast here?"

"NO. I don't want breakfast, period. Thanks anyway." I gathered my wits and got up.

The kid BJ operated on yesterday was awake. I decided to look him up before leaving.

"Hello Martins. I am Dr. Pierce. How are you?"

"I am fine, sir. Thank you."

"You look fine too. Heard you were trying to scare the staff yesterday?"

"Oh no sir. I wasn't." Martins turned real serious and I chuckled.

"Well, that was the scuttlebutt. I did not believe it though."

"No sir! I don't believe in scuttlebutt either, sir. Even if its true."

"Thats mighty smart of you, Martins. I don't believe it _especially_ when its true."

He looked at me in a dazed fashion. Probably the morphine. I smiled at him before telling him to breathe deeply. Chest was clear. Abdomen was silent but soft. I reassured him before going through his chart again.

"Nurse, continue with the IV fluids. Normal saline, one liter every eight hours. Leave the NG in for now. Continue chest physiotherapy and incentive spirometry. I want fresh labs on his electrolytes and BUN/creatinine. Get another 'crit too. And a complete blood count. And change his dressing. This one is soaked a little. Did I miss anything?"

"You did not add potassium."

"Not a lot of NG drainage. His bowel was active yesterday and he was not under anesthesia for too long. Lets watch it till noon and then, if required, we can add some potassium. Good pick, by the way."

"Thank you doctor!"

"Ummm, get me the dressing tray and gloves. I think I will see for myself how the wound is."

Wound was fine. Weather was favoring Martins. I redressed the wound and then left the post-op.

With one smooth move, thanks to Frank, I was back to working and it felt pretty good doing that.

It was sunny outside and it looked like a good day despite the mud/slush. The wind had a bite which felt good against the sunny morning.

I went to Swamp to get toiletries, towel and my robe. BJ was asleep. Frank was not there. Maybe he was just trying to hunt/haunt me and only returned when he smelt me in the Swamp. I smiled at his wretchedness before leaving for shower.

P.S. Next chapter is too damned long and goes up on Monday. Stay tuned!


	54. Chapter 54

A very long chapter for you as promised. I have an exam coming up and will be unable to update next couple of weeks or so. If I do write something, you will be the first to know. You might see Major Freedman in next chapter or the next. Just a cameo, nothing serious but there.

Like it or not, enjoy it or not, review it or not, this is all you have till next time!

**Chapter 54**

Frank was in the shower.

"Morning Frank!"

"Pierce!" He nodded curtly. I smiled before getting into the other stall.

"How was your night, Frank?"

"Mind your own beeswax, Pierce!"

"I was serious." I could barely contain my smile.

"Sure you were serious. You think nobody else has a right to some female company, don't you?"

"Nope. Everybody has a right, Frank. Its just that I don't try to enact all ten commandments at the same time when it suits my mood."

"There is nothing wrong with religion, you know!"

"Oh no. Au contraire, I think religion is very good."

"No.You. Don't."

"Fine, Frank! You are the authority on hypocritical behavior. I cannot challenge your assumptions!"

"Go stuff a goose, Pierce."

"Turkey, Frank!"

"Watch.Your. Mouth. Pierce!"

"Huh?"

"Nobody calls me turkey!"

"Right! Here's an advice for you Frank. Don't try to speak without having a full night's sleep. You make less sense than usual and that's sayin' something!"

"Pierce! One of these days, you are going to regret everything you have ever said or done to me."

"I already am regretting almost all the things I have taught you, Frank!"

"You didn't teach me anything, Pierce."

"God knows I tried."

"I know full well how you turned Col. Potter against me."

"I did not even try. You shouldn't sell yourself short, Frank." I smiled when I saw him swell like...I could not come up with an appropriate analogy. His expressions of smugness were always fun to watch, even if somewhat annoying.

"You mean he is not against me."

"No Frank. All I am saying is, even if he is, trust me, I did not try. You did it all by yourself." He deflated and I chuckled again.

"You and McIntyre. I am glad he left. I was hoping they would send you to some other unit as well."

"Aww Frank! I thought you loved me."

"Hah! And I was actually having some good time with Hunnicut."

"Oh!" I wanted to hear him gloat some more. It was fun.

He smiled smugly, knowing he got me with that.

"I could discuss my problems with him. He is a good listener. I am amazed how he goes along with a delinquent like you."

"I have to drug him to keep him with me. I know you are irresistible, you big lug!"

He grinned and reminded me of a five year old daddy's girl and a buffoon. Even the idea was beyond disturbing.

"You know, if it were not for you running after McIntyre, Margaret and I had a plan for Hunnicut to train into our kind of real Army officers with duty and honor as the code!"

That was a new one. And to think BJ had spectacularly thrown up over Frank after calling him Ferret Face his first minute in the camp. The memory brought a grin on my face.

"What are _you_ smiling about, Pierce?"

"Nothing. Just trying to imagine BJ in army boots and uniform and not his ugly shirt and suspenders, not to mention his sneakers."

"He had such promise." Frank whined wistfully. I secretly wondered if Frank had developed a crush on BJ. Maybe it was time I told BJ of his new fan.

"Maybe its not too late?" I baited Frank. Now _this_ was fun. Almost as good as...Nah! Not _as_ good. But close!

"You really think so?"

"Oh yeah! I really think so."

"You know Pierce. You may have a point. After all, he is not chasing every skirt in the camp like you and that idiot McIntyre!"

"Thats true. BJ does not even cheat on his wife like Trapper or Henry." I said meaningfully.

At this, Frank turned slightly pink. I chuckled at his discomfort.

"You know something, Pierce? Sometimes, you really come up with something good."

"Oh yeah, Frank. Part of my charm. Thats why you love me." I leaned towards him to prove my love to him but he was quick and stepped out of his stall really quickly. I cackled before returning to shaving and whistling Barber of Seville. Once I was done shaving, I decided to change the music for shower. Next on list was of course Carmen.

"Hadn't heard these notes in quite a long while." That was BJ, laughing as he entered the showers.

"Me neither. I thought I should start retraining as a singer."

"What's up with Frank? I think you have met him already? He seemed trifle bit irked, the kinda effect you have on him."

"Yeah. He has a crush on you." I informed BJ matter of factly.

"No kidding?" He smiled at this piece of info.

"Nope. I am serious." I smiled back.

"You were not home last night."

"Yeah."

"What happened? A date?"

"Nah. Frank happened. Creep! Started making out in front of me. You know how his lipless advances make me nauseous."

"Wow, he made you leave Swamp again?"

"Yeah. Son of a ...You know he is getting better at this than I had anticipated."

"At being _you_?" BJ chuckled and I glared at him.

"Maybe I am losing my touch, Beej."

"Don't worry about that. You are not."

"You really believe that?"

"Nope!"

"Thanks for nothing, Mister!"

"So where _did_ you spend your night."

"You wouldn't believe if I told you."

"Try me."

"Post-op."

BJ chuckled again.

"Not funny. The beds are old friends of mine."

"So I hear. Did you look at Martins?"

"Yeah. Lungs were clear. Abdomen was silent. I continued on IV fluids and advised labs. Will wait for their results before starting on potassium. Wound was fine. So was IO and NG aspirate. Drain was mildly bloody. Maybe goes serous by tonight. What else?"

"Nothing, I think. Potter said you guys talked last night."

"Yeah. I needed to ask him when I could get back to work."

"Was that all?" He looked at me meaningfully.

"Yeah." I was finished with the shower by then. Water was not hot enough and I thought BJ deserved some of it too.

"You leaving?"

"Yeah."

"OK. So am I."

I waited for him to get out and then we both headed towards our tent together.

"Cummon. Lets have some breakfast." He said after we both got dressed.

"You are kidding, right? That slop is not worth eating when its fresh. And now its at least a month old."

"Don't think so. 5Am was not a month old."

"It was, in dog years!"

"Stop whining, Hawk. You wanna get back to work, suck it up!"

That made sense.

I dragged my feet alongside BJ.

"I will marry a woman who is a chef!"

"What makes you think she would wanna marry you?"

"Well, I will find a way. I will make her. In a lifetime of eating slop for food, this is the lowest point, ya know. Now, I am tired of eating crap for food."

"Yeah? Dr. Pierce not good?"

"NO, hell no. He sucks. He is worse than I am."

"Yeah? I find it hard to believe."

"Mom taught me a few things. She could never teach him anything."

"Hmmm. I never thought what I would do if I had to cook for myself."

"You would stink, just as I do."

"Yeah. I guess." He got that lost look on his face again. I felt sorry for him.

"Listen Beej. It will be alright. Maybe I can teach you what I know and you can cook for your family when you get home?"

"Sounds like a bad idea." He smiled forcibly.

"Hey! That was below the belt. I take umbrage." I retorted indignantly.

Mess was vacant.

"Take whatever you want. I am not learning cooking from _you_."

"Fine, Capitane. Its your loss and your loss alone."

"What is his loss and his loss alone?" That was Margaret, of course. Nobody could butt in like her.

"God, you scared him!" I feigned being startled. BJ and I were searching for something resembling food. Finally, I decided on toast and some leftover scrambled eggs and something resembling hash browns.

"He refused to learn cooking from me."

"You know how to cook?" She half laughed, half mocked me.

"Of course I do! Are you mocking me?"

"Yeeaaaah!"

"Fine!"

"Good morning, Margaret."

"Hello Hunnicut."

"Hello Hawkeye." I said to myself before I started poking at my food.

"Didn't anybody teach you not to play with your food?" Margaret said, holding a cup of coffee.

"You look good today, Hawkeye!" I said to myself again, plainly ignoring Margaret.

"No you don't! You look like a hobo." That was Margaret again.

"Ignore him, Margaret. He had a run-in with his one true love in this camp first thing in the morning." BJ smilingly informed – misinfirmed – Margaret.

"One true love? He has a new one every week. Sometimes two, even."

"And you never wonder why none of them ever stick around long enough?"

"If you want, I can leave." I asked them both while still staring at mt tray.

"Oh no! You are finishing your food. BJ can tell me about your true love while you eat." Spoke mother hen.

"I cannot eat this dreck!" I pushed the tray aside.

"Try the eggs! BJ, you were telling me of his one true flame."

"Flame?" I almost choked at this.

"Now thats a good and appropriate word, Margaret! Yeah, so you know how they say its a thin line between love and hate?"

"There is a chasm between love and hate, BJ Hunnicut. That hooch you concoct every day and drink every night HAS fried your brains." I exclaimed, knowing full well where he was going. I knew I held the trump card when it came to them both, though.

"Cummon Hawk! We all know how much you care about Frank." This time, Margaret came to my rescue.

"Nah! There you got it all wrong, Hunnicut. If anything, Frank probably has a crush on _you_. He knows Pierce a little too well for his own comfort."

At that, I cackled loud and hard and almost choked on those eggs Margaret was advocating so forcefully.

Margaret slapped my back a few times before I stopped coughing.

"THANKS A LOT!" I said as soon as I could speak again, glaring at her. This time, both she and BJ were grinning in amusement.

"Thats what you get when you make fun of someone as nice as me!" BJ chimed in, looking at his bit of mystery meat.

"You know, he has a point, Pierce."

"Beej, do you realize how devious Margaret is acting." I tried to point him towards Margaret's good mood and was not disappointed.

BJ looked thoughful before grinning himself.

"Don't tell me he is coming."

"I can swear he is!"

"Margaret!"

Suddenly, Margaret found something extremely interesting in her coffee as her cheeks went pink.

"She is not listening, Beej. She is in another world now. You might be intruding... " And before I finished, Margaret punched me on my arm, my bad arm. "OWW! What was that for? You know I almost broke my arm the other day."

"Next time it won't be _almost_. It amazes me how such a gifted surgeon came with such a gutterbrain! And you, Hunnicut! Next time there won't be a next time for you." She could barely conceal her smile while delivering her threats.

"I promise I won't slip dead rats in his bed, Margaret!"

"Or medical waste in his pillowcase." I spoke after getting out of her range.

"Don't you dare... I will kill you with my bare hands, Pierce. And you, Hunnicut. I know you want to go home in one piece!"

We both laughed heartily at her threats. I had a vague feeling she had the full capacity to deliver as well.

"Overgrown oafs!"

"Thats old, Margaret. Can't you come up with something new? Something _exciting_?" I winked at her.

"_Idiot!_"

Between laughs and groans from BJ, I told her of the conversation between Frank and me earlier. She got embarrassed when I was telling them about their plan to mould BJ into their image. BJ in turn narrated his own miserable tales from last few weeks while I was indispensed.

To my surprise, I had cleaned out my tray.

That was disturbing at some levels but I let it slide for now.

The day was looking good for now and I could do without dwelling on how and why I finished my breakfast. There were more important things in life than that.


	55. Chapter 55

Here's another long one. Its timing stinks since it will slide down the list of fresh posts but hell, I said I won't quit and this is a reminder to all those who might be thinking that I quited. I WILL finish this story. I WILL post this story!  
Exams are killing me slowly and painfully. I am tired, miserable, exhausted, worried and many more things consisting of four letters and their cognates. So bear with me!

If you leave a review, accept my gratitude. I don't like this chapter and am pretty sure that you wouldn't either. Its taking longer than expected to take it where I want it so if you agree with me and not leave a review, fine! I can live with that.

Enough rambling!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 55**

It was sunny, again. The day had a nice look though I had lost my faith in such things long ago. Life here was full of surprises, to say the least. And most if not all of those surprises were unpleasant bordering on gut wrenching. I remembered my strategy from last night regarding BJ's domestic bliss and started moving towards Swamp.

"Any idea about tonight's feast?"

"Beej! Don't use that word in front of me. My imagination runs amok and only stops when it hits the wall."

"I was just thinking if they flew in some turkeys."

"Doubt that. Somebody arranged turkey last year."

"And?"

"Second world war surplus." I remembered disgustedly.

BJ laughed at my expressions. It was a mirthless laugh. First real holiday for him away from his new family. My mind pondered over Army's infinite wisdom and I wondered yet again what the hell was he doing here. For that matter, what the hell was _I_ doing here? Or Radar? Or Col. Potter. The man had already served in two wars. What the hell did they want from him?

_He signed up for this._

_And so he's gonna get punished for that act of...bravery? Stupidity?_

Tommy came here voluntarily but his purpose was different, even stupid. And he lost his life in my arms. I wondered over the futility of what we were doing here, not for the last time, I was sure.

"Hawk!" Suddenly, I was shaken out of my reverie by BJ.

"Huh?" I looked at him. We were in the Swamp already.

"Nothing. I ...I was going out to check on patients but I guess that can wait." I felt his double-take but did not comment.

"Yeah. Yeah. Sure. They were fine. I checked them earlier."

"So how is it?"

"How is what?" I asked him.

"The ...dinner."

"Oh. Well, last year, we held a 'Come As Your Favorite Nude Pilgrim' party. Henry was a good sport. Doubt if Potter would have let us do that."

"_Nude Pilgrim_? And who's idea was that?" BJ laughed at the idea.

"Trapper and mine. We had decided to dress Radar as a turkey and lower him from a height of twenty feet. He refused. According to him, every man has a right to his own nudidity."

BJ grinned wide and so did I.

"How about this year?"

"No idea. I think I want to be surprised this time. And by something fun, for a change."

"Yeah! Me too."

"Henry was almost-courtmartialed for that party, among other indiscretions. Was it that or the Kentucky Derby?"

"You guys kept busy."

"Oh yeah. Trap and I went long way back, having pulled similar stunts first in med school and then during residency. And Henry wasn't regular Army. They even sent a shrink to evaluate us and then split us because of all the reports sent out by our local snitch, Frank."

"Sidney?"

"Nah! Not him. He only comes for poker. He might come today as well. Last year, he could not make it."

"You gonna have poker tonight?"

"Why not? Poker can be played any day and any time, right?"

"Well, I don't know of all the customs and rituals you guys have."

"Neither do we." I winked at him before continuing, "Its a democracy. We make rules and customs as we move along."

BJ smiled at this.

I pulled my note pad I was using to write letters these days, noticing it was almost finished. A visit to PX was imminent provided Potter would let me go. I knew I was due for some downtime. I also knew that despite whatever everybody said, I agreed with Frank in my heart when it came to leaving them stranded, like falling sick was my fault. I hated this pervasive guilt I was unable to shake despite all the reassurances.

Shaking my head in dismay, I settled on my cot to write one of the most important letters of my life.

"You gonna write a letter?" BJ looked at me while making arrangements for the still to pour out liquid joy later today.

"Yeah. A friend. Needs some help."

"From here? Where is he?"

"Yeah, from here. I hope I can help him."

"Good luck! I will go check on Martins and then maybe we can play some chess?"

"Yeah. It won't be long, I think."

"Alright then. Later, buddy!" And with that, he left the Swamp as the still started hissing and moaning

For the reassurance I gave BJ about the letter, it sure took longer to formulate the right words and lines. I did not want her scared or worried, just informed. By the time I was finished, my notepad had run out completely and BJ had been poking fun at me for quite a long time while I stoically ignored him and the inviting sounds of my second favorite roommate.

"Finished?"

"Well, yeah. You got any stamps?"

"I found some in Frank's Bible the other day."

"Then give me a couple."

"I did not say I still had them. I meant you could try and find some there, Sherlock!"

"Thanks a lot, Watson!" I rummaged through Frank's Bible and then all the other books in his shelf. No joy. This letter needed to leave town immediately.

"Be right back! Set the chess board."

"What? No stamps?"

"Nah! The fink. I am running low on almost everything now. A visit to PX is due."

"I might be going tomorrow if no casualties. Give me your list."

"I might go with you."

"Alright. Lets hope we don't get guests today."

"Just set the board. I will be right back."

With that, I left the Swamp, going towards Margaret's tent first. She was not there. I decided to go to Potter's office. Radar might have some stamps.

"Good morning, Radar."

"Oh Hawkeye. Good morning." He was cranking the phone with a vengeance.

"Uhhh, Radar!"

"Yeah?"

"You don't happen to have a couple of stamps with you, do you?"

"Oh no, sorry Hawkeye. I just gave my last to Father Mulcahy. Maybe Klinger has some."

"Oh. OK." I felt disappointed.

"Next jeep is not due to arrive till tomorrow. I will get you a couple of stamps by then." He earnestly told me, still cranking the phone.

I grinned widely before going towards him and holding his face in both hands, I looked in his eyes. Or glasses, which had gone all foggy.

"NO! HAWKEYE. NO." He tried to pry himself lose and I laughed before kissing him on his cheek.

I heard him swearing in his own way behind me as I left the office to check out Klinger first.

He was darning a very beautiful evening gown when I got to his tent.

"Hello my beaky prince. Or is it princess?"

"Hey Captain Pierce! What can I do ya for?"

"I need some stamps, Klinger. And _niiiice_ dress, by the way!"

"Yeah, right out of my Norma Jean collection. What did you say? Stamps?"

"Yeah. Those tiny things with pictures on them, used to pay for letters?"

"Hmmm. How many?"

"Two would do for now. How many you got?"

"More than you need, Captain!"

"OK?"

"How bad do you need them?"

"Bad 'nuf."

"GOOD."

"Not-good, Klinger. Now can I have them, please?"

"I need something in return."

"You name it, buddy!" I turned on my charm.

"I will let you know. Do I have your word?"

"Cross my heart, Klinger. Now can I have them?"

"Sure thing, Captain. Pleasure doing business with you."

And he dug into his footlocker and from one of the bras, retrieved a book of stamps and tore me a few. I wondered what his demand was gonna be like but that could wait. Now, all I needed was a dispatch rider and I was all set.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I put the stamps on the envelope and neatly wrote my name on the backside, leaving the front blank for now and left for Radar again.

"Radar!" And I saw Margaret leaving his office. She was mumbling in an angry tone though I could not catch a word of it.

I lifted my eyebrows to enquire what happened. Radar just shrugged before saying, "Don't ask!"

"OK! What time does the dispatch rider come tomorrow?"

"Can you believe her? All this time, she is screaming at me for not getting her through and when I do, she says three words, slams the phone and leaves. No 'Thank you Radar. You got me my call on a Holiday.' The only kiss I get is from YOU. What do _you_ want?"

"Uhhh. Radar. I am touched. I just asked what time the dispatch rider comes tomorrow?"

"What do I look like? The dispatcher? How do I know?"

"Fair enough. Hey! Can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah yeah. Radar, do this for me. Radar, do that for me. This is what I am. Radar the Slave!"

"_Radar!_ Cummon, that's not fair."

"FAIR! You want fair? Take this!" And he shoved a cracked phone in my hands before leaving his chair and landing on his cot heavily.

I placed the phone on the table again and sat down next to him on his cot.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Cummon, Radar. Its me you are talking to."

"I'm tired, Hawkeye. Tired of everything. Tired of the war. People think I am a machine. Always expecting me to do something, get something and when I cannot do it..."

"Listen Radar! Hey. Look at me."

He looked at me and I could see something was worrying him, something that was not related to this camp or any of us, at least not in a big part.

My guilt came back full swing as I realized how this kid took care of everybody – _me - _and how everybody – _I - _took him for granted.

_Leave your guilt aside for a minute!_

Now wasn't the time to focus on myself and my guilt, pervasive or otherwise.

"Cummon, Radar. You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah. I know."

"So?"

"Nothing, Hawkeye."

"Ray-dar! Tell your mother the truth!"

I saw him smile and I smiled myself.

"I just miss Ma and Uncle Ed, Hawkeye. And the farm. Ma wrote me a letter. And people from Ottumwa, Iowa sent me a signed letter and everything. And Betsy had a new calf. My hamster is sick. Mom said she would miss me on Thanksgiving. She makes such a good turkey, Hawkeye."

I could see tears glistening beyond his dirty glasses and felt bad – worse – if that was possible.

I pulled him into a one arm hug and just sat there. There was nothing I could say. I just felt like I had failed him. I should have seen this. And all this time, I had been worried about...

_Damn this war!_

_Damn the people who sent us here and are sitting back, in warmth, with their families, enjoying their lives!_

There just wasn't a single damned thing I could do for him.

Not a single damned thing!

"Hawkeye!"

"Yeah, kid?"

"You are breaking my shoulder." I realized and laughed, embarrassed.

"Listen, Radar! This is the last time I am telling you this. You can come to me ANYTIME, with ANYTHING. You got that?"

He nodded, looking at his hands in his lap.

"Chin up, big guy!" I put a hand under his chin and lifted it. He smiled before asking me what I was there for. I asked him to let me know whenever the dispatch rider arrived and then left for Swamp again.

_God I hated this war!_

**P.S.** I hate my own war and all this emotion is all true, all mine!


	56. Chapter 56

Hello my naughty monkeys! Doubt if you were waiting for any update. Does not matter. I will finish it anyway. And post it too, God willing!

Got an exam and an interview in next week and I am hoping things work out fine.  
If you wished me luck, thanks. If you did not, that's fine too. If you wanted an update, here it is. Enjoy! If you did not expect/want it, tough luck. I am still posting it.

Enjoy!

Chapter 56

Ever since I got my draft notice...NO, ever since I _knew_ about wars, I hated them. I hated the senselessness of the losses. But in Second World War, it was somehow different. We knew we were dragged into something we did not want or ask for. We _were_ attacked, after all. But with this war – police action – things had gone differently. It never even began to make sense to me. I still did not know what the hell were we doing here. Outside, in the fields and villages, I did not see communists. All I ever saw were hungry, poor, innocent civilians - _peasants_ - trying to get from one day to next in one piece.

Radar, Klinger, Father Mulcahy and I were the only draftees in the camp who had been here since day one.

Klinger spent so much energy trying to get his section eight, he had little else to think about.

Father Mulcahy had a whole unit to save and then some.

I had my work, still, nurses and BJ to get through the day.

I should have been there for Radar. I usually was there but last few weeks were weeks from hell. And I could not shake the feeling of letting him down too.

The list was getting longer by the day. I was not my favorite person right now!

I heard them before I saw them. BJ and Sidney were busy getting stoned, playing gin-draft.

"Hey Sidney!"

"Oh hello, Hawkeye. I thought I would play in your place till you returned."

"I cannot play this game, not for another few weeks."

"Good for you. I was losing anyway."

"Hey Hawk! You took so long, I thought you found some _distraction._"

"Nah, Beej! No distraction. And you cannot call her a _distraction_. She helps me focus."

"Which _Juliet_ are we talking about _now_, Romeo?"

"Juliet is but an expression, Beej. It can be any woman of female persuasion."

Sidney gave an amused smile while staring at me. BJ was too busy getting Sidney's pieces, in this case, gin shots.

I sat down on my cot, thinking about the war again. My shoulder was bothering me a little now.

"Hey!" I looked up. BJ was staring at me across the draft board, rather intently.

"Yeah?" I returned the quizzical look.

"Your shoulder bothering you?" I was pretty sure BJ was not telepathic, definitely not in his near-inebriation.

"You were rubbing it." He quelled my silent wonderment. "Let me have a look at it."

"I can leave if you want me to." Sidney finally spoke, turning towards me.

"No, I think I will look at it in the suture room. I have to check his scalp stitches as well. You gonna be OK while we are gone?"

"Maybe you can leave him with a pacifier?" I spoke to no one in particular and Sidney chuckled.

"You go along. I will get some coffee. Its too early for me to try getting drunk."

Once we left the Swamp, Sidney headed towards the mess tent while BJ and I started towards the hospital area.

"Hawk!"

"Yeah, Beej."

"Everything alright?"

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Everything is good."

"You seem distracted."

"I told you Beej. No distractions. Not right now."

"Alright already!" He raised his hands in defeat and we strode in silence. The mushy slush reminded me of home yet again.

"When did Sidney come?"

"Says its been a few hours. Came with the last batch of supplies and mail."

"Mail?"

"Yeah. Mail. Why?"

"Damn!" I swore loudly before cursing all four lettered words and their cognates under my breath.

"Why are you getting so worked up?"

"I was with that...I was with Radar. And he did not even mention anything about any mail."

"You expecting something?"

"No. Had to send out something. Now it has to wait...when is the next batch of mail going out?"

"Tomorrow."

And I remembered Radar telling me that.

"Oh yeah! Radar told me that. I forgot."

"Hawk! You sure you OK?"

"I'm fine, BJ." I replied somewhat annoyed and felt bad immediately.

He did not say anything again till we got to suture room.

"Take off your shirt."

"Beej. Its cold here."

"Oh yeah!" This time, he was the one distracted but I did not say anything.

He examined the shoulder. I was having some tenderness at the point of shoulder and the bruise was bigger and more colorful now but there was no hindrance in movement.

"There is one stitch cutting through. Let me redo it and then I will take some blood for your liver function tests and clotting profile." He commented after examining the scalp laceration, getting a tray ready for the stitch.

It was after he had done it that I realized that he had quite a few drinks in him. That also explained the two sticks before he found the vein. I put up with this silently. And stoically.

But I could not stop thinking : _When did all this happen?_

We both returned to Swamp silently. Somehow, despite the fact that what just happened was not all that serious, it had given me a chill down my spine.

Swamp was vacant. Sidney probably hadn't returned from the looks of it.

BJ lied down on his cot picking up a book.

I just sat there, thinking, wondering.

What would happen when we get back? What was more important? Getting through the war with the aid of still or not making mistakes while we were stuck here? Answer seemed simple enough but that was because I had not been close to any blood or mangled bodies of babies for almost four weeks. I had the distance, the clarity and the audacity to feel self-righteous. I seriously doubted if I would be able to do what I figured was more important when it really meant. Sure, we did not make a lot of mistakes. We never operated unless sober but so many times, we got patients without warning and with our brains at half mast from binge drinking from the night before, it was all but impossible to stay focussed and alert and not make many mistakes. So far, we had managed.

_But for how long?_

I had been doing surgery for a long time now and most things I could do as a reflex but what if I got stuck with something tricky and need all the presence of mind at that moment? What would happen? What _could_ happen? I could kill someone on the table. And that would make me just like _them_. The ones who sent these kids here to get killed in the first place. These kids trusted those men to do the right thing for them just like they trusted me to take care of them when they needed me. By letting them down, I would turn into _them_.

_Now that was a sobering thought!_

I just got up from my cot and emptied the gin shots into the still and then turned it off.

I did not know that I was being watched at that time.

P.S. Next update soon! And yeah, I will appreciate some feedback. Also, I am reuploading chapter 1. I will edit and re-upload all the earlier chapters which have punctuation/spelling mistakes.

P.P.S. For Ms. Mithram. Thanks kid, for the offer to beta. Guess now I am not looking for one anymore.


	57. Chapter 57

Next chapter will be up in next 2-3 days. Got a huge thing tomorrow and after that, barring extremely good luck, I will have lots of time on my hand and I might write plenty more.

Let me know what you think of this chapter.

**Chapter 57**

I returned to my cot and caught Sidney watching me. I did not say anything and just sat down, looking towards BJ. He had dozed off. I got up again to take the book from his hands and cover him with a blanket. Under ordinary circumstances, it would have been pretty freaky to know that you were being observed by a psychiatrist but Sidney was not one of those psychiatrists and also, I knew that he did not _observe_. Even for a shrink, I was not afraid to call him a friend.

BJ was beginning to worry me now. He was not himself lately despite occasional signs of the guy I picked from the airport a life time ago, gave him his first up, close and personal introduction to this tiny conflict we so fondly called our war and then helped him into his first genuine bombing binge to numb what he had seen. His first visit to an advance first aid post was not any better. Neither was mine, as I recalled. But in all honesty, being one of the first few here, I had to train myself to keep down my food and bile when the reflex to vomit and collapse overpowered all other human instincts. Maybe it was easier back then? I could never be sure. I just felt that BJ had gotten the worst end of the deal and I could not help but feel scared of losing yet another friend to this damned war.

I could understand his desire to get drunk this early. It was Thanksgiving and cynical part of me questioned what exactly were we thanking for today, living in this bug infested hell hole, thousands of miles away from everything and everyone that mattered. That whole insane idea that _boy, just let me finish my residency_ seemed like a fantasy out of some Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale. I had plans to travel all across US. Maybe even go visit my extended family in Quebec.

_But they speak French_.

_My French isn't all that good._

Now, I was not sure if I would even get out of Crabapple Cove once I got back...

_IF_ _ I got back_.

"Had a long night?" I was suddenly shaken out of my reverie by Sidney. He was pointing towards BJ.

"I don't think so. I was not here last night."

"Oh. OK." Sidney raised his eyebrows in understanding and gave a tiny smile, nodding thoughtfully. This annoyed me; why? I had no idea.

"NOT that." I started a little loud before shushing myself, seeing BJ stir. "Not like that!" I whispered before getting off the cot and moving towards the door, getting my jacket, motioning Sidney to follow me.

"_That_?" He looked at me thoughtfully and I wondered if I was talking to my friend or my shrink.

_What the hell_.

"I know what you meant. Why does everyone think that that is all I ever do?"

"I cannot say anything on everyone else's behalf. You have to ask them."

I glared at him. He had a point and I sounded like I was protesting too much.

"Forget it!" I silently told him before starting to strode.

"Where are you going?" He joined me.

"Nowhere in particular. Why? You have some place in mind?" I asked mischievously, forgetting my earlier annoyance.

He just looked at me with a tiny smile on his face. Maybe he was wondering just as I was what the hell was wrong with me. One minute, I sounded like a petulant little kid and next, I ..._flirted? _I _flirted_ with a shrink? Maybe I HAD lost my marbles.

"Don't over-analyze yourself, Hawkeye." He looked at me in silent amusement. I could see cogs turning behind his eyes and I did not give a damn right now. Or maybe I did? He still took me by surprise.

"Did not know you were psychic." I told him in a neutral tone.

"And I did not know you believed in clairvoyant stuff." I could hear his smile even if I couldn't see it.

"I don't."

"Then I am no psychic."

"Of course. Here on shrinking business?"

"Partly." He replied cryptically. I knew that soldiers went a little crazy around this time of the year. I wondered how Sidney did what he did. He was probably the most needed person next to a Priest in these parts of town and while priests had at least God whispering in their ears, what did shrinks have?

"Partly? So you are gonna have some fun too? Never figured you to be the one looking for _fun_."

"I am a married man, Hawkeye!" He smilingly chastised me.

"Sorry." I smiled too. Sun was shining but air had a bite to it. It was too soon to even have flurries here but considering the snow from earlier this week, this winter was going to be a mighty monster, I was sure.

"Hawkeye!"

"Yeah, Sidney?"

"HELLO SIDNEY!" Father Mulcahy yelled loudly from a short distance away, waving his hands, walking towards us.

"Hello Father Mulcahy."

"Hello Father." I greeted him too, wondering once again at his early – not so early – morning cheer.

"What a lovely day, Hawkeye, Sidney. I am glad to see you here."

I looked down at the slush I was standing in then looked at Father Mulcahy again, this time really wondering how he maintained his sunny disposition.

"Yes, Father. It is a lovely day. How is your work going?"

"It is good, actually. All I have to do is forgive some breaches of Sixth Commandment these days. Nothing too big. I am happy we are having a quiet Thanksgiving. Last few days have been bad in that regard, as you may know. Too many seriously injured soldiers." He shook his head sorrowfully. What he did not say but what I knew for a fact was all the Last Rites he might have had to give to the kids who could not make it. And the wills and the confessions. I did not envy him!

"Snow came in early this year, right?" Sindey asked no one in particular. I stood silently by, waiting for Sidney.

"Oh yeah. Last year it was not this beautiful." Father Mulcahy was cheerful and perhaps less than interested on dwelling on the ugly side of war right now.

"So is there going to be a real turkey?" Seemed Sidney was really interested in having this conversation.

"Why does everybody keep asking me that?" I looked up theatrically as Father Mulcahy chuckled before informing Sidney of our fate from last year.

"Ironic to celebrate Thanksgiving in a war zone." Sidney commented.

"Tell me about it." I replied sardonically hiding my bitterness with a smile.

"Well well, lets not do that, Hawkeye. There is plenty to be grateful for." I looked at him, knowing full well what he was going to say, part of me agreeing with him, another part getting angry, even furious, enraged at this whole scenario where, the upside was the upside only because it was touch better than the downside. Upside was supposed to be upside because it was UP and not because it was NOT DOWN.  
I felt my mind wandering again and I excused myself from the two and walked towards the edge of the camp. Wind felt good against my face. The bite in the cold had a way of numbing the senses. The snow had all but melted and what was not melted was shoveled to the side, reminding me of a chocolate cake. I remembered Hermitage Hill back home and the sledding competitions we held every winter. I smiled at the memory.

P.S. There will be more of Sidney in next chapter or so. Let me know if you liked him.  
I will see you guys later this week.


	58. Chapter 58

I am not happy with this one and am posting it because I promised I would update tonight even if its technically Thursday now. I could not really figure out how to write what I wanted to write without it getting too maudlin and out of character so put up with it. Any suggestions are welcome even if I might not end up using them.  
I will probably post another one before weekend.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 58**

"In some cultures, its consider rude to smile alone." I was startled a little by Sidney. I knew he would follow me here but still.

"And in others, sneaking up on people while they are smiling."

"I thought smiling was not one of _those_ activities."

"You thought wrong, Sigmund!"

"So." He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at me.

"So?"

"Are you mocking me, Hawkeye?" He smiled when I copied him.

"I wouldn't dare. I know you have the power to put someone in a strait jacket. I am in mortal fear of your powers, Your Shrinkness."

"Sword of Damocles, you say?"

"Sword of Damocles, I say."

He smiled at my vain attempt at humor before continuing.

"You wanted to talk about BJ."

"Is that a question?"

"No. Its not a question. I know you do."

"Yeah. I do. I am worried about him."

"Why?"

"Have you seen him? Really seen him? He looks like a pale ghost of a shadow of his former self."

"Yes. I think I saw that though I won't be that poetic about it."

"I am worried, Sidney."

"Is he the only one you are worried about?"

"Right now? Yeah. Have you seen him? Drinking like that? And moods all over the place. Have you seen his eyes. They look lifeless. Especially with the circles under them."

"Have you had a look at your own self lately?" He asked me, making me wonder who was it really he wanted to talk about.

"Yeah. I did. I am fine. I know how to ..." I was cut off by Sidney. That was a new one. He usually let people finish talking before piping in.

"Take care of yourself?" His tone was rhetorical.

"Yeah. Besides, I don't think things too hard. I am good at managing it all."

"Uh huh. But you think he isn't?" Speaketh the shrink. How did they learn to speak like that? I wondered briefly.

"I did not say that!" I replied indignantly remembering Sidney's talents.

"What are you worried about?"

"He should not be here." I spoke silently this time.

"None of us should." Sidney was matter of fact, as usual.

"I know!" I raised my hands in defeat before continuing, "I know, Sidney. But...Look at him. He left a new mother with a tiny little baby back home."

"There are so many like him out here, Hawkeye."

"I KNOW! Damnit, I know."

"Its something you cannot control, Hawkeye!"

"I kinda figured that one out myself, no thanks to you."

"Hawkeye!"

"Yeah?"

"Does he know you are this worried about him?"

"I think so. Why?"

"Then he knows whom to ask for help."

"He is a stubborn idiot." I replied, somewhat heatedly. This was the first time I was venting all the pent up worry and fury about BJ I was holding back for last few weeks.

He chuckled.

"Are you making fun of me?" I asked him, looking into his eyes and seeing the tiredness hiding behind the smile and the cool exterior.

"Cummon Hawkeye! How long since you've known me?" He asked me rhetorically and I smiled.

"Not long enough, I would say." I said rhetorically.

"And I thought you were a pretty good judge of character."

"I thought so too, Sigmund."

"This is the second time you have called me Sigmund."

"What does that signify?" I said in a challenging tone, daring him to call me crazy.

"That you have run out of better ways of calling me names."

"Ah." I just smiled at his jab.

"Listen Hawkeye. There are things you can fix, change, control. And there are things you cannot. And when you cannot, its better to let them be."

I looked at him wondering what he was implying at. The war or BJ? Or something else entirely?

I just nodded my head.

"Hawkeye!"

"Yeah, Sidney?"

"You know something?"

"Either I know it or its not worth knowing." Deflection was always the best policy. But he did not become Sigmund of Korean theater for nothing. Nothing deterred him!

"You think too much!"

I just looked at him. For a shrink, he was surprisingly forthcoming and unequivocal today.

Maybe he had a point there. If only I could stop thinking all the time...

"Know a way to stop that?"

"You know why you think so much?"

"Because I am crazy?"

"Oh no Hawkeye! No. You got it wrong. Crazy? Your are one of the sanest men I know. Especially considering the insanity you are living in the middle of." He chuckled lightly.

"Yeah? If you heard the stunts I pulled last few days, you would revise your opinion." I kicked a stone on the ground, remembering the last time I was here, throwing stones out in the distance.

"Do you think you are insane?" Why was he asking me something that obvious?

"Is that a trick question?"

"See! You have a great weapon that fights insanity."

I looked at him quizzically. I hated weapons and I was sure he was not talking about one of the noise makers we were all issued in Basic.

"The still?"

He laughed at this answer before continuing.

"Maybe your second biggest weapon then."

"You want me to guess? I am not ready to play twenty questions until I know the stakes."

"Its your sense of humor." I thought he would keep me guessing but maybe he was not ready for twenty questions either.

"Ah!" Maybe I was hoping for a _Eureka_ moment, clothes not withstanding.

"You are not impressed." He looked at me seriously.

"That sense of humor alone makes me feel I am fit to fit into a wacketeria. I am thinking of giving it out on loan and try living without it for a while." He smiled at this before continuing.

"You think turning serious would help you?"

"I am sure being a clown does not help me a whole lot and maybe its time I try spending a day without it."

"Why? Something happened?"

"No. Nothing _happened_. Its just...Something I figured, that's all. Part of growing up, I suppose." I looked into the distance at some rocks dislodge and making a tiny avalanche.

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what? Give up being an idiot all the time?"

"Yeah. If you want to call it that. It keeps you sane!"

"Right. And I thought it was BJ and the still, not necessarily in that order."

"Ever had a conversation with a mule?"

"Not that I remember."

"Trust me. Its tiring!"

"And how would you know that? Brooklyn is not famous for its mules."

"But Crabapple Cove is."

"The rapier wit. Or maybe you had too much to drink."

"Maybe. I think I will have another cup of coffee. Its getting cold here."

"You Southerners! What do you know of cold?" I spoke in a nasal New England accent before starting towards mess tent.

"Never knew someone could call Brooklyn _South_. You might lose vital body parts for calling it that, ya know."

"So you are saying I should leave BJ alone?"

"I did not say that."

"Then?"

"Just stop driving yourself crazy for everything that goes wrong around here. Learn from Potter."

"What? Painting? Horse riding? Running a nuthouse? I do not envy him his job."

"Whose job do you envy?" What had gotten into him today?

"Another trick question?" I had to think hard this time. And in all honesty, I could not come up with a single person whose job I envied.

"Humor me! Who do you envy?"

"Cannot think of anyone, really."

"But you hate the war more than anyone I know."

"Yeah. But I don't hate it because _I _am stuck here. I mean, not just for myself. I hate it for all that its cost everyone, here or back home. Its hard on everyone."

"Not on the generals back home. You should envy them."

"I cannot. I might feel sorry for them but I don't want what they have. I don't need that." I shuddered at the thought of envying them. I knew I was desperate but even I wasn't that far gone.

"Why?"

"I cannot send kids in harm's way while enjoying a weenie roast with a fine red wine. I cannot live with such decisions on my conscience."

"This coffee is horrible."

"Welcome to our world, Comrade!" I thanked him in my heart for changing the subject.

"So you hate the war on behalf of everybody. Is that it?"

"Cummon, Sid. I am not an altruist."

"I would never accuse you of that." I could see his lips twitching. Maybe he HAD more than enough to drink earlier.

"I would not wait for every soldier to return home before I pack my bag. My shorts will have to catch up with me once I get my orders."

"Ever thought about not thinking so much?"

"Everyday, Sidney. Everyday. What do you think still is there for?" I took a deep sigh without realizing it at first.

"Oh..." I saw comprehension dawn on his face.

"Exactly. I am no fun when I am not drunk." I smiled weakly.

He smiled too before making a face at the coffee he was sipping.

"Bet they don't have such eclectic cuisine in your nuthouse in Tokyo."

"Geneva Convention is still respected there, fella!" He smiled.

Our session had ended, leaving me none the wiser.

"So you don't have any advice for me?"

"I gave it to you. Repeat broadcast costs bucks."

"To retain my sense of humor?" I was still a little incredulous at his lack of...At his inability to help me help BJ.

"BJ will be fine, Hawkeye."

"How do you...You TALKED TO HIM." I looked at him disbelievingly.

"You talked to him and he told you something that makes you think he will be fine and you did not tell me and you let me worry like this all this time?"

"I did not say that."

"The hell you did not." I could not hide my relief which far outgunned my desire to pluck out every hair in his mutache and I grinned.

"And another thing: You will be fine too."

My smile faded a little at this but I was suddenly feeling lighter. Now only if my ploy worked...

"And another thing. You know the curse of sanity?"

"I think I do but do tell, Sahib."

"Too much introspection and reflection."

"So in short, you are saying that since I am sane, I am bound to be very introspective and reflective which will eventually drive me insane. Is it just me or this scenario is a little too...shall we say, _Insane_?"

"I did not say it would drive you insane."

"But I know it would."

He had no answer to this. He knew, just as I did that I was right.


	59. Chapter 59

I know where I am going but its taking too damned long and now I have a reader complaining about its length. Now I know its long. See, I was there when it got this long. But hang in there. If its not fun, well, that's how I write.

I hope that you guys keep reading. I will understand if you have gotten tired now. I am still gonna write and post though. Don't expect terribly dramatic stuff here. All I am writing about what he thinks when he enters a particularly stressful stage of an overall stressful time of his life.

Happy reading!

Chapter 59

Swamp was quiet. Frank was nowhere to be seen and I was glad for that. After our encounters from the day before, I was not looking forward to seeing his face again for as long as possible.

BJ was asleep and peacefully, I was happy. His mumbling sometimes really drove me nuts.

_Thank God for little favors_.

Sidney had gone to his tent after finishing the mud solution mess tent distributed in the name of coffee. The only thing great about that fluid was the excessive amount of caffeine it possessed. It had the power to resurrect the dead.

I lied down on my cot and thought about what Sidney had said to me during our little chat. I wondered what BJ talked to him about. I just hoped that whatever Sidney told him worked for him. My worry was not something palpable for me but somewhere deep in my gut I had this fear. Whether it was of losing him or if it was for him losing everything that meant for him, I could not be sure. I knew I was not a selfless man. I needed him more than he needed me and despite the fact that I knew that even if I lost him, I would survive, I could not welcome the prospect. I was tired of losing people but still, I loved life. Did that make me less of a person that I saw myself as?

Conversation with Sidney was vague and fruitless. Or so I thought. I could not really tell what he told me except his advice about retaining my funny bones. He had nothing to worry about. It was so deeply ingrained now that even when I was telling myself not to crack a joke, I found myself doing it anyway. It had landed me in some real bad spots and then some. Back in medical school, my friends always wondered how I ever graduated. For that matter, my class in high school thought the same thing. Tommy and I had a tie over who would end up marrying outside of his own species. I had voted for him. He never told me who he voted for but I had a fair idea.

I looked at BJ again and wondered how he could get so drawn inside of himself like this. I wondered if I was really meddling or doing the right thing. And my mind returned to the starting point. If I had picked on these sings early on, he wouldn't have been so miserable now.

_You were sick!_

_I wasn't dead, damnit_.

I had to fix this for him. Friday could not come fast enough. I decided to write two more letters with same text as first in case Army lost my first letter like it did the one I sent Dad. It still mad me mad at times. As if it hadn't ruined everything enough already.

It was when the shaking and screaming started that I realized I had dozed off. I was feeling achy and tired and refused to open my eyes as my ears failed to register the voice. Finally, the shaking stopped and I took a sigh of relief but suddenly, the blanket was yanked off of me and light hit my eyes.

"STOP IT! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, DAMNIT."

"Bad Hawkeye! Didn't your Momma teach you not to swear the hand that fed you?"

"Beej.What the hell? I was trying to sleep."

"Now try to wake up.Its already close to 2. They will close the mess for dinner prep. Get up. I'm starving."

"What if I want it to close down? Permanently?" I tried to yank the blanket away from him and failed. Cursing under my breath, I floundered around for something warm to cover myself.

"I will pour cold water over you. Get up and get moving!"

I looked at him and saw his face. He was not kidding. He seemed to be in his mischief moods and I knew from experience to do as he said at times like these. I sighed and put on my jacket before getting off the cot.

"Now that's like a good boy! Your Daddy is so proud of you." He patted me on my shoulder. I glared at him before getting out in the cold.

"You sound cheerful. Happy hour worked for you, it seems!" I commented wryly.

"Boy did someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." BJ smiled.

"When somebody wakes me up with his grubby paws, it IS the wrong side of the bed to wake up at."

"Aren't you grouchy today?"

"I hate to be awakened like this. Especially for a meal in the mess tent." I was still grumpy

"Sorry Hawk. Part of the deal, remember? I – we - need you back and fast and its unfair to you, I know. You deserve at least another week of rest. But I don't know how else to get you fit for duty again. You need to eat to keep up your strength."

I was going to mock his concern but when I looked at his face, I saw the tiredness etched in every crease and felt bad for leaving them hanging like that. With nothing to say, I just nodded and continued walking towards mess tent.

Lunch was a loud affair under usual circumstances but with the recent lull and rested souls, the exuberance was evident with loud laughter and good moods all around. It was contagious and was not hurt by a semi-decent meal. Even the coffee was not so bad.

The afternoon went quietly. With nothing else to do, BJ and I checked on our patients who were invited to the dinner tonight. Despite all the good cheer all around and the innate reflex to call it that, I could **not** call it a feast.

BJ and I played some chess. He stayed away from gin which surprised me but I kept my mouth shut. I had all intentions of stopping him from drinking like he was up until now. Good thing I was never put on spot that day.

Sidney joined us a while later. We just sat and pulled each others legs. Frank made one entrance, scoffed and left. I decided to write the duplicate letters after a while, leaving Sidney and BJ to play chess.

I decided to send one to Dad and tell him to forward it to Peg in Mill Valley. The other one was meant for a direct route to BJ's mailbox.

Dinner was interesting, to say the least. I wistfully remembered Trap and Henry and the grand party we threw. I strictly adhered to the food items I was at least familiar with, turkey not being a part of that list. After dinner, most of the camp started off towards Officers' Club. I turned towards the Swamp when BJ stopped me.

"Hey. Where are you going?"

"Not the O-Club, I am sure."

"Tired?"

"Yeah. A little. And we might be expecting guests anytime now so I would rather conserve my energy, right?"

"You sure? Its gonna be fun and you missed it last night too."

"I am no fun if I'm not drunk. You know that."

"As you wish, Hawk. I will see you later, I guess."

And with that, he started off towards the Club. I stood there looking at his back thinking of what I had decided earlier today about reducing his booze intake.

Cursing him silently, I started towards the O-Club myself.

It was turning into one hell of a long day!


	60. Chapter 60

Hang in there, children. Don't hate me for being so tediously prolific. Its easier to write a twenty line summary than to put it in words. I hope you are not as tired of the length as I am and if you are, unlike me, you _can_ quit though I would rather you didn't!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 60**

I entered the bar a little after BJ. Standing outside in the cold was not one of my smarter moves but I did not want him to think I was following him. He did notice what I did with the still earlier and it was wise for me to take it slowly though I was not sure I had the muscles that performed the miracle called '_tact_'. Finally, after an eternity that lasted all of one minute, I walked in, consequences be damned.

There was pandemonium in there. Standing outside only made me more conspicuous because in this din, I didn't know if anybody could keep track of anybody other than the person right in front of him.

BJ was sitting at the back, nursing a beer. On the same table, Potter, Sidney and Father Mulcahy were sitting as well and they were in a serious discussion from the looks of it. Deciding to wait for a few minutes before joining them, I went to the counter and settled on a stool.

"Hello Captain Pierce."

"Hey Igor."

"Gin?"

"Nah! Ummm..." Picking a girl or a drink had never been a challenge for me. I wondered at the changes before I was brought out of my reverie.

"Two Grape Nehis, Igor!" I heard the squeaky voice from left of the field before one Grape Nehi landed squarely in front of me. Radar sat down next to me.

"Thanks kid." I smiled as I looked dubiously at the proffered drink.

"I kinda figured you wouldn't be drinking. You OK with this?" He pointed towards the bottle.

"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. I was actually wondering what to get before you came and solved my problem." I smiled before braving a sip. I had been pretty nasty to Radar last few weeks and did not have the stomach to turn him down now. I could feel his smile and happiness.

Somebody was meddling with the juke box and the song was stuck on Doris Day crooning about wands and charms and eyes and violins. Whoever said that it was better to be loved and then lose it than to never be loved surely had some funny drugs in his system. The only thing worse than losing it after having it was to lose it twice. In my opinion, not being loved was a better proposition than losing it later.

"Mom said hello to you." Radar spoke, most likely making conversation.

"She called? How is she doing?"

"No. I got her letter. She sent you Season's greetings. She is fine. They need another hand to work the farm. One of the cows fell sick and they had to get the vet from Oskaloosa to have her looked."

"I am sorry to hear that, Radar. Tell her I asked about her too. And give her my greetings as well."

"Alright. I will write her after the party and tell her. You give me your letter as well."

"Uh, about that, Radar! I need...Um, the thing is, I am writing to BJ's wife, Peg. You are not gonna tell him, alright? Or he will kill me." Radar looked at me funnily as if I had told him I was going to have a baby.

"To Missus Hunnicut?" Words stumbled out of his mouth.

"Keep it together, Radar! I'm not gonna...ya know! Just writing her so she would write him and uhhh, ya know, make him feel better or something."

"Oh. Oh right. You scare me sometimes, Hawkeye!" Radar breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe my reputation really had gotten out of hand. So much the better, I smiled to myself. It could not really hurt, I figured. I decided to make Radar uncomfortable.

"You did not think...ya know? About me and uhhh..." I added right amount of pauses and deliberation to my cryptic sentence and Radar flushed red.

"NO. No, no never. Never Hawkeye." He stuttered and I chuckled at his discomfort. "Boy! Sometimes you are really something, Hawkeye. God!" He seethed for a few seconds and I squeezed his cheeks that further reddened his already blushed appearance. I laughed heartily at this spectre.

"BOY! Will you cut that out?" He got off the stool but I held him there.

"I was joking, Radar." I chuckled again.

He continued pouting.

"Rada-a-a-r! If you don't stop pouting, I'll have to kiss and make it better."

He made a face as if I made him swallow a bunch of flies.

"Gosh, Hawkeye! Sometimes..." He shook his head getting out of my immediate reach. I smiled at his antics.

"Radar, I need to send two more letters..." And then I went quiet, remembering I had no stamps. I could send it postage due to Dad. Well, I could send it to Peg like that too but guess it was not really a very nice thing to do.

He was looking at me then showed his superpowers, "You need stamps. I have them."

"But you didn't have any earlier."

"Yeah. Now I...Oh no!" I was surprised by his exclamation of distasteful surprise before I found – heard – the cause.

"Corporal O'Reilly!" The decibel level was barely in the safe range without blowing my tympanic membrane so I put my hand over the ear towards Margaret.

"Major, can't a man have his drink in peace around here?" I asked her sarcastically.

"Oh stuff it, Pierce! Radar, I need you to put a call through for me."

"But Major..." Radar started whining before he was cut short, no pun intended.

"NOW, CORPORAL." Even with the din around us, her voice carried far enough, ceasing most all activity around us. Good thing we did not have an expectant mother or she would have dropped her baby right here on the dance floor.

"Yes Sir...Major... Madam... Ma'am Sir..." Radar saluted with his left hand holding his bottle of Nehi in his right. Margaret scoffed some more, shaking her head in dismay before leaving the club, Radar in her tow, quite literally. I briefly wondered about the whole commotion before remembering we were expecting a guest, one future Mr. Houlihan and he hadn't shown up yet.

Feeling sorry for Margaret and sorrier for Radar and even that out-of-his-league idiot Margaret had decided to marry, I shook my head as I paid for the two bottles of dubious looking fluid that made Radar so happy, I walked towards the table where BJ and company were sitting.

"Howdy stranger!" BJ chimed in.

"Good to see ya here, Pierce. Seems Radar got you something to drink." Potter smiled, his eyes shining more than usual.

"Hello Hawkeye!" Father Mulcahy welcomed me and Sidney just gave me an amused smile from underneath his mustache.

"Hello Col., Father. Yeah. I was not sure what to get and he helped me out."

"I thought you were not coming."

"I had a change of heart," I said pointing towards my drink. Pulling a chair for myself, I sat with them.

"What was the racket all about?" Potter asked me.

"Racket? Oh, _that_? Margaret's bitter half was expected..." I stopped as Potter cut me off with an admonishing '_Pierce!'_. "Margaret was expecting future Mr. Houlihan...What?" His second admonishing '_Pierce'_ was unfair. BJ and Sidney agreed with me by chuckling at Donald Colonel Penobscott's rechristening and Fr. Mulcahy smiled. So did Potter but he was too busy being under the influence right now. Besides, he was probably trying to be the Southerm Gentleman I wasn't.

"_Alright!_ Donald Colonel Penobscott. That OK, Dad?" I looked at Col. Potter while rest of the table just chortled. They hadn't been here for over an hour and were already drunk. Potter looked at me balefully.

"Oh fine! Col. Whatshisname was supposed to be here and since he isn't, I doubt he will be able to walk again after Margaret's next RnR. Maybe we find him in a body cast for all I know."

"So what was Radar's fault?" BJ asked and Potter nodded at that question.

"Search me, fella. My guess is that he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Anybody interested in poker? I need some money for the children in the orphanage." Whether Fr. Mulcahy was trying to change the subject or really raise some dough for those kids, I could never be sure. I smiled at his tact though.


	61. Chapter 61

Alright! Thanks for the reviews. Ragni, since I could not thank you through a return message, here it is. And rest of you all as well.  
Now I have a question. Do you want BJ to find out about Hawkeye's interference before it works or not? In other words, you want a mini fallout between the two or not? If I don't get an answer, I will flip a coin and decide. I am undecided as yet and just so you know, things are going to take a bad turn real soon anyway. Now do you want additional drama or not?

Happy reading!

**Chapter 61**

After losing thirty bucks and drawing hands which, according to Trapper, resembled feet, I finally gave up the game. The kind of concentration and focus required was not something I could conjure up just now and before going broke, I gallantly asked to be dealt out. They tried to cajole me into keeping playing, probably hoping that I would end up returning all the money I won from them in the past. They forgot, I was tired, not stupid. After sitting there, watching them play for a little while, I started getting bored. Just then I felt somebody tap on my shoulder.

"Captain Pierce?" That was Igor. Before I could express my surprise, he nipped it in the bud.

"Cap'n Pierce! Are you playing?" He motioned towards the poker table speaking in a stage whisper.

"No. Why? Do I owe you money?" I showed him my empty hands and was moving my hands towards my almost empty pockets.

"No. No sir. I was wondering if you could be the bartender for a little while. Uhhh, I..." And nodded towards a pretty Korean girl. Comprehension dawned on me as I smiled before acceding to his request.

"Sure, Igor. Go ahead. Have fun. And don't do anything I would do." I grinned at him before leaving the poker table to play bartender.

"Thank you, Cap'n Pierce." He smiled and I could see the glint in his eye that made me chuckle.

"Hey. I won't be able to hold the fort too long, ya know."

"Don't worry. Klinger will take it from you at 11pm." I tried to find Klinger but could not spot him in the crowd but knowing Klinger, it was a sure bet he would show up like clock work.

I had a faint idea about how tough bartending could be. It became evident when the demands far exceeded the supply, everybody asking where Igor had gone and what the hell was _I_ doing behind the counter. It seemed evident that despite the initial joy people showed me on my return to humanity, they regretted the grand entrance I had made by jumbling up orders and plain forgetting a few in the course of events.

"Hawkeye! Can I have a Grape Nehi, please?" That was Radar. Making sure I wouldn't hand him something more dangerous, I ducked behind the counter and dug up a Grape Nehi for him, waving him to keep sitting while I attended to a couple other disgruntled customers.

_What is the opposite of disgruntled?_

_Gruntled?_

Handing them their drinks, I got my first breath of relief in ...ten minutes.

_Ten minutes?_ It sure felt like an hour, albeit exciting.

"Where is Margaret?"

"I don't know, Hawkeye. She is...You know what she did? She threw down the type writer and almost ripped my teddy bear apart. She is pretty mad at Donald Colonel Penobscott and... Gee, Hawkeye, why do women do things like that?" Radar whined incredulously. Knowing Margaret, I was glad to find Radar in one piece but did not let him know of his good fortune.  
I still had no idea what she saw in that man. If their constant fights and problems were any indication, Margaret was probably just feeling good about being in love, even if the whole thing left her more miserable than her whole..._charade_ with Frank. At least she had _some_ control over things with Frank.

"Radar, if I had known the answer to that question, you think I would have been a bartender right now?" I tried to use some levity to cheer him up.

Women were an enigma and Margaret was enigma-squared. No wonder the kid was out of his depth. Most men and almost all women were that way around her.

Radar noisily sipped at his drink while I served a few more. The crowd was thinning now though it was still breathing room only. I was ducking behind the counter trying to find yet another bottle of bourban when I heard a loud _Oh Boy_ from Radar. Before I could straighten up, I heard an order for a double scotch on the rocks, hold the water.

"Margaret!" I was surprised to see her here but then, where else would she have gone? Or come to.

"So you are playing the bartender tonight. Ironic, isn't it?" She commented moodily before repeating her order.

_Waxing philosophical_. Not a good sign, I decided and watered her drink before she made a fool of herself.

"You know me. I am a people-person." I smiled as I placed her drink in front of her.

She snorted but did not say anything.

"So...having fun?" I saw her settle on the stool in front and tried to make conversation.

That was probably a bad thing to say.

_Probably?_

Margaret shot me a look that could have killed me instantly. Thanking Divine Providence for taking care of that probability, I tried to smile.

"Of course I am having fun, _Pierce_. Having a drink, served by _you_ instead of my fiance, watered down to the point where its alcohol content is below that of a diluted beer, of course I am having fun." She took a long pull at her scotch while I stared at her silently.

"Sorry Margaret. I was just..."

"Trying to help?"

"No. I was not _trying to help._ We are running low on scotch and I have to hand at least something to Klinger." I decided not to speak the truth. Not right now, anyway.

"Hit me!" She banged her glass in front of me before speaking loudly, drawing attention towards herself.

Back in the day, I would have enjoyed seeing her inebriated and making a complete fool of herself but things had changed a little over last few months. Now, she was not the uptight pain-in-the-ass gung-ho holier-than-thou GI Jane. Maybe it was a slight exaggeration but I now considered her a friend.

"Listen Margaret. Why not take it easy, huh?" I tried to reason with her.

"Pierce. I need some gin. Hit me!"

I poured her some gin, adding water to it, wondering when her threshold would reach.

"To men! And their infinite lies!" She raised her glass before drinking the whole drink in one go.

I felt sorry for her and felt slight anger for that dolt, Penobscott. I remembered a family of Penobscotts who lived somewhere nearby, one of their kids went to school with Billy. Uptight, pompous and a pain in the butt was what I remembered from various descriptions Billy gave of him. And his family.

"What happened?" I asked her solemnly before she asked me to _hit her_ again.

She looked at me balefully, slightly tapping her glass on the counter.

"Why didn't he come?" I asked her directly this time.

"How do I know? He just tells me he could not make it. Like I hadn't noticed." She was becoming emotionally charged which was a big sign of inebriation when she was concerned.

"Margaret, look at the weather. Who knows how bad it is in Tokyo? Maybe he really couldn't make it." I tried to reason with her before she plunged into self pity. I had no reason to defend him but sometimes, you just had to lie.

She nodded as if she heard the possibility of that argument for the first time. It helped that she was already half drunk if the glaze in her eyes and slight slur in her speech was any indication.

I kept talking to her for another few minutes till I spotted Klinger.

"Klinger!" I spoke loud but he probably did not hear me. He was leaning against the juke box, a sad expression on his face. I wondered once again what exactly were we giving Thanks for tonight. Somebody drew his attention towards me and I waved him over.

"Cap'n Pierce!"

"Hey Klinger. Listen, kid! Could you do me a favor? I did not know it was going to be this tiring or I would have turned Igor down. Can you take over early? Please?" It wasn't all a lie but I wanted to get Margaret away from here. If nothing else, at least she wouldn't have a hangover tomorrow. Besides, I did not want a repeat of what Trapper and I were forced to do to get her battle-ready not so long ago. That bout of self pity and inebriation was brought on by a man as well, however questionable that status would be for an ordinary mind.

"Sure thing, Cap'n." He agreed with an expressionless face and I wondered about all the despondency brought on by the Holiday season. It was not this bad last year, I was sure.

Paying for Margaret's drinks, I took her arm and lead her out of the club and towards mess despite her resistance. Maybe Potter did have a point. Even if I hated the notion, sometimes it really came right down to me to end some of the despair enveloping people around me.

_Maybe he did have a point, after all!_


	62. Chapter 62

Hello there!  
Poll is in order and I expect a feedback on that. The thing is, there **is** going to be drama with or without BJ's involvement in it. What I want to know is, you guys want him finding out about Hawkeye's interference causing additional problems for Hawkeye or not? I just don't want to bore you with any repetition!

Votes will be counted from now till the the time I post Chapter 63.

**Chapter 62**

"Where are you taking me, Pierce?" She sounded agitated as I pushed her out in the cold. She gasped as the sudden cold hit her.

"I am going to buy you a cup of coffee. And talk niceties in your ear." I put a hand around her shoulder holding her arm with the other, trying to support her weight.

She slapped my hand with enough force to make me yelp.

"HEY!" I was loud enough to make a dent in her tympanic membrane.

"Keep your hands off me, Pierce. I am not going to..." And even in the dark, I could see the flush in her cheeks. Chuckling lightly, I guided her towards mess tent.

"You need coffee. You are a little tipsy and its all downhill from there if your past performance is any indicator."

"I don't need coffee, Pierce." She whined but stopped resisting.

"Oh yes you do! I cannot forget the last time you did this." I chuckled again, remembering the shower Trap and I gave her.

"Pervert!" This time she smiled too.

"Too bad I am not a _built son of a gun_." This time she punched me in my ribs.

"OW! What's with all the violence?"

"Pierce, sometimes I really wonder..."

"Why I haven't asked you out yet?" I asked mischievously and was presented with yet another punch, this time in my solar plexus.

"HEY! Stop being a warrior princess. I wasn't going to ask you out, alright!" I told her in a somewhat exasperated tone.

"Hrmph." She exclaimed as we both entered the mess tent. If anything, it was colder than outside and I settled her on a stool next to the only working heater which was also masquerading as a stove. I poured her a cup of coffee and a cup for myself too before sitting opposite her.

"Talk!" I ordered her before sipping at the vile fluid which was getting viler by the minute, grimacing at the taste which was not like anything I had ever tasted in mylife. Maybe Greasy Stan could shed some light on it, having lived for and in motor oil all his life.

"Nothing to talk, Pierce."

"Cummon, Margaret. I have seen you downing scotch before and I just know what the cause might be."

"What you gave me was NOT scotch."

"I know. What you had in your room was, though."

"How do you...You peeping tom!" She got off the stool in anger. I just waved at her tiredly to keep sitting before speaking again.

"Its not a secret, Margaret. Now tell me what happened. What got you all upset?"  
_Not that she needs a reason._ I silently thought, knowing her mood swings and their causes pretty well.

"Why do you care? You are not any different!"

"I care because...I am your first and favorite enemy."

"Oh yeah. I know. You just need a new reason to make fun of me."  
I just looked at her, feeling a little hurt. Even when we were not at best of terms, there were lines I did not cross and she knew that too.

She just looked back at me pensively. I averted my gaze to look at the coffee which seemed to go purpler by the second.  
Knowing her, I knew even if she knew she was wrong, she wouldn't apologize so I just focussed back on helping her but making a silent vow not to go out and buy trouble by trying to help someone who doubted my intentions.  
"Men can be stupid, you know. Sometimes, they don't know a good thing when they see it. Not even when they have it." I spoke reasonably, remembering my own predicaments from the past.

"You believe that?"

"Well, it seems like the right thing to say, doesn't it?" I blurted mischievously before I could check myself. One look at her and I knew it was a stupid thing to say.  
"I was kidding, Margaret. I think he should know how fortunate he is." I told her, not really lying about it this time.

"You are just trying to make me feel better."

"Yeah. Well, thats part of the idea but I am not lying. At least I don't think I am." Last part I just mumbled, remembering our mutual ambivalence for each other over last year and a half.

"I thought getting engaged to be married was the best thing to do."

"Yeah? So?"

"I don't know Pierce. Sometimes, its me. I feel getting married in a war? Not the smartest thing to do, really."

"Yeah. I know."

"No you don't. Other times, I feel, if I don't get married, he will leave too. It will turn out to be just a dream. And I will be alone..." She stopped as her voice got heavier with emotion.

"Then get married."

"You think I should?"

"Margaret! What I think or not is not the point. You have to know what's best for you. Feeling wanted is a good thing but...Commitment can be hard with such distance in between."

"Sometimes I think he loves me and other times, I just don't know. Like today. I feel I am rushing into it."

I felt bad for her even though, for the world, I could not understand her desire to get hitched in such big hurry.

"Do _you_ love him?" I asked pointedly, thinking about my earlier conclusion about her loving the feeling of being in love.

"I think so. No, I know. I do." I wondered who she was trying to convince here, me or herself but did not comment on it.

"I hope he knows how lucky he is. And I mean it!"

"You don't say this to make me feel better, do you?"

"Well, not really. I mean, you are pretty and smart and blonde and very, very hot. And you are pretty. And did I say you were very hot? A complete package, as they say." I droned on mischievously.

"You are a sexist pig, you know." She smiled at my soliloquy.

"And you are one ...engaged woman." I changed what I was going to say for fear of another punch.

"Sometimes I really wonder how such a gifted surgical mind lives with that dirty mouth of yours?"

"Coulda been worse, you know!" I poignantly informed her, picking up my mug and getting off the stool.

"Yeah? How?"

"Somebody with my mouth and Frank's ten thumbs." I smiled and she chuckled.

"You are incorrigible, Pierce!"

"Part of my charm, lady!" I opened the mess door.

"Overgrown oaf!" She mumbled underbreath. I took her to her tent before turning towards the Swamp. She grabbed my arm and turned me around and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Thanks Pierce! For listening."

"W-o-o-o-w-w-w." I grinned before growling like a wolf, feeling better for at least doing _something_ today that meant something.

P.S. And yeah, I forgot to thank Kennedy. Thanks for reading and reviewing, especially since its a WIP. I hate them myself :p


	63. Chapter 63

Hello. I got my expectations high, thinking I might get more than 2 reviews. Thank you for helping me in character building by not living upto my expectations. Cannot thank you enough. Back to story, this is the beginning of the end. Don't ask me how long it would take because I did not know I would end up writing 100,000 words just to get to this point. I would like feedback if you think one/more of the characters are out of whack. Otherwise, we can both carry on in this respectful indifference.  
I am grumpy and pissy and I will make Hawkeye that way too, I think.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 63**

Still grinning at Margaret's inability to hold her liquor, I returned to Swamp. Hoping not to see the lipless wonder ready to ruin my night, I treaded carefully. I was out of luck. He was sitting on his bed, polishing his boots.

"Hello Frank!"

"That will be the day, Pierce." Wondering once again at Frank's lack of understanding a simple greeting, I looked towards BJ's cot. He was lying there with his lights out though I doubted if he were asleep.

"Would you mind! I'm trying to sleep here!" As if on cue, his voice emanated from deep under covers and I smiled, hoping for a verbal sparring between the two of them. Sitting on my cot, I realized the still gurgling. I distinctly remembered turning it off earlier today and was not happy to see it on again, not after the binge drinking BJ had done earlier today.

"Why is it that you always yell at me, Hunnicut? What about your darling friend here? We had such peace when he was away." Frank attacked his boots with a vengeance while I waited for BJ to really tell him to shut up.

"Who do you think I was talking to, Frank? I did not even realize you were here till **he** came in."

Frank's snickering followed BJ's sour response but I knew BJ could act like a mean drunk sometimes so I let it slide. A man needed his peace and it was a fact that all Frank was doing really _was_ polishing his boots, albeit with the ferocity and focus with which I knew some people made love. I did disturb the peace.

"Sorry Beej! I didn't know..."

I was cut off by him as he popped his head out from under the shroud.

"Another _Damsel in Distress_, as I saw it. You sure have a way with women, Hawk!" Again the slight hint of bitterness.

"It was Margaret, Beej!" I did not know why I needed to defend myself to him. He knew me pretty well, or so I thought.

"Yeah. I saw how you relinquished your position as the bartender to spend time with her." What the hell was he talking about? What difference did it make to him. And what was with the accusatory tone

"Yeah. What does it matter to you?" Now I was feeling a little angry. Ever since whatever happened to his personal life, all he did was take it out on me. I understood, well, part of me understood that he needed a friend and only a friend could be there for another in rough times but somehow, lately, all I heard in his words and tone was accusation. As if I was responsible for his domestic troubles.

"Oh nothing! I just wonder how you do it. Engaged, married, single, one, more, doesn't matter. Everything goes, right?"

"You got that one right, Hunnicut. I cannot believe Margaret could stoop this low, myself. But then, with her fiance not turning up and all..." Frank chimed in, letting his words hang in the air.

"Oh shove off, Frank! And you, Beej! Don't talk as if you know everything." I felt my good cheer from helping a ..._friend?_ ebbing away. Why the hell was BJ so pissed? I could understand Frank's chagrin but BJ?

"I know enough, Hawk!" Still the surly tone.

"Oh yeah. So do I, so do I." Frank snickered knowingly. I got off my cot and moved threateningly towards Frank.

"So now big, brave Warrior Hawkeye is gonna beat up Frank because he cannot hear the truth?" BJ mocked me and I looked at him, wonderingly. It was not the alcohol talking. All I saw him drinking in the club was a beer. Yeah, he was not very talkative but I remembered he was not this bitter either. He seemed to have been having a good time, actually.

I just stopped, my eyes only for Frank as I saw him cower to the back of his cot, my ears straining for more of BJ's statements. Finally, I turned around and sat heavily on my cot, wishing for a drink. What had it been? four weeks? since I had a drink? Figuring the math to be too tenuous and futile an exercise, I turned my gaze towards BJ

"You really wanna know what happened?"

"I think _we_ have a pretty good idea, Hawk! Your reputation is not exactly a secret." BJ spoke pointedly.

"I am still surprised what Margaret saw in him." Frank piped in, definitely egging BJ. He was having too much fun watching us argue.

"You stay out of this, Frank!" This was BJ and despite my urge to punch the daylights out of him, I felt slight reassurance. Maybe he hadn't gone to the dark side completely.

"Idea is not fact, Beej! Don't insult me or her, alright!" I firmly stated to BJ while shooting a killer glance at Frank who was still holding the brush in one hand and the boot in the other.

He did not say anything and all I could surmise was the fact that he was not interested in the fact and was just interested in seeing what he wanted to see.

"She needed a friend. To talk. Her fiance could not come here because of the weather and she was upset." I made up a little lie about the weather knowing to save her pride.

"LIES! All LIES. Damnit! I hate men like you who use that as an excuse! _She needed a friend_. The hell she needed a friend. Always the same story. _He could not come. He could not ..._She is engaged, you ..." BJ stopped himself and suddenly, everything fell into its place.

At an utter loss for words, I just lied down on my cot and looked at the canvas roof, its green color reminding me of my recent emetic excursions. Everything was green and everyone was blue. I knew there was a country song somewhere in there but could not, for the love of God, remember it. Or even make it. Not realizing that my silence only punctuated BJ's suspicions, I just let the feeling of extreme tiredness creep into my veins as I wondered, for a hundredth time in last few days, how I was gonna get out of this hell alive. Outside was bad enough, what with the war and the casualties and all the _talk_ about peace talks.

_Peace Talks!_

They had _just_ decided upon the 38th parallel being the line of demarcation. I could not see the end getting any closer. I was sure I would not be there to see this war end. I would end up in a looney bin long before that. Either that or I would probably become gunfodder for an overzealous commander. Either way, I was not gonna be there. And now, people I cared about, trusted...One person I believed could help me get out alive and relatively sane, he was spouting fire and venom at me. I felt the anxiety build up in me like the one which I was familiar with only during my visit to the first aid posts over at the front. Exposed, alone, scared.

"And I thought you were interested in Lt. Brendt, not that you stick to one woman at one time." Frank had rediscovered his death wish and was willing to play Russian Roulette.

"Oh yeah. Next on list is Cate. I have a hot date with her tomorrow. And I have you on my list too!" I winked at him lecherously. I wanted to remind him of his marital status but that would have meant another firestorm from my right and in all honesty, I was not ready for BJ's tirade right now. Faking what they did believe of me was easier right now.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Frank got off his cot in a huff.

"Well, you know my reputation among ladies and they all want to know what makes me such a ..._hot commodity_, to put it mildly." I grinned evilly at Frank though I was not feeling even a little bit funny right now.

"I know you turned Margaret against me and now you are...you are..."

"I am what, Frank?" I mocked Frank. Taking my frustrations out on him felt like the only thing I could do right now.

"Oh, go blow up yourself, Pierce!" He huffed again. I sat up menacingly, knowing full well the way Frank was grating on my nerves, it wouldn't be long before I lost it completely.

"What did I tell you about saying nasty things to me, Frank?" I did not try to hide the menace in my voice.

"I am a superior officer, Pierce! I can get you courtmartialed!"

"IF they find your body, Frank. I know how to hide a body, you know. Ever seen those latrines when they are dug? All I have to do is get one dug deeper. I can tell them its for you." I winked at him menacingly.

"Don't you dare, Pierce. Hunnicut, stop him." Frank squealed as I got off my cot. BJ just turned on his side, completely ignoring the current commotion.

Frank, seeing BJ, quicly sauntered out of the tent. I could hear his yelps before it went quiet. Sighing, I lied down on my cot again.

"Thank you! I thought he would never leave." I mumbled a thanks to the Big Guy upstairs before turning off my own light.


	64. Chapter 64

See! Now you've done it. Now you have raised my expectations. SIX reviews. Guess you don't want me building character. To be honest, I was never really good with building anything. Taking things apart is easier. And hell of a lot of fun!  
The ball has started to roll. I will try to be regular from now on, at least 2 updates a week, I think. That is, barring my original disclaimer of loss of life/limb/sanity. Correct me when I waver from original characterization. Hope to hear from you again. And soon!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 64**

Sleep was an elusive mistress that night. Between multiple nightmares, BJ's constant mumbling and Frank's loud return to the tent, I barely got any sleep at all. During the night, when I was sure BJ was asleep, I also turned off the still. I knew somewhere deep down that this would only mean a rude awakening for me but it was worth the effort. Maybe BJ swould see it as just a goodwill gesture or a sign of my worry about him and not as an intrusion. And maybe pigs could fly. To Korea. And let us have prime rib.

By and by, I felt being lifted before I heard an explosion that brought me back to my senses.  
"YOU TURNED OFF THE STILL?" BJ was lifting me up by my collar. I felt some spit land on my face and tried to clean it with one hand while with the other I held his hand so he would let go off my collar. He did not budge.

"Beej. Let me go!" I calmly told him, feeling blood rising to my head.

He let me go and I fell backwards on the cot. It was dark outside. I could not figure out the time and searched for my watch before I heard the same question/statement again.

"Why?" I asked him, trying to keep my own anger in check.

"Just answer the damned question, Hawk!" BJ was not working to be Miss Congeniality anytime soon so I just acquiesced.

"Yeah. I did."

"Why?" I could hear the anger and frustration and felt sad for him. Why was he doing it to himself?

"If you are still wondering why, maybe I did not turn it off soon enough." I spoke, staring at the still.

"Why can't you keep your nose out of my business?" His tone scorched me as I remembered the letters I forgot to write last night. What would he do to me when he finds out about _that_? Maybe bury me alive? Guess I could live with that if it meant...And then I smiled as the irony of my thought made itself palpable.

"Listen Hawk! I know you are concerned but its my life and its my problem. Let me be, alright!" He was threatening and pleading all at the same time. I was tired of his drink binges though.

"I know its your life. But its _my_ still. It stays off till I can drink myself." I stated matter of factly before pulling out a note pad and a pen to write the damned letters.

"If that's what you want!" He acidly retorted before going back to his bunk and lying down on it.

"If Cate or Margaret or Brendt or any other female personnel comes looking for me, tell them I am in Radar's office." I did not know why I did that but it made me feel guilty right away. Any other time, I would have seen BJ's smile which I sorely missed these days but since last night, things had gone south, quite literally.

I needed a carbon paper to write the letter and figured I would get three copies instead of two. This was too important, way too important for me to mess up.

Radar came through and I made him swear over his Teddy bear that he would not spill his guts before handing him the four envelopes, two for my father and two for Peg Hunnicut.

"Radar, if he finds out, he will kill me." I informed Radar a little grimly, hoping my tone would quell any urge on his part to spill the beans.

"Gee Hawkeye! Stop kidding, alright. It makes me scared when you say things like that." Then he looked at me and realized how serious I was.

"You are not kidding, are you?" I shook my head.

"Oh Hawkeye. Now I am really scared. Why do you get into such tiffs?" He angrily asked me which made me smile.

"I try not to, _mom_."

"Hawk-e-y-e. Quit horsin' around, willya?" He was exasperated.

"Just don't tell him, alright!" I pleaded.

"I won't tell him. He was a boxer in college, ya know." I did not know that and now, I was as worried about my physical well being as Radar was.

"How do you know?" I asked with almost-palpable trepidation. I was proud of my cowardice and if it didn't mean wearing a uniform, I woulda worn a medal of cowardice just to make the point. I was surprised when Potter tried to pin a Purple Heart on me. Now _that_ would have been wrong!

"Service records." He grinned before sizing me up. "You are no match. He is taller and heavier than you are."

"Thanks, _coach._" I sarcastically responded, rubbing a hand over my forehead and then my jaw.

"You know you should eat, Hawkeye."

"If _**I**_ start eating, what will _you_ do, Tiny Tim?" I scrunched his cheeks before heading towards the door to the post-op."

"Sometimes really, Hawkeye!" He grumbled as I entered the post-op.

There was nobody in the post-op. I looked at the clock again. It was 7am. I cursed underbreath before heading out for Swamp again.

_Its too early for this shit!_

Frank was humming loudly, shaving and BJ was not there. I remembered his RnR today and contemplated if I should have given him the list of things I needed. Maybe I could decide when he came back from wherever he had gone, I figured, lying down on my cot again, hoping to catch a few winks before sun was really up.

Whether it was sheer exhaustion or if luck was on my side for a change, I dozed off. The downside was, I missed BJ's departure. I was running low on quite a few basic amenities. Maybe I could get an RnR myself, even if for a day. Yawning loudly, stretching my arms before feeling the ever-present ache in my shoulder and grimacing and groaning, I finally got off the cot. I still needed some sleep but decided to give it a try again when I was bushed. Last night's sojourn with the kinks, peaks and troughs in the piece of crap we so affectionately called mattress had given me a slight backache. Maybe I was getting too old, too fast.

Trying not to dwell on such cheery thoughts this early in the day, I decided to hit the showers. Water was freezing cold after about three minutes. I hated it when it meant cutting back on the really good part of Habanera where I could really hit the notes singing my absolute favorite part but it was either that or a cold. Abandoning on the _Bohemian Child_ _called love_ for warmth's sake, I turned off the water before my giblets turned into cold cuts.

Shivering violently, I tried to bring back some warmth to my hypothermic body. Once I knew that my knees would stop knocking against each other long enough for me to take two steps, I left the showers, vowing in my mind to hit the showers early or else, not at all. Grime trumped hypothermia anyday!

The day could not possibly get any longer. After trying to read three books and discarding them one after the other, trying to sleep again and a pitiful visit to the mess tent in search of the impossible dream: food, I had hardly killed a little over a couple of hours. Leaving the camp was out of question especially after my adventure earlier this week, the reminders of which came back to me everytime I turned on my left side trying to sleep.

I decided to experiment on myself by trying out the food again.

There was no limit to my masochism!

P.S. When I wrote the opening para before the chapter, part of me told me not to get overtly excited. That part was right. If I thought the excitement was premature, now I can easily say it was stillborn! One review. And most of you haven't even read it even. New chapter will be up soon as I get some liquid courage in my veins!


	65. Chapter 65

Guess I should just get it over with.

Here's the new chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 65**

Mess tent was crowded when I got there for lunch. Maybe skipping breakfast ends up perking up some appetite, I figured. Getting one helping of mashed potatoes, some peas and carrots and a little bit of the brown goo, I got to the table where Potter, Sidney and Radar were sitting.

"Hello children. Hope nobody missed me!" I landed heavily next to Sidney.

"Hello Hawkeye!" Radar and Sidney greeted in return while Potter just gave me a smile.

Food was alright and we all ate in relative silence. Soon enough, Margaret joined the table as well. She was serious, somber and responded to me curtly when I tried to crack a joke. Knowing Margaret, I figured she was regretting her ... I could not find the right word for what I thought. For letting her vulnerability show? For _being_ vulnerable? And since I was a witness, she was giving me the signal that she could take care of herself. Shaking my head and smiling at her childish behavior, I turned my attention towards Radar, bugging him for all the slop overflowing in his tray.

"Radar! I thought you were leaving some food behind for me to eat."

He just glared at me, not wanting to start in front of Potter and especially Sidney. I chuckled at his reluctance but stopped myself from pushing anymore of his buttons.

"Felling cheerful, Pierce?" Potter dryly commented, taking in the sour look Margaret had reserved only for me.  
"Just peachy, Col." I ignored his dry tone, knowing there was a sermon hidden in there somewhere.

"I want to see you in my office after you are finished with lunch." He told me neutrally before getting off to leave.

Margaret rolled his eyes, Radar attacked his food and Sidney gave me another noncommittal smile.

"What did I do now?" I asked in genuine surprise this time.  
"Hrmph." Margaret snorted before attacking her food as well. I looked quizzically at Sidney who shrugged, part amused, part curious.

"Why does it feel like yet another visit to the Principal's office?"

Margaret huffed yet again with another 'Hrmph'. The meat was unyielding and her attack was not appreciated as it slid out of that compartment and landed in pudding. I snorted as some of the pudding landed on Radar who was smirking.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Corporal!" She addressed Radar threateningly before leaving with her tray.

"What did just happen?" I laughed.

"Search me fella! I was wondering what I missed myself."

"Mavor Bunns tawt to er an set somepung avout yu." Radar started off with his mouth stuffed with what I did not want to imagine. I waved him to stop before requesting to first swallow then speak.

"Major Burns. He was in the office, talking to Col. Potter and then he left. He was looking, ya know that look on his face. Like when I give my raccoon the leftover lettuce? He looks kinda funny at me. And then Major Houlihan was coming to my office and he stopped her outside and talked about you."

"Wow. And you found all this sitting on that chair of yours? No physicals for walls? Maybe I should have given that steth to someone more deserving, Radar. You disappoint me!" I had a feeling Radar knew most everything that was being said behind either doors. I was disappointed.

"Before I could hear anything, Col. Potter called me in his office. Major Burns is giving him tough time because of you!" Despite earlier embarrassment and a red face, Radar achieved enough chagrin and accusatory tone before finishing his sentence.

"Me? What did I do _now_?" I asked him surprised.

"I don't know." Radar knew and he was not telling. Sidney was watching us closely but did not say anything about it.

"Where is BJ?" He asked to nobody in particular.

"Uejeongbu, I think. He is on RnR." I answered, looking at Radar questioningly.

"Seoul, actually. He is gone for the weekend." Radar told his tray.

Suddenly, the wariness I was getting uncomfortably well acquainted with recently descended on me again..

"Right! Seoul. Yeah." I repeated after Radar without much thinking.

"I will be in the Swamp, Hawkeye." Sidney informed me. For one second, I wondered about his motives. Not caring either way, I just nodded before getting up from the table.

"Turn the still on if you want some raw poison to drink. I am going to the Principal's office and if my luck beholds, I will get suspended from attending the war." And with that, I left the mess for Potter's office.

I knocked on the inner door.

"Come on in!" He bellowed from inside before I stepped in.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked him directly, not taking a chair myself. These visits were starting to grate on my nerves now. It was the same pattern. Frank whined and I was called in for reprimand. I could not remember visiting my Prinicpal's office so many times as I had been in this office for those reprimands. And to think I could not hate being in the Army more.

"Give me a minute." He waved at me, his head buried in some paperwork.

I silently stood there, waiting for him. I felt sorry for Frank's siblings. And his parents. Almost as much as I could feel sorry for Potter for having His Ineptness as his second in command.

"Not gonna sit?" He asked me, head still buried in the paper work.

"Thank you." I pulled a chair and settled on it,my feet resting on the ground for once, and not on his desk, another chair or anywhere else, for that matter.

He gave me a long hard look before leaning back in his chair.

"So Radar gave you the heads up?"

"Not really. He was unhappy."

"Because I called you here?"

"No. Because ...No. What is it now? I know Frank was here and for the love of God I cannot remember what I did this time."

"Radar did not tell you?" His eyes found me, the same hard stare, not letting anything up. I knew it was not affection he was feeling for me and the feeling was mutual. Or was it the absence of that feeling?

"Col. Potter! He was not interested in saving my neck back there. He was just...He wanted me to know the grief I cause you." I was getting tired and exasperated now. One time was fun, two times, OK. But this was happening a little too frequently and was getting old fast.

"Burns believes you will harm him. He said you threatened to kill him." Maybe Potter was getting tired of my piteous tone. I knew I was.

"Threatened to kill him?" I was incredulous. Lately, I was like that a LOT..

"Yes. Kill him. And hide the body. He said if I did not do something about you, he would file charges. He said that BJ saved him yesterday otherwise he was not sure what might have happened. This was his last warning to me to control you." I felt this urge to cackle out loud. Surely it was a joke. When did I threaten to kill him? But then, knowing Frank, it suddenly stopped being funny.

"Kill him? He knows I won't kill him. Why would I...? " And then I remembered.

"I know you won't, son. Sometimes, being the butt of a joke all the time makes people act funny."

"That was not a joke!" I heatedly spoke without thinking, wondering if I really meant what I said or was it really a joke?

"You tellin' me you threatened him, Pierce?" I could feel Potter's eyes piercing me. I just shook my head to clear it and got up from the chair. I could feel surge of blood to my head. As if everything else was not swell enough.

"If you will excuse me for a few minutes, Col. I have some important business to tend to!" I retorted dryly before pushing the chair away.

"Where are you going? PIERCE!" He bellowed.

"To pay him a visit, Colonel. I think the good Major and I have something important to discuss." I turned to leave.

"PIERCE!"

"I won't be long, Colonel. I am tired of all his accusations and troubles. I will take care of everything now and he can file whatever charges he deems fit after that."

"PIERCE! STOP," And I felt his hand on my arm, forcing me to turn around. For an old man, he sure was agile when he needed to be. "What has gotten into you, son?" I could hear the concern in Potter's voice and felt a pang of guilt go through me but I could not care. I did not care. Not anymore!

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I am tired. I am sick. And tired. Just tired!" I mumbled, the manic surge of energy I had felt boiling only moments ago left me just as suddenly. It felt like a long time before I raised my head again, surprised to find myself sitting in a chair. Hanging my head again, I rubbed my hands over my face.

"You OK?" I heard Potter's voice from a long distance.

I raised my head to look at him, his voice and face showing the concern. I mumbled something that sounded like gibberish to my own ears. I hung my head again, not sure what was happening anymore.

By the by, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I lifted my head to see Potter staring at me.

"What is happening, son? I have never seen you..." I cut him in the middle.

"Colonel! Tell Frank that I am going to file charges of assault and battery on him if he keeps this up."

"Assault and battery?" Potter was surprised.

"Yes. He pushed me yesterday...No, the day before, I think. One of the stitches was torn. BJ sutured it again." And with that, I went quiet.

"Burns pushed you?"

"Yeah. He did. BJ entered the redo in the log book. I am not making this up." I had enough of Frank. I hated doing this but if this got him off my back, so be it. I had bigger problems to mull over without having the this constant disruption of my mental peace. Potter looked deep in thought.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because it was nothing! I was joking. He did not appreciate the joke and got carried away. Happens!"

"Then why now?" He looked at me suspiciously.

"Because ...despite anything that I have said so far, I haven't _done_ anything yet. I haven't attacked him whereas he did attack me and if I put it in right words and tone, same cannot be said about him. He will be in trouble."

"But you don't want him to be in trouble?"

"No. I don't think so. But I am tired now. And I am sure that this is something he will understand and leave me alone."

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing. You will tell him or I do it?" I was feeling drained and did not want to crash here in his office.

"I'll do it."

"Alright. It was nice meeting you again." And with that, I left his office.


	66. Chapter 66

OK. I might be posting really frequently, I think. I am on a streak and even if its not a winning streak, a streak is a streak!  
Last chapter was the storm before the calm before the storm. Maybe I forgot to write the calm but still, you get the idea, right? I won't know if you do and so, I won't be asked to explain which is just fine and dandy.

If I were you, I would stay tuned over the weekend.

Enjoy the story!

**Chapter 66**

_So much for a quiet day_.

I could not wait for this one to end. It had already dragged on longer than I cared for. I could feel a headache building up behind my eyes. As if on cue, my stomach rumbled and I barely made it to the bushes before my lunch made an exit. I knew a mistake when I ate it and maybe it was time to trust my instincts. There was a reason why they called a mess a mess! I stayed in the same position for a long time before the retching subsided. Glad to have no audience, thanks to the cold, I stood up again. I was not feeling very steady and decided to return to Swamp. Maybe the earlier sleep deprivation would come in handy now and I could sleep, even if Frank does his best to not let me.

What I had not contended or more accurately, had forgotten, was the presence of one shrink from Tokyo. For fear of reinstating the now receding nausea, I hung my head low as I approached and then entered my humble cesspool of an abode. A bomb going off next to me wouldn't have achieved the startling effect Sidney's calm voice had.

"Hello Hawkeye!" Leave it to a shrink to disregard the obvious and regress to basic conversation. I wondered for a second if this display of oblivion was part of their curriculum or was it Sidney's specialty. He, I was grateful, did not comment on my current state of disrepair or surprise.

"Hello Sidney. I forgot you were here."

"Its known to have happened." He smiled though his eyes were less than smiling. Or maybe I was hallucinating. I did not respond to his attempt at humor and just sat on the cot heavily. It creaked, rather loudly. Only then did I notice he was not drinking.

"You're not drinking." I stated, looking at him this time, square in the eye. If he was trying to probe me, he was doing a good job.

"The still was dry. Will take a few hours if this gurgling is any indication." He had his hands clasped in his lap now, as he leaned forward to give me his penetrating stare. I could see the questions in his eyes and just shook my head, more to myself than to him.

"Yeah. I turned it off. Nobody needed it and I figured we could use with saving some electricity." I said, lying back down on the lumpy mattress.

"When will you be able to _use_ it again?" He asked, and I could hear trepidation in his voice.

"No idea. Anytime from two weeks to two months from now, depending on my liver function. Don't wanna tank it."

"I remember somebody saying something about it back in school. All I remember is, you need it for something important."

"Yeah. For living! Hence the name. And you need it to neutralize _that_ to make it to the next day!" I pointed towards the gin machine.

"When did you turn it off?" And so it began.

"Thought you were watching me when I did it yesterday." There was no point deflecting.

"Yes. And when I was here late yesterday, it was working again."

"Hmmm." I just mumbled, trying to remember when that happened. I did not notice it when I came back. BJ must have done it.

"Why?" He implored again.

"Why what?" Maybe playing dumb would get him off my case.

"Why did you turn it off? I thought we had a little talk yesterday." He knew alright why I did it.

"You know why I did it! I'm a bad patient, Sidney. I don't listen to my shrink when I don't agree with him."

"Cummon Hawkeye!" He urged me again.

"Sidney! Are you trying to psychoanalyze me?" Maybe he had misjudged my irritability threshold. I knew I had.

"It was a simple question." I snorted at that.

"Nothing you ask is ever simple." He chuckled at my somewhat heated response.

"Humor me, Hawkeye!" He gave me a tiny smile.

"BJ!" I gave a two-lettered answer that said it all.

"I figured that much. They did not gimme these for nothing, Hawkeye!" He pointed at his clusters with a hint of admonishment in his tone.

"Isn't it enough humoring? You asked me why and I told you."

"I see you don't want to talk."

"Hallelujah!" I retorted sarcastically, hoping he wouldn't bother me any further. I couldn't not talk to him when he talked. Damned shrink. I lost all inhibition when it came to him and everything just flowed freely and right now, free flow of what I was thinking was not exactly one of my priorities. I wasn't very lucky.

"Tell me to shut up and leave and I will do that!" I winced at this, knowing full well that he was reading my mind a few seconds earlier.

"OK."

"OK?"

"Yeah. OK!"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Somebody have mercy on me, I silently thought.

"I'm not sure I know."

"You don't wanna talk?"

"No."

"Should I leave?"

"No."

"Why do I feel I am talking to an 11 year old brat?"

"That wasn't very professional, Counselor!" I let sarcasm creep in my voice.

"Who said I was being professional?" Sidney just couldn't help it, could he?

"Nobody. Just the way you talk kinda lets the big secret out."

He did not say anything for a few seconds and the Swamp was filled with only the gurgling of still.

"Why don't you wanna talk?" Here we go again.

"Good Lord, Sidney. You just don't let up, do you?" I was exasperated and knew that one more push from him and I would spill it all and right now, I wanted to make sense of it myself before spilling it in front of a shrink.

"Not really. Persistence is next to Godliness!" He chuckled at his own mutilation of something so out of place in this tent, even I grinned.

"Clever, Sidney! Very clever!" I sarcastically replied.

"Hey! I had to prove I learned something from you now, didn't I?"

"From me? I feel insulted. Violated. My robe is funnier than you." I picked my robe to emphasize my point.

"But you laughed!" He pointed out.

"That was because of your goofy chuckle, which was funnier than your not-so-wisecrack."

"When will BJ return?" He asked me after a few seconds pause.

"Dunno. I was sleeping when he left." I told him, feeling the same tiredness descending over me again.

"OK."

"Sidney!"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Talking to you."

"That's not what I meant."

"I'm here to enjoy Thanksgiving."

"And you couldn't do that in Tokyo?" I looked at him this time.

"No. I was invited."

"Potter?"

"Yeah."

"Figures!"

"Huh?"

"Unit morale. He is worried."

"Oh no! I asked him if I could come."

"To have a Thanksgiving three miles behind the lines?" I asked him incredulously.

"Uh huh."

"And what exactly were you thanking, whoever you thank on that day, for? Spam turkey?"

"That too!"

"Maybe its time we switch places, Major Freedman. I think you have lost it and will fit very well in this unit. They need somebody like you around here anyway."

"Is that what its all about?" He asked me fairly offhandedly.

"Huh?" I asked somehwat surprised by his interpretation if that was what he meant.

"Feeling needed?" What the hell was he talking about?

"What?" I was a little perplexed. Surely he was not talking about me needing the feeling to be needed again?

"I came here because I like this unit." He said that somewhat evasively.

"Sidney Freedman, you are crazier than I originally gave you credit for!" I decided not to pursue his earlier train of thought. Did not mean I had dropped it completely.

"I have been all over the theater, especially the frontlines. I have yet to find a better place to _be_ when it comes to downtime." I looked at him, pretty sure he had lost it, spending so much time with those who had lost it already.

"You come here for vacation?" I was still incredulous. I knew we were a fun bunch and I knew he liked it here but still...Three miles behind the lines?

"Yeah."

"I have died and gone to...Korea? Nowhere else will I ever encounter this kind of insanity where a bonafide shrink comes behind frontlines to have fun? Either you are one morbid fellow or rest of the war is far worse than what we have here!"

"Cummon Hawkeye! Even psychiatrists are allowed to be crazy sometimes. This is my RnR."

"Here?" I pointed to the floor incredulously.

"Not exactly here," He pointed towards the floor as well before telling me what he meant by _here_, "The unit, Hawkeye. Its a great place to _be_." I just stared at him. Did he like it because the unit was overflowing with all sorts of insanity? Was this his idea of observing insanity at its absolutely insane? I shook my head and smiled. No wonder I could talk to him anytime. He WAS crazy!


	67. Chapter 67

The chapter was written and ready to post but life struck. My internet went down and then something worse happened. Sorry for promising to deliver when I could not, even if it wasn't my fault really.

I don't think you guys will like this chapter. I know I don't.

**Chapter 67**

"So are we having fun yet?" I looked at Sidney mischievously.

"Oh yeah!"

"And what exactly is so fun about this place?"

"Gambling, drinking and of course, Klinger." Sidney cryptically answered.

"There hasn't been much poker lately. You guys finished early last night? When I came back, BJ was already home."

"No. He left early but you and BJ are not the only players around." Sidney said with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, I guess. Looked like he lost plenty on the table." What was with the verbal hopscotch?

"He cleaned up all of us. It helped that he wasn't as drunk as the rest not to mention, your absence. "

Sidney's information sent my mind into a thinking spree. BJ wasn't drunk. He wasn't broke either. So was he just mean for the hell of it? Holding the thought, I returned my attention to Sidney again. My nausea was subsiding, I noticed. I could have used something light to eat. Maybe I could ask Colonel Potter to let me go for a short RnR. I knew he wouldn't refuse me. But it had to wait till BJ returned because of the impending push.

"Then maybe he did not want you to win it all back." I spoke without much thinking.

"Why are you trying to explain his early exit?" Sidney poked at the still and then looked at me.

"Me? I'm not trying to...I just want to...Oh NO! You cannot bait me into talking, Sigmund!" I suddenly checked myself before I started thinking out loud. Lately, I had stopped doing it, reasons notwithstanding. I needed to pace to think and talk and right now, I could not fathom the reserves of that manic energy I had that not only got me all worked up but also help me pace and talk and be angry.

"I know. But it might help." Sidney spoke in a conversational tone.

"Help? Help whom? I don't need it and he doesn't want it." I knew he was right but in all honesty, I did not know what I was thinking. I was worried about too many things and almost none of them I had control over.

_If only I could stop thinking!_

"Hawkeye! You are trying too hard. You turned off the still. So? He can get the drinks from the bar. From Rosie's. Hell, all the money he won last night, he can all the liquor in Seoul PX." I could hear exasperation in Sidney's tone. I never heard him exasperated. Maybe I was just projecting.

"I know that Sidney. That was not what I was playing for." And I saw comprehension dawn on his face as he gave me a smile.

"You are one devious son of a ...Hawkeye! I knew you were devious but even I didn't know how devious." I grinned at this compliment.

"Now if you don't mind, I have a date with Morpheus. We are hoping to kiss and make up."

"Too much information, fella! You mind if I wait for still to produce some lighter fluid?"

"Nah! Be my guest. Better yet, be still's guest. I don't mind. Neither will she." I informed him, yawning.

Sleep came easy this time. There were a few weird dreams but when I woke up a few hours later, I could not remember any and was grateful for that. Sidney was nowhere to be seen though still was still gurgling. I turned it off again before heading out for mess tent.

Dinner was a semi-decent affair and for once, I ate an almost grown up serving of everything on my tray. As I was leaving the mess tent, I saw Margaret sitting alone at a corner table. She looked at me and I wasn't sure if I was imagining it but I saw sadness and then she averted her eyes. Just for a second, I considered the possibility that I was just going by something I already knew of her which was, she was feeling bad about being open to me. It could have been something else.

"Hello Major!" I sat next to her.

"Captain!" Came the curt response.

"What happened to _overgrown oaf_?" Maybe levity would come helpful.

She looked at me and this time I was sure she was hurt at something. But what? Surely I didn't do anything this time.

_At least I think I didn't._

"What happened Margaret?" I asked her as I checked her ring finger. The ring was still there so that meant that pond scum was still engaged to her.

_And why the hell are _you_ so protective of her?_

_Cz she's a a friend!_

"You sleazy slimeball!" She angrily looked at me before attacking her food again reminding me of lunch time and her similar vengeance towards mystery meat. Was she seeing _me_ on her tray instead of whatever animal that meat came from?

"Uhh, that was enlightening but would you mind telling me what is it exactly that I did? Besides sitting with you last night and listening to you?"

"Gah! You...You...Pierce! You are all the same. And _you_ are the worst of the lot!" And with that, she slammed her knife and fork on the tray and started getting up.

I grabbed her wrist and forced her to keep sitting.

"You mean you regret talking to me? Is that it? Pardon me for living, Margaret!" I asked her heatedly this time.

"Let go of my arm, buster. You don't want it dislocated!" She pulled her arm with considerable force and maybe she had a point. The way I was, she may have taken my arm **with** her.

"What the hell! Fine. Go." I let her arm go and vowed never to be there for her again. The woman was insane!

"Pierce!"

"What?"

"Of all the cheap tricks and games you have played ever since you came here, this one was the worst!" She sounded hurt again. And I was lost.

"What the hell are you talking about? What did I do to you _this_ time?" I asked her in genuine surprise.

"Nothing, Pierce! You didn't do anything!"

Shaking my head in incredulity, I just decided not to ask her again. She could live in the cocoon of her insanity. I did not want any part of it. I had a whole bunch of such cocoons myself.

As I left the mess tent, I saw Brendt. Tonight's movie was The Maltese Falcon and even though I had seen the movie, it was a rare thing to have a regular length, unspliced, _real_ cool movie on our hands. It was late but when were my dates long thought out and premeditated? Spontaneity was the life and soul of dating.

"Hello Lt." I greeted her as I fell in step with her.

"Hello Soldier!" She looked at me and gave me a smile to kill.

"Wanna watch the movie?" I asked her with a somewhat lecherous undertone and a smile to match.

"Yeah. Why not." She smiled and I just felt maybe, just maybe, today would not end up as a total fiasco! That was the recent pattern of my life. One good day followed by a day completely shot to hell. Shaking my head, I told her I would get her at 7:20pm. Movie was starting at 7:30. That gave me enough time to get all spruced up. I was busy shaving when I heard the door open with a jerk and somebody whooshed in.

"You dog!" I looked around to see who it was and where was the dog. With only Brenda and myself in the tent, it did not take the mind of a rocket scientist to figure out the recipient of this current _affection_.

"Me?" Just for confirmation.

"Yes YOU!"

"Uhh, OK. And why this premature love? Movie does not start in ..." I never reached my watch.

"You just cannot keep your hands to yourself for one day, can you?" Acid rain. Thats what it was.

"Excuse me?" There was a shadow of echo in this conversation but I still hadn't made any solid connection.

"I thought...God, I'm such a fool." Hoping she wouldn't start crying, I said the first thing that popped in my had.

"You are?" Before I could check myself, the question escaped my mouth. Good thing she was not holding anything heavy.

"Oh go to hell, Captain Pierce!" She spat the words out.

What the hell was going on? It was like, in my sleep, I had detonated a mine of irrationality. Trying to remember all the conversations since last night, I realized there was only one common denominator : Insanity. And I was the one at its receiving end.

"Would you mind telling me what I did do wrong? I am willing to apologize and hopefully, not to repeat the mistake any time soon." I tried to sound sincere.

"You won't charm me. Not anymore. Find someone else who is stupid enough to go out with you."

"So our date is off?" I asked her, confirming. Maybe I had a death wish.

The answer was a slam of the door. I was sure after all the abuse it had taken, it was ready to fall apart. Same could be said about me too.


	68. Chapter 68

**PSA**: Its gonna get real bad before it gets worse. All of you not wishing Hawkeye or company to suffer are advised to quit reading right here.

I will try to update often this week to make up for the faux pas from the weekend. Reviews will be appreciated. Their lack will be ignored! I am trying to finish the story and cannot get there fast enough even if I am having fun writing it. I hope you guys are having as much fun reading as I am having writing.

**Chapter 68**

I finished shaving and decided to go to the movie anyway. Maybe Brigid O'Shaughnessy had the cure to my broken heart. What could be better than a beautiful face with a devious mind? It _had_ to be better than what I had here. I had enough of prudent princesses and all I did was bring out their anger and insanity. Maybe Santa sends a fresh batch of beautiful nurses and the ones already here would not ruin my reputation before I had a chance of doing it myself.

I decided to find Sidney and take him with me. At some level, that struck me as disturbing. Someone going to a movie after being dumped by a prospective girlfriend and decides to take his shrink. There was more than one level of disturbia lurking just underneath but I figured it a smart move to leave the shrinking and analyzing to Sidney and just watch an excellent whodunnit, even if my date was my shrink. Nobody could be as sinisterly charming as Bogart and nobody could be as angelically devious as Mary Astor. Apologizing to Gene Tierney, I continued lusting after Mary Astor. It helped me focus on my shaving skills.

Sindey agreed to go out with me. Not exactly a triumphant moment in the history of ...well, basically anything but I figured if anybody could help me feel less lousy, it was him.

Sitting on those benches, hunched forward, with rain starting outside and cold wind finding ways to creep in unobtrusively with absolutely no soft and warm company of female persuasion to help me along, for once, I could not focus on the movie I really liked for almost a decade. The kicker came when the heater went out during intermission. Those who were huddled together could probably afford to sit here and watch but with no hot scenes to improve my circulation and save me from hypothermia, I ditched my date and left for Swamp.

Frank was there.

Cursing under breath, I removed the now wet outer wear, picked some of the already brewed gin and tossed it into the heater. Maine was not famous for its sunny coastal areas but it was never like this either. This cold was brutal and cruel. And it was only end of November. Holiday season around here reminded me of fairly vivid picture Dickens drew in The Christmas Carol. Some of it he wrote and rest I imagined. And it was dreary. Just like right now.

I wanted to go home!

Sleep was nowhere around, thanks to my earlier nap. Frank was ignoring me and I was glad for that. I looked at him and knew he was welling to let me have it. Maybe he liked his life better.

I wasn't sure when I drifted to sleep. It was not a very good sleep but I don't remember waking up in the middle. I was still tired when I woke up in the morning. It was dark outside but the rain had stopped. Shower seemed like a good idea. Being this early helped. I got real hot water, first of the ten servings of real orange juice, fresh coffee which tasted almost like coffee with just a little help from imagination, unburned sausages and toast that hadn't developed close ties with coal. Remembering my assessment from yesterday, I kinda knew today was gonna be a good day. I was owed one, after the total wreck I had for yesterday. Soon after I settled on a table, Margaret followed. She looked tired and not herself. Whatever it was, it wasn't any joke she would brush aside and return to her feisty self. Maybe my having a good day was more important to me right now so I let sleeping dogs lie and concentrated on my breakfast. Which was edible. I simply could not hide my glee. Pretty soon, people started rolling in and the noise level started increasing. Col. Potter, Sidney and a gas passer joined me on my table.

After some small talk, I excused myself and left the table. There was no rain but I could hear thunder from afar. I hoped it to be thunder. The other prospect only made things drearier, considering the half deck of surgeons, weather and the general state of inebriation in the unit.

Most of the day went without anything happening. It was around 3pm when I was paged through PA system to report to Potter's office. Wondering what it was about this time, I made my way to the office.

"Hello Radar!"

"Hello Hawkeye!"

"How's his mood?"

"Radar, tell him to come in and find it himself." Boomed Potter from his office.

I raised my eyebrows for some explanation but Radar just shrugged his shoulders giving me the teeniest of smiles.

_Couldn't be bad_, I reasoned myself.

"Hello Colonel!" I waved at him before landing on a chair in front of his desk. He was rummaging through his liquor cabinet.

"Sorry son, cannot offer you any." He sounded sincere as he poured himself a stiff one.

"Just a few days more. Than I will be back to my good ol' self." I informed him with as much confidence as I could muster in my voice.

"Don't think so!" And down came the gauntlet.

"What? Am I going home? I can pack in ten minutes, you know." Knowing full well that wasn't the case, I still hoped against hope.

"Your liver function tests returned." Why did he sound less than happy? I was feeling better. I was on the mend and I knew it.

"But nobody sent it yesterday. And the ones from before..." And with that, I realized, I had no idea about the ones before that.

"Nothing to worry, Pierce! I just think your return was a little premature. Its a coupla days old so maybe things have gone better over last two days. I don't think sending you to Tokyo or Seoul would do you much good. But I think you should rest and concentrate on regaining your health. I cannot have you on my roster yet. I am getting a replacement surgeon."

_My LFTs hadn't improved?_

"Can I?" I asked for the report. This was perfect! Just perfect. I shook my head as I scanned the neatly typed report. "It could be wrong." _I hope_.

"That's why I want you to send another blood sample marked urgent. I'm sorry son!" And he looked it too.

I could not even utter my own apology. It sounded hollow, meaningless. He was stuck with me and now...

Shaking my head, I thanked him and left his office.

_Its not like you died! Its just a damned report and for all you know, it could be wrong. Besides, you had two days rest. And you know that these lab vallues fluctuate. You feel good today, don't you. Its gonna be nothing, you'll see. And its not even your fault. You got sick while trying to help someone and they understand.They know you would never strand them when they need you. They don't blame you. They know what you feel about being sick and how you feel you let them down. They understand!_

DO THEY?

Maybe my theory of one good day followed by one bad day was wrong after all.

I wasn't that fortunate!


	69. Chapter 69

I have a feeling you will like this chapter. And the next one. I like the next one myself. And yeah, thanks for the reviews, especially to Krows Scared for being the 100th.

Anyway, enjoy reading!

**Chapter 69**

"Hawkeye! Are you alright?" Nurse Able asked me. For once, somebody only stuck me once before drawing the blood. Did my blood look yellowish?

"Yeah. I'm great. I was just thinking who affected me more in my youth, Gene Tierney or Rita Hayworth?" I smiled at her lecherously.

"Hawk E-y-e! Two women here aren't enough to preoccupy your mind?" She smiled with mischief.

"Two? I don't have _one_. Why do you think I am thinking about Gene. Or Rita? Or you, for that matter? With nobody to preoccupy my mind, I need _somebody_ to preoccupy my mind, if you know what I mean." I winked at her this time.

"Cummon Hawkeye! I have known you for a while now. Even you don't ...I thought Brenda and you had a thing going."

"Yeah, _had_ being the operative word. She dumped me yesterday. Before our second date." Able tut tutted but with a smile.

"That's what happens when you try to make moves on two lethal women at the same time. I heard Major Houlihan wasn't all that pleased either." She was really enjoying this. A little too much for my comfort.

"What has Margaret got anything to do with this? And two women? I wasn't making moves on two women. And what two women?" I had a feeling who the other woman might have been but it was so ridiculous, I could not understand how anyone believed that. Margaret was engaged, for crying out loud.

"Major Houlihan and Brenda. You have a thing for feisty women, don't you?" I shook my head, realized we were just sitting, or I was, in this cold suture room for quite a while. The puzzle pieces fitted the picture now.

"Thanks Able! You are an angel, even if I don't believe in them!" With that, I gave her a quick kiss and left the suture room.

Now everything started to make sense. Somebody saw Margaret and I, leaving the bar late Thursday night and decided to spin a yarn about my extracurricular activities. That explained why Margaret seemed like her puppy was run over by a Mack Truck. Not a very tasteful analogy but that's exactly how she looked. She was engaged and very faithful to her no-good two-timing fiance. That still did not explain why she was mad at me. Contrary to popular belief, I did not carve notches on my bedposts. It did not work that way for me. Not anymore, anway! Yeah, there were times when _scoring_ held some importance but ever since Carlye came and went, I had mellowed down some. It was no more about scoring. A lot had changed over past few months.

It was after I stepped into the muddy main street that I decided to stop and take stock of where I was heading. Mending fence with one woman was hard enough. With two? Only if I had a deathwish. I loved life too much to die like that.

I started walking towards the Swamp but before I knew it, I was standing right in front of Margaret's tent, knocking at the door.

"Go Away!" Came the reply. How did she know it was me? Or was she just being pissy with everybody?

I rapped at the door again, slightly pushing it this time, "Margaret. I need to talk to you!" I tried to keep my voice low. The door opened and I was surprised it did not get lose at its hinges.

"WHAT? What do you want now? Why not announce your latest accomplishment over the PA system? Doesn't everybody in this unit already know how _good_ you are?" She started slamming the door but I stuck my foot in and then yelped loudly.

"WAIT! Wait, Margaret. Let me explain." Maybe talking to just one of them was suicidal.

"Nothing there to explain, Pierce. You are the same scumbag that came here last year. Nothing has changed. _Nothing_!"

"Hold it. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. I'm sick. Sick and tired. I did not tell anybody...hell! I never...Margaret! Never mind." I knew a mistake when I made it and By God, this was one doozy of a mistake.

_Never try to rationalize with an irrational, angry woman!_

"I will come back once again, later. When you are not all high n' mighty and are ready to listen, let me know." I looked in her eyes, speaking calmly and trying to control the anger and frustration I felt building up inside.

What the hell was happening to me?

Why did everything have to go to hell at once?

"What happened?" Was it my yelling that got through her impervious mind? She sounded concerned.

"What happened is, somebody saw us, you and me, leave the bar. And figured, based on my reputation, I'm sure, that we went to have some _privacy._ Maybe its my fault. Maybe it's not. I don't care. Just don't care anymore. BJ is high on his selfrighteous ass, thinking I would go out with any woman, does not matter if she is married, engaged or from Mars. Frank is driving me crazy since day one and I think he is real close to being successful. And I'm sure when I leave your tent, you will hear more rumors and you will most correctly assume that I have been spreading them." As soon as I started, words came tumbling out and suddenly, I was left with nothing more to say. I turned around and left her tent before she could even close her mouth. I was not sure how high my volume had gone but I had just about had it.

What was it? A punishment? When this damned godforsaken war could not break my spirit, all this was lobbed at me to make sure I was humbled?

What **was** it?

What the hell was going on?

Last few months...

When I came here, I was sure there was nothing worse than the war. And then last few months, I found out, I was right. Small things which would have meant nothing back home, piled up and were drowning me. All because of this damned war. I could not hate it enough.

There was only one thing I was hoping to take home once I got my return orders. I wasn't asking for a lot. I just wanted my sanity to go with me. Now, I was not so sure it was going to happen.

I silently paced around for a while. This was unfair. This was very unfair.

I knew I was going crazy. And damn right I did not like it.

I decided to go see Sidney. Maybe he could help me. I knew that being aware of my own craziness was, pervasively enough, a good sign. But a good sign of what? Insanity? I did not want to lose all touch with reality. I loved life too much to live it without feeling it, hearing it, absorbing it.

Maybe if they allow me to go away for a few days?

I wanted to run this by Sidney. His tent was vacant.

Damn!

He probablt left for Tokyo already.

Maybe I could catch him at Seoul Airstrip?

I started towards Potter's office to be allowed to go away on a leave for a few days.

That was the only viable option left for me for now!


	70. Chapter 70

Hello!

A rather long one. No promises for weekend but you never know. Enjoy!

**Chapter 70**

I walked past Radar against his protests and entered Potter's office. Sidney was sitting there sipping at his drink.

"Fancy meeting you here!" I addressed Sidney humorlessly before turning my attention to Potter, "Colonel! I need some time off. I need to go home." Even as I said it, I realized how nonsensical my request must have sounded to them.

"Sit down Hawkeye!" Colonel Potter, man of tact and wisdom.

"No, I'm fine. I just need to go home. For a few days. Just a few days. I will be back. I promise. I will take the jeep tomorrow, get to Seoul, take the first plane out of Seoul to Tokyo and from there, to Hawaii. Its all downhill from there. I am due some downtime. Sick leave. Something like that. Give me two weeks." I spoke in the same feverish pitch I used with Margaret earlier as I paced his office, trying to talk as fast as I was thinking.

"Pierce! Hawkeye. Son, sit down. Please." And only then did I look in his eyes. He seemed scared. He wasn't as scared as I was. He was lucky. But then he wasn't losing his sanity either.

I sat down but it was like, the chair had grown huge boulders making me extremely uncomfortable.

"Colonel, you don't understand. I am serious." I tried to reason with him.

"Hawkeye! What's going on?" Potter used the same reasonable tone I used. Somehow, I felt my nerves calming down a little.

"Nothing's going on, Colonel. I just think I'm going crazy. I never doubted that I would go crazy but its happening too fast now. I'm having trouble getting used to it." At this Sidney smiled and Potter almost-smiled. Potter looked at Sidney, prompting him.

"You are not going crazy, Hawkeye. Take my word for it!"

"Word of someone who comes to front to have a good time?" In other words, word of another insane man?

"Why do you think you are going crazy?" Sidney wanted to know the reason like it was a big secret.

"Why? What do you mean _why_?" What kinda stupid question was that? Anybody who _knew_ me had concernes for my sanity. There was a consensus. It was only a matter of time.

"What happened that made you think that?" He was the voice of reason.

"Nothing _happened_ Sidney. This damned war happened, that's what happened."

"Yeah, but there was a war a few weeks back too."

"Sidney, Hawkeye, I am going to my tent. Sidney, help yourself." Col. Potter finally decided to leave before allowing me to go home as he motioned towards his liquor cabinet.

"Wait! Colonel, you did not answer me." I rose from my chair and was going to physically make him stay. He _had_ to let me go.

"First talk to Sidney. I will be in my tent. Not goin' anywhere, son!" He clapped me on my shoulder before exiting the office.

I looked at the swinging door, wondering what it must have looked like to him _and_ to Sidney, as I had barged in earlier. If that didn't scream of insanity, I didn't know what did.

"Hawkeye!" I turned towards Sidney as he called my name.

"Sidney! I'm going insane. Did you hear me when I got here? I'm scared, Sidney. I'm very scared. I'm losing it." I paced in the office. Why was it so damned small?

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened, Sidney. Nothing at all. Same old. Frank annoying the hell out of me. Nurses thinking I'm Eros and Lothario, rolled into one. BJ sulking. Nothing changed."

"Something did, Hawkeye. What happened just now?"

"Now? Margaret. You know Margaret. She was upset the other night. I talked to her. Listened to her. I know her better than she knows herself and I just...I was being a friend. And somehow, well...you know my reputation among the fairer sex. So the news of the day was _Hawkeye __**comforted**__ Major Houlihan_. And comforted as in, Biblically. So I blew up at her for believing that I was the one who spread the rumor."

"So?" What was he trying to do here really?

"So? What do you mean _So? _Sidney, these things never bothered me. Whether it was booze or work, I dunno. Something kept me sane all along, ironic as it may sound. I wouldn't...couldn't have cared less why everybody thought what they did. Frank never bothered me enough to ...He never bothred me enough for me to stoop to _his_ level. Its scaring the hell out of me, Sidney. You have no idea."

"How's your sleep? I have seen your appetite." What was with twenty questions?

"Its been better. I could drink enough to sleep like a log not so long ago. Now..."

"But you cannot drink now."

"Now you're tellin' me? I dunno, Sidney. I am exhausted. I know that much. And its not just because of lack of sleep. I've slept more in last month than I have slept in any month over last few years. This is different."

"How?"

"I think war is catching up with me, Sidney. No, wait. I take that back. War **has** caught up with me, Sidney. And you know what happens when that happens."

"Why do you think that?" He was a good psychiatrist and a good friend. Even with his stock questions, I was feeling relaxed.

"Wouldn't _you_? These things never bothered me, Sidney. Yeah, I had my tantrums and then it was over. Like when they served us liver and fish for eleven consecutive days? I had a mini-mutiny in the mess tent. That could be a good name for a Groucho Marx movie, no? Mini-Mutiny in The Mess Tent? Anyway, I would pull a stunt, do something crazy and get it outta my system. Now, it feels less like a children's playground like it used to and more like a full fledge boxing match for heavy weight title. And I'm no heavyweight."

"You said it, fella. You are no heavyweight. Come to my tent and we can talk some more." With that, he got up from his chair and urged me to follow.

_What the hell_, I decided.

_Maybe he _**is**_ right and I'm not crazy._

"You won't ask me to lay down on the couch and talk about my childhood, would you?" I asked him as I felt the earlier fit of insanity leaving my body.

"That depends." He grinned at me before heading out the door.

"What are you doing here, Sidney? And honest answer this time." I followed him, asking him my own question.

"I'm not here for you, Hawkeye. Not exclusively. I wanted some down time myself and this place helps me get rid of tension."

"How? You observe newer and more insaner brands of insanity here?"

"Yes and no. This is an almost perfect work place." I looked at him as if he had grown gills and horns at the same time.

"I'm not kidding. Not just skill wise. These are good people, Hawkeye!" I knew he was right.

"Yeah. They are. Maybe that's why it took this long for me to lose it."

"Hawkeye, you haven't lost it. You arrived here with enough insanity and it hasn't changed, don't worry!"

"That sure brightens my day." He chuckled at this before turning the lights on in the VIP tent.

"Answer to your question, last few months have been rough for the unit. Losing Henry and then having Frank as the acting commander followed by Trapper's return Stateside. With the push coming in and his people already exhausted, Col. Potter wanted to make sure they were alright before tumulted into yet another series of deluges. He is a very good commander."

"You know! I named Trapper 'Trapper'. Its another name of the character Hawkeye." I remembered the instant friendship we developed on the first day of med school.

"You were really close."

"Yeah. To the extent, I could not remain mad at him for going incommunicado. Part of me understands why he did that. Who would want to remember this?" I waved my hand around.

"What happened today?"

"Today? Nothing. Nothing happened."

"You wanted to go home?"

"Correction, Sidney!I **want** to go home." I corrected him wryly.

"You know you cannot go home."

"That's a very negative approach to a problem my friend!" A tired attempt at humor. I knew he was right. I hated it when he was right.

"I know you are not disjointed from reality so why this sudden impulse?"

"I was not trying to act crazy, Sidney. I was feeling I was losing it. I felt, I **had** lost it. And there is no way I can restore my sanity in the middle of a war. Going home for a few days seemed like a good idea at that time."

"What if I tell you that you are not crazy?" Yeah, he had been telling me that for a few days now.

"Would that mean I have to stay here?" I asked him, smiling this time, feeling my facial muscles resisting this unfamiliar exercise.

"Yes."

"Then I would rather _be_ crazy and sent home."

"Not home. Tokyo. With me. For as long as you need."

"In your funny farm?" He was kidding.

"Yes."

"Are these my only choices?"

"You can always get some downtime, a prolonged RnR and stay in Tokyo. But then you have to admit you are not crazy." This option had merit.

"You are the cuckoo expert."

"Then trust me when I say you are sane. Saner than most."

"Then why is everything getting to me like this? What if casualties arrive? No. Scratch that. What happens _when_ they arrive?"

"Everything is getting to you _because_ you are sane."

"Peachy! I'm sane so I will keep feeling insane till I do go insane. Do they teach this in NY School of Shrinkery or you came up with this gem on your own?" He gave me a smile.

"Use work as your occupational therapy. That will keep you sane!"

"Can't. My liver function has not improved last few days. I know I need rest. I get tired easy. Potter wouldn't let me operate. Hell, _I_ wouldn't let me operate. I might keel over a patient and ruin his chances of living all together."

"You can work post-op, pre-op and just be a go-between."

"Potter said I had to stand down. No more duties. Not until liver function improves." I could see Sidney thinking this one through. Work was what kept me sane enough. Or maybe occupied enough to really go crazy.

"I'll talk to him! Meanwhile, you rest and recuperate so you don't keel over a pre-op patient."

"Thanks Sid!" I didn't know what else to say.

"I will charge you in Poker."

"I thought this was pro-bono."

"You thought wrong, fella! Want a game of chess?"

"I will clean you out!"

"We are not talking poker or gin-draft." He was provoking me.

"Wanna bet?" I got provoked.

"You'll lose!" His smugness was infuriating. I should have known better. He was a head doctor and a very, very smart man. He suckered me into his scheme and I fell for it!

"Lets find out."

And he was right. Maybe he was also right about my insanity or its absence thereof. All in all, I would have been better off putting a wager on who took more pieces. I slaughtered his pawns. He massacred my king.

Wish real life was that simple!

Checkmate the king, win the war and all of us pawns could go home...


	71. Chapter 71

Ball has started rolling. This was the last calm before the storm! Boy am I glad its coming to an end. Too bad I promised to finish it. I really wanted to end it today but heck, I hate that nagging in my head about leaving unfinished business.

So here it goes, last leg where all crap hits the fan, once and for all! Enjoy the last of the peace!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 71**

I knew playing chess was a ruse. It did not save me from losing money. Sidney kept asking me things, mostly inconsequential, and I dutifully replied to it all, already feeling sanity seeping back in and replacing the manic urge to just elope.

"When are you gonna ask him to let me work? Not that I need his permission or anything but just to avoid that baleful disappointment in his eyes..."

"Dinner soon enough for you?" Sidney asked me, killing my rook with the elegance of a medieval viking.

"Dinner's fine. I should have known better than to play chess with you." I sadly commented on the sad demise of my rook.

"Payback time, Hawkeye! Or as one of your favorite person says, ' How do you like them apples!'" Maybe he was psychic too because at that very moment, Frank entered the Swamp looking smugger than his usual smug self. I didn't want to speculate on the reason behind that smugness.

"Hello Frank." Sidney greeted Frank. I kept silent, pondering over my next move.

"Oh hello, Sidney. Nice to see you here. I was hoping you could help Pierce here. After what happened last night." He giggled in that high pitched hyena voice and I was half out of my seat before Sidney held my hand and signaled me to keep sitting.

"Oh don't worry about him, Frank. I'm sure he is touched by your concern. Its not him that concerns me though." Sidney spoke meaningfully and though Frank had the sensibility of a tarantula, he was not an idiot.

"I. Resent. That. Major Freedman!" I grinned when I saw Frank's expression change.

"What did I say, Major Frank?" And this time I laughed.

"You are just like your friend here." He used 'friend' as if it was a four letter word.

"Beware his wrath Frank! He can lock you in his funny farm and you might lose your two houses and thirty five thousand dollar car. I know we have a strait jacket lying around here somewhere, Sidney. You want me to get it?"

'Strait Jacket?' Sidney mouthed the words, looking at me with a smile and a bemused expression.

"Its two cars and thirty five...Oh never you mind!" With that, he huffed himself out of Swamp.

"So this is what you were talking about?" Sidney observed in a serious tone.

"Yeah. I felt a fuse blow in my head. Its not a good place to be where my actions are dependant on the whims of the likes of Frank."

"What did you mean when you said you stooped to his level?" Sidney asked me as he made a move.

"Huh?" My mind on his move as I thought of a way to save my now almost-dead queen.

"You said earlier, in Potter's office, that you had stooped to his level."

"I did?" My mind was still on the queen.

"Yeah. Something like, he never before annoyed you enough for you to stoop to his level?" Was this his ploy to ruin any chance I might have had of saving the damned queen?

"Yeah. That. I, uhh, well, we had an argument. And he shoved me. He usually doesn't do anything like that. Anyway, he shoved me and I fell backwards and hit my head here. One of the stitches cut through. Later, he went to Potter and whined and warned him to take action or he would file charges against me. So I told him that I would file assault n battery charges against Frank."

"But you won't." He said that in a questioning tone.

"I'm not sure. I feel tempted...No, I won't." I knew I wouldn't.

"Ever thought about striking a truce?"

_Truce_?

"With Frank? You're kidding, right?" I chuckled at this whimsical idea.

"No, I'm serious." He sounded serious too.

"Why would I do that?" Now it was my turn to turn serious.

"So he won't bother you?" He was reading too many fairy tales.

"Sidney, you don't know the guy. I do. He is a bigger menace to his friends. I have seen Margaret suffer him although she was not exactly Ms. GetAlong herself."

"Just a suggestion!" Sidney shrugged his shoulders as he eyed the board.

"I hear ya, Sidney. But trust me when I tell you, I'm still better off having him as a nuisance than a friend. Now are you gonna move or not?" I shouldn't have dared him. He killed my queen.

And so we continued till dinner time. Finally, after losing my last game within five minutes, I called it a day. There was only so much beating and humiliation I could take. War just wasn't my thing, even if it was on a chess board.

As promised, Sidney talked to Potter. It seemed Col. Potter's heart was not in benching me either because he acceded almost without effort. Dinner was a sordid affair thought I ate with gusto, earning almost shocked looks from everybody. My sanity was much more important to me than anything else and if it meant I had to eat this slop and gunk for food, so be it!

Thanks to the lull, there was an encore of yesterday's movie. That reminded me of Brenda and our disastrous date.

_Maybe tomorrow!_

I decided to enjoy the movie anyway.

_Casualties in the compound. Come one, come all. Christmas Sale starts now, _came Klinger's voice followed by a brief scuffle and Radar's very serious, almost all-grown-up voice,

_Attention! Attention! Casualties coming in. All personnel report to their duty stations. Captain Pierce to triage. Cap'n Pierce to triage!_

And with that ended the lull and hopefully, my insanity.

Maybe at a later time, I would reconsider my selfishness or the pervasity of the situation where somebody's pain and misery was the only thing to keep me sane. At that moment however, like always, there was no time to think, just to act. Col. Potter gave me a grim smile before rushing into the OR.

Good thing was that it wasn't a huge intake and after sorting the major cases to be done in general anesthesia, I turned my attention to the relatively minor ones which involved scrapes, bruises, relatively minor fractures that could have been reduced without general anesthesia and a cracked chest requiring intubation. Total casualty count was a total of seven major cases and somewhere around nineteen minor ones, one of whom could swing either way.

Good thing BJ was coming back tomorrow. Meanwhile, we had Sidney to do God knows what. He was next to useless in OR as half the complement of surgeons was absent leading to more free nursing staff. I felt like the commander of an army of invalids because of lack of help we could offer. Wishing we won't get anymore casualties till we got BJ and the replacement surgeon back, I scanned the patients in pre-op again, checking for any change in priorities or any further need for blood or fluids. These women were exceptional and that meant I was done with pre-op much earlier than I would have if we had a less than competent nursing staff.

Thinking of BJ and how he would hate to be back to this, I hoped Peg got the letter and helped BJ regain his sensibility. There was also an off chance that he would find out about my little _intervention_ and kill me on sight. Chuckling lightly, I returned to post-op where two patients from the serious list had arrived. They were groggy and I left them alone after a brief lookover to check on the guy with the cracked ribs, hoping against hope he did not blow a gasket and start hemorrhaging internally. Telling one of the nurses to sit and keep a watch on him with a quarter hourly update on chest tube drainage and vitals, I settled on the chair in the corner, making notations on all the charts.

"Hello Hawkeye!"

"Hello Sidney. Like our new décor?" I asked him waving my hand at the post-op.

"I would rather it was vacant. You guys got lucky this time around."

"I won't say that, Sidney. Potter is stuck, alone. With me out of commission, BJ and Potter are headed for some rough times."

"You will be getting a replacement surgeon soon."

"Yeah. You know how long it takes you to get up to speed here? How many we will lose before we start winning again?"

"Yeah. But thats war for you, Hawkeye!"

"I feel bad, Sidney. For not being able to help. Potter is not as fast as BJ. And Frank is neither fast, nor good. It will be at least ten hours for them in the OR. With me and BJ around, it would have been an even four, not more. Thats too much to ask for from somebody like Col. Potter, Sidney. He deserves better!"

"But you have worked completely alone before, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but that was different." I remembered the shift from hell during a flu epidemic taking down all surgeons and most nurses, among other people.

"How?"

"It just was, Sidney. That was me. And Margaret helped."

"She is still here. Stop beating yourself up for something you could not do anything about to begin with. None of them blames you so you can stop doing it yourself."

I stayed quiet. He had a point after all. I was alone during the flu epidemic. Margaret and Sheila helped but I was alone. A feeling of relief descended on me as I finally started accepting what Sidney had been saying for last few days.

"Sidney! Thanks for everything."

"I will charge you for everything. Don't feel too grateful." He smiled and his eyes smiled with him.

"Hawkeye! Fields is awake." Chimed Nurse Baker.

And with that, I returned to work, knowing somewhere deep inside, everything will be alright. I **will** make it to home alive and sane, whenever that time comes.


	72. Chapter 72

I shouldn't be updating so fast but one, I promised somebody who reviewed and two, I want to be done with this. I cannot believe I have written over a 100,000 words. That number alone is daunting. Chapter 70 was received in a lukewarm fashion. I was hoping for some reviews on that but guess now I should get used to it.  
Thanks to Ragni, NY Gal and Anime Soul for frequently reviewing!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 72**

Sometime during the night, I felt a hand on my shoulder that startled me. I was nodding off on the chair and the hand belonged to one Col. Sherman T. Potter.

"Pierce!" He spoke in a low voice.

"What does the 'T' in your name stand for, Colonel?" I spoke in the middle of a yawn, groaning at the crick in my neck.

"You are not needed here anymore, Pierce. These girls are more than capable of dealing if something comes up and if they need to, they can call you or me."

"You did not answer my question. And yeah, I will leave. Just need to check one of the kids who came with cracked ribs."

"Alright. But don't try to be heroic. Remember the 'T' stands for Terror!"

"Wow, is that what Mrs. Potter calls you?" I grinned mischievously before getting up from the chair, finding a few muscles and joints I was blissfully unaware of in an earlier life.

"Don't temp fate, Pierce!" He tried to be stern but did not pull it off as he grinned too. I watched him leave as I approached the kid with broken ribs. His lung was expanded. Chest drain was dry. Ordering a chest x-ray in the morning and breathing exercises when he woke up, I checked the patients once again and then headed to my cot, feeling good in a long, long time.

_You're a masochistic freak, Hawkeye Pierce!_ I grinned as I hummed Habanera from Carmen.

My cot hadn't felt this good in a long time. Hoping for Frank to sleep in, I landed under the blankets and let out a silent sigh of relief. If I had to be here, might as well do what I knew how to rather than sit and watch from sidelines. My current portfolio wasn't exactly what I wanted but it was better than nothing. It was my first night of peace in a long time where nothing worried me and I slept the sleep of the just. It was also my last night of peace in the foreseeable future except, I was not aware of it at that time.

Next day started as a normal one, except the clouds which rained on us all day yesterday had now densed and there was a frequent downpour of icy rain and at times, some flurries. That did not mean the war was taking a day off. You could count on the muleheadedness of our benevolent leaders in delivering as many caskets back home for Christmas as their blood lust demanded. Those who were not so unfortunate landed with us, first casualties arriving around 5pm. Sidney left before the first casualties arrived.

Triage was something I could do half asleep, I had done it so many times. After prioritizing the patients according to their level of injuries, I went to do an encore of my yesterday's performance and also shifted the more stable ones from previous day into mess tent. That also meant ransacking first non residential tents for heaters followed by the residential ones.

Seeing the look of distaste, anger and frustration at our people's faces, I instantly hated the whole idea of command. They couldn't make me do that kinda work for this kinda money. During those hours, I realized, what if the war goes on so long, they make me a major and make me command a unit. What would happen? I knew what would happen. The whole unit would get a discharge at large and allowed to go home.

_And my butt would be in a sling before its shipped off to Fort Leavenworth._

_Jeez, its in Kansas!_

_What if I closed my eyes, clicked my heels three time and said 'there's no place like home' TiD? Would I land in Kansas? Or Maine?_

Alright, so I wouldn't give them all a medical discharge, I decided as I realized my meanderings were really meandering lately.

That problem taken care of, I made sure there was a steady supply of food and coffee in the OR and pre- and post-op.

We had patients double parked ready for OR. Frank was not being very fast, understandably. That meant Potter was having a damned rough time.

Where the hell was BJ?

I decided to find out because in case we got more patients, we were bound to lose more than just a few. As it turned out, there was a snow storm around Seoul blocking almost all roads and except for essential traffic, everyone was told to stay put and that included BJ. There was also scuttlebutt about a bug out which was another reason for everyone to stay right where he was unless cleared to move.

Radar was scared as he relayed this information to me as if I would hit him. After hearing some choice words from me in return, he turned a deep shade of puce before leaving the office rambling something about making sure the mess was heated enough. Number of casualties wasn't high but between the severity of their injuries, small number of surgeons and Herr Frank Burns, the whole place was booked.

"Col. Potter!" I donned a mask and scrubs and entered the OR.

"Pierce! What are you doing here. You will infect our patients." That was Frank, of course.

"I know your Patron Saint is St. Anthony the Abbot but that does not mean everybody wants to impart your kind of charm on the patients. Colonel, I think you need to know this : BJ is held back in Seoul on account of bad weather and their desire to keep the roads free in case units at the front need to bug out. You need an extra hand because St. Abbot here cannot go faster though he can bungle up more patients if you force his hand."

"Pierce..." Frank started off heatedly but was cut off by an even more heated Potter.

"That's enough Pierce. How many parked outside?" I could feel his exasperation.

"You never say anything to him!" Frank whined to Potter who ignored him. I winked at Frank before updating Potter.

"Pierce! Go easy on him. And I don't think we need you right now. Burns and I can handle the fort for now." Potter spoke in a low volume.

"But Colonel..." I started and was cut off by Frank this time.

"Colonel Potter, he is right sir..." Frank sounded almost-sincere and I smiled behind my mask.

"About you bungling...Oh, sorry!" I stopped before Potter started yelling.

"I was going to say that you had a point. We could use another hand, even if its yours, right Colonel?" Frank could sound sincere and almost mature sometimes if one could ignore the sanctimonious patronization.

When his hide was at stake, of course.

"Wrong, Major! Pierce, you stay put. Your commander and second in command are more than capable of dealing with this small number of casualties. Now leave the OR before I ask one of them to gas you too!"

"You are making a mistake!" I told him matter of factly. He was just being an idiot and he was supposed to know that.

"PIERCE! OUT. NOW!" He bellowed at me as I heard Frank snickering.

I left the OR knowing he would need me back in no time.

It was a little late when our last intake came. I was looking and tagging a kid when he addressed me,

"Sir..."

"I'm not a knight, Corporal. You're gonna be alright. We have the best hands in the West, not to mention the ten best thumbs you can find..."

"Sir, my friend, Billy Johnson, how is he?"

"I have to see him yet but don't worry. All of you will be taken care of. You have my word." I started moving when he held my hand and looked me in the eye before speaking again,

"Sir, he was standing when one of my men's grenade exploded close to him. It shouldn't have happened. I need to know!"

"Let me go, Cpl. I will look at him and let you know when I can." With that I left to find this kid Johnson.

He had shrapnel wounds in his abdomen but was vitally stable. Not trusting the vitals, I ordered for crossmatched blood, plasma and an abdominal and a chest film to make sure diaphragm was intact. He looked so young, hardly seventeen. Who made him a corporal? And when did he enlist? In his crib?

Shaking my head, I marked him priority one before moving to next patient.

Either they were getting younger or I was getting too old too fast!

P.S. For those who don't know Anthony the Abbot, he was the Patron St. of gravediggers. Any other cultural references I mentioned and you are curious about, feel free to ask :p


	73. Chapter 73

Thanks to all my readers. Special Thanks to the Three Stooges/Musketeers (NY Gal, Ragni and Anime) and an additional thanks to Krows Scared.

This early update goes especially for you four. Enjoy!

**Chapter 73**

Billy slipped my mind.

A fatal mistake.

He just slipped my mind.

I was taken over by the post-op and that kid with cracked ribs, he started having some shortness of breath and I was forced to unclamp his chest tube though I was not ready to apply suction just yet. His morning X-Ray was good but because of pain, he was unable to breathe deep enough. Advising one of the senior nurses to tell the new ones to provide him with a pillow or folded towels to breathe and cough against, I left mess tent again. Somewhere around 2am, Billy was shifted back to post-op and shortly after, his friend with imploring eyes. I was making rounds in the mess tent again, hoping the kid with cracked ribs did not develop pneumonia. I gave him an intercostal nerve block to help with pain and held off morphine unless needed.

When I got back to post-op, first of a series of unfortunate events welcomed me. Somehow, Billy's chest X-Ray was misplaced. Either that or somebody bungled my orders and no chest film was taken. I felt a cold shiver go up my spine.

"Look for the X-Rays, Kellye. I ordered them. I remember I did. Find me those X-Rays." I had an urgency in my tone that wasn't lost on her.

"Hawkeye! He is stable. And asleep. His vital signs stayed stable through out his stay in pre-op and during surgery. That's why Major Burns operated on him in the end." Frank changed his priority number? What the hell was he thinking? That it was my idea of a joke? And what was the matter with the chest film?

"Kellye! I have a bad feeling. Find me those X-Rays, will you?" I kept hearing in my head what that kid, Johnson's friend, said about how he incurred his injuries. That he was standing and one of _our_ grenades went off. Maybe I was reaching but it seemed like the guy with the grenade was lying on the ground when that happened.

Billy's friend was still out cold.

And there were no X-rays.

"What is this? Calcata General? I want those X-Rays. Find them! Ask the technician in X-Ray if he even took the pictures or are we running after a ghost? And who told Frank to change patient priorities? Give me his chart!" I was getting angry now. Not only had Frank decided this kid did not need to be operated earlier, he hadn't asked for a chest X-Ray either. And to add injury to this insult, he was the surgeon of record.

"Its not Kellye's fault." Came the dulcet tone of not-so-dulcet Cate O'Hara.

"I know. Its Frank's fault." I snapped back, not appreciating this sucking up when stakes were so high.

"What is Frank's fault? Cpl. Johnson is doing fine, if his vital signs are any indication of his status." Again with the tone.

"Have you ever seen injuries from a grenade? The shrapnel flies, like a shot gun, only thing is, it has real sharp edges and they fragment real small. How was his liver? And stomach? And pancreas? I know you assisted him during the surgery."

"Read the notes." What the hell was wrong with her?

"Lt. O'Hara, when I ask a question, I expect an answer. I have read the notes and I advise _you_ to read them too, once you are done telling me the inside story." I was now pissed!

"Liver had minor lacerations. Stomach had a rent too. There was no shrapnel entry site into retroperitoneum. That good enough?"

"Oh **I** feel peachy, Lt. Its this kid I'm worried about." I told her as I auscultated his lungs. Maybe she was right and Frank did do a good job. And there was nothing to worry about.

"You are being dramatic, Ben. He changed this soldier's priority number but he had good reason. He was stable and there were more seriously injured solidiers in pre-op."

"First, Its not _soldier_. He has a name. A rank. Considering you have worked on him, its not too much to expect, is it? Secondly, I did triage. I knew who was how badly injured. I ordered Johnson's chest X-rays. Where are they? Did the thought even cross your so-experienced mind that he had upper abdominal injuries, maybe some shrapnel entered his chest cavity? How about your ...How about Frank? Did he bother asking for a chest film? I hope he is right, Lt. But we don't work here based on hope and wishful thinking!" I did not know why I was getting so worked up about this kid except...That other kid, his friend, what he said something about Billy standing when the grenade blew. But it had been a few hours, right? If there were something wrong, something would have happened, right?

Cate was looking indignant and surprised. I ignored her and decided to get a chest film soon as he was conscious again. Meanwhile, there were more people needing my attention. I saw her leave post-op and shook my head.

And to think she had promise only a few weeks ago!

Kellye had no luck with his chest films. I kept hovering around him and had a nurse keep a half hourly check on his vitals, drain and output.

After a couple of hours, when I began to relax a little, he woke up and started coughing. That was not an uncommon thing because of throat irritation due to endotracheal tube. What was unusual was that the veins in his neck stood out even after the bout of cough was over. Telling the nurse to check his vitals, I started auscultating his heart and lungs. What I heard wasn't good. There was fluid, in this case blood, around his heart. His BP was stable; for now! His heart rate, however, was climbing fast. I asked for and got a pericardial needle and did a pericardial tap. Blood! This was not good, not good at all. Forgetting the X-rays now, I silently ordered Kellye to arrange six units of cross matched blood and stand by for surgery if the fluid built up again. I could see what had happened in my head. My worst fears were confirmed. Some shrapnel probably cut through diaphragm and injured the pericardium. Only then did I remember Frank. He was required to be paged.

"Klinger!" I could never understand why this poor man always ended up with the night shift.

"Cap'n." He mumbled groggily.

"Wake up, Klinger. Page Frank Burns."

"Major Frank Burns?"

"No. Ms. Uijeongbo, Klinger!" I snarled at Klinger and immediately felt bad.

"You know the time, Cap'n Pierce?"

"I do. But Billy Johnson does not. Page him, Klinger. Its an emergency!"

And with that, I stormed out of outer office.

Billy remained stable when Frank finally arrived.

"What is the problem, Pierce?" Frank asked pompously. I could have punched him right there and then but controlled the urge because time was of the essence.

"He developed tamponade, Frank." I informed the _bungler of record_.

"Tamponade?"

"Yes, Frank. Tamponade." I pulled him away from the patient as I saw a tantrum coming along. "Blood around his heart? Ring a bell? You did not ask for his chest X-Rays before going in?" I knew it was pointless and could have waited but because of this dunce, a kid was probably going to be under knife again.

"There did not seem...Pierce! I will not tolerate this attitude from an inferior officer."

"Too bad I'm a superior surgeon, Frank. When I say he is priority one, he IS priority one."

"So you are the superior surgeon, huh? Well, you could have ordered the chest films if you were so good. Now he has a tamponade because you forgot to order a chest film and its my fault." The idiocy of this logic did not escape me but there were bigger fish to fry.

"Frank! Keep yourself available. He might need surgery again! I will page you and you be in the OR, alright?" I menacingly stated before moving back to Billy.

"I will not tolerate this tone anymore, Pierce! I will check him myself and decide the course of action. **I** am the surgeon of record." Frank was all business in his smug, high n mighty style. Was he scared too? I did not think so.

After a brief examination, Frank turned towards me, "Good job with the needle aspiration, Pierce. His blood pressure is good. No signs of tamponade. Good catch!" He clapped me on my shoulder. What the hell was that? Both the patient and his friend looked at us, relieved looks on their faces.

"What the hell, Frank? You know there is at least one stray piece of metal in that kids chest, most likely in the mediastinum. Its not as peachy as you made it look." I snarled trying not to alarm the Billy or his friend.

"You are an alarmist, Pierce. I can understand what is going on. With nobody paying any attention to the _Crackerjack_ _Pierce,_ you **have **to prove that you are still worth something. I won't lose any sleep over that soldier, Pierce. Like I said when I changed his status earlier, he is stable and you are just out of touch." And with that, he left post-op.

Lucky for him. And me. I would have punched that smirk off his face. And broken my hand at the same time.

"Page Potter!" I ordered Klinger as I returned to post-op, my heart beating in my throat. I hated losing patients and this one was just like sand slipping out of my hands.

Just then, I heard loud coughing and a frantic voice call my name.

_Damnit BJ, where the hell are you?_

P.S. Lots of medical _stuff_ in this one. I hope you don't wanna know what it all means. Its all correct though, just so you know.


	74. Chapter 74

Update is here. Thanks, yet again to the (now) four stooges (Krows, Anime, NY Gal and of course, Ragni-the-rambler!).

Thanks for reviews and thanks for reading.

**Chapter 74**

Shit had finally hit the fan!

That was Billy who probably coughed out a lung and was pale as hell, his neck veins engorged all over again.

"GET POTTER AND PAGE FRANK BURNS AND CATE O'HARA!" I yelled at the top of my voice as I grabbed another long needle and attempted aspiration. That bought us a few minutes in which another large bore IV was started with saline and then replaced with plasma. All these were stopgap measures and the kid needed surgery, stat. The source most likely was a myocardial rent.

By the time I shifted Johnson to OR, Cate had arrived and was looking angry as hell. I told her to scrub up as I started doing it myself. It was either that or let him bleed to death since Frank hadn't made an appearance as yet. Frank was his usual tardy, inefficient self and Johnson was not ready to wait for him.

"You are not going to operate on him." She spoke with constrained heat.

"Watch me! Now scrub up, Lieutenant!" I dried my hands and entered the OR. Kid was asleep and was looking younger than his age, just like a baby after a bad bout of flu.

I donned the gown, mask and gloves and did not wate for Cate to join me before I made the incision.

"You are doing a median sternotomy." She said that with incredulous fury. What had Frank done to her. I shook my head as I opened the sternum and applied the rib spreader.

"Give the woman a cigar! OK, where are you, my little sucker." I started visualizing the pericardium when a spurt ruined my vision.

"DAMN." I tried to keep my eyes open, wishing for a pair of glasses right now. "You keep a hand on the bleeder, Cate. Stevens, clean my eyes. Hurry." It took a few seconds, precious seconds before I was able to see again.

"Hawkeye, pressure is dropping." Came the voice of Tundra, the gas passer.

"Hold on." I took a needle and did aspiration again.

"Ninety systolic, Hawkeye."

"What the hell are you doing, Pierce!" That was Frank.

"Good God, Frank. Scrub up. We don't have time!"

"What did you do to him?" Frank and his petulance could win awards.

"ME? Damnit Frank, wash up." I was trying to not jostle the bleeding point as I searched for it. "And get me a pair of glasses too. HURRY UP, FRANK."

"This is your mess, Pierce. You clean it. I left him stable."

"Eighty systolic, Hawkeye."

"Let me clamp descending aorta, Tundra. Frank, _this_ is a kid. Get off your ass and come help. Done! Time me, Tundra. Twenty minutes. How's the pressure?"

"Ninety and holding but not for long. Why can't you find the bleeding point?"

"I'm trying, T. Sonofabitch is hiding. How much blood?"

"Third and counting, Hawkeye. Pulse is 110."

"Damn! Got it. DAMN. Its the right pulmonary artery, T. DAMN!" It was a long tear, ascending on the posterior surface of the heart and I could see a small pool of blood in the mediastinal gutter. Maybe not so small.

"Tundra, Cate, I will have to manipulate the heart a little. He may go into arrhthmia. And he may bleed. Keep pumping blood. And Cate, you ...DAMN!" The damn finally gave way to a gush of blood.

"Suction! SUCTION!. Artery clamp. Long fingers. Damn. Suture. Not that, Cate. Atraumatic. Goddamnit!" What was I thinking when I asked for her?

Cursing myself, I yelled Frank's name at the top of my voice.

It took me a long time to suture the rent in the pulmonary artery and the pericardium. And Frank never showed up in that duration.

"What's the pressure now?" I asked Tundra while tried to search for any piece of stray shrapnel around here. It was a lost cause, not knowing how many I was looking for. There was at least one, though. And I was going to find it.

"Seventy five systolic, Hawkeye."

Cate just worked quietly all along. I had no time to focus on her emotional turmoil. I knew she was shaken. I knew _I_ was shaken.

"Not good, Tundra. I'm not removing clamp from descending aorta till you give me a better number. Hand pump blood into him, Tundra. And tell me how many units left? I'm searching for the shrapnel."

"One more after this one."

"Pierce! I still think you ..." Frank entered and was startled by the scene.

"Frank, replace Cate. Cate, you go get Potter and also, check fridge for more O and A neg and then page for donors. HURRY!"

"You cannot order me around like that, Pierce." Frank spoke in his petulant manner. Good thing I wasn't holding the scalpel.

"Frank!" Cate spoke his name quietly and he shut up. That was good. After the adrenaline rush, I was feeling woozy, ready to drop. It was taking all my will power to not collapse right here, right now and could do without a whining Frank.

I just wanted this kid to make it. I had promised his friend I would take care of him.

"Pierce, you shouldn't..." Frank replaced Cate as she left, shaking.

"Frank! Not now. Just leave it alone, alright!" I groped around for the damned piece of metal hiding around here somewhere.

"Don't shush me, Pierce."

"Major Burns, please!" That was Tundra. I looked at him with thanks and a question.

"Eighty five systolic."

"Pulse?"

"Ninety five."

"How many units?"

"This was the sixth."

"Time?" I asked for cross clamping time.

"Sixteen minutes."

"Found it!" I informed anybody who was listening as I brandished a rather large sized piece of shrapnel at Frank before continuing again, "I'm gonna release the clamp now. Pump this one fast. We may need pressors." And with that, I let go of the clamp. Pressure dipped as his heart went into overdrive in front of our eyes.

This kid was not looking good.

"Seventy five and holding. Pulse one thirty five."

"Elevate his legs, Frank. Its time to get outta dodge!" Daintily, I started removing clamps and sponges. I had to wait for Cate before I could close though. In my urgency, I forgot to ask how many sponges she had used. After a through search, I hadn't found any in the bed but with everything having a dark shade of red, it was not a judgment call I was going to make.

"Stevens, count the sponges." I asked the nurse aide standing silently on the side. He seemed catatonic.

"STEVENS!"

"Yes sir."

"Gauze pieces. Today! Frank, get me a chest tube and a drain." Frank was silent too. I was glad.

I put in a mediastinal drain and then a chest tube on the left side.

Gauze pieces and sponges accounted for, I started closing the kid. It took much longer than I had expected and it was during skin closure that Potter entered the OR. He looked livid.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE, PIERCE."

"Skin closure!" I informed him, feeling the numbness in my fingers, my eyes only for Johnson.

"Why in the name of Holy Cimarron did you operate when I gave you clear orders..."

"Not now, Colonel!" I told him as I finished suturing and looked at Tundra.

"Eighty five systolic, pulse is one ten."

"Stevens, note the drain levels. I will make notations of procedure and post-op orders. You will give them to Nurse Kellye and no one else. Tundra, he remains tubed. Get the respirator working in post op. I am watching him for five minutes." And with that, I undid my gown and gloves, threw away the mask and started making notifications on his chart.

PS: More medicalese. Lemme know if you want some explanation. Its all accurate!


	75. Chapter 75

Another update. Thanks to the Three Musketeers (Ragni, Anime and NY Gal) for their reviews. Rest of you, well, I dunno really what to say. Maybe one of these days, you realize that it might be a good idea to write two lines for someone who writes upwards of seventy lines more than a few times each week just for you!

Anyway, pardon the typos in my previous chapter. I am wasted, tired, hungry and grumpy. Will edit it when I wake up sometime in next 15-16 hours.

Happy reading.

**Chapter 75**

After making notes of surgery and post-op orders, I went to changing room. My scrubs were soaked through and through. I was feeling a little dizzy after a prolonged shift and realized, yet again, that the old horse, our commander was right. I was in no shape to resume surgery. And then the thought hit me. What if Billy Johnson was worse off because _I_ was operating? I knew from experience that second guessing usually killed surgical careers but I was not second guessing my skill, just my current state.

Scrub room was vacant. I removed the bloodied garment and my teeshirt before donning a new one. I was heading out for post-op to see Johnson when Potter and Frank entered the scrub room. Not ready to get into a pointless discussion the end point of which I knew, I tried to brush past them. No such luck!

"Where are _you_ going, Pierce! You have to answer a few things, both to me and Colonel Potter." I knew I could have broken his jaw if I had an ounce of strength to spare. I glared at him before heading out.

"Pierce! We need to talk."

"Colonel, the kid I just operated on, he might be dying. Now I know that it won't make a dime of a difference to Frank's well being but so far as I am concerned, I want to see that he makes it. So if you would just excuse me." And again started leaving but was held back by a now snarling Frank.

"Not on your Nelly, mister. I checked the patient five minutes before you decided to operate on him. He was fine. And now, he may die. Lt. O'Hara just told me everything that happened. So you better give us some answers now!" I looked at Potter who was silently standing and then I looked at Frank's hand grabbing my arm. With one swift move, I shoved him against the wall with my arm on his neck as I spoke, "You touch me again, Frank Burns and I will break your arm and shove it so high up your ass you will need multiple surgeries to retrieve it. Capisce?" And with that, I left the scrub room, my mind only on my patient.

To hell with Potter and Frank Burns. And what did he say about O'Hara? And where the goddamned hell was she? I sent her to get donors, not to a trip to Transylvania. She was with Johnson, adjusting his IV. I remembered telling Stevens to hand Johnson over to Kellye who was standing on one side, watching Cate doing whatever the hell she was doing.

"Lieutenant!" I addressed her, barely controlling my anger.

"Yes doctor?"

"Update!" One word command.

"Pulse is 110, BP ninety by sixty."

"Thats all you did in the time you've been here?"

She looked at me, puzzled and furious.

"Kellye, when do you go off?" I turned towards the senior and more competent girl this time.

"At seven, Hawkeye." She looked scared. Of whom?

"This patient is your responsibility. I want to know everything, changed or not, every fifteen minutes. Forget rest of the ward. Other nurses can manage. Who takes over from you?" I spoke slowly and clearly, leaving no doubt that O'Hara was off the case.

"Major Houlihan." I let out a sigh of relief and a brief 'thank you' Upstairs.

"OK. Good. You hand him over to her. He is my patient and I want him to go home on his two feet." I declared, knowing deep inside it was a tall order.

_Hell! He will live. I won't let him die._

"Any specific orders, Hawkeye?"

"For now, start him on low dose dopamine, continue with IV fluids and check 'crit in an hour. I want to know everything on time. Write it and send it through someone. You are not leaving his side unless I'm there!"

"Alright, Hawkeye. You go sit down. You don't look too well." She put her hand on my arm and directed me towards the lonely chair but I had one more thing to take care of.

"Lieutenant. Step into my office!" I addressed O'Hara who was standing by the side, biting her lip.

"Yes, Captain?" Her anger was less controlled than mine. I knew I had humiliated her but there was one thing I could never compromise on and she had messed with that sacred covenant.

"I don't care what story you told Frank Burns. He can take an ad out proving he is a better surgeon than I am and I won't even care. But when _you_ attend a patient, you _attend_ him. You know everything about him, inside out. You know what happened. You know how it happened. You know why it happened! You saw his insides not so long ago. Your clothes got his blood. It was warm. He is human. Treat him like that! You tell me his pulse and BP as if it was a huge achievement. What about his urine output? Spinal reflexes? Intake? Latest 'crit? Drains? Dressing? NG Aspirate? I don't want you near him again. I believed you had potential. Maybe I should reconsider my professional opinion of you!" And when she opened her mouth, I raised my hand to shut her up.

"How da..." She started heatedly. Gotta hand her that, the girl had spunk.

"Lieutenant! It was not a debate by the campfire. You are dismissed!" And with that, last of my reserves gave out as I landed heavily on the chair behind me. Rubbing my eyes to push away the sheer exhaustion that was threatening to drown me, I leaned back and rested my head against the wall.

"Hawkeye! Col. Potter is asking for you in his office." I opened my eyes to see Radar gawking at me with concern. I had a feeling I was in some deep trouble though for the love of God I could not fathom the reason.

"I'll be right there." I told him and got up from the chair to check on Johnson. Dopamine hadn't kicked in yet. His urine out put was dismal at best. I knew he had suffered from renal damage when I clamped his aorta. Liver was next on the list of endangered organs. His blood pressure was still hovering in eighties and I had a feeling this was the aortic clamping that was coming back to bite me. I elevated his legs and auscultated his heart again. Pericardium was clear. Telling Kellye yet again to keep me updated even if it meant sending me notes in Potter's office, I left to see the commander I was feeling extremely resentful towards.

"You asked for me?"

"Sit down!" Curt. I could live with that.

"What is it?" I asked him just as curtly but it came out more as a rude comeback than a curt response. He looked up and motioned me to sit down.

"What happened?"

"Why does everybody keep asking me what happened? This kid developed tamponade and Frank refused to operate so I did what needed to be done. I paged you and sent someone to get Frank but he sent his minion and stayed behind till after I had started."

"That's not what he says, Pierce."

"And since when did you start believing him, _Sir_?"

"Watch your tone, son. I had a long night myself."

"I know. I was there. I also remember coming to you to let me help."

"Pierce. I hope your stunt..."

"STUNT?"

"...I hope your stunt bears fruit. If not, this one goes on record."

"On record? Whose record?"

"Your record."

"My...WHAT? What is _that_ supposed to mean? That kid was dying. Hell, he is still dying. And all you care about...all you can think about is how it would _look_." I was too shocked to hear that load of crap from Potter, of all the people. He was supposed to be the good guy, the voice of reason.

TBC.


	76. Chapter 76

Again, thanks to NY Gal and Ragni and the new reviewer, MaryKat. This one is specially for you three.  
Rest of you too, thanks for reading and (not) reviewing!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 76**

Potter looked sombre. I could care less right now. Or maybe I couldn't care less. It had to be about Frank.

"Sit down Hawkeye. And tell me exactly what happened." His demeanor changed slightly after my earlier outburst. I had never seen him under pressure and did not want to find out now of all times how he dealt with it.

I did as was told in as few words as possible right from triage to my last squabble with Frank. In the mean time, a tray full of breakfast appeared in front of me.

"Tuck in!" He ordered me as he seemed to delve into his thinking mode again.

"Why? He looked at me quizzically.

"What does _he_ say?" I knew Frank had cooked up another story but what?

"He says you did not order chest X-rays in triage, did not check the patient in pre-op and when he developed tamponade, you aspirated blood quick which fixed the problem but you forced Burns into opening this kid because you were guilty about forgetting the chest X-rays. He refused because he knew that the best bet was to approach it conservatively since the boy had responded to needle aspiration. You opened him against direct orders both from me and him, who was also the ranking surgeon and surgeon of record. Your tinkering led to current situation where he may die. And there is also threat of physical harm to which he holds _me_ witness."

"This is bullshit, Colonel and you know it. Why are you siding with him?" I barely kept my volume in check as yet another scrap of paper with his update appeared in front of me. He was oozing from wound bed. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"What is it?"

"Nothing good. I have to start him on pressors. Excuse me Colonel!" And with that I left his office.

"Margaret..." I called her name as I saw her taking his blood pressure. I dared not ask her the current reading.

"Pressors? You know they would spike his heart rate further."

"I'm open to suggestions, Margaret." I looked at this young boy who was not going to make it. The reality was finally sinking in.

_I'll kill Frank if this kid dies._

"No he won't. And you won't. PIERCE!" I was shaken out of my reverie by Margaret.

"What?"

_Had I said _that_ aloud?_

"You won't kill Frank because Billy will make it, alright. You go talk to his buddy. He is worried sick."

Maybe Margaret was as deluded as I was. Together, the two of us had pulled some real doozies of stunts when everybody else had given up. We were a great team with a great track record. This one did not look like one of those times.

_Are you doubting your capabilities?_

I sharply turned to see Margaret fussing over Johnson. She couldn't have said _that_.

What was his friend's name again? He was awake. I picked up his chart to check for latest update. He had a neutral expression on his face but I could tell he was worried. He was scared to death.

"Hello Peter. First about you, you are doing great. Your wound looks good and so does rest of everything else. Either sometime tonight or early tomorrow morning, you will be allowed to have clear fluids which is either water or very dry martinis, whichever you prefer," his expressions unchanged, I dropped the comic routine, not feeling all that funny myself. "I know, you're worried about Billy. He is very sick but he is strong and we will get him back on his feet in no time.. I'll get him better..."

"You are a liar! You're the one who caused him to get that sick to begin with. You don't give a damn if he makes it. Look at you! You don't even look like a doctor. You think I wasn't listening when Major Burns told you Billy didn't need surgery. He was smiling when I last saw him and now..." Tears trickled down his face as he looked at all the mechanical paraphernalia shrouding his friend now.

"Peter, he had an injury that went..."

"YOU KILLED HIM, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU FUCKED UP HIS SURGERY AND NOW I HAVE TO TELL HIS PARENTS THAT HE DIED."

"Cpl. Sanders!" I tried again.

"Leave me alone, _Sir_!" And with that, this conversation was essentially over.

I just sat there, devoid of any strength to leave.

"Pierce!" I looked up. It was Margaret.

"You are not supposed to leave Billy alone." I told her as I got up from the stool by Peter's side.

"I know. Why don't you go lie down, Hawkeye? I will wake you if anything changes."

I rubbed a hand on my face and rubbed my eyes again before moving towards Johnson and asking her for an update.

"I started pressors. His pressure is holding at ninety systolic but his heart rate is one fifteen now."

"Hold sedation. That will bring his pressure up some. I want him breathing on his own. How is the drain?"

"He is oozing but its manageable. Hawkeye, go rest. You look like hell. I promise I will call you if anything changes."

"I want to see what happens when you stop sedation." I told her firmly before going back to my lair in the corner, feeling shaken and angry.

It was my mistake. I knew something wasn't right about this kid and still I didn't go and check in the pre-op. How could I do that? How could I be so negligent?

I kept receiving quarter hourly updates which were a mere repetition of the previous updates, if they could be called that.

_Billy Johnson._

_BJ? _

Oh My God!

He had same initials...

_NO._

_He doesn't._

_He is William Johnson._

After a lifetime, Billy stirred. I was right next to him. Calmly, I told him about what happened and gave him the tallest order of his life: to fight and get better! He seemed in some pain but was in good spirits, all things considered. Putting him on oxygen mask, I told Margaret I was leaving and Radar would know at all times where I could be found and that I needed half-hourly updates and she was not to leave patient's side and that I would be back soon.

Feeling some life seeping back in my own limbs, I went to outer office which was relatively cold compared to post-op. Radar was not there. I sat on his cot, waiting for him.

When I opened my eyes again, Radar was there. I must have dozed off. He heard me, of course and turned towards me.

"Hawkeye! Major Houlihan said everything was alright. Nothing has changed and not to wake you."

"How long have I been here?" I looked at my watch and cursed, ignoring Radar's weird sentence structure. It was half past ten already, "Why didn't she wake me?" I angrily spoke and got up from his cot. And then I realized I was lying on his cot and had blankets over me. Shaking my head in anger, I started towards post-op when Radar stopped me.

"Hawkeye, you better wash up. Patients will get scared." So now I was being made fun of by Tiny Tim as well.

I decided to look at Billy before doing as I was advised.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I snarled at Margaret after checking Johnson. Everything checked out fine, considering.

"I tried. You were out. Now stop being a stubborn jackass and get some rest and come back as a human being. And yeah, have something to eat! You look no better than him."

"I'll go, get cleaned up, and then I'm coming back. Tell someone to get me a tray full of mess slop too." With that, I left post-op, not sure what to feel yet. Johnson was still touch n go and I was still guilty of neglect and a shoddy triage.

P.S. Next update might have to wait till middle of the week. I have some rough routine next couple of days. Will appreciate if you leave a sign that you are reading and enjoying it.


	77. Chapter 77

Six reviews. WOW! I feel very good after some really torturous two days at work. This one is relatively light but don't get your hopes too high. If you think this was bad, think again. Hawkeye hasn't had any torture yet, Krows. Only the patient has suffered. Thanks to Krows, Ragni, Symphony, Anime, MaryKat and of course, NY Gal. It was great to see so many reviews and just because of that, despite the exhaustion, I am posting this new chapter.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 77**

I brushed and shaved in record time. I needed a shower too. Blood had seeped through and through right to my skin. After an extremely quick shower that wasn't helped by an absence of hot water, I rushed back to post-op. As soon as I entered the ward, Margaret signaled at the kid.

"What's the status?"

"Same as when you asked me fifteen minutes ago. How can you men think you can clean up in less than fifteen minutes?" She reminded me of my own grandmother who happened to stay with us for a few days after Mom and was surprised and disappointed at both Dad and myself almost constantly. Good thing she went away or we may have left Crabapple Cove just to be left alone.

"We are efficient. Plus, there was no hot water." I rubbed my hands to warm them up again before I touched the kid. There was a fine mist falling outside.

I went through the examination rituals and checked his blood pressure myself. It was between ninety and ninety five and heart rate had settled at one ten. Pulse felt strong but to confirm it was his and not mine, I had to touch my own carotid. My own heart was racing almost as fast as his.

"What happened?" Margaret looked at me with concern.

"A series of unfortunate events. This is one unlucky kid!" I sighed as I told Margaret the Reader's Digest version of the whole sordid tale.

"So there might be some left over shrapnel in there?" She looked concerned and a little angry, probably at Frank and Cate but I did not broach the subject. There were more important things waiting.

"Yeah. For all I know, there might be some metal in his belly too. I tagged him for Potter. I tagged him priority one. And then I screwed up. I should have gone in to check on him." I shook my head remembering my own folly. This kid shouldn't have been in this state were it not for me.

"Your breakfast is here. Cummon. Sit on a proper chair. I will come with you. Harris can watch him for the time being." She did not seem to be in a mood for argument so I let it slide. There was also the fact the nurses' efficiency and performance became 150 of original when she was in sight or leading the shift. While usually we badgered her for being too hard on them, today I was grateful.

"Want some?" I offered her a sausage at which she glared. The food tasted good. Either that or I had finally lost all sense of taste.

"He should have another X-ray of his abdomen and chest." Margaret spoke in a low tone.

"Moving him to X-ray would kill him faster than another surgery to remove those pieces of shrapnel. His safest bet is to let sleeping dogs lie." I could not believe myself how matter-of-factly I put everything in perspective. My surprise was shared by Margaret.

"You've been thinking about this, haven't you?"

"Yeah, only since his blood flooded my senses."

"We cannot afford a nurse like her. I did not want to take her down because of the obvious implications but this incident is as much my fault as hers." She was obviously talking about Cate.

"She isn't bad with BJ or Potter, right? She is OK but she is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Besides, this isn't your fault at all. Frank and I, damn, I cannot believe myself for saying this, but we are the ones responsible and she only contributed a little." I still felt she had potential but Frank was having a corrosive effect on her.

"You _saved _his life, Hawkeye, not put it in danger. And Frank never affected _my_ judgment." She said that with so much conviction, I smiled.

"Oh he did, Margaret. Its just that, in OR, you are ...You are the nurse of any surgeon's dreams!" I did not understand why she turned a bright shade of pink before I realized what I had just said. I grinned raising my hand in deference.

"You know I...you know what I meant. You remain focused on work at hand. She is neither as competent , nor as smart." It felt strange praising her to her face and I briefly reflected at the animosity we shared when we got here.

"Pierce, about the other night...I didn't know you didn't spread the rumors."

"Apology accepted, Major. And double negatives have a way of ruining a perfect apology which this wasn't!"

"Idiot!"

"Did you notice this kid's initials?"

"Yeah, I did. I didn't want to upset you by bringing it up."

"Can you believe this, I noticed _after_ I had operated on him and had him settled here." I finished the toast and eggs. Coffee tasted like gunk or what my imagination told me about taste of gunk.

"How many shrapnel pieces did you find?"

"Only one and that too after quite a search. His mediastinum felt like a ticking bomb. I hope there was only one of those in there or all this will go waste." I was scared of voicing my worst fear.

"Pretty unusual injury, right?"

"Yeah. I don't know if any of us could have done anything if we **had** caught it in time."

"I know _you_ would have. Who got his X-Rays done by the way?"

"I've no idea. All of this could've been prevented if we had a chest film."

"No. Only if anyone of **you** had gotten to him and not Frank. He is one unlucky boy, Pierce. Will he make it?"

"Negligence, Margaret. Not luck. Pure, unadulterated negligence. Luck has nothing to do with it. And I don't know. So many things have gone wrong and so many more still can."

"Pierce! Hawkeye, please. Don't lose hope. You are the most positive, most optimistic of us all. He did get the best surgeon around, even if a little late. He will be alright. You know he will be." Margaret put her hand on mine and almost pleaded.

"Yeah! Yeah. He'll be OK if his doctor and nurse start paying attention to him." I smiled at her reassuringly.

"You're not gonna eat your sausages?" She looked at them skeptically.

"No. I am full and even if I weren't..." I picked one and let it drop on the tray and it hit the tray with a 'clang'. Margaret smiled at this.

"How old is he?" Margaret smoothed his hair as she sat down next to him.

"Seventeen. In a perfect world, he could have been my son. He does look like me, doesn't he?" I feigned thoughtfulness as Margaret's facial expressions changed from serious to thoughtful to those of understanding.

"_Perfect wor..._Pie-e-r-r-c-e!" She started off but stopped when implications of my latest statement sank in. I smiled lecherously before turning to his chart to see what had conspired in last fifteen minutes or so. His pressure had stabilized at ninety five by sixty which was not ideal but wasn't bad either. His heart rate was one ten but I had a feeling that once his spine recovered from the insult I had incurred on it, his pressure would bounce back. His kidneys were still in the protest mode but I had high hopes for them.

After I had asucultated his lungs and heart and raised his legs a little more, I stood back to look at him. He was pale and his breathing was labored. I hoped he was resilient because resilience was all he was going to need to get through this.

I felt my arm gripped by Margaret's hand who pulled me away from the bed.

"Go to bed!" She ordered me in her best Major voice.

"Ma-a-a-r-garet!" I answered, feigning shock at her proposition. That earned me a slap on my arm.

"Tell me Pierce, why is such a brilliant mind always in the gutter?"

"It likes the smell." I winked at her before leaving for outer office, "Radar will know where I can be found. And WAKE ME this time, not whisper sweet nothings in my ear." Before she could say anything, I left post-op, knowing full well I could count on her to buy me a few hours of rest.

"Radar. Can I sleep here? If you need to sleep, feel free to use my cot in the Swamp. And if Frank has a problem, punch him and knee him then gag him and tie him and send him to Fort Wayne, Indiana via air mail, postage due. And blame it all on me!"

"Hawkeye! You won't be able to sleep here. Its like ..." Radar ignored my great joke completely but he wasn't as mad as earlier as he did not turn down my request outright.

"Grand Central Station?"

"I don't know about that Hawkeye. But yeah."

"Doesn't matter. I just want to rest a little if you don't mind."

"Fine. You never listen to anybody anyway."

Ignoring his complaint, I stretched out on his cot and was oblivious to the world within no time.

_Sweet Dreams, Hawkeye!_

PS: Same request as before. It felt great to see SIX reviews and I might end up writing another chapter due to this 'high'. So let me know you are there and its not my computer changing the number of visits to my story!


	78. Chapter 78

Another relatively light chapter.

Much, much thanks to Krows, Serilia, R-the-R, Symphony, NYG, Anime, Mary and Hyper( for finally beginning to catch up though I have no idea whom you were not intending to offend :p). It was great to see SEVEN (plus three) reviews. I hope you guys keep doing that.

Enjoy reading!

**Chapter 78**

"Why is he in your cot?" A muffled sound.

"I don't know Colonel." A muffled reply.

"When did he lie down here?" Stage whispering continues.

"Radar..." And the loud bang.

"Shushhh..."

"Don't you... Oh, he is sleeping here." From loud to high pitch, low volume whisper.

"Why?" Same muffled voice.

"Crazy oaf!" Low volume, high pitch.

"Keep your voice low, Major!" Muffled squeak.

"But why is he...?" I decided I had enough of this.

"Mornin' people!" I opened one eye to see three of them standing in a row looking down at me. I stretched as I sat up in the bed. Why was Radar's cot better than mine?

"You were awake!" Whined Margaret.

"Yeah." I flashed a smile before standing up, ignoring Potter, "Now tell me how is the kid doing?"

"His pressure has improved and his urine output is at a steady rate too. Pulse is a little high."

"Care to fill in the blanks? With figures? And thanks Radar. I am thinking of swapping my cot for yours." He looked at me and then at Potter and I could imagine what was going through his head. Papa Potter and Daddy Hawkeye were not on speaking terms and he was feeling caught up in the middle. I started moving towards post-op leaving those three behind. Margaret hadn't given me figures and I was hungry for figures right now.

"What's going on with Colonel, Pierce? What did you do to piss that sweet man?" Margaret came after me with a pitchfork of anger and disappointment.

"All I did was save that kid's life. Now can you tell me the figures before I fall asleep again?" I asked her, somewhat annoyed by her quick judgment though I would probably think the same if I were a third person.

"Pulse is 120, BP is stable at ninety five systolic and mediastinal drain is turning mixed serous. Urine output is between twenty five and forty mils per hour for last three hours. Anything else doctor?"

"How about a nice smile? And what's his respiratory rate?" I picked my steth to do the honors of listening to his heart, lungs and only as a reflex, his gut too. Everything checked out.

"Its twenty four right now and has been in or around this range since you left."

"Then why did you come to wake me?" I failed to see why I was suffering from _sleepus interruptus_ if everything was fine and dandy.

"I did not come to wake you. I came to tell _Radar_ to wake you." Came the heated reply. What was _she_ mad about, not that she needed any good reason.

"Yeah. I got that. Why?" _And cut to the chase, please_!

"So you could go eat lunch." She sounded exasperated with my questioning.

"You know you are my favorite Major in the whole...4077, especially when you wear that black number!" I paused in the middle for dramatic effect before grinning. Barring any infection, this kid was gonna make it. I could not afford to feel good just right now but it still felt good. This kid had some of my best work in him and I wanted him to make it home on his feet, not in any other position!

"Go eat before you start drooling here. Then come back so I can go too." Margaret smiled this time.

"Aye aye Major!" I mock-saluted her with my left hand before retrieving my jacket so I could leave for mess tent.

"Radar! Any news on BJ?" I should have asked earlier but I wanted info on the little BJ first before I started worrying about the bigger version.

"He is on his way. Hawkeye! Can I ask you something?"

"Mommy and daddy love you very much, my son. Don't you worry about a thing." I used my best parental tone mimicking the one parents reserved to deliver BS.

"Aww Hawkeyeee. Cummon. Quit horsin' around, willya? Why are you mad at Colonel Potter?" I never understood Radar's penchant for mending the fences.

"Kid, you got it wrong. _He_ is mad at _me_, not the other way round." Another line in the same tone.

"But why would he be mad at you? You saved Cpl. Johnson's life, didn't you?" He was surprised.

_Welcome to the club, kiddo_!

"Well, thats one way of putting it, Radar. And I have no clue why myself. I just roll with the punches! Did you eat lunch?" It was time to change the topic. I still had no idea where Potter was when I paged him earlier and knew that if Frank continues his current actions, Potter would be in trouble as well, even if temporary and more akin to nuisance than the troubling kinda trouble Frank was cooking up for me.

"Yeah. Its good."

_Of course, it's good! And tell me again why did I even bother asking Radar about mess food?_

"Its always good for you, Radar. Tell me once when it wasn't good?"

_There!_

"Sausages in the morning. Hah!" He declared sarcastically and I chuckled. They could have been used to play horse shoes had they any curves in the middle.

"Oh yeah. Now that I remember. I'm going to mess tent but if Margaret needs me, holler on PA System and I will be here before you can sneeze!" And with that, I left a grinning Radar to get some lunch.

If regular gastronomic calamities served in the mess in the name of food meant my early return to work, I would do just that and consequences be damned.

Food was not the usual 'four-letter-stuff' and I ate even with no appetite. I knew that to be able to sustain even small stretches of standing and working on a patient, I needed energy reserves and however distasteful-detestable-bordering-on-calamitous-debauchery I found the mess food, I had no choice but to stick it out.

_And that was a very clever wordplay, ladies and germs!_

Finishing lunch in record time, I almost sprinted back to post-op. Johnson was holding his own which was pretty good, all things considered.

"What's his temp and respiratory rate?" I asked Harris who had taken over for Margaret. Good nurse with smart instincts. I wondered who would be here for the evening hoping for at least one crack nurse in the whole bunch I could depend on.

"Temp is 99.4 and respiratory rate is twenty two." That was fair but only just. I did not like his temp which had risen from the previous absolute normal though it was still within normal range even if only just. Wondering how long I would last in post-op, I tried to figure out when BJ was expected to be back. After much cranking and swearing in the cute way that only Radar could swear, I was finally informed that he was on his way and that we were expected to not end up behind enemy lines any time soon either, meaning no bug out, thanks to the cavalier actions of some commanders the night before. I could imagine those cavalier actions, specimens of which were now adorning our post-op even as I spoke.

I wondered if there was going to be another of those madhouse schemes at the start of next year like they had this year when we went through some five thousand patients in one month. The scarier thought yet was, there was a bigger conglomeration of morons in DC and Pentagon than in Tokyo and they endorsed all harebrained schemes these people cooked up and added some touches of their own. Only in Army could a man like Flagg get a gainful employment and get promoted.

Thinking about that piece of work, I returned to post-op and sat next to Billy Johnson, taking his temp every five minutes.

_God help me if one of my own kids falls sick_!

PS: SEVEN reviews. Muchas gracias, fellas. Its good to know you guys are out there really reading and its not just the network messing with my mind. Keep reading and reviewing!


	79. Chapter 79

Thank you NYG and R-the-R. This chapter goes out especially for you two. Just one thing, Ragni, why did you skip English, :P? Rest all, just a lukewarm thanks for the lukewarm reception. You guys spoil me then pull the rug out. What's that about? Anyway, BJ is back though only in spirit right now. More on him in the next chapter which will be up soon.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 79**

Margaret returned after a while and all this time, I kept checking kid's temperature. I did not notice her when she entered post-op again but somebody must have informed her of my recent obsession with a thermometer. It was when I was startled by a hand on my shoulder that I turned to see who it was.

"How is he?"

"He is good. Great. I am thinking of enrolling him for Boston Marathon next year." I got up from the stool and moved towards the desk a short distance from him before continuing, "His temp is rising. Its slow and its there." I did not want to chance the possibility of Billy hearing me tell her about the rise in temperature.

Margaret's expressions changed from the early hopeful to those of worry. I was sure she was mirroring mine.

"What are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know, Margaret. I cannot go in again, not for another twenty four hours. And not without a chest film and an abdominal film and if he has shrapnel in both..." I couldn't say what that meant. Losing patients was always tough and I could do without imagining the worst possible scenarios even though right now, it was less imagination and more a matter of time. If only we could enter his chest or belly without having to open him up all over again. I had read about work being done with laparoscopy but it had limitations and in any case, there was no way for a laparoscope to look for a piece of shrapnel.

"What if he doesn't get an infection?" Leave it to Margaret to find a way to be an optimist. Same could've been said about me too, some would argue.

"After Frank's paws all over his gut? And those bullets aren't exactly known for their aseptic shells. And don't forget all the handling and the debris we find in every wound. The only way to not get any infection in this cesspool is to not come here." I was a sitting example. All I did was eat and drink with some locals to land with a decommissioning infection and now this kid was going to die because I was trying to not run over some Korean kids while I was returning from an Aid Station. Why did life have to be _this_ cruel?

_So much for optimism, DAMMIT._

Margaret silently watched me as I pushed my hands through my hair a hundredth time. And it was then that I observed Billy's friend, what was his name? watching me carefully with anger etched in his face and body language. He trusted Frank's clusters over my purple robe and part of me found that amusing. Who could blame him really?

"So we give him antibiotics! Everything in max doses."

"Done that. First doses are already in. Penicillin and Streptomycin, both. Send his blood counts, liver function tests, renal function tests, 'lytes and do it every twelve hours." I knew in my heart that if the numbers looked bad on these labs, I could do nothing about it. I also knew that if the numbers didn't look bad, I couldn't just relax either. And short of a lab error, there was no way for those numbers to look good. He was showing responsiveness in his lower limbs but that was no certain finding for us to feel good about his spine, not unless he was fully awake.

It was either going to be a really long battle or a terribly short one.

Sighing, I wondered what the hell was I going to do? I had slept in the day, almost four hours actually and only a few short weeks ago, I would have been functional with that amount of sleep for another thirty six hours minimum but right now, I was feeling exhausted. I wanted BJ back and less so for moral support and more so for the more selfish reason as I could leave post-op to him. Shaking my head, I told Margaret I was going to step out for a few minutes to clear my head.

It was cold outside and looked dreary. Being used to New England weather all my life, somehow, snow and rain and cold around here did not give me any feeling of nostalgia. Here, cold was brutal. Living in tents and sleeping in your outer wear was a new concept when I suffered through my first winters here and this year, despite being mentally prepared, it still felt just as bad. In fact, anticipation of the days ahead only added to the agony.

_Why are you philosophizing about the weather?_

I knew the reason. Feeling sorry about the weather diverted my mind from my current dilemmas; What to do about Billy Johnson aka little BJ? I could not give up on him but among his three biggest misfortunes, right now, not having a chest X-Ray in time surely topped the list. Of course none of that would have happened if he hadn't been too close to an exploding shell or grenade but who knew Spokane, Washington to be the breeding ground for shell recipients? If he had stayed home, finished school, fallen in love for the first time, gone to college, married and died of old age some seventy years from now, surrounded by a wife, six kids ,thirty grand kids and rest of the family, wouldn't that be the way to go? I knew these people justified these losses as inevitable and a furtherance of our freedom but I still had problem understanding this concept. And what about young kids? Billy wasn't even eighteen, the idiot. Who told him to enlist? Why didn't they send these kids home so they could at least finish their growing up before smelling the pungent smell of burnt gunpowder and flesh? Why did life's lotteries sucked so bad sometimes?

I noticed a small dust cloud some distance away and right away, Radar jumped out of his office to inform me of BJ's return.

A sudden release of some pent up pressure made me realize how much I was depending on him right now.

_But what __**can**__ he do?_

_I don't know. And I don't care. He's here and that's good enough._

"I saw the jeep." I informed Radar who looked suddenly deflated. "Radar!"

"Yes Hawkeye?"

"What's bothering you, Radar?" I asked Radar whose deflation was pretty obvious.

"Nothing, Hawkeye."

"Ray-Daar! Cummon, its me you're talking to. What is it?"

"Naw. Its nothing. Nothing's worrying me." He was evasive but right then BJ's jeep passed in front of us and Radar went in. I decided to return to post-op myself. Maybe BJ could take over from me tonight. And if I needed to, he could help me go in and explore Billy's chest and belly again. I did not know if Frank was going to do post-op tonight or not but with BJ back in the fray, I had a chance to relax a little.

"How is he?" I asked the ever-present Margaret, realizing time for end of shift was close.

"He's alright. Pressure is stabilizing at over ninety systolic and heart rate is around hundred."

"And?" I knew the shoe was going to drop and I wasn't going to like it all that much.

"Temp is now 99.8."

I looked at Billy and bit my lip and thought about what I could possibly do to make things work for him. Short of exploring his chest and abdomen for any left over shrapnel, there was nothing I could do.

"Get a chest and an abdominal film once his heart rate comes below hundred and his pressure goes above hundred. We may have to go in if we want him to make it. Also send blood cultures. And tell me whenever his labs from earlier return." I told Margaret this time.

"Alright doctor."

"Who will take over from you?"

"Don't worry about that. Shift in-charge will be Able and she is good. Brendt will also be on duty so they can look after him along with the rest. Don't worry!"

"I want updates on slightest change in status soon as it happens. Don't care if they use PA system and wake the whole camp up."

"When do you leave? You've been here for over twenty four hours yourself."

"Soon. BJ is here. I want him to rest a few hours before he comes here."

"I thought Frank was covering the night shift."

I looked at her meaningfully and she nodded realizing the problem herself. Frank wasn't the best hitter in the bullpen even at the best of times and with all the bungling he did on this kid, it was more likely than not that Frank would avoid him just to not be associated with him if things went bad.

"What do you think will happen?"

"I don't know, Margaret. Just don't know."

"I was talking about you."

"Same answer, Margaret. You know Frank and his obsession with military crap and I'm sure I broke quite a few commandments in his eyes. I don't give a damn. Its not the first time and barring his demise, it's not gonna be the last one either. Just so this kid lives..."

"Remember that kid? When he started getting the fever because there was an unrepaired perforation in his sigmoid, right?"

"Yeah, I always remember a thing like that but compared to this one, he was lucky Margaret. He has shrapnel in his belly and chest, he just had a pulmonary artery repair, had his aorta cross clamped and all his organs are suffering from effects of a compromised perfusion."

"He's so young, Hawkeye."

I just stared at the kid, tired of thinking the same things again and again.

Life just wasn't fair!


	80. Chapter 80

Thanks to Krows, Serilia and last but not the least, The Girl From NY! Rest of you...

Just for the record, I will repeat my previous statements about not doing anything that couldn't have happened in the show which means no deaths of main characters, no love entanglements and no wedges between the friends.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 80**

"What's going on here?" BJ sat next to me at the table where I was sitting, thinking and doodling to get an idea of what to do. It all came down to stabilizing his circulation so I could first get a film and then maybe go in his belly and chest again. He was just as dead without surgery as with it but I knew surgery would probably have a better chance than no surgery.

"Hello Captain Hunnicut! You look good."

"And you look the same, Captain Hawkeye Pierce. Why can't I have a day of peace without you doing something completely drastic to disrupt the fine fabric of this unit?" BJ asked humorously which meant he had probably met Frank and was amused because Frank was irked.

"Talking to Frank?"

"Actually listened to him for all of five minutes. He is pissed and is more of a pain than his usual agonizing self. What happened?"

"Why didn't you rest a little before coming here?" I ignored his question. Answers could wait.

"I'm rested. Start talking." He seemed all business and I hoped he had mended fences with his wife over the weekend. I could not even imagine the other possibility knowing that if he had done something he wouldn't normally do, he would be guilty and not cheerful like right now. I briefly gave him the fifty word version of the whole story.

"What are you waiting for then?" He asked me when I told him of the possibility of shrapnel still in his body.

"Nothing! I was hoping he did not develop fever but things took all of two hours to start going downhill again. I was waiting for you. We may have to go in and I need you with me when I open him!" I made up my mind finally before telling Margaret to get the X-Rays.

"What about the pulse and pressure."

"That's not gonna get better with all that junkyard still in him. Get the films and then take him into the OR straight. BJ and I will scrub up. Get the gas passer and you scrub up with us! And make sure we have eight units of cross matched blood." With that, I completely returned to my surgeon mode. Why I was stalling until now was something I decided to look into at a leisure time. Right now, action was what was needed and I was here to deliver.

"Where's Col. Potter?" BJ asked me.

"I don't know. His office maybe."

"He was here to see the kid and wanted to know what the plan was. I'll let him know you are taking him to surgery." Margaret informed us both.

"No. You stay with him and get him to OR fast. I will go tell him. Beej, you go scrub up!" And with that, I about faced and went to Potter's office. All this time, the thought hadn't crossed my mind why he wasn't anywhere near the kid since I operated on him. Where the hell had he been?

I walked past Radar without so much as a glance and barged in Potter's office unannounced.

"How can I help you, Pierce?" He raised his head as the door swung behind me.

"BJ is back. I am taking Johnson to the OR after I get his chest and abdomen films."

"Why do you wanna operate..."

"Because Frank was the surgeon, not you, not BJ and not me. He must have left some shrapnel in there and for all I know, there might be a few perforations built up in there not to mention the thoracic cavity and its secrets. Kid is spiking a fever and I cannot wait for his white count to come if he does have shrapnel in there."

"Alright. Bring him home, Hawkeye!" And with that, I was summarily dismissed.

"Colonel!"

"Yes, Pierce?"

"Where were you when I paged you in the morning?"

"I was taking Sophie out for a ride."

"You were riding a horse leaving Frank Burns incharge here?" I asked him incredulously, not hiding my surprise and anger.

"Yes. Your patient is waiting!"

"How could you do that? That kid would have been fine if you were here."

"You think you didn't do a good enough job? Is that why you have been waiting for Hunnicut's return before you reopened him?"

"NO. That's not what I... No. I did a fine job. I could have used another hand though."

"I know. Tend to your patient. We'll have plenty of time assigning the blame once the dust settles." And with that, he again started reading whatever he was reading.

He was never like that. I could hardly remember him looking this serious. And what was that about assigning blame. He knew me better than that. Hoping it was just me in trouble and not him too, I returned to post-op and then OR. I started scrubbing up alongside BJ and thought about my options with my patient.

"You been up all this time?"

"No. Slept today. Can you believe Radar's cot is more comfortable?" BJ chuckled at this.

"I think I can. Look at the surface area he takes on that cot. And no thrashing around either." Both done with scrubbing, we entered the OR and got all dressed up for the surgery.

"I don't thrash around."

"Sure you don't. Hey Hawk!"

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry about Frank. Ya know him and his whims."

"Its not him I'm worried about. You know Potter was out of camp when I paged him earlier in the morning when this kid went into tamponade."

"Oh... Frank would come after him as well. His way of a coup de tat."

"Uh huh. Beej!"

"Yeah?"

"You don't think its a mistake going in again so soon? I mean, its his third major surgery in less than twelve hours."

"You aren't second guessing yourself, Hawk, are you?" BJ looked at me seriously.

"I dunno Beej. I screwed up. And my mistake is costing this kid third surgery and he still may not make it."

"It wasn't your fault. And make sure Frank doesn't hear you say that."

"I should've gone and checked on him in pre-op."

"Hawk! What's done is done. Just focus on 'now'."

"Where are the X-Rays?" I asked as two guys brought in our patient.

"Coming." Margaret informed us, all scrubbed up now.

"Put him under." I ordered the gas passer.

"You aren't gonna open him before seeing the X-Rays, are you?" Margaret asked me and I just shook my head. Just then, the wet films arrived. First was the chest film. No shrapnel. I took a long sigh of relief before putting up the abdomen films. Two pieces. He had bowel sounds present so probably peritonitis hadn't set in fully and hopefully, no gut perforations either as the gut loops looked normal but still, those pieces needed to be removed. They were in there and were causing plenty of ruckus for my comfort.

Silently and quickly, I opened his earlier laparotomy incision. His pressure fluctuated dangerously all the time we were in his belly. There was only one perforation which was a relief but there was some spillage of gut contents in the abdomen and there was also a small laceration on liver which was bleeding. After stitching the laceration and perforation, I looked for the pieces of shrapnel. It took me a little while as one was embedded in the retroperitoneal wall after nicking the outer layer of colon and other in the omentum. After washing his belly, I closed him in record time, knowing in my heart that this kid was in one big trouble.

This was one of the most silent surgeries I had ever done and it felt strange and scary.

Finally, he was extubated and shifted to post-op with Margaret in tow while I stood there in the OR, silently, watching the now vacant table and wondering how he was gonna make it.

PS: This is the last chapter for the foreseeable future. Work is killing me right now and I know what I wanna write but writing it is a pain in the unholy ass. You guys aren't helping all that much either. Will try to write more over the weekend but next two weeks are murder weeks so give me inspiration and soon or the dry spell starts now!


	81. Chapter 81

Thanks yet again to Ragni, NY Gal, Anime and Mary for their reviews. Mary, I read medical books for the knowledge :p. Rest all the questions, I answered in my replies to your messages. ignore typos and such. I might revisit the chapter and edit it if need be.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 81**

"Hawk!" I felt an arm around mine that shook me out of my reverie.

"Huh?"

"Cummon. Lets go see him."

"Oh! Yeah. I have to ask Margaret to send his liver function tests as well."

"Your stitches need to come out and I have to check your shoulder. Hawk! You OK?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Great." I answered BJ distractedly.

"Cummon, lets get out of here." At this, I looked at him. Realizing what he meant, I started walking with him out of the OR and into the changing room.

_He wasn't telling you to leave Korea with him, idiot!_

I **know**.

"What?" BJ looked at me as he got out of his scrubs.

I looked at him quizzically as I followed suit and shook my head.

_I couldn't have repeated my thoughts aloud, not again..._

I dared not answer this thought this time. Tiredness was setting in my bones now but I had to sit this one out. BJ had other ideas. After removing my stitches and checking my arm, he told me to go to the Swamp and not return till dinner time. The argument was lost before it even started. I made a final check on Johnson. His fever and blood pressure were precariously close to becoming outright scary.

"Let me check his labs then I'm out." I told BJ who was adamant about me leaving.

"Hawk! See, this is why I cannot leave this wretched place and have some real good RnR. Not only do you do things beyond my comprehension, you also lose any trust in me. Go away. Now! I'll wake you when the labs come back."

I looked at him sliently before leaving the post-op. Radar looked at me silently. I just looked straight ahead, thinking what else could I do for the kid – not Radar – but the other one lying inside with more tubes going in and out of him than wires in Radar's circuit board. I drew a blank!

As I entered the Swamp, I saw Frank sitting on his cot patting Cate's hand and smiling his goofy smile that lacked sincerity. I wondered how he could have attracted someone smart as Cate.

"Has nobody ever told you how to knock?" Frank asked me in his whiny tone, all good humor vanishing as he saw my face.

"Oh I know how to knock...your teeth out, Frank! Now shut up as I'm going to bed. You make one sound and that would be your last in this unit. I'll personally fold you, squeeze you and put you in the tiniest box available and send it to Mrs. Ferret Face, postage of which she can pay from her personal checking account. Or was it a joint account?" I spoke with almost no threat and just weariness in my voice as I removed my outer wear considering the warmth in the tent.

"You will not speak with a superior officer in this tone, Pierce!" Frank bristled as I insulted him in front of somebody he was trying very hard to impress.

"Superior? SUPERIOR? Don't start now, Frank! I'm telling you. I had a long and a hard day and I don't want to hear a word about your alleged superiority."

"Army gave me the clusters and you, the bars. I AM the superior officer."

"Took the UN to do it!" I spoke in an undertone not unheard by either of them. Pity they didn't feel amused.

"Pierce! I will not tolerate insubordination." Frank snapped at me again, his brow knitted and his lips completely invisible.

"Frank! If I were you, I wouldn't try to impress the young, venerable yet gullible Lt. O'Hara after she has spent so much time with you. She is bound to find the truth soon. Maybe you send her to where she came from, disappear yourself and stop bothering me, not necessarily in that order."

"She knows how capable I am. And she knows how a loudmouth like you ruined the chances of a recovering soldier. She saw you nick the pulmonary artery. Right Cate? I mean, Lt. O'Hara?" Frank dropped this bomb with his usual smugness, leaving me completely stunned.

"WHAT? What did she see me do?" I was sure I had heard wrong. Cate looked at Frank in shock herself but when Frank looked at her, she silently nodded her head.

I looked at the nod and realized how deep in trouble I was going to be. No wonder Potter looked so shocked and out of whack when I last saw him.

"Yes. She is willing to testify first in front of Col. Potter than any Boards of Inquiry. Your days of surgery are over. Now who is the superior surgeon?" I had stood up and was staring at Cate, barely listening to Frank yammering away about everything else that was gonna happen to me.

"Frank, every surgeon makes mistakes. Let's not..." And at that, my patience ended.

"I DID NOT...I didn't nick..." My incredulous denial was cut off by a louder, more impassioned Frank.

"You don't know, Cate. For last year and a half...this...Because of him, my life has been a living hell. All the things I had to hear about how poor I was as a surgeon, and how my patients not always recover. And then Henry made _him_ the Chief Surgeon. Can you believe that? I was a Major. A Major. I had my own practice in Fort Wayne, Indiana when Army asked me to step up to the plate. And I did. Oh yes. I always obey rules and laws, Cate. And this...this... All the torture I was put through by this man... And you haven't seen McIntyre, goodriddance, if you ask me. Now he will see when his friend gets sent to Ft. Leavenworth instead of that stupid town he is always talking about. Its my time and I will get vindicated, thanks to you. I mean Margaret was great but she always had a soft spot for him, ya know. But you... Oh sweetheart, you are the best!" Frank's passion changed into drool as he reached the end of his monologue. I could not believe my ears as I heard Frank give a speech to Cate about my _virtues_. I knew he really did not like me all that much but all this hatred verbalized...

Just then, I saw Cate taking her hand out of Frank's silently and getting up.

"How could you see me nick the PA? I wasn't even close and he had been in tamponade...LT. DON'T WALK AWAY FROM YOUR MESS!" I spoke to her, facing her when I was pushed aside by Frank.

"Pierce! You will not talk to the Lt. who also happens to be a lady, right sugar? Yeah, I was saying, you will not speak to her in this tone. Don't dig your grave any deeper than it already is." Frank was in full form today.

"Frank! Next time you touch me, I will break your arm. Answer me, Cate? How could you see me make the nick when even I didn't know where the nick was?" I asked her heatedly.

"Not now, Ben. Please." She implored me with a silent plea in her eyes as she continued to move towards the door.

"What the hell..." What the hell was going on here?

"Pierce! That's enough." Frank spoke from a safe distance, perhaps remembering my earlier threat.

Realizing how pointless it was to seek answers from Cate right now, I dropped it.

With Frank around, I knew I couldn't get a straight answer from her. But why? Why would she lie like that? Maybe her anatomy lessons were coming in handy. It did not look like Frank was forcing her to say what she supposedly said. I hadn't heard her say anything remotely similar either. What the hell was going on here? Whatever it was, it wasn't good. I had a sick feeling in my gut.

It wasn't over yet.

Not even by a long shot.


	82. Chapter 82

Hello! Thanks to Ragni(Gotcha!), Anime, Disaster and of course, NY Gal. Will look forward to your feedback on this one as well even if not a lot 'happens' in this chapter. Next update probably on Tuesday night or Wednesday, depending on my state of exhaustion.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 82**

My sleep was gone. I lied down on my cot and thought about Johnson and BJ and Peg and little Erin and Dad and how I had let all of them down in some way or the other. Well, I hadn't let Erin or Peg down yet but if BJ found out about my letter and did not like the idea which was not totally unexpected and flipped and hurt his wife and his little girl, then I would've let them all down in one fell swoop. Whoever told me to act as a marriage counselor? Or a couple's counselor, as was the case with Dad?

There was only one thing common. All of them never asked for my help and for all I knew, my intervention only worsened the situation.

'You are not omnipotent!'

_Nope. Not unless its about butting in where my nose doesn't belong, no. I'm not!_

'Your nose belonged in your Dad's business. He pulled your nose in it. And BJ was going crazy. How could you let that happen? And how can you think like that about Billy? He needed you the most. And you helped him the most.'

_You are wrong! Dad involved me because I made him remember my resentment in this matter after Mom died. And BJ is fine now. He is gonna remain fine unless he finds out about the letter. And Billy? I screwed up by not checking him. I should've gone and checked on him in the pre-op. I would have asked for chest X-Rays. Frank hasn't worked in thoracic surgery. Potter hasn't. I had the reflexes to check and they didn't and I should have checked._

**I** should have checked and that was all that mattered to Johnson. That was **all** that mattered, period.

I don't know when I dozed off. It was a fitful sleep. I woke up at the sound of a bird making pitiful noises as if mortally injured, right behind the Swamp. My heart raced and my ears rang but soon as I was awake, the noise was gone.

_It couldn't be_.

I just shook my head and tried to go back to sleep again. I was successful for once and even as I dreamed, I knew I was asleep which was good. I was home again. I could smell the fresh spring in the air and was walking behind my house to the pond when I heard this bird crying again. I tried to find the bird and it was lying under a tree and Billy was standing next to it, looking at it with a neutral expression. He looked at me when I got close to him but didn't say anything. The way he looked at me, with blame and accusation, I felt a chill and dread go down my spine. I knew what he meant.

NO!

I woke up. Why did I have to remember that, of all things?  
It was almost five pm and I had enough dreams for the day so I decided to go check on Cpl. Billy Johnson.

He was awake but groggy and feverish. He had spiked at 102.5 before settling on 101.2 after some Aspirin. His heart rate was up and his BP was barely holding above ninety systolic. His labs were back and if they weren't bad, they weren't encouraging either. His kidneys and liver were showing signs of the abuse they suffered earlier and his repiratory rate was close to thirty despite being on oxygen.

"You're back." BJ commented without much surprise or emotion.

"Yeah." I was not in the mood for conversation. I was a little surprised with BJ's total turnaround from our last encounter before he left for Seoul and wasn't sure of my footing. I ought to have been angry at him for the way he acted that night but right now, there were more pressing matters at hand. There _was_ an undercurrent of tension between us but again, it could wait.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"I slept. I came to relieve you."

"Right." And with that, he went silent.

I picked Johnson's X-rays and started looking for something I may have missed and then I listened to his abdomen and chest for good measure. His breathing effort was below par and his abdomen was silent. Still wondering what I could possible do to get him back on track, I went through everything in my head. Nothing came to my mind.

I decided to make a round of rest of the post-op and see how rest of the patients were doing. Sometimes, that helped me find a solution when I had the good sense to leave it alone. Mostly, it just preoccupied me to the point where everything stopped existing. But the thing was, either way, I _always_ found a solution!

Rest of them were doing fine. All were stable and most were awake. Billy's buddy was the last one I visited. Maybe it was part of my masochism, I couldn't say.

He was stable and doing fine, all things considered.

"How you doin', Cpl.?" I asked him, leaning to check his dressing which was dry.

"I'm fine, sir. How's Billy?" The venom from earlier was mostly gone but I couldn't help feeling accusation in his tone.

"We had to reoperate on him. He had shrapnel in his belly. I took it all out this time." I could not bring myself to lie or make a false promise however hard I wanted to do it, if only to make it come true just because I made it or willed it to happen. Billy looked bad and that was the truth.

"Captain! There is scuttlebutt that you screwed up the surgery earlier today and then went back in to fix your mistake when Captain Hunnicut was there to help you." Sanders put it bluntly and matter-of-factly and I wondered how he knew, lying in bed and all. Surely no nurse could have said that. Nobody did something like that even if it was true, which it wasn't. There were only three people in the OR with me and one of them was also associated with Frank. Where Margaret hated my guts almost as much as Frank did, she was throughly professional. Was it time for my comeuppance? Frank had found the perfect collaborator to cook lies and avenge all his indignation?

"You know what they say about scuttlebutt, right?"

"I know, sir. And everybody says you are the best surgeon in this unit, if not in all of Korea. But sir, Billy and I grew up together. He's like my brother. And I saw him after his first surgery and he was fine and then you saw him and he has been getting worse with every hour. I am worried, Cap'n."

"I know, kid. I know. I'm worried too." I figured he didn't need to know that all of this unavoidable. He had his own recovery to consider right now. "Can you trust me if I say that I'll do everything in my power to get him better?"

"No sir." He again put it bluntly though not unexpectedly.

"Can you at least try? I want him to make it too, almost as much as you do." _Maybe more than you do. I can see his Mommy waiting for her baby to return._

"I dunno, Cap'n. Why would you care? You have so many patients everyday. I don't know any doctor care like you say you do unless he is guilty and has something to hide." My blunt friend did not hold back much. Although admirable under normal circumstances, I was finding this straightforwardness rather unsettling.

"Alright then, Corporal. You focus on your recovery. You will be back on your feet soon."

"And then you will send me to front so I won't say anything about what you did to Billy. I've heard many stories, sir!" Came the heated reply.

What was with all the hostility, accusation and irrationality all around?

"Take care, Sanders!" And with that, I made some notes on his chart and left for the table currently occupied by BJ.


	83. Chapter 83

Thanks again to Ra-da-R, Mary and NY Gal. To Mary, Brenda owes him an apology and letter reaches her in couple weeks time. Ragni, I never mentioned but either Marines or Army and I am pretty sure both use 'scuttlebutt'. I'm gonna hit the sack now, after updating. I might sleep right upto the time I have to go back to work again so enjoy this chapter and ignore typos. I'll edit after I wake up!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 83**

BJ stared at me quietly. I stared back just as silently.

"What's this scuttlebutt?" He asked me, looking me in the eye.

"So you've heard as well." I answered with mock surprise.

"What did you think? What's going on?" He wasn't amused.

"Something somebody cooked up and decided to spread as a public service announcement, 'Stay away from Hawkeye Pierce. He's armed and dangerous.'" I shook my head in amusement and disbelief.

"Aren't you taking this a little lightly, Hawk?" BJ asked me with enough seriousness to make me smile.

"Beej, I'm not taking it a _little lightly_. The thing is, there are bigger problems in front of me and besides, I didn't do anything so it will all blow over."

"Are you sure? I mean, maybe you accidentally nicked the artery? You told me you got blood in your eyes right off the bat." BJ asked me with trepidation, reminding me of his mistrust when it came to Margaret only a few days back.

"You don't wanna trust me Beej, don't trust me. Alright? I'm done trying to explain myself to you. You think I would lie to you about a patient, maybe you need to reevaluate a few things, pronto!" I spoke tiredly and without intentional menace but change in BJ's facial expressions told me my restraint wasn't what it was cranked up to be. I couldn't care less.

"Maybe if you stop being so selfrighteous..." I hardly ever snapped at BJ but his tone really got to me this time.

"Beej! You wanna paint me into an untrustworthy, lying scumbag, go ahead. Do it. Somebody in the unit is probably already ordering the jackets for that club. Aim is to completely nail my coffin shut. Just don't lecture _me_ on selfrighteousness." I told him in no uncertain terms before getting up from the chair and going to Johnson, "And yeah, I am taking this shift. You are relieved!"

"Fine! Page me when you need me." He retorted heatedly before leaving the post-op.

_So much for missing him..._

Was this all actually real? It all seemed surreal, like a really bad nightmare. Sometimes, reality was much worse than the nightmares, like the one I had earlier today. Shaking my head to forget the memory of the past long forgotten and the reminders of it, I checked out everything about Johnson. Fever was there. He looked toxic. The toxins from shrapnel were gonna take time to wash out. They needed to be processed by liver and kidneys and both these organs – all three actually – suffered some heavy insults since the kid landed here. To say that he drew a short straw was an understatement. First reports of blood cultures were not expected for another twenty four hours and in any case, I was giving him max doses for both antibiotics currently available to us here. Other antibiotics were out of stock and it would be too late before they got here. I still asked Radar to make sure next somebody sent us some of their stock, if only for first three four doses of each of the missing ingredients.

I waited for something good to happen but nothing did. By the end of the day, not only had his bowel sounds not returned, his abdomen was getting rigid. Frank came at seven and just puffed and scoffed and then disappeared sometime during the night.

It was one of the longest nights of my life and yet, I wasn't glad when it was over because Johnson was showing not a single sign that he _might_ improve, let alone a sign of actual improvement.

I just sat there, trying to figure out how – IF – I had missed a perforation.

_''I ran the gut twice!'_

_'It has happened before, you cocky sonofabitch!'_

_'That was a fluke.'_

_'And what makes you think this isn't?'_

_'But I can't go in again without risking his life.'_

_'And whose fault is that?'_

I was sure I hadn't missed any perforation. Could the toxins from shrapnel be causing the peritoneal irritation? It was possible but the fever pointed towards an active infection and the best place was the belly, gut contents being the perfect medium for bacterial growth.

Was I ready to give up on this kid?

One look at his buddy and I was reminded of a promise I had made a lifetime ago; that I would care for him and his friend. Billy's injuries were deceptive and were followed by a series of unfortunate events that may have belonged in a morbid fantasy but like I always knew, reality had a way of being much worse than morbid imagination or nightmares even.

"How's he now?" It was Margaret who shook me out of my aimless thoughts.

"Not good!" I looked at Peter who was staring at me for who knows how long.

"What happened?"

"He's developing signs of peritoneal irritation."

"Peritonitis?" There was fear in her voice.

_Welcome to my world!_

"Yeah."

"But you did an exploratory..."

"Yeah. And gut was clean. Or so I thought at that time."

"Could you have missed a perforation?"

"Ran the gut twice, Margaret. And BJ was with me."

"Could it be hidden? Like that ..."

"It may have been, Margaret. What difference does it make? Fourth surgery in less than twenty four hours? I would do it if it means... It won't change anything. Look at his breathing effort. And pressure. He will die on table."

"Hawkeye I know would never..."

"Give up? I haven't given up, Margaret. I'm seriously thinking of opening him up again. I'm just telling you of the most likely scenario."

"Where's BJ?"

"I relieved him earlier."

"I thought you were going to let him take the shift while you rested?"

"Its not his shift. Its Frank's." She made a face when I said that.

"What's going on, Pierce?" Margaret asked me in her most suspicious tones.

"Going on...? This kid is very sick and I'm waiting for some antibiotics to arrive in next hour otherwise I open him again."

"Between you and BJ?"

"Nothing. He thinks O'Hara may have a point about me nicking his PA when I opened him earlier." I gave her the short version.

"O'Hara said WHAT?" Margaret looked stunned.

"NOT SO LOUD, Margaret! I don't know the story but the scuttlebutt is, I nicked the pulmonary artery 'right off the bat' and lied about it. Frank probably let it slip to some choice audience. Or maybe Cate did. Before you, I was the last one to know.

"And BJ believes her?"

"Maybe a little."

"She's lying. Right? She IS lying, isn't she?"

"Maybe she is. Maybe Frank is. If you're asking me about the validity of this story, I can assure you its a load of crap!"

"You stay here! I'll be right back."

Before I could stop her, Margaret was gone.

Pity the soul that came in her path though I had a good idea who that soul might belong too.

Despite the seriousness of this situation, I could not help but smile.


	84. Chapter 84

This chapter goes up without proof reading! I'm very, very tired and the worst isn't over yet. Thanks to Mary, Disaster, Radar, and Anime. To Disaster, that was the most warped praise(?) I have ever received but thanks nonetheless :). I'll try to write short next time though nobody really reviewed it till Chapter 62 I guess. Anyway, here it is!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 84**

I decided to inform Potter of my decision to open him again after giving him a brief chance to get better with antibiotics. Both options sucked the same and if we had a perforation in his gut, no amount of antibiotics was going to help. On the flip side, surgery was going to kill him too. The only advantage was, if done extremely fast and if he was very, very lucky, there **was** a chance he could make it. One in a million was better than no chance at all. Potter tried to tell me the futility of the whole exercise but agreed that surgery at least held _some_ chance, however small.

Billy's latest labs were due soon and I went to the laboratory myself to check. The technician was typing the reports. One look and my heart sank. His liver was not doing well. Results were staggeringly poorer as compared to earlier reports. His kidneys didn't look all that good either.

"You sure you tested them right?" Catching for a straw called 'lab error'.

"I did them twice, Captain."

"OK." I returned to post-op again, just not sure what to do anymore.

I leaned the chair against the wall, pulled a drawer, put my feet on it and closed my eyes. What would happen if Radar did get the antibiotics? And what if we find a way to evacuate him? Could they do something at 121st? I knew that kidney function was relatively easily manageable. It was the liver function that was worrying me the most. Giving him more antibiotics would mean excessive load on an already fragile liver. Wondering about the cruelty of the war, I opened my eyes to look at Billy's friend again. Cpl. Peter Sanders was due to leave 4077 pretty soon, his injuries while severe enough for him to have surgery weren't severe enough for him to earn a one way ticket back home.

Some more time passed and Radar informed me he couldn't get the antibiotics. Every door had slammed shut in my face.

"Hello Hawkeye!" I opened my eyes to see a very serious Father Mulcahy looking at me.

"Hello Father Mulcahy. You're up late." I informed him without thinking as I looked at my watch to see another day had started.

"Duty calls!" He did not seem thrilled and I shared the sentiment because his arrival spelled my defeat.

"Who sent for you?" I did not mean to be sharp but these days and especially today, my intentions were outgunned by my short fuse by a long mile and Father Mulcahy was not the first victim of my tongue lashing, sparse as it may have been.

"Nobody _sent_ for me, Hawkeye. I just came to pray for him. You're not the only one not ready to give up on that boy!" Leave it to him to pour cold water and make me feel as stupid as I was acting! I mumbled an apology which was accepted by a grace only he possessed and then he sat next to Billy and held his hand as he talked to him without any response from him. My eyes moved towards his buddy again and he was staring at the Priest as if he had seen Death. I briefly wondered about going to him and talk to him but then decided to leave him be. He could do without the aggravation.

Billy Johnson's vitals hadn't improved all that much. In fact, they were declining slowly albeit steadily. How long would that last was anybody's guess. Part of me wanted somebody to tell me my options. That same part was still wavering between any possibility of his recovery with and without surgery. As a surgeon, we learned as the single most important rule, when _not_ to operate but even with that, the first instinct was not to wait and let things 'happen' but to take control and fix whatever needed fixing. Maybe that's why they tried so hard to teach us that rule during residency. My instincts were telling me that he couldn't tolerate the surgery and would die and that was making me feel sick. I was the one supposed to help him live, not facilitate his death. And right now, whether I did operate or not, I was the facilitator. Never did I feel the urge to run away and yet be bound to this place so strongly.

With no idea what the hell was going on and what was causing it and only privy to the information telling me of the consequences while the cause remained obscured, I was feeling impotent.

Around 2am, his pulse started to come down a little though his pressure remained in the low nineties and his temperature and respiratory rate, still too high for comfort.

Father Mulcahy had left long ago. Margaret hadn't returned from her mission. I figured she must have gone to bed since she had a long day herself. Not yet ready to leave post-op, I sat on the same chair that had been my sleeping place during the countless on-call stints I had pulled during my lifelong stay in this hellhole and tried to find the least uncomfortable position to sleep.

I was unceremoniously awakened by Frank who wanted to know if he was needed there or he could go sleep while I sat the vigil. I did not respond and just put my head on my arms and blocked him out.

He just mumbled and grumbled about lack of military discipline in this particular unit and how he could have straightened out every last one of us were it not for Army to send an old man as the commander when he was more than capable of handling juvenile delinquents like me. I knew he was smelling some administrative problems for Potter and severe reprimand and perhaps a license suspension for me if not some time in Ft. Leavenworth and couldn't contain his glee and smugness. Telling him to go to hell, I went to look at Johnson and was pleasantly surprised.

"His pressure is up. And temp is down. What did you do to him, Kellye?" I asked the shift incharge with a very tired smile. She was looking really very pretty to me right now.

"Maybe it was Father Mulcahy who did whatever he did, Hawkeye." Kellye had heard our little conversation earlier and rubbed that in with a smile. I smiled too, my facial muscles protesting.

"I think I owe him an apology though I still believe you had a bigger contribution." I checked the pulse myself and it was down. His breathing was still labored but rate had come down.

"You are so sweet sometimes, I forget what a flirt you can be." Kellye gave me her good natured grin and I grinned back.

"I'll take that as a compliment, Kellye."

"Hawkeye! He's gonna make it, right?" This time, Kellye asked me seriously. We all had seen so much destruction, it was like second nature to be optimistic with a heavy dose of skeptic realism.

"I think so, yes, Kellye. Just so his liver enzymes return to normal and maybe I can have a night of peace."

"Why not go to bed now? We can get you or BJ if we need you. Major Houlihan will be here within no time anyway." I checked my watch at this. It was almost seven.

BJ and Margaret entered almost simultaneously. They both seemed quiet and I briefly wondered about the ass Margaret went to kick last night but it could wait. I signed off real fast, thanks to Kellye who helped me where I wavered.

After what felt like a long time, I finally returned to the Swamp. Frank was awake and humming. I decided to ignore him and just lied in my cot and waited for sleep to come.

I didn't need to wait too long!


	85. Chapter 85

Hello All. I'm back, sorta. Just ended the long haul from hell though it seems it will start again sometime next week. I will probably write some more this weekend in case I cannot sleep and sleep is what I need right now. Just want to thank any and all who patiently waited and even those who left and would return now that I'm back. Thanks to Ragni, Symphony and NY Gal for reviewing Chapter 84. Reviews will be greatly appreciated because they might be the single most important reason for me to write some more over the weekend.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it. Let me know of any typos or mistakes. Will fix them later.

**Chapter 85**

I knew I was asleep and yet, I knew that what I was seeing was very real. The noise had returned. I got up from my bed and closed the window and still could hear the noise. I buried my head under my pillow and it was useless. The noise was still there. It was pitiful. Gut wrenching. It screamed of hopelessness. And what was worse, it screamed of accusation.

_You did this to me!_

_You did this._

_Now I'll die..._

I woke up in a cold sweat and my first instinct was to check on Johnson but before that, I checked my watch. It was hardly ten in the morning. Feeling very tired but with the worst of exhaustion behind me, I felt unable to go to sleep again and the next logical thing to do was to check on my patient so I got out and performed some perfunctory rituals that followed regular awakenings before heading for post-op.

BJ wasn't there. He was out to get some coffee and Margaret was looking a little smug, whatever the reason might have been. I knew that kicking asses made her feel complete but like so many other thoughts, I held this one for deliberation at a more leisure time.

"How is he?"

"You look awful!" She smiled at me. This greeting was getting tiring and fast but I ignored the implications.

"And you look chipper than before. Its refreshing but we can discuss its effects on my physiology over a drink at a later time." I told her as I picked Johnson's chart and went through the numbers. The situation seemed to have improved or at the least pleateaued which was encouraging and relieving.

"He's doing so much better, Pierce." She spoke in her best 'I told you so' tone and smiled.

I bent over Johnson and nudged him awake to ask him a few questions and listened to his chest and abdomen. Abdomen was silent but relatively soft.He was doing fairly well, all things considered.

"Good job, Margaret! You're the best." I gave her my best charming smile. She smiled in return.

"Pierce...," She stopped after speaking my name then spoke again as I looked at her questioningly, "Nothing. Just remember, BJ might come and want to talk and if you give him any smartass answers, you'll have me to contend with!"

"What are you? My mother?" I asked her smilingly, enjoying her pushy style.

"Pierce!" She threateningly pointed her finger at me and I conceded, the good feeling of the moment riding over the slight annoyance at her interference. That led to me wondering how BJ let her talk to him especially if she used this tone with him as well. I knew that BJ had some strict ideas about who could talk to him about what and in what kind of tone and it was strange to think she had given him the royal kickass treatment without him snapping.

"Few women can do that to me and get away with it. Its very _stimulating_." I smiled as I saw her cheeks flush and stepped out of dangerzone very fast. That didn't stop her from shrieking my name as I left post-op again.

It was pointless to go to bed again. I knew the nightmare too well. We were old acquaintances. I had a feeling it would come back and devour this short spell of relative tranquility and decided to enjoy the slight relaxation and relief I was feeling for now instead of losing it to a nameless, faceless demon.

Frank wasn't in the Swamp. My thoughts shifted towards the claim he was making about me nicking the pulmonary artery. Under ordinary circumstances, things tended to happen during surgeries and were taken care of right away. The only surgeons with zero complications were the ones who never operated or operated but had no survivors but Frank's claim or more accurately, Cate's _observation_ was preposterous.

_That's not the only reason, Doctor Pierce._

I agreed with that statement. This was a direct assault on my skill, expertise, professional integrity and my ego. The audacity of their lie infuriated me every time I even thought about it. Billy's recovery was a personal thing for me even before this but now, stakes were even higher. BJ doubting me was like the ultimate insult. I figured I deserved better from him.

I don't know how or when I dozed off. When I woke up again, it was dark outside. I couldn't remember when I ate last so I decided to check mess for something to eat if I wanted to make it through the night in the post-op. Mess was open and I found some peanut butter and jelly. Failing to find any fresh bread, I just picked both jars and left for the Swamp again.

"I think Erin would like you more than I do sometimes." BJ startled me. I had dozed off again. I woke with a start, peanut butter jar falling to one side.

"Only if she likes chunky and not this malignant paste." I looked at the jar with some distaste now that I had half of it in my stomach, probably causing my gut to stick together.

"Not for another year. When do they get teeth?"

"What do I look like? How do I know. All I remember is Dad telling me babies drool and cry a lot when they teethe. Pediatrics wasn't my favorite rotation."

"I thought you liked kids. You are good with them."

"They like people who can act their age. And I do like them. That's why... How's Billy? And what are you doing here? Who's in post-op?" I suddenly realized what BJ's presence here signified.

"He's fine. Relax!"

"Define fine." I asked him somewhat sharply as I got up from my cot to head out to post-op again.

"Why not go and find out?" BJ answered apathetically and I just blurted out this time.

"Beej!"

"Yeah?"

"What's happened to us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just that. What's happened to us? We are always angry at each other. We talk as if we cannot stand the sight of each other."

"You have an active imagination, Hawk. Its been stressful for us both lately."

"You know, we don't even joke with each other anymore." I didn't know where all the sentimentality was flowing out from but for the moment, I wanted this matter settled.

"Hawk! Just go see Johnson, alright!" BJ dismissed me but I knew he was thinking what I was thinking now.

"OK. But we will talk about this later, alright. If you cannot sleep, just come to post-op." And with that, I left for post-op again.

I could feel the tiredness as it was setting in and wondered how much role booze played in helping me sleep all these months. Last few days, despite exhaustion and all that jazz, I was unable to continue sleeping for a period longer than a couple hours in one go. Knowing full well that this would come to bite me in the ass, I let it alone for a while as I approached Billy's cot. He was awake, pale and smiling.

_Two outta three ain't all that bad._

I smiled as I looked at him. He was looking young and very fragile than his seventeen years.

"This is what you get for running away from home!" He just grinned. "Alright. Usually kids get lollipops when they visit the doc but here, we give the high-end stuff. Do you want soot-coated mystery meat or something less appetizing?" He smiled again but did not talk.

I checked him over and was glad things were apparently on the mend. After informing him of the possibility of no water or food for a few more days, I checked his chart again to refresh his injury status and was reminded of the injury he had received.

He was a friendly casualty. He was standing to make sure everybody from his squad was safely lying down when one of the kids on the ground let go of his grenade and Johnson who was standing received his injuries.

Wondering the average age of the kids in that foxhole where a seventeen year old was the one making sure of their safety, I returned to my lair and just sat in silent contemplation.


	86. Chapter 86

Thanks to Esthermarie for starting reading and reviewing. Yet more to NY Gal, Radar and last but not the least, Serilia.

Enjoy!

Review!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 86**

It didn't take me long before I felt the urge to go check on him again. I knew from experience that some of my more insane moments in the past were brought on by this compulsive behavior. I also knew that I was compulsive even before I came here but my symptoms were obscured from the eye of general public. Either that or the insanity was a more recent development. Leaving yet another thought for a more leisure contemplation, I returned to his bedside. He was now sleeping soundly. I felt it was a message from him for me; to leave him alone. Paying heed to this subtle hint, I went to mess tent to get some coffee. There was no point trying to sleep and I knew that much. After the worst of exhaustion was behind me, it felt almost impossible to slide back into lala land without some liquid help. This insomnia was worse than the one I had during my residency. That one lasted five years. I wondered how long this one would last as I entered the mess tent and was relieved it was vacant and quiet.

Coffee stank but there were some fresh rolls which weren't hard or burned and lacked any indication that they were meant for the crowd at 4077 which I took as an omen and snatched a couple before settling near the stove.

Kid was doing better. Life was finally returning to its normal level of chaos and mayhem I had gotten used to over last year and a half. A lot had changed, not the least of which was a loss of two – three – friends. Trapper was like this alter ego. He and I had so much in common, we thought alike, acted alike and somehow, I had learned to depend on him though for what I wasn't so sure of. Trap wasn't exactly the poster boy for dependability. BJ was actually dependable but at times...

_What?_

_Nothing. Nothing. I was just saying..._

I still had no idea what would happen once he found out of my intervention. I had to find a foxhole to hide in when he did find out though.

BJ wasn't the only new thing. After losing Henry and sitting there while people talked about how much they missed him and not letting them lose it completely because of Frank, I realized yet again how cruel the war could be. Frank's insanity and GI-philia was the sort of anesthesia that people in the camp needed to shrug off Henry's death as they were absorbed in their own personal misery to feel the loss of a man who got them through a whole year of war. Losing Tommy was very personal and only Henry knew about what happened and how it happened. Nobody knew it and I had sort of buried it under wraps to deal with it at a later time.

_Why are you thinking of all the losses right now?_

Realizing the coffee had turned into gunk yet again, I emptied the cup on the floor right there before leaving for post-op again when I heard the infamous yell over the PA system.

_Attention! Attention!_

_Attention all personnel. Incoming choppers. Everybody to report to duty stations._

Mine was the triage and so I was supposed to be the first one in and first one out as well.

It was a busy triage. Most were burns this time as some of the soldiers had taken refuge in an empty hut and tried to light a fire. The hut caught fire and burned most of the soldiers.

Utterly disgusted by the pointlessness of this pain and loss, I went through the rituals of assigning priority numbers to patients while relieving tension pneumothorax of one of the soldiers right there and then before transferring him to OR straight away and making sure he did go in as advised, after a while, I was all done.

I went to post-op after that and decided to keep an eye on Frank and the patients in pre-op to avoid any further troubles for them from him. Billy was doing fine and so was his buddy. So were the rest of the patients. I removed a chest tube from one of the earlier patients and advised a chest x-ray before settling next to Billy.

"Hello Billy!" I said in a sing-song voice as I realized the cadence, "Ya know, it has a certain musicality to it. 'Hello Billy'... You ever worked on Broadway?" He gave me an ear to ear grin which offset some of the pallor that occupied his face.

"Petey here told me you were a pretty funny fella, _sir_."

"What can I say, my young friend. Fame has a way of getting outta my hands." I informed him as I put the dressing back on his wounds, satisfied with their current state.

"What are my chances, Sir?"

"You won't be replacing Eddie Tunnel or Choo Choo Roberts anytime soon, I can tell you that much. Otherwise, you have some of my best embroidery in you and I don't really do that kinda hard work all that often so I would say, you got really bright chances of turning old and wrinkly. Just don't enlist again!" I checked him out and was happy to inform myself that despite all that happened last coupla days, the kid was doing fine. Asking Ginger to get me latest labs and a fresh chest film, I moved on to other patients and after that, a check on pre-op patients.

With Cpl. Johnson doing fine, my thoughts shifted towards Frank's latest scheme or more like scam. I knew he lacked scruples but what about that seemingly delightful Cate? I hadn't seen her doing post-op last couple of days. Figuring her to be in the OR, I decided to wait. There weren't all that many casualties and with BJ back, I figured they would be finished by ten tonight.

Advising nurse to start tapering the pressors, one at a time, I went towards OR. I needed to talk to someone right now, whether it was BJ or Margaret. Or even Potter.

"Everything alright, son?" Potter was the first to notice me and I could see his eyebrows arch behind his glasses as the mask obscured a good part of his worry.

"That kid," I didn't elaborate. These days, everybody knew which kid I was talking about, "His white count is slightly elevated. Well, not so slightly as slightly more than his previously elevated count."

"Can we cut this jibber jabber? Some of us are trying to operate on others here, you know." Frank whined and I ignored him.

"Stuff it, Frank! How's the temp?" BJ asked after chastising Frank and I smiled.

"Its the same. Hovering between 99 and 100. There's nothing else that's out of sorts."

"It could just be a delayed reaction to all the insults he suffered last few days." BJ said pointedly, looking at Frank this time. I suddenly felt he was back in my corner and I smiled at his accusatory tone.

"I think that's what it is myself but still..."

"He had gut anastomoses, right?" Potter chimed in.

"Yeah. One in ileum that I repaired and Frank already had repaired a gastric perf. There was a serosal tear in descending colon as well."

"Make sure somebody's doing active suction regularly." Potter advised me and I wondered for a short second if he really thought I'd turned into a pumpkin during last few weeks

"Yeah. I made sure once I found out about Frank's handiwork." I informed him.

"Pish posh! You're the one who nicked...WHAT?" Frank suddenly yelped, staring at Cate who was assisting him.

"You asked for the clamps, Major!" Cate replied, not quite hiding the pallor or the sudden change of tone.

"Just keep an eye on him. That's all that can be done, Pierce!" Ignoring Frank and Cate, Potter told me, not unsympathetically. So I couldn't find the magical fix to this current non-problem.

"Alright. You want me to turn on the still?" I finally decided to leave.

"No. I got some better alternatives." BJ said in a secretive tone, again made more suspicious because of the mask hiding the smile I could feel erupting from behind.

"OK then. Get me from post-op after you're finished. Frank's got the night shift." I smiled evilly at Frank before exiting the OR, my brainstorming bearing no fruit and yet, making me feel a little relaxed.


	87. Chapter 87

Here's a light chapter. Hope you like it. In all honesty, I had forgotten what I was writing and still don't remember the finer details so I might have to read my whole story just to know where the hell was I going and at what pace. Let me know any mistakes and I'll fix them. I'm operating on suboptimal mental capacity right now, brain at half mast and all...

Thanks to NY Gal, Anime and Radar for their reviews and welcome back to Pathseldomtraveled. I look forward to your reviews and in all honesty, the lukewarm response contributed to this delay almost as much as lack of time if not more. Do review and let me know if you liked it or hated it or were generally apathetic towards it.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 87**

Post-op, or more correctly, the thought of returning to post-op made me sick. For a moment, I tried to recall all the places I could go to outside of or besides what comprised my current hovel and remembered how, during a small fit of insanity, all I could think of was leaving Crabapple Cove and even Maine. Even Augusta seemed too small for my ego back then. Boston and New York were the only fitting places for someone like me.

_Take this, mon Capitane!_

Shaking my head at the flight of ideas, I returned to my beloved Swamp, home away from home away from home.

_That's too many homes away from home!_

_Good thing nobody can hear you; you sure sound crazy._

Swamp looked clean. Debris left by me on the floor and around every nook and cranny available seemed less. I blamed it on missing my cot for all too many hours. Hoping to avoid that dreaded dream of a memory long forgotten, I lied down fully clothed after putting some of Frank's stationary into the heater. It always seemed that Swamp was colder than outside. Maybe they made olive drab in a way that it let heat enter and not leave in summers and in winters, switched roles by letting all heat out and cold in. Maybe the designers were from Alaska and were out to punish those who refused their claim to statehood.

During these senseless musings, I must have fallen asleep because next thing was an unceremonious awakening that was only attributable to BJ.

"Have you no compassion?" I asked BJ as I woke up and felt the kinks in my neck and back.

"I thought I was doing you a favor. Your body language reminded me of times when women dump you."

"You blasé, monogamopathic being! You think _they_ dump me...Body language? Why did you say body language?" I looked at him suspiciously and then at myself and quickly got off my cot before one of his pranks got me unawares.

"Relax, Captain Pierce! I didn't do anything." He smiled cryptically. My hand was dry and so were my clothes, I _hoped_. He couldn't have done the age old trick on me.

"Hunnicut! You've got the most pervasively evil sense of humor of anyone I've ever encountered. I can never be careful enough." Making sure there were no accidents, I settled on my cot again and stared at BJ who seemed somewhat relaxed though not as much as I was hoping for.

"Stop trying, Hawkeye. You won't know what hit you anyway." Potter drawled from behind. Was it me or had they all suddenly gone completely stealthy?

"What's going on here, Colonel?" I looked at them both as I heard the door open and entered Radar and Father Mulcahy.

"Its poker night, Hawkeye!" Father Mulcahy cheerfully informed me as Radar and BJ started setting the table.

"I won't put it that way, Padre. There is more to this meeting than just poker." Potter spoke seriously but with that man, I was never sure if he was about to let out a cowboy whoop, a loud bark of an order or the most straight-faced joke that I'd ever heard. Or all three at the same time for that matter.

"Yeah! BJ got some stuff from Seoul, Father. He even got me six bottles of Grape Nehi." Radar chirped from behind his foggy glasses.

"You know, we never had Grape Nehis in Mill Valley. I had to try and find out how it tasted and wasn't surprised why it wasn't easily available anywhere in California, let alone Mill Valley." BJ tried not to smile but couldn't help it as he saw Radar's color change and expressions, harden a little.

"Radaar! BJ is not making fun of Ottumwa, you, OR Grape Nehi. You know how insensitive these West Coast people are about all things East." I tried to soothe Radar's ruffled feathers.

"You're not any better, Sir! Did _you_ ever drink Grape Nehi?" Radar asked me accusatorily and BJ looked smug.

"Remember night of Thanksgiving? You got me one and I drank it." A night better best forgotten.

"You didn't finish it." And to think I was trying to get BJ out of a jam.

"I had to leave, remember?" And then changed the subject, "What did you get for us, Beej? You did win a jeepful of dollars if I recall correctly." I diverted my attention to BJ whose face expressions changed for all of a few short moments and his smile, dimmed.

"Just get ready for the surprise, Hawk."

"Tell me its not first class brandy. I won't be able to resist and then you'll have to write to my dad..." I looked at him hungrily and then got up from my cot and started looking behind his cot and every place else for any signs of the surprise.

"SIT DOWN Pierce!" Potter bellowed after I refused to return to poker table in favor of my quest for booty.

"But Colonel..." I started whining but was cut short by yet another entrance into the Swamp. Margaret seemed fresh out of laundry, clean, nice smelling and fresh. She was followed by Klinger who had a big tray in his hands which was full of sandwiches.

"As ordered, Cap'n Hunnicut. Deal me in!" He placed the tray aside and settled heavily on one of the chairs.

"What's this?" I picked a sandwich and started sniffing it when Margaret slapped my hand, "HEY!" I yelped loudly, almost dropping the sandwich which smelled almost nothing like anything I had smelled in this craphole over last year and half.

"Stop acting like the camp mutt, would you?" Margaret spoke through clenched teeth.  
"I have to savor this. I have to saturate all my senses. I have to make a permanent memory. Who knows when I have this sensory treat again? You hit me again and I'll put ink in your peroxide solution," I feigned anger as I started the ritual all over again ignoring the sudden flush in her cheeks, " Hmmmm. Toasted rye bread. And corned beef. Personally, I'm partial to pastrami but ...Aaaahhhh. And sauerkraut. WHO MADE THIS SAUERKRAUT?"

"Can you stop being a five year old and a drama queen all at once? And focus on your hand?" BJ smiled and chastised me at the same time.

"Buzzkill!" I checked my hand which, according to Trapper, resembled more to a foot and returned to my description of the sandwich, "I asked who made this sauerkraut? Please somebody tell me its origins are not our mess, _Please!_"

"Its not! I'll see your two and raise you two." BJ spoke disinterestedly. I was amazed why everybody else was so cavalier towards this rare treat? Who could care about poker when we had such goodness in front of us?

"Its NOT?" I asked loudly and was rebuffed again as I got back to my sniffing.

"You don't wanna play, go away. We have a serious game planned here. And stop screaming in my ear." Margaret again spoke as if I was talking about mess-made mess called food. Did she realize...?

"Margaret, do you realize what BJ did here? If I were you, I would give him all my money and enjoy this meal in peace. If I were you, I would actually kiss BJ. Hell, if I were _me_ I would kiss BJ." I got up from my chair but my effort was thwarted by Margaret and Potter both.

"Pierce! Just shut up and eat. And stop sniffing it!"

"Pierce. Keep sitting where you are!" Potter waved at me.

"Thousand Island Dressing. You know why its called Thousand Island Dressing?" When nobody paid me any attention, I carried on anyway, "Its because it was named in Thousand Island region in upstate New York. Beej, is the cheese real Swiss?"

"Captain Pierce! Its your turn." Klinger tried to break my focus but he wasn't going to succeed. Not tonight! After elaborating every single component and condiment of this heavenly treat, I ate while they played and ate. I wasn't going to ruin the memory of this sandwich with a game of poker. If there was one thing worse than mixing business with pleasure, it was mixing pleasure with pleasure. BJ had also brought ginger ale for me and even though it wasn't beer, it was the next best thing. For a while there, I forgot all about the war, the hopelessness, the loss and the pain of helplessness.

I just hoped I could return his favor in kind.

P.S. When I'm bone tired, the only thing that makes me write is the reviews besides my own desire to finish the story. Don't make me explain this, alright!  
Happy reviewing ;)


	88. Chapter 88

**Go GIANTS.**

I WANT REVIEWS!

I don't feel all that compelled to write when I see a lukewarm reception. Now, more than ever, I AM writing for you and if you don't care, it seems easy for me to stop on account of having an exhaustive schedule last few months. Story is almost back to its seriousness. Many thanks to Anime, Radar, NY Gal, Serilia and Symphony. Rest of you, wake up and review or the gaps would get longer and not as a penalty but purely because of lack of motivation.

Now read on, enjoy and REVIEW!

**Chapter 88**

They were going to keep playing until there was any money in motion or any booze lying around. I decided to step in and help them finish the game but after checking on Johnson. He was sleeping and seemed fine. His temperature was slightly elevated. I checked the chart and active suction wasn't done for last few hours. Feeling that same fear creeping right back in as I remembered my dreams, I did the suction. It was clear though from the amount of it, it was obvious it had been lying in there for a good long time.

I shook Frank awake. He was moving his no-lips in what I decided to be a very disturbing manner but decided to let it go.

"What is it, Pierce?"

"You're supposed to be awake and keeping an eye on patients."

"I was awake. I saw you enter and wanted you to not disturb me so I faked sleep."

"Frank, why the hell was Johnson's active NG suction not done for last three hours?"

"I will NOT tolerate your insubordinate tone, Pierce!"

"Shove off, Frank! You will tolerate whatever I dish out. Now tell me why you suspended his active suction."

"He was being disturbed and wanted to sleep..."

"BullSHIT! You don't care if he was unable to sleep or not."

"So sue me!"

"I'll do one better, Frank. I'll slug you. If that kid doesn't make it home alive, two pine boxes go home and one will be yours!" And with that, I left him alone, wondering if Frank had finally and completely gone around the bend in his animosity for me that he was willing to kill a living being just to get even with me.

Asking night nurse to do the suction every half hour, I left post-op extremely disgusted and worried.

"Can you believe what Frank did _now_?" I addressed the now semi-inebriated party residing in my tent.

"With Frank, I'm ready to believe anything," BJ quipped.

"What happened?" Margaret asked me in a worried tone.

"He stopped NG suction." I informed them angrily, "Can you believe that? He stopped NG suction. AFTER Frank's repair of the stomach. As if the kid hadn't suffered enough on his account."

"What? Why would he do that?" Again, Margaret spoke but with disbelief this time.

"You don't need a reason to explain Frank's insane drives. **You**, of all people, should know it by now." BJ spoke seriously, making Margaret get embarrassed..

"Exactly. You don't need a reason. Colonel, if this kid dies, I'll drag Frank through the whole of Korea..." I waved at BJ and Margaret before turning towards Potter, not believing why he was letting Frank do whatever he was doing. The man was a walking biohazard.

"Pipe down, Pierce! This soldier won't die and you won't utter any such thing again. Do I make myself clear?" Potter spoke annoyed and tired but he meant what he was saying.

"What the..." I tried again but was cut off by a waving hand from Potter and Margaret shaking her head.

"Klinger, if you don't mind, can you get us some coffee? We've all had a little too much to drink." BJ asked Klinger to leave and this was not a good sign. Poker was long forgotten and the whole thing was a set up to begin with.

"I don't need coffee!" I declared belligerently but Klinger was already leaving.

"Sit down, son!"

"I don't like your tone." I declared a little angrily but was curious what got them all so conspiratorial. Surely it was one of Frank's scams, probably the latest but them taking it so seriously was a little on the side of overreacting.

"Frank has filed an official complaint with I-corps against you and declared Colonel Potter as an incompetent commander." BJ informed me but without the expected humor. Margaret looked somber as well. I suddenly realized how it was their first time and how all the faces had changed over last few months and chuckled loudly. They all looked at me as if I had lost it completely so it was time to give them a lesson or two about life at 4077.

"Frank gets into these fits of insanity every few months. Ask Margaret. She used to be an accomplice. Colonel Potter isn't Henry!" Margaret turned pink and seemed embarrassed by the reminder which was a first for her GI Jane persona. BJ and Potter looked at me quizzically and again, I was reminded of the change in team and the only constant being me and Radar. And maybe Father Mulcahy who had left when I returned from post-op.

"I've seen the files and records but I don't understand what you're saying." Potter seemed a little perplexed.

"Back in the day, Frank and Major Houlihan here went on a crusade every month or two against me, Trapper and dragged Henry in the middle as well. It was almost always the three of us though once, they got him in trouble all on his own. Most of the times, we had to take drastic measures to overcome the two of them and their harebrained schemes to take over the 4077." I paused for effect and Margaret had gone visibly pink whereas others looked confused. It was time for a history lesson so I told them of all the things Frank had done with or without Margaret's participation to overthrow Henry, get me courtmartialed or shot by enemy soldiers or our own, for that matter. All these tales seemed like from another lifetime. Radar helped me where details of paperwork and administration were concerned.

After the lesson ended, they seemed visibly relaxed.

"Let me show you something!" I told them for a final effect and got up to open Frank's footlocker and brought out some official looking papers.

"Official records? Burns should have let me see them. I don't think I've... What the hell is this?" Potter bellowed as he saw what he was holding.

"The Bedpan Manifesto!" I spoke bemusedly. Potter looked at me quizzically and this time, I motioned towards BJ to explain the papers. Potter shook his head and Radar and I snorted while Margaret tried to hide her smile at which she failed miserably.

"My word, Hawkeye! You do have a way with words. You would have made a good priest." Father Mulcahy chuckled as he reiterated his statement about my fitness to be a priest. He had entered the tent during my tale of Frank slipping over a bar of soap and pinning it on me.

They all chuckled and I joined them. The idea of me being a priest seemed pretty ridiculous even if Father Mulcahy was the one who came up with.

"I'm serious."

"Apologies, Padre. Bedpan Manifesto, huh Pierce?" Potter chuckled as he went through the whole file and passed it around, "If ever there was a man working with half a deck..."

"So you see why I'm not terribly worried. He gets this fit and then it passes like a renal stone. BJ will help me!"

"This is serious, Pierce. It was never about your professional competence before. Most he, _we_, did was point out you were a maverick and didn't belong in the Army. Nobody questioned your skill." Margaret spoke sensibly despite her discomfort last few minutes as I regaled the tales from good old days.

"Nobody can question it! And, if, for one second, we do believe that I did do what he says I did," I felt bile rising as I said this, "You think I would be the first one here to make a mistake?"

"Yours might cost a life! You went against orders to operate. You performed a risky surgery on a very sick patient when his surgeon and your commander told you not to. And with your previous record..."

"But I didn't do it." This whole 'if you did it' talk was beginning to make me feel very angry suddenly. It was hard to accept even hypothetically that I screwed up and almost killed a kid.

"He has a witness!" Potter informed me this time as if it was news.

"Cate? She wasn't even in the OR half the time." I spoke angrily, all good cheer from last few hours evaporating very fast.

"She was when pulmonary artery sprayed blood on you." Margaret spoke this time.

"She's mistaken. Or lying. I'll talk to her." And with that I got up from my chair to leave.

"She's on leave for two days." This time Radar spoke.

"Leave?"

"Medical leave. She had to go to Uijeongbu." I shook my head wondering if she went to get psychiatric help.

"So you're trying to say that Frank wants that kid dead so he can pin his death on me? That's..."

"...Frank being Frank, Hawk!" BJ smiled this time. I wasn't feeling very amused though.

"So why are you telling me this? I didn't do anything wrong."

"We know. Are you even listening?" Margaret spoke heatedly this time. No wonder she was edgy during the game. She knew the reason behind this merry gathering from start.

"I-Corps might send an inquiry team here or you might be called there."

"This is ridiculous!" I started pacing, not knowing what to do or say. This was infuriating and I was singularly unequipped to handle this.

"It is, Pierce. We know. So tonight was to tell you of this and let you have something good to eat. I don't want you in post-op till tomorrow morning at least." Potter said, not unkindly though I looked at him, challenging him to stop me.

"Hawk! I'll do it." BJ spoke this time and I remembered an earlier resolve for today. Now just wasn't the time for that.

Maybe tomorrow!

With that, meeting was adjourned and everybody left, leaving me with my thoughts.


	89. Chapter 89

Alright. Just don't come after me with pitchforks after this chapter, alright? Many thinks to Serilia, Krows, Radar, NY Gal, and Symphony and welcome and thanks to Lucretius for actually starting and finishing the story in one day and then reviewing it as well. I'll look forward to more of your feedback.

Here we go!

**Chapter 89**

"Hawk!" BJ hadn't left for which I was grateful but then it was his tent as well.

"Yeah, Beej?" I answered without turning my head towards him. The green ceiling held some strange attraction for me as my mind wandered in all directions, all of which led to a more dreary ceiling and a much worse home with infinitely worse bunkies.

"It will blow over. You said yourself it happens every two three months..."

"I know it'll blow over. I was thinking when I can have a drink again, that's all." I lied through my teeth and didn't feel all that good about myself. Maybe I did belong in a prison. The thought made me shudder.

"Are you cold?" BJ was concerned, I could tell. I, however, wasn't ready for any smothering mothering from him.

"Beej! Stop worrying, alright. I'm fine. And yeah, thanks for the feast tonight." I suddenly remembered the dinner which was almost ruined by the gang almost immediately.

"It was worth the oratory." BJ smiled and so did I. When was the last time I had described food with so much love and almost poetic eloquence anyway?

"Dad hated it."

"Reuben sandwich?"

"The oratory. I gave him hard time with that. He was not all that bad ya know. They had to take cooking lessons in med school."

"How is he doing?"

"He's fine, I guess. I... I wrote him only a few days back. It could hardly have crossed the Pacific yet."

"Yeah." BJ went silent after that wistfully silent 'yeah' and my thoughts drifted from here to Mill Valley to what I had done to how I was going to explain my role in whatever happened in BJ's life over next few weeks to home again and my father, an old and lonely man who was refusing to live on for fear of losing his only son who might never really make it back home anyway.

"So much for being a morbid son of a ..." I muttered silently before closing my eyes, knowing full well that Frank would do his level best to ruin any chance I might otherwise have of getting some shuteye. Remembering the horrible prison stories, I finally drifted off. I'm not sure when BJ left for post-op but I do remember when Frank entered the tent again. His loud voice was up to this task and with my nerves already on the edge, a falling pin would have had me airborne.

"Wake up, Pierce! Its your mess and you should clean it." Frank spoke in a very nasty tone. I was still groggy from this sudden, unwanted and pretty vampiric awakening but I felt my heart sink.

"What happened?" I stood up a little too quickly and felt the earth move beneath my feet but now wasn't the time for swoons.

"That soldier..." I missed the rest of his sentence as I was already out of the door before he could go on.

BJ was sitting next to Johnson who looked almost as white as the sheet. He was listening to his abdomen.

"What happened?" I barely kept panic out of my voice.

"Peritonitis."

That one word sank any and all hopes I had kept alive over last three days or so.

"What happened?" This time, more calmly.

"Not sure. Seems his gastric repair gave in."

"How long?"

"They found some blood on active suction and did some lavage..." I knew the story from there onwards.

"Beej, how long?"

"An hour, give or take. Frank was here when I came in at midnight." It was almost half past midnight.

"Give him max doses of antibiotics. We may have to go in again. I want him on pressors, fluids and arrange for four units of cross matched blood." I wasn't gonna give up on him, not now.

"Hawk! He won't make it." BJ whispered, pulling me aside.

"He won't make it if I don't try." I angrily replied.

"Hawk, stop it, alright! You cannot do anything."

"Watch me!" And with that, I ordered them to take him to OR as I left to scrub up, my hands shaking with anger.

_Just anger?_

'Go to hell!'

BJ followed me in the scrub room.

"You did all you could, Hawk! You know it. He won't make it." BJ sounded sad. I had no time for sadness!

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? WATCH WHILE HE DIES?"

"No. I don't. I just want you to know the stakes."

"Thanks. I'll let my bookkeeper know!" And with that, I went into OR.

"He's very shocky, Hawkeye." Tundra was here again.

"I know. If we fix this, he won't be shocky anymore. Let me know when you're ready, Tundra!"

Margaret was standing opposite me and for once, I decided to at least act clairvoyant and believe in good luck charms thinking of Margaret as one for me.

"Go ahead!" Came Tundra's voice.

"Knife." And so it began. BJ was right. Stomach repair had given in and contents of stomach had spilled into his abdomen and it was not 'one hour' as BJ had said. It was longer, that was for sure. Cleaning up the mess, I remembered what Frank had said about 'cleaning up my mess'. He knew it was the stomach repair that had given way. What was he referring to then? Finishing up quick as possible, I thought about all that this kid went through just because...

"Cardiac Arrest!" Announced Tundra loudly, and I felt like a mule had kicked me in my stomach.

I gave him a thum and started resuscitation. How long I did the CPR, I have no memory. It was all useless. There just wasn't any fight left in that kid and that was that.

After a lifetime, I finally and definitely gave up on a kid I had promised I would take care of.

"Time of death: 2:07am."

Too bad life didn't stop after somebody broke such a promise.

Paper work awaited me returning at least part of my being to the real world once again.

That settled, I had one more thing to take care of and however hard I wished that wasn't something I could let wait.

"Peter!" I shook the boy awake gently so as not to startle him and noticed bitterly how I could be considerate about not shaking him even when I was going to give him one of the worst news of his life.

"Captain Pierce! Is Billy OK? I had a bad dream..." And with that his eyes moved towards the now empty cot. It amazed me how he had slept through the whole scene till Billy was taken into OR.

I didn't have to say anything as he did the math himself and shoved me back with all his might and yelled a loud NO.

"I'm sorry!" I didn't know what else to say as I regained my balance. Shoving me was turning into a favorite sport around this unit lately. Peter just sobbed silently after his first yell. I told one of the nurses to call for Father Mulcahy to see Cpl. Sanders at his earliest convenience which was going to be pretty soon, I was sure.

Miserable as I was right now, I didn't envy the good priest his duties!


	90. Chapter 90

Last chapter was received with what we call in my part of town as 'lukewarm'. Not even hate mail...  
Was it really that bad? I won't try to justify my choice of this turn of events since this was probably the whole premise on which this story was based.

Many thanks to Lucretius, NY Gal and Radar for reviewing. Its good to have you guys around to give me something in return for my effort!

For the rest, I want reviews, people!  
Happy reading.

**Chapter 90**

Going back to Swamp was going to be a mistake. After all that had happened, I had less than my usual tolerance for the bunkmate who loathed me with all his heart and lately, was loathed by me like I hadn't loathed anybody since med school. Vernon Parson was probably a better doctor. At least he knew his limitations and didn't enter surgery. That being said, the guy was slippery enough not to get drafted which spoke volumes about his smarts, however misplaced they were.

_You are rambling, Hawkeye!_

_'Shut up!'_

_You can't shut me up now!!_

Whoever said I couldn't shut it up?

Somehow, my feet had landed me right in front of one place where I could stop feeling everything, stop thinking everything and just be able to forget and maybe, just maybe, sleep, hangovers not withstanding.

Too bad everything was conspiring against me tonight.

_Why does it always have to be about you? Ever thought about Johnson? Sanders? Johnson's family? You think your suffering is greater than theirs?_

_Think again!_

How much time passed with me staring at the now closed door of our Officer's Club, I don't really know. Night was cold but somehow, it just reminded me of the cold weather back home when I was sent to school everyday during that very cold and depressing winter almost twenty years ago. Two decades was a long time and yet, the memory stuck where I was aloof and strong enough to survive. Returning school was good for me. Just like returning to work was good for me a few years back and then again, only a few days ago.

_Good for 'me'._

I had never considered the toll it took on others with my hasty return to normalcy. Now, I could see it in flesh and blood, flesh and blood I had cut and spilled and repaired and cleaned.

_Who's fault is that?_

"Hawk!" I heard a presence next to me that blocked the cold wind on my right side and I didn't like the sudden return of relative warmth. Cold was good.

"Hawk! You OK?"

"Beej!"

"Hawk! Its cold here. Cummon inside."

"But the bar is closed."

"Not here," He paused before continuing, "Mess tent?"

"Yeah. OK." I didn't want to spill my insanity in front of him. I didn't want to scare him.

_You don't trust him!_

_You don't wanna lose him._

_'Damn straight I don't. Now leave me alone.'_

There was nothing to be said and nothing to be done. Mess tent was empty except for the rare soul looking for coffee. I decided not to sit next to the stove.

Cold was good!

I didn't want coffee either. I wanted a beer. I wanted gin with some cold vermooth. I also wanted to stop feeling right now.

_'There has to be a way.'_

"You informed Potter?" I asked BJ.

"Yeah."

"How did he take it?"

"Better then you did." BJ let it slip before I heard him bite his tongue. I didn't say anything. Now wasn't a time to let my insanity show.

"He should have lived. He could have survived, Beej!"

"No he couldn't have. Not after everything happened."

"That's what I said." With that, I started stirring my coffee again. I could feel it thicken with cold. Maybe they put some gelatin in it so it would congeal.

"Hawkeye!" BJ said a little earnestly. He hardly ever called me by my full name and that got my attention. I turned towards him to see what conspired in his head between now and last time he opened his mouth.

_Now he'll tell you its not your fault!_

"Hawk. Listen..."

"I know Beej!" I didn't wanna hear those words right now, not when every fiber of my being was accusing me of letting that kid die.

"Let me finish! It wasn't your fault."

_I told you so!_

_'Go to hell.'_

"I know, Beej. Its not entirely my fault. But I should have stopped Frank." I felt the manic surge and stopped talking right away.

"And then what?" What was he trying to say. That that kid was destined to die no matter what we – I – did? That made no sense. Destiny was what you made it and not something depending on some totally random, almost whimsical equation that decided who got to live and who got to die; not when one was seventeen.

"He could have lived, Beej! You could have saved him."

"So now its my fault?" BJ addressed me as if I was a five year old.

_'What the hell?'_

"No Beej! I didn't say that." Was there any point explaining what I meant?

"Mhmm."

"You, Potter, hell any half-decent surgeon."

"You?"

"Yeah. Me."

"You did everything you could and that's better than most can do at the top of their game."

"I didn't check on him in pre-op." I spoke the nightmarish reality once again.

"Who does? I hardly ever do that myself."

"This was different. I knew there was something seriously wrong with that kid and I let him slip anyway."

"Just come and sleep, Hawk."

"You go sleep Beej. I got some thinking to do and besides, Frank is the last thing I want to see right now."

"I'm due in post-op. I just came to check on you."

"Sorry. I forgot. You go to post-op. I'll be fine. I promise." I laughed bitterly.

"You wanna come to post-op with me."

"You go. And stop worrying about me. I'll be fine. I always am" He had to stop this. There was nothing he could do to feel better. I didn't want to feel better; not now!

BJ clapped me on my shoulder and squeezed it, reminding me of my sojourn into the realms of Korea not so long ago.

I barely made it to the bushes outside before I threw up violently, my whole body spasming as I retched.

_Of course it was't your fault! _That same sarcastic voice whispered in my ear as I stood, bent over a Korean bush.

PS: Ignore typos or lemme know. Am kinda high on meds right now.


	91. Chapter 91

I knew 'Author's Note' had a higher purpose to its life then my whining alone and so, I use this to tell the idiot who anonymously reviewed my author's note almost half a lifetime ago (chapter 49). For one, when I wrote that, almost nobody reviewed the story. Secondly, you don't read 'rhetorical' all that well. if I were writing for reviews alone, I woulda given up long ago. I write cz I want to. Having said that, I like my ego boosted. Next time, skip the author's note :p

Thanks to NY Gal, Lucretius, Radar and Disaster for reviews.

Happy reading!

**Chapter 91**

Maybe my utility in this place was over. Maybe Army would send me home now that I had slipped so miserably realizing I was not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, not anymore. This wasn't the first time I had lost a patient, neither was it the first time I had lost a patient after so much work being put into his recovery. He wasn't even the youngest patient I had ever lost either. So what was so different about him? What was so infinitely bad about this kid? I really didn't know the answer to that question. Something was different, that was for sure.  
Going back to mess tent was useless. In fact, short of leaving camp once again, there just wasn't a single decent option available to me right now. Maybe if Rosie's was open...

Nah! I couldn't do that to myself, could I?

Of course I could. After what I did to that little boy...

Swamp was my last option, more was the pity.

_Scared of Frank Burns?_

_'NO!'_

_Then why so much resistance going back to your own home away from home, huh?_

_'Go to hell!'_

Swamp it was gonna be and rest everything be damned, I finally decided. Frank was asleep. I almost-envied him his heartlessness at that minute but maybe I wasn't that far gone and that envy didn't last for more than a few short moments before I felt the gorge of disgust rising inside me as I felt grateful for not being him, inability to sleep be damned!

I quietly approached my cot and lied down. It was then that I remembered why I felt trepidation about coming back here. Frank wasn't the reason; not really anyway. I wanted to think about whatever had happened last few days. What could I've done to avoid Billy's death? It always came down to not checking in on him in pre-op the day he came in. Why did a mistake so small as that cost a kid his life? How was that fair? In a just world...

_Oh for crying out loud, stop philosophizing about an unjust world. You think it matters to those who sent you and him here? _

After a few minutes or maybe hours, I'm not sure, I got tired of lying down with these thoughts and counter-thoughts going through my mind. I decided to relieve BJ of his shift early. It was breakfast time anyway.

"Hello BJ." I placed a coffee mug in front of him as I sat on the table holding another mug myself.

"Oh hello, Hawk! You're up early." Mindless greetings as if everything was normal.

"Yeah. Figured you won't mind being relieved a little early today. What do you say?" I continued in the same calm tone but what I said got BJ's attention.

"Thought Potter told you to stay out of post-op?"

"He did, till today. I cannot let you have all the fun now, can I?" Enough with the niceties and fake coolness.

"Hawk! Go. Rest."

"I just took some very comforting brand of rest, Beej. Anymore of that and I'll become certifiable."

"Frank said something?" BJ sounded angry and worried.

"I don't need _him_ to become certifiable, Captain Hunnicut." He really was new here and he hadn't seen my particular brand of insanity yet.

"Dreams?" So he wasn't _that_ out of touch when it came to my insanity after all.

"No. Nothing like that. Not yet anyway." I let that slip tiredly before I could catch myself.

"Hawk!"

"Not now, Beej. Its..."

"Hawk! You gotta stop."

"Stop what, Beej? I haven't even started anything yet."

"You know what I mean."

"Don't think so. I'm not really a morning person. My mind's still at quarter-mast."

"Can you come to mess tent with me? I think they'll be alright without their doctor for a few minutes."

"Yeah. And big good we did by staying here anyway." I shook my head in disgust, both at my cruel observation and the truth in it and also, at the change I felt in myself from being a pragmatist to this brooding, dark, cruel person.

"What's gotten into you, Hawkeye Pierce?" BJ asked me almost rhetorically.

"What do you mean, 'gotten into me'? Nothing's 'gotten' into me." I answered, mimicking BJ's tone, inflection for inflection.

"What's with all the negative talk?"

"Guess I'm just tired, Beej. Its been a long week."

"Ya think? You didn't sleep, did you?"

"I tried. I even envied Frank for whole of five seconds for being able to sleep before I succumbed to my own moral superiority." I felt my voice getting bitter and heavy with emotion before I finished my sentence, remembering Billy Johnson once again and how I promised to care for him and then failed him. And failed myself.

"Hawk! You do know you did everything? Right?"

"Yeah, Beej. I do ..." I sighed. I knew I did everything. Everything except checking him in pre-op.

"Can you stop beating yourself about not checking him in pre-op?" BJ said as he put some eggs in his tray and then in mine. Two thoughts crossed my mind as I looked at him with what I thought of as a neutral expression : First was, how did he know that's what I was thinking and second, how could he expect me to forget that mistake?

"I'm sorry, Hawk. I ... I don't know."

I just moved along in chow line silently behind him. I didn't notice anything that he put in my tray after the eggs either.

"When I was little, maybe seven or eight, not so sure, Billy, my cousin gave me this slingshot. Billy was the coolest kid in the whole town. For me, he was the coolest 'man' in the whole world. I copied everything he did, followed him everywhere and whatnot. I wanted to grow up to be like him. He's married now, living in Manchester with his wife and three kids. He probably doesn't even remember me anymore. Last we met was at my med school graduation and it felt so strange that I wanted to grow up to be like him. Kids can really be dumb sometimes!" I didn't want to go on any further. I didn't want to think about that slingshot anymore either. Why the hell was I cursed with a memory?

"So what happened?" BJ was paying attention to my meanderings which was not unexpected but still, made me slightly uncomfortable.

"Nothing. I saw Billy in a dream a few days back and this patient reminded me of him again. He has a farm in Manchester. Fink! Moved to colder climate zone." I chuckled mirthlessly, hoping my change of subject was lost on BJ.

"Hawk! What's going on?" It was not lost on BJ.

"Nothing, Beej. I'm just tired!"

"You sure that's the only thing?"

"Stop worrying, Beej! I told you I'll be fine. Just a little bit tired, that's all."

"Then go, sleep after breakfast." BJ ordered me and that reminded me of the tray BJ had filled with food and was lying in front of me now.

"Sounds like a plan." I spoke without enthusiasm as I started eating some of the food in my tray, for once not even bothering to sniff it. I could feel BJ's eyes boring holes into my skull but I knew that I was fine and he was worried for no good reason.

"Not gonna sniff it today?"

"I used all my sniffing abilities for those heavenly Reubens yesterday." I flashed a grin, remembering the treat BJ threw us. It all seemed to have happened a lifetime ago.

"You'll go to Swamp from here?"

"Dunno, really. Was thinking of covering post-op or maybe go to some village nearby, whichever is on our schedule."

"After what happened to you last time you played Good Samaritan?" BJ chuckled this time and I smiled myself.

"Am a masochistic nutcase, my friend. Thought you knew." I said as I put down my fork, unable to eat anymore of the mess slop.

"I brought you some crackers from the PX. Remind me to give them to you when I return from post-op."

What had gotten into BJ? Now I was sure he had no clue about my letter to his wife. The way I was feeling deep inside, I wanted to spill it right away and let all his good cheer for me evaporate.

Was I really turning into a masochistic freak?


	92. Chapter 92

Thanks to Lucretius, Serilia, Radar, NY Gal (Giants lost :() Anime and Serilia again. I was sick and hence couldn't write or post. I might post next week though no promises.

You guys hang in there!

Cya around.

**Chapter 92**

There was something very important that I had to do even if it meant a permanent label on me as a masochist. I had to write to Billy's parents. They deserved to know.

_That its your fault their son's dead?_

_'No.'_

_That its Frank's fault their son died?_

_'No.'_

It WAS Frank's fault, I reasoned with myself and then dropped the idea soon as it popped up in my head. There were better ways of inflicting pain on a grieving family than assigning blame on someone they didn't know, couldn't see and couldn't kill with their bare hands. They wouldn't care who was responsible. All that mattered to them was their loss. That being said, there was always the off chance that whoever wrote the letter got the blame without asking and maybe that's where my own masochism came handy. I could not care less if they blamed me as well. I was doing that job pretty well myself.

Next came the tricky part. I had to get back to Swamp to find stationary to write on and only then did I remember that I had completely run out of paper when I wrote Peg last week. With that came the reminder of my informing BJ of my intervention before his wife told him and he came after me with a pitchfork or something worse.

_Stop obsessing about what BJ would do to you. It can't be worse than this._

I hadn't thought about that like that and it calmed my nerves for all of five minutes.

Halfway towards Swamp I changed directions and took a right to go to Radar for some paper and stamps he promised me the other night. Radar wasn't in his office. After waiting for five seconds, I started rummaging through the drawers, wondering about his filing system that dared anybody trying to ransack his official documents to get away with whatever he came to get. It just wasn't gonna happen. After finding the required papers under 'Pages' which was under 'Stuff', I sat down on his desk and started writing.

"That's very nice of you, son!" I was startled as I was signing my name under the letter.

"You're very stealthy for an old man!"

"Not a very nice thing to say especially since..." He pointed towards his eagles.

"Didn't your mom teach you not to sneak up on people? OR to not read other people's letters?" I made no attempt at hiding what I had written now that he had already read it as I wondered about the relationship between nonsensical sentence structure and Radar's chair.

"How are you, Hawkeye?" Potter wasn't in the mood to be amused, it seemed.

"Been better. Been worse. This too shall pass." I replied philosophically.

"Did you talk to his buddy?"

"Yeah."

"How was he?"

"Not very good, understandably."

"He'll be fine. Man can be resilient when he needs to be."

"Yeah. Yeah."

"You know there's going to be an inquiry?"

"Yeah. I had a feeling after all the paper pushing Frank did."

"Hunnicut said he suspected a leak in stomach repair?"

"Yeah. Which can be due to prolonged hypotension and not necessarily because of His Ineptness."

"Pierce..." Potter sounded a little hesitant. I just hoped he wasn't going to ask me if I nicked the pulmonary artery as well. I just waited for him to ask me what he wanted to to before I went on with my explanation.

"Son, it may not be my place to say anything about your personal business but do you know why Lt. O'Hara would be so hell bent to ruin your career?"

"I'm not sure I follow, Colonel. You think I...You saying I made her so mad..." I had already thought about that and discarded the whole idea.

"Yeah, something along those lines."

"No Colonel. Her accusation came as a surprise to me. We were never... ya know. Just friends! At least that's how I saw her."

"Alright, Pierce. Just wanted to make sure." Potter got up from his perch to leave for his office, "If Radar returns before you leave, could you send him in?"

"Yeah!" My mind working overtime to really figure out why Cate said what she said.

"Don't worry too much, Pierce. It will be fine." I wasn't sure whom Potter was trying to cheer with that. I wasn't worried about what Cate and Frank were conspiring but her motives did interest me. Frank on the other hand was predictable in his hatred even if the extent of it was somehow obscured in the past. Or maybe I refused to see it for what it was all along?

_Nah!_

He really became unhinged after Margaret left him. And for a real, senior Army officer. From West Point, no less.

Radar entered as I was putting final touches to the letter which was nothing more than a proofread.

"Radar! I need more stamps. I seem to remember a promise in return for drinking your proffered Nehi."

Radar made a face and I could see a refusal coming to his lips when his expressions softened and he coughed up some stamps.

"Johnson's parents?" He asked and that little spark of good humor I felt becoming alive again almost but extinguished.

"Yeah." There wasn't all that much I could say, really. It still felt as much my fault as anybody's.

"His buddy told me how he got injured. He wasn't injured by enemy." Radar shook his head in dismay, " Anyway, I know that if he had any chance, you would have saved him." Radar's words reminded me of what Potter had said to me hardly five minutes ago. Who were they trying to convince?

"Here!" I gave him the letter, feeling a little lighter since last night.

"Hawkeye! Don't worry about what Major Burns is trying to do. Remember all the times he tried this when Henry was alive? I think he doesn't like you very much."

I chuckled at Radar's observation. He had a gift for understatement.

"I think he likes me too much, Radar."

"He does? He sure has a strange way of showing it, Hawkeye. Hey, did you see Klinger's latest collection?"

"I saw a few when I went to beg for stamps."

"You asked him for stamps first?" Radar asked with arched eyebrows.

"Yeah. Remember when I came to you and you didn't have any?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah. He made me sign a three day pass for him in return for one book of stamps. He's really something!" And I remembered my promise to do whatever he wanted me to do in return for stamps and shuddered with all the possibilities.

Radar was going to send the letter in the next jeep taking the mail.

I decided to go to the next door village to give them all a physical and to get them to say 'aah'. Potter told me to take somebody with me to the village trip which wasn't an unreasonable demand, really. My last few driving adventures weren't all that good. Getting one of the corpsman, I packed the jeep with food and medicines we could spare and left.

It always amazed me how Dad could give up his surgical career to work as a general physician for a little town like Crabapple Cove. We never really discussed it but now I could see why he did that. It was fun. It was personal. I knew babies he had delivered who were coming to him for their own kids now, him having delivered the second generation of the same families and becoming the pediatrician for the babies' babies.

After refusing some invites to lunch, remembering my last meal and the following bout of illness, I spent a few hours checking the families which mostly comprised of kids and their mommies. The work was tiring and yet, strangely gratifying. The fact that had this not been a war zone, I may never have seen some of the diseases I had seen here and also, my practice would never really have ranged into the realms my father chose to work in wasn't lost on me. Surgery was my thing all along. This was a nice change of pace, albeit heartbreaking at times.

_Hawkeye! There's just too much misery and you cannot fix it all, however hard you try._

Who the hell was that? The giver-upper? I hated it when somebody told me what I could or could not do.  
After having a hearty lunch of candy bars and some coffee which was almost frigid by now, I turned my attention to runny noses and baby bumps again.

It was dark and late when we got back. Dinner seemed enticing, I wondered why? Maybe working in the field or fields, so to speak, had given me new appreciation, however short lived it was going to be. After filling my tray with some slop, I settled on the usual table where Margaret, BJ, Radar, Father Mulcahy and Potter were seated.

"Hello there! Anybody missed me?" I cheered them all as I landed next to Radar.

"Nobody to comment on the dismal affair I had for lunch, bet your butt I didn't!" BJ scowled as he picked up what seemed like some aged lettuce.

"Aww, cummon Beej! I know _you_ missed me."

"What's with the good cheer?"

Before I could answer, I saw Frank enter.

"FRANK! Come on. Eat with us." I waved him over and saw rest of the table look at me as if I had grown gills and scales at the same time. I chuckled when Frank gave me a weird look.

"Has he been drinking?" Margaret asked nobody in particular.

"Unless he nipped at some local hooch, I don't think..." BJ started off before he turned quiet again.

"Cummon guys. He was going to eat alone."

"You do realize he's trying to get you in trouble." BJ asked me as if he was dealing with Erin's little brother.

"He's been at it for a long time, right Margaret?" I asked Margaret who got uncomfortable almost immediately.

"Pierce, I'm not sure what's cookin' in that head of yours but tread carefully." Potter this time.

"You really think he would explode if he eats with us, don't you?" I asked the table in general.

"Its not him we are concerned about, Hawkeye!" Father Mulcahy sounded a little worried as well.

"He won't come. He'll excuse himself." I informed the table as I started sniffing my food.

After seeing Frank turn towards another table, I chuckled before my second announcement, " Poker! My tent. 8pm. Bring your billfolds, fellas. Am in a winning mood tonight. Beej, pass me the salt. I can still taste this."

"You went crazy when you went to the village?" Margaret asked me a little hotly after Potter left the table.

"Don't think so. I do love it when you're angry though. You look beautiful when you're angry." I informed her as I tried to figure out the origins of mystery meat.

"Take it east, Margaret. He's just playing with Frank." BJ addressed Margaret as he looked pointedly at me.

"And then you wonder why Frank acts the way he does."

"Maaar-garet! We're not reverting to our past now, are we?" I chastised Margaret before turning serious, "No. I think you're right. I'll stay off his case. No more Frank bashing! RIGHT FRANK?" Frank twitched as if I had stepped on his tail. I knew he was going to sleep with a gun under his pillow tonight.

_Maybe not if people show up for poker_.

I realized Margaret was right. Frank really was like an irked tarantula right now and smart move would have been to stay away from him or at least not get him riled up all that much but as a reflex from the past, when Frank got into _this_ mood, I got into _that _mood. The upside was, while Trapper was almost as Frank-savvy as I was, he was also just as much tactless whereas BJ was new at this and hopefully, relatively more sensible to rein me in.


	93. Chapter 93

Thanks NY Gal and Ragni. Here's a new one. More perhaps around mid week.

**Chapter 93**

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" BJ asked me as we exited the mess into the brisk night air.

"I wasn't sure you would remain my friend after the hearings etcetera so I figured I could make another friend." I shoved my hands into my pockets. It was getting too cold too fast. The bite in the night air was a far cry from the sunny day I had spent out in the fields.

"Do you intentionally act this crazy?"

"What do you mean by intentionally? And what do you mean by crazy?" I acted as if I suddenly noticed he was calling me crazy.

"You do know what's going on, Hawk?"

"Beej. I know what's going on. The kid's still in our little morgue. You don't think I would forget him so soon, do you?"

"He was sent to Seoul today." BJ informed me and I felt that same depressing disposition descend over me.

"For autopsy?"

"Yeah."

"He would be just as...What good would that do for his parents?"

"Maybe not theirs but yours might benefit!"

He was talking about Dad.

"I hadn't been home since Christmas. With the fellowship and its insanity...Driving up from New York to Maine was just too much. I left for Maine the day I finished my fellowship and a week later, I got my draft notice. He's used to not having me around."

"He still misses you, Hawk! You know how much I miss Erin?"

"But you barely saw her."

"Yeah. And still. He has known you for what...?"

"All my life?" I smiled as I said that.

"Like I've known Erin all _her_ life." He smiled too.

"I always told him kids were ungrateful."

"You cannot stop loving him either!"

"I know." _He's all the family I've got_.

"So stop bugging Frank. What happened between you and Cate?"

"Nothing _happened_."

"I thought you did what you do and she balked."

"NO. Jesus, NO. I never made a move on her. It was something else."

"What was it then?" BJ asked semi-interestedly.

"Hell if I know, Beej. It seemed almost like she regretted saying anything like that. Like she mentioned it to Frank and Frank made a huge deal out of it just to get even with mr.. I never once figured her to be that sort."

"Yours powers of deduction when it comes to women being legendary..."

"No. I didn't say that. She seemed like a good kid, Beej."

"Every woman does to you, Hawk!" I could hear BJ smile in the dark.

"Brrrrr. Swamp feels so much warm."

"That's because it is!" BJ commented wryly before landing on his cot which creaked and then gave way. I chortled with laughter at the cracked cot and the heap that was BJ a few seconds ago.

"Will you stop that and help me?" BJ finally got up from the floor.

"Want to swap with Frank? I'm sure he'll be glad to be of help." I deliberately ignored the fourth cot. Inquiries or not, when opportunity presented itself, it was a sin not to make Frank miserable even if I didn't really believe in the whole heaven and hell concept!

"Yeah. I don't think he would mind." BJ conceded, half laughing himself.

"Hunnicut! I always thought you had more sensibility than Trapper. I'm glad I was wrong and gladder to have overestimated you."

"Or underestimated?"

"Would you hurry up? Before he also pins the broke-my-cot charge to the list of charges against me?"

"You're the one who's slow." BJ whined as he gathered the wood splinters that belonged to the broken limb.

"We cannot do anything with this." He helplessly pointed at the now shattered cot leg.

"Hey, gimme this." I grabbed those and put them in the stove and now pretty unsure what to do to make Frank suffer. There was always the easy way out and that was to replace Frank's cot with the fourth whole cot that used to belong to Spearchucker a lifetime ago.

"Beej! I got an idea. Why not swap your cot with the spare one?"

"What's funny about that?"

"This!" I pointed out and BJ and I grinned. It wasn't very smart but knowing Frank, he was bound to suspect foul play even when there was none and that was a better and dare I say, safer plan to ruin his night.

"What did you do?" Frank almost caught us but for his utter lack of subtlety as he hummed his way into the tent with a mini bang.

"Are you talking to me, Frank?" I asked him in my most surprised tone.

"No! Yes. I'm talking to you, Pierce! What did you do?" Frank was still a little bit out of it. Maybe my antics from mess were to blame?

"Me, Frank?"

"Yes. YOU! What did you do?" Frank touched his cot suspiciously and I barely controlled my laughter as I saw BJ hide behind his journal.

"Nothing, Frank. I didn't do anything to your cot."

"Ah ha! I knew it. If you didn't do anything to my cot, how did you know I was talking about my cot?"

"He has a valid point, Hawk!" BJ spoke with a straight face and I glared at him. Count on him to leave me holding the bag.

"Maybe he saw you crash land on your cot earlier, _BJ_."

Frank looked at him this time, some form of comprehension dawning on him.

"You can't keep one small secret, can you?" BJ feigned anger this time and I realized how it must have sounded to Frank.

"You switched my cot with his, didn't you?" Frank spoke like a petulant child.

"I know I didn't." I told Frank this time.

"_You_ made my bed!" Frank picked the covers and declared me the culprit. I was genuinely surprised this time. I did make his bed when we switched it with the extra bed. BJ was just as surprised but he was also enjoying this a little too much as he hid his huge grin behind his journal.

"And how do you know that, Frank?" I asked Frank.

"When you make the bed, you let forget to put the side with the label on right side on on top." Frank commented triumphantly and I remembered him picking on this little bit of trivia when that damned stove exploded in my face not so long ago.

"Aren't you a clever little...Major, Frank?" I almost said weasel but decided not to offend him. Not after he was sure his bed would crash soon as he sat on it.

"What happened to the spare cot?" Frank's suspicions knew no bounds tonight and neither of us was doing anything to dispel them.

"It broke." I stated matter of factly while BJ tried to keep a straight face.

"Pierce, with your record, I would be careful if I were you." Frank chastised me this time, and not entirely unsmugly.

"He has a point there, Hawk!"

"You too, Hunnicut. Hanging out with likes of Pierce here, pretty soon, you would be looking at Leavenworth yourself! Not unless you change company. You may have to, you know, with Pierce gone." Frank smiled evilly this time and BJ got out of his cot so fast, I barely had time to get up myself. By the time I separated them, Frank was out of breath and BJ was red in face.

"Beej! One of us is enough!" I whispered in his ear as I bearhugged him, wondering about my earlier musings about him being the voice of reason to rein me in. BJ had surprised me with this flash of anger.

"Let me go Hawk! Let me tell him who goes to Leavenworth and who gets new company..." BJ and his anger were a sight to see especially when not directed towards myself but maybe now wasn't a time to gloat or let Frank die.

"Beej! BEEJ! Stop it, alright. I'm not going anywhere. Even Frank knows that now."

Finally, I restrained BJ and that was only because he had decided not to go with me to Leavenworth, which happened to be in Kansas, of all the places in the world. I knew I didn't hate the place per se but still, there were better ways to go out in a blaze of glory and going via Kansas wasn't one of them. My personal favorite was to be surrounded by my wife and children, their children and their children's children.

Soon as BJ settled on his own cot, Frank muttered something and sauntered out of the tent. It might have been funny had it not been following a very red and mad BJ.

"I don't know how you take it from him day in and day out."

"You learn to ignore him. Takes time. And even with practice, he just knows how to get under your skin."

"I really thought you blow up out of proportion when it comes to him earlier but after today..."

"He said something while I was gone?"

"No." And I knew BJ was lying but decided not to push him about it. It was pretty obvious he was not enjoying his earlier loss of control and I knew better than to try and get on his bad side. I had enough of that off and on the last few weeks.

"Gee Beej. You came to defend my honor. I'm all tingly!" That made BJ grin. I grinned too. It was suddenly looking a lot like the good old days.

It still made me feel tad bit better to see him come _defend my honor_, so to speak. I wondered once again what he would do to me once he found out about that letter but that could be taken care of when the time came. For now, I had to get ready for a poker game.


	94. Chapter 94

Here's a new one. Thanks to NY Gal, Serilia and Ragni for reviewing and Esthermarie for the PM. End is close and I can see it but work is killing me right now. I will finish it, that's a promise with the usual disclaimers. You guys keep reading and if possible, keep reviewing as well.

Have fun!

**Chapter 94**

The fake high was just that, a fake high. Now that I think about that time, I realize why I did what I did that day. Sometimes, you just want to forget. Sometimes, you just don't want to feel so utterly helpless. And sometimes, its as simple as self preservation. Before that time, I always had some way, mostly via a bar stool, to get over things, to get ready to get back to my work, my life. Those days, everything was highly palpable, at times excruciatingly so. That kid's death weighed on me heavily. Frank's disdain only poured oil on that fire and on top of that was the possibility of the inquiry. Maybe things had gotten this bad before but I had no conscious memory. This was the worst I had felt and I was actually afraid of losing my mind at that time. As it turned out, that fear was a little premature but it was not baseless.

Poker was a non-starter. We all showed up, all seemingly interested, but pretty soon, we all realized nobody's heart was in the game. After Klinger won the third pot in a row, people started leaving. Night had come too fast for my liking. I was trying to push it away as hard as possible. The worst bit was, after all of last few days exhaustion, I wanted to sleep as well.

After nobody was left to play with, I shuffled the cards a few times, trying to decide what to do next.

"Wanna shoot a few hoops, Beej?"

"What?" BJ looked at me incredulously. I didn't think it was such an unreasonable request on my part. BJ was being dramatic.

"Hoops, Beej. Basketball? I'm sure I saw a basketball lying around here somewhere." I tried to find one.

"Are you crazy?" I remembered him asking the same thing a while ago.

"Why crazy? Weather is great. That bone freezing chill....So reminiscent of my misspent youth!"

"Hawk, you know something? You ARE crazy! I wanna sleep. It was a long day. Maybe you should sleep too. Yours wasn't exactly a short one either."

"You sleep, Beej! I'm not exactly sleepy! Going out to find somebody to play with."

"HAWK! Wait. What's wrong with you?" BJ had sat up and I could see anger flashing in his eyes, at whom, I wasn't so sure. Didn't seem like he was mad at me. I hadn't done anything to him.

_Not anything that he knows of._

"Beej, nothing's wrong. Why do you have to jump to a conclusion so fast? I am just hyped and want to shoot some hoops. If I had known everybody would be so bushed, I would never have tried to set up a poker game!"

"You weren't exactly winning either."

"Yeah. I don't do well when sober. You know _that_."

"What's going on, Hawk?" BJ asked me somberly before I saw him almost bite his tongue.

"Its alright, Beej. I'm not made of glass. It was a long and hard day and I want to forget about it. I just want to be so tired I sleep and not have any dreams about anything anymore."

"Dreams?"

"Yeah. I can call them dreams now. Just a long forgotten memory."

"Something to do with today's events?"

"Yeah, in a way yes." I wasn't sure how it would sound to him. I wasn't sure if he believed that I was crazy uptil now but would it stay the same if I did tell him.

"What happened?"

"I told you about Billy, right? I used his BB gun to shoot a bird and the bird got injured badly. Right behind my bedroom window. I could hear it cry that night. And the next few nights. Awake. In dreams. It was scary. I couldn't sleep. Billy said it was all my fault that the bird died like this. Now I see him every night, pointing towards that bird telling me it is my fault."

"And the bird is that kid?" BJ asked.

"Yeah."

"How old were you?"

"Six. Seven."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I'm not six anymore!"

"Yeah. I should correct what I said. It was not your fault back then like it's not your fault now."

"We would never know."

"I know! You gotta take it easy, Hawk!" I snorted slightly.

"This? From the king of self recriminations?"

"I only do it when I'm sure I didn't do something right. Or when I feel I didn't do enough."

"Yeah? Who are you kidding, Beej."

"We're not talking about me right now!"

"That's true. I keep forgetting that its not always about you." I grinned at his annoyance.

"Where's Frank?" Was BJ trying to change the subject?

"Don't tell me you're trying to make friends with him as well. I know my idea was good so you might feel like stealing it but you don't have to steal _him_ from me."

"Hawk! Shut up. I'm trying to sleep. I think you should, too!"

"Killjoy!" I mumbled loud enough to be heard by BJ as I turned off the lights and closed my eyes, beckoning Morpheus to make an appearance.

Seemed like Morpheus had abandoned me completely.

I was awake when Frank entered the tent sometime after every light in the camp had died. He was quieter than his usual sneaky self. Perhaps BJ's earlier outburst scared him. Where he had spent last few hours was a mystery to me. With Cate gone, Margaret all but married, and rest of nurses smarter than these two when it came to Frank, I couldn't figure out where he had been all along. Definitely not the post-op. Frank wasn't born on the day when empathy was being instilled in humans.

Suddenly, I saw him move towards my cot and I closed my eyes. There were better ways to fall asleep and watching Frank Burns close by or hear him whine wasn't one of them.

"Pierce. How do you do that?" That got me completely He sounded desperate. No smugness, no sniveling. I was expecting anything _but_ desperation from him.

"Do what?" I couldn't help. I was surprised to see him all startled and dare I say, embarrassed.

"Nothing. Mind your own beeswax." He grumped before leaving for his cot where he noisily turned on the light but immediately turned it off as BJ mumbled something in his sleep.

"Scared of BJ, Frank?" I whispered loudly but the sudden flash of light had destroyed my night vision for me to see his eyes. It was pretty funny even as I imagined it. BJ was turning out to be a scary little bully when there was need for one and I liked that very much.

"You just don't know when to stop, do you, Pierce! I would know when to stop if I were you."

"I know that you have filed some official papers but I think Cate is reluctant. Your star witness has backed out. Seems like she wasn't as stupid as she appeared to be, going out with you and all..." I just said that to annoy Frank but his reaction was both funny and relieving at the same time.

"How do you.........You......You......" Frank stormed out of the tent and the door slammed on its jamb and BJ mumbled something very loudly in response.

"Goodnight Frank!" I smiled at the closing door, actually feeling some of the weight lifting off my shoulders.

Maybe I wasn't so wrong about Cate after all.....


	95. Chapter 95

So I'm back. Its been crazy bust last few weeks and promises till I go on vacation end of this year, phew. I want reviews, lots of them. Thanks for coming back to read the update. I'm close to finishing now and it might not be as good as I had hoped for but hell, I want to finish the story now!

Enjoy!

**Chapter 95**

I woke up many times that night to the sound of a bird crying out in pain. Last time it was too vivid and I woke up with a start. One turn of my head to my right reminded me that it wasn't so bad as the dream after all. BJ was sleeping peacefully as was Frank as my inspection of his end of the tent showed. Why wasn't I blessed with this peace? I briefly contemplated and then decided to leave this bit of self pity for a later day. My contemplation had better things to worry about. Last few days had been pretty eventful and had left me with a strange sense of vacuum. Too much happened and too fast and while I thought I had a good handle over things, my mental well-being being one of those things, I had a feeling that days to come could go either way. All could turn out rosy and sunny or all could go to hell in a hand basket, first being my career and my sanity and not necessarily in that order. My bet was on rosy and sunny but I wasn't the most objective man I knew. This thought process was a little too complicated and I longed for some cold gin. Even beer seemed nice.

_Damn my liver!_

There was absolutely nothing to do right now. It was too early for any activity in the camp and too cold outside for me to go to the post-op and do something useful. It was then that I heard the PA system cackle and a semi-awake – and semi-pubescent – voice hollered the impending arrival of casualties. Army was trying to keep the promise of sending as many kids back home before Christmas as possible, just not the way anybody had hoped for. I woke up BJ and tried my luck with Frank for all of five seconds before picking some snow from outside and dumping on his neatly painted toes.

Triage was waiting for me!

It was a usual potpourri of injuries except this time, it wasn't an American unit that got hurt. This unit was part Swedish, part Norwegian. Plenty was lost in translation but what didn't get lost was the fact that these soldiers were supposedly in friendly territory. There was some problem with the map updating services letting them believe they were safe when they were not. Maybe UN was run by goons similar to those sitting in Pentagon, I briefly concluded as I tagged the priority one patients to be shifted to the OR stat. Within no time, everybody was awake in the camp and not unremarkably, Frank was in a foul mood. I grinned at BJ who looked at me quizzically and then nodded in understanding as he smiled amd entered the OR area.

Water was ice cold.

"Col. Potter! This is not fair. We are awakened in the dead of night to treat foreigner soldiers when their own doctors sleep in their warm beds." Frank said pompously and with his characteristic whine.

"Gee Frank! We'll make sure when you get injured, no foreign doctor treats you! I'll remove your spleen myself if need be, free of charge."

"Pish-posh, Pierce. See, it sounds so funny, '_pish-posh Pierce_." And then he giggled like a girl and I grinned at this absurd sense of humor.

"Oooh, Frank made a funny, Beej!"

"Pierce, hurry up! And Major Burns, leave the funnies to the clowns. We got work to do." Potter said dryly, singularly unamused by Frank's little _funny_.

"Jealous!" Frank whispered loudly as he left the scrub area.

I looked at BJ and him at me and I chortled before responding to Potter's bellow.

"Somebody sure woke up at thw wrong side of the bed." I commented, forgetting that BJ had no idea about our little chat last night.

"What's gotten into you. If I remember correctly, Frank was your new best friend yesterday."

"Old habits die hard, my friend." I mused philosophically before entering the OR myself. Potter was already in someone's belly and Frank was busy berating his scrub nurse for giving him something he shouldn't have gotten in the first place: A scalpel.

"What have we got here?" I asked as a diminutive nurse tried to stand on her toes to tie my gown as I looked at the chest and abdominal films. One of his lungs was collapsed and I could see the little

"Multiple penetrating wounds in chest and abdomen." Subject of this discussion was deathly pale and batting his eyes. I froze as I heard the extent of injuries.

"Should I put him under, Captain?" Tundra asked me, perhaps sensing my discomfort. I nodded as I asked no one in particular to remove his clothes and started off with the proceedings preceding the incision.

"You want me to take this kid?" BJ asked me in a low volume but that didn't escape Frank's nosey ears.

"No. He's got shrapnel injuries to his chest and abdomen. I'm the only chest man here." I told him with as much confidence as possible, "And Frank, keep your mouth shut or I'll stuff something extremely distasteful in it and sew it permanently shut!" I spoke the last part as a whisper and saw a visible slump in his shoulders. BJ looked concerned but by now, his own patient was ready and it was time to get busy.

It took me a long while to find all the pieces of shrapnel. My ears and eyes were all for this guy who lay open in front of me and whatever was happening in the rest of OR had no meaning. By the time I finished, everybody was on his second patient. Next patient had it relatively easier than the first one and then next and then next. When we finished, daylight had already come and gone. I was tired but in better spirits then rest of the bunch which was pretty ironic, all things considered.

"You seem down, compadre. Everything alright?"

"I'm alright. What's going on between you and Frank?" BJ cut right to the point.

"Nothing. I swear. I'm not his type and he's not mine. No-lips, remember?"

"Hawk! Can you drop this whole charade and be serious for a minute?"

"Sure. Start the countdown." Somehow, BJ's annoyance was making me feel even more...annoying? I was enjoying his discomfort and then I remembered the decision I had made the day before about telling him about my little _intervention_. One look at him and I decided against the idea though the memory of it did sober me up some.

"Frank seemed subdued and you seem elated. Did you threaten him?"

"Damn, Beej! The idea never even crossed my mind."

"You mean you didn't... Like tell his wife of his extracurricular activities?"

"The idea didn't come to me right up till now. I salute thee, my friend," and one look and I decided to get serious again, "No Beej. Nothing like that though I might, now that you reminded me. Its just that..." and I told him of his late night arrival to my bedside and the little chat we had. That brought a grin to BJ's worried face, his first genuine grin in so many days.

I couldn't let anybody mess with that grin.

Not even myself!


	96. Chapter 96

Seems you guys have finally given up on me. Anyway, like I said all those months ago, I have no plans of quitting in the middle. Or even close to the end. I'll take it to its end and end it shall!

If any of you are still reading, lemme know of any/all feedback. And also, if you have ideas for me for a new story.

Hope to cya guys around. Happy reading!

**Chapter 96**

Down went my plan to talk to BJ or to put it correctly, fess up. I didn't have the guts or the ruthlessness to ruin his fine mood that night. Potter was another matter. After dinner, as I was making rounds, Radar approached me. He looked tired and pale.

"Hawkeye, Colonel Potter wants to see you."

"Kid, you OK?"

"Huh, me? Yeah. I'm alright, Hawk." He looked uneasy.

"Cummon Radar. Its me you're talking to. What's going on?" I put a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. It was not warm.

"Its nothing, Hawkeye." He spoke with some force this time.

"Tell him I'll be with him right after the rounds." I told Radar, wondering what happened that had him looking ill.

Potter was sitting behind his desk, smoking a cigar. And he had a bottle of whiskey open in front of him.

"Mornin' Colonel Potter, Sir!" I waved at him in my most formal quasi-salute manner. Use of my left hand was supposed to be amusing at the least. He was not in a mood to be amused. Lately he was less than interested in being amused, particularly by me.

"Sit down, Pierce." Came the dry drawl. Maybe he didn't have enough scotch in him yet.

"What did I do now?" I asked in my most whiny tone, thinking Frank must have come to him and complained yet again about my conduct.

"Quit the jibber jabber, Pierce. I got this directive from Seoul. You have a formal hearing next week and while you're gone, somebody from Seoul will come to investigate the matter." He slid an official looking paper towards me with all those numbers, alphabets and slashes and backslashes I wasn't interested in. My blood had already started seething if that was possible under those freezing circumstances...

"MATTER? What do you mean by 'Matter'? It was not a ........... It wasn't an elaborate scheme of mine to nail Frank that went awry. 'Frank' screwed up and _I_ tried to save that kid's life despite..." I started off heatedly before realizing how quickly all my good cheer had evaporated.

"I didn't say that. Stop behaving like I'm responsible for whatever is happening. This is worrying me more than it should!" Potter spoke in a no-nonsense tone. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, displacing his glasses for one brief moment before giving me his steely glance once more.

"Then what _did_ you say?" I asked belligerently this time. His worry had me worried. And also, it made me feel bad. But only until I remembered that what was worrying him was not exactly my fault. A life was lost and I was being held responsible for that loss.

"I want you to talk to Burns."

"About?" The same belligerence and his expressions were reminding me of days long past.

"Just stay quiet and listen to me for a few minutes, willya? I want you to talk to him about dropping charges."

"I'm not going to ask him for anything. You know it as well as I do. Besides, I think he'll drop the charges anyway. Cate might not be as committed to his harebrain schemes as he likes to think."

"Your faith in females of the species is admirable and misplaced. They both came to _me_ before Lt. O'Hara decided she couldn't have anymore of us. She wanted you to pay for whatever you had done to her..." Potter left that hanging and I felt like this was the hundredth time I was expected to explain what I had 'done' to seek the wrath of that woman, like women needed a reason to dispense their wrath to the likes of me...

"For the last time, _Sir_, I didn't do anything to her. Maybe _that _was my mistake!" And then I went silent. I was feeling angry at this turn of fate. As if my posting here wasn't enough to wreck whatever bits of sanity I possessed that every other month, something like this popped its head. Losing friends to this war was bad enough. But losing myself...... That just wasn't an option!

I realized Potter was staring at me with something akin to concern and not scorn. Part of me felt good that somebody gave a damn but it was replaced by the reminder of my most recent sojourn to the principal's office.

"I know its been tough for you especially since you're the most uncivilized civilian I have ever seen in my whole dang life. Army is bad enough and in war? I feel bad for you boys. And on top of that..." He took a long drag at his cigar and then a long pull at his drink before continuing, " ...this idiot. I don't know what they punished me for when they gave me Frank Burns." His drawl made me smile despite everything.

"Do you have any idea how worried we were when you came in. Regular Army is supposed to be worse than Frank Burns or so we thought." I grinned, remembering the day we opened our bar in memory of Henry and were informed by Radar that Frank Burns was going to be replaced by one Col. Sherman T. Potter, USA. Fewer things had filled me with the dread of the unknown as that little piece of information.

"I need you to mend fence with him, Hawkeye!" His emphatic tone and use of my name told me he was guilting me into truce with Frank. What he knew almost as well as I did was, Frank wasn't a man you could reason with or persuade to do the right thing. That and his uncanny ability to see when I tried to manipulate him not to mention his ultimate fantasy to see my demise were all bound to stop him from even bothering to listen to anything I had to say. The only thing that could go in my favor was Cate developing/rediscovering some scruples and pronto.

"I can always tell his wife of his _state of the union_. Or tell him that I would tell _her_? That has worked in the past if you wanna know."

Potter, man of principles etc. went into 'think' mode for all of two seconds before admonishing me for even thinking of such a thing. Some people were incurable. No point telling him it was BJ's idea to begin with.

"Just do what I said. Tell him to let it go!"

"So he can ride his sanctimonious horse and tell me, you and rest of the humanity how humane he is and how ruthless we are? Surely you jest!"

"PIERCE!" Papa bear was angry and I had pushed him as much as I could without him losing it so I decided to shut up.

"I'll try. But you know it as well as I do he's not gonna budge. Its his one great opportunity to scalp me and he's gonna make it count!" That was me shutting up.

"Just give it a try, willya? I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Colonel Potter."

"Just one last thing, Pierce." I could hear a little slur in his voice implying the magic of now half empty bottle of single malt sitting in front of him, "How did your father deal with you?"

I just smiled at him and shook my hand. I doubted if he could remember anything I told him now in the morning.

"He had his ways! Goodnight, Col. Potter." And with that, I left him to nurse whatever was left of his bottle.


	97. Chapter 97

Hi there. Thanks to any and all who read and reviewed. Just a filler chapter. Life is trying to kill me. I want feedback because right now, that's the only incentive I have left to come up with some ideas to keep the story moving so cough up, fellas!

Happy reading.

**Chapter 97**

BJ was in his cot, his shoes still on. Tent was warm. Either that or the time I had spent outside in the cold had done wonders for me. Frank was on his cot, humming something annoying, I was sure. On close inspection, he was butchering 'Girl from Kalamazoo'. He had a strange fixation with that song. I wondered if he had a couple of Shirley Temples as well. Last time, it was the beer we made him drink that got him to sing the same song.

"Where were you?" BJ asked me in a neutral tone.

"Making rounds. Frank's patients are all alive." I informed him with no irony or sarcasm.

BJ looked at me sharply as Frank stopped humming suddenly and started off heatedly.

"Pierce! I will not..."

"Frank. You did a good job, alright. Great job. They are all doing great." I changed tact so fast, I saw an almost shocked look on BJ's face which returned to his usual neutral one almost immediately.

"Well thank you, Mr. ...." He left the sentence unfinished. I gave him my most sincere smile.

I had spent the last half an hour in the cold slipping over a patch of ice once and otherwise just trying to watch my step in the unpaved streets in this little town of ours. The camp was deserted, shades down on almost all windows. The guy supposedly patrolling the premises was nowhere to be seen and I couldn't blame him. I had seen some cold weather but never tried to camp out during a snow storm. I did get stranded in my car on a country road once during a snow storm but that had nothing on this arctic hell. And even all that cold couldn't numb me to the fact that Frank had my life in the palm of his hands.

Life as I had known it.

Maybe Dad could help me...

Phones were down.

Besides, after our last talk and the letter he never received, I wasn't sure he wanted to hear from me anytime soon.

Sucking up to Frank, distasteful as it was, wasn't the worst thing I had been forced to do. The only problem was, the way I saw things, it was too late for that. If anything, it was bound to backfire. And then I saw the face of Colonel Potter in my head. If there were a million reasons not to do that, his face alone was reason enough to do what he had asked me to do.

Sitting on my cot, I picked up one of the Nudist's Weekly from the pile lying on my nightstand. That, too, failed to hold my attention as I felt my mind wandering. The hearing next week was something I just couldn't shake. I was feeling at my wits end and fear of the unknown was something I was getting tired of. My only chance lied with Cate and just like everybody else, I was asking myself the same question: What had I done to piss her off? Why was she lying?

"Hawk!" I turned my head towards Radar who was in our tent.

"Don't you know its Officer's Quarters?" Frank snarled as BJ turned on his side, mumbling something about trying to sleep. I motioned to Radar to step outside as I got up from my own cot and left the Swamp.

"Everything alright, Radar?" I was a little concerned remembering his earlier rather pale look and tiredness. We did overwork this little guy and sometimes, I felt really guilty about his position as everybody's goto guy.

One should never become so indispensable or dependable!

"Uh huh." He nodded noncommittally, not making eye contact.

Something **was** wrong.

"Your mom alright?"

"Uh huh."

"And your...uhhh, animals?" I damped down the urge to call his collection of animals a 'zoo'. Any attack on his animals, even metaphorical, would gag him even worse, not to mention bring out some dormant violent tendencies.

Radar wasn't interested in my line of questioning and just shook his head this time.

"Radaaar!" I was getting exasperated now.

"Yeah, Hawkeye?" He looked at me with a doleful expression that would have melted even the most hardened heart. Bambi couldn't have done it better!

"You do remember you came to me a few minutes back, right? What was it you wanted to talk about?" I said as we reached the door to the Officer's Club.

"I want a Grape Nehi." Radar said in a low tone.

I exhaled a little loudly and then opened the door for him to enter and followed him.

"One Grape Nehi." Klinger, the designated barmaid for the night, was in a gaudy black slinky dress that would have suited somebody like Margie Cutler just fine but on Klinger and his hairy self...

"What can I get you, Hawkeye?"

The desire to have some scotch took me over. It had been such a long time.

"One scotch on the rocks, Klinger."

"HAWKEYE!" Radar spoke loudly enough to get the attention of half the bar.

"Aww cummon, Radar. Just this once." I whined like a little boy but the desire was already gone and all that remained was the memory of the nausea and the exhaustion that still got the best of me on a regular basis.

"You know its bad..." But I was already pushing the glass away.

"Something soft, Klinger. And **not** this..." I pointed towards Radar's dusty bottle.

Radar made a face but I chose to ignore it. After I got a coke from Klinger, we both moved to the farthest table.

"Now don't make me beg you, Radar. I am pretty tired." I stifled a yawn, fake as it was. There were ways to get him to talk and this one was bound to work.

"Gee Hawkeye. I didn't realize. You go sleep. There was nothing..."

"Radar! Out with it or I won't be able to sleep." I pointed out with as much assertiveness as I could muster. He was worrying me.

"Hawkeye! You should not go."

_Finally!_

But go where?

"Go where, Radar?" I asked him with some surprise.

"I dunno. Ya know, first Colonel Blake died, then Trapper went home. I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere. Wish I were but..."

"I was thinking why you were doing all of this. First you fell sick and then that soldier died. I mean, for Crimeny's sake, you just keep getting in trouble, don't you? Sometimes, I feel like you hate this place so much, you would do anything to get out..."

The implications of what Radar had just said were profound. Or maybe I was hearing wrong. He didn't think I would...

"Radar! You know I would never hurt someone..."

"Yeah. I know." Radar hung his head this time, his Nehi still unfinished.

"I won't do crazy stuff to get out. I'm not _that _crazy_. _Section eight is all Klinger's. And he can have it. Have you seen this dress he's wearing?"

"Yeah. Looks kinda funny. I've never seen a woman with so much hair." Radar commented deadpan and started sipping at his drink. I just thought about what brought this worrying spell on him. His unloading left me thinking once again of this weight left on my shoulders. Why was it that they depended on me like this?

Whole of the camp depended on Radar, including myself. And he depended on _me_, of all the people. I just hoped I didn't end up disappointing him

Shaking my head, I finished now luke-warm coke and told Klinger to put it on my tab. I was bushed and Radar, even though had certain improvement in his color and disposition, still looked ready to drop. Dropping him off in his office-cum-bed, I strolled towards the Swamp, my mind spinning.

This just wasn't fair!


	98. Chapter 98

I'm back in action, kinda. Next chapter is in the pipeline already and here's hoping I would continue writing today and maybe write a few chapters in next few hours. Few chapters are all that's left of the story anyway and I think I can bring it home now, once and for all. I had forgotten the story and also, haven't seen the show in a long, long time. I might catch a few episodes this week and be done.

Thank you Hawkins, Katie, Disaster, Anime, Radar and NYGal. Much appreciate your input!

**Chapter 98**

Enough self pitying and one can fall asleep practically anywhere.

That stroll of mine took me to post-op. After gin, bugging Frank, golf, gin, gambling, chasing women, dissing mess food, gin, bugging Frank and in the immortal words of one Walter O'Reilly, _horsing around_, post-op was the best cathartic place. It was purgative even, and was aided by mess food to achieve optimum results.

Post-op was the same as I had left it not so long ago. The patients were stable and most were deep asleep with help from morphine, I was sure.

The excitement I had been living in, if one could call the insanity of war _excitement_, had made me look for even the smallest signs of trouble and not ignore them. I tried to find something that might have been wrong and failed.

As I sat down in the corner chair, I became aware of a small wave of disappointment that came over me when I found out everything was in order. That was a disturbing idea but led me to think about this state of mind further, inner chastising notwithstanding.

Crabapple Cove wasn't well known for the excitement that we faced here on a regular basis. What was I going to do once I got back to humanity? That small impersonation of paradise hadn't seen in all its years of existence what I had seen within my first week here. And now I wasn't sure if I could work as my father did, everyday, for over thirty years. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear a whole town say 'Aah' day in and day out. However much I loved that place, I knew that after what I had seen and done here, it would be a waste to run Dad's surgery alone once he retired.

_You can think about it when you get your release orders!_

What would Dad think when he finds out about my doubts regarding taking over his work and his lifetime's investment?

Maybe he would be relieved?

I had some good time yesterday, working in the village. The question was, could I learn to love it enough to give up surgery?

I wasn't sure about that and couldn't help thinking about how things had changed for me almost instantly when it came to my relationship with Dad. I didn't want to hurt him again. I didn't want to disappoint him either and it seemed that I was headed that way even if I didn't want to.

A gentle tapping on my shoulder woke me up. It was a bad idea to nod off in that chair, the crick in my neck reminded me painfully. I had to learn not to sleep in this chair. There were better ways of getting body aches as I had found out lately.

Cursing under breath, I decided to leave post-op, noticing for the first time that Sanders wasn't there anymore. He was probably evacuated to 121st. And from there to the front, once again.

Walking back once again to the Swamp, I wondered how long could I delay going to sleep. It had been close to forty eight hours now. Maybe over forty eight?

Maybe now I won't have that dream, I silently hoped.

I slept that night.

It was the sleep of the dead.

I woke up to the gurgling noises coming from the cot opposite mine and for one second, I thought Frank was drowning.

Fortunately or unfortunately, he wasn't.

"Mornin' Frank." I opened one eye and greeted my bunkie as part of the great plan devised by Potter. My faith in the plan was shaky to begin with and the response to this greeting in the form of a grunt was a testimonial to my ability to predict accurately what Frank would do in any given situation. I decided to do as Potter told me till lunch time after which I figured I would need a different MO to get out of my current trouble.

"Where's BJ?" I asked Frank in my most dulcit tone.

Frank looked at me with a semi-annoyed expression he wore when getting ready to deliver a sanctimonious piece of crap.

"Your friend there is following in your footsteps and if I were you, I would warn him unless he wants to end up like you." Frank left his position in front of the mirror and gave me this lecture standing at my foot end, hand pointing at me with half his face covered with shaving foam.

"Frank, he doesn't take anything I tell him seriously. Why not tell this to him yourself? You ARE a senior officer, after all." I had trouble keeping a straight face as I saw the color escape his face and his expressions changed.

His bravado was fake. I didn't need a degree in psychiatry to know that. And he was scared. Maybe BJ had a heart to heart with Frank.

I checked my watch to see if it was alright to get out of bed.

It wasn't.

6am was just too damned early.

I wondered where BJ had gone and suddenly realized where. Where else but post-op? Before Frank could comment on my state of disrepair, I was out of the Swamp where cold air and flurries welcomed me. Shuddering and shivering, I entered the post-op. BJ wasn't here. And everything was alright.

I waited for my heart rate to return to low hundreds before asking the nurse on duty if she had seen BJ. She hadn't. And there had been no emergency overnight either.

My return to Swamp was the exact opposite of my exit. This _had_ to stop. All this adrenaline rush, all this insanity, all this dread, and for what? I simply didn't have the reserves to deal with this kind of stress anymore. Problem was, I just wasn't willing or ready to accept it yet.

"Where did you go?" BJ was sitting shivering on his bunk, his feet next to the heater.

"Just felt like enjoying the flurries. It doesn't snow in Mill Valley, right?" Evasion was the best policy especially with Frank around.

"I don't know how you people live in such cold weather. I want some sun. Even my bones have frozen." BJ spoke between shudders. Frank stayed quiet and out of it.

"I'll show you some real good winters in Maine. This isn't the kind of winters I grew up in. Mine are better!"

Frank left the Swamp then.  
I had a feeling something was going on between the two of them but what, I didn't know. It was time to ask BJ.

**PS: **

Point out any typos. Next chapter might be up pretty soon so don't worry if this chap seems kinda lame. I had to finish it before it got too long.


	99. Chapter 99

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New chapter is up!

Thanks to Radar, NY Gal, Hawkins, Katie and Fawn Hickory for reviewing. Will look forward to your reviews for this chapter as well.

Enjoy!

**Chapter 99**

"Beej! What's going on between you two?" I asked him suspiciously soon as the door closed behind Frank.

"Nothing, Hawk."

"Beej! Listen. I have to tell you something. Potter called me last night. He wants me to make truce with Frank and make him drop charges."

"Charges?" BJ looked at me in some obvious trepidation.

"Yeah. He filed charges against me. Regarding Johnson's death. And as soon as ... Well, I have a hearing in Seoul next week and I-Corps might send someone to investigate the whole...incidence while I'm gone." I informed BJ without any emotion.

"That ..." I stopped BJ before he could call Frank every name he had in his dictionary.

"Beej! I need to know what you told him. He looked more and more like the weasel that he is. I have to know the trouble I'll be in with Potter."

"I'll take care of that, Hawk." BJ looked worried now.

"You think sucking up to Frank is going to help?" I asked him after a short pause.

"I think Potter is crazy. And if you believe this, so are you." BJ didn't like the idea either.

"I told him the same thing." I informed BJ.

"I told Frank I'll ask Cate O'Hara myself what she said and what happened between you two that drove her to blaming you for Johnson's death."

"Oh! And...?"

"Frank kind of flipped at that. Told me to stay away from her. It was none of my business. He was panicked."

"I had a feeling he coerced her into lying."

"I'm not sure it was coercion."

"Maybe I talk to her? I cannot let somebody try to ruin my career, my life like that."

"I don't really know, Hawk. I think she left the Camp for a good reason."

"What do you know about her that I don't?" I asked BJ as I felt he was hiding something.

"Nothing. I don't _know_ anything." BJ waved his hand to emphasize. I decided to believe him.

"It's scary." I commented.

"The hearing? Or these two conspiring against you?"

"Both are related. But hearing is much worse." I was vocalizing my fears in front of him but then I stopped. He didn't need to worry about me on top of everything else that was going on in his personal life. And besides, not so long ago, he seemed ready to punch the daylights out of me if given enough provocation. Nobody knew what he would do to me when he found out what I had done. It was a matter of time alone especially if Peg's letters were any sign of her inclination towards keeping BJ updated on all things big and small.

"Hawk! Everything's going to be fine. They know better than the King of Malpractice. They need you and they know that too." BJ spoke in his matter of fact no-nonsense manner.

I just wondered in my heart if that was correct.

Quite contrary to what my mind told me...

Even my mind was conflicted. While I knew that Army needed me, I also knew that they had plenty where I came from and so did the Army.

"Beej! I need you to know something." First things first, I decided. BJ needed to find out before Peg told him of my _intervention_.

"What is it, Hawk?"

"You might hear from Peg soon."

"I know." And I almost believed that he already knew and didn't erupt earlier because of the logic behind my actions. Good thing I didn't believe that fantasy too strongly.

"You know?" I asked almost tentatively.

"Yeah. I wrote her a few days ago and its about time she wrote back. You don't have to assure me that she'll write back. I know her!" BJ said that with such love and pride, I kicked myself in my mind for butting in to begin with.

"Yeah. I know. I just thought the way you were before going to Seoul..."

"I called her from there." That grin and that fact sure explained a lot.

_Next time, just mind your own goddamned business._

_Oh well!_

"Good. So now you won't be a bear anymore." I didn't check myself before letting that nugget out. If I ever wished for the sound of incoming choppers, it was now.

BJ's expressions changed from obvious smug glee to positively dour.

"Listen, Beej! I didn't mean it that way."m I backtracked but it was already too late.

"I know!" Was the brief response and I decided to just stay quiet. They could give me department chair where they taught how to ruin people's moods. Or to bury one's foot deep inside one's mouth. I could do wonders!

"I am going to grab a bite. Want to come?" BJ asked me in a neutral tone. I looked up and his expression was neutral as well.

"No. You go ahead." I wasn't feeling hungry. Well, I hadn't felt hungry ever since I had come to Korea and especially after my bout with hepatitis and now, I was even less hungry than before. Mess food had a way of making my satiety center work very hard to keep me from eating. And the same could be said about that deeply lodged foot in the back of my throat.

"What are you going to do then?" I just stared at him as I didn't understand his query.

"Sleep?"

"No. About returning to work? Wasn't that the quid pro quo?"

"No. And I'm a better surgeon hungry then with mess food inside me."

"Alright. See you then. Sure you don't want anything." BJ was still speaking in his neutral tone. I wondered if he had let go of what I had said that fast. Peg must have soothed his ruffled feathers pretty good.

"As sure as I have always been!" I said that with a forced grin.

BJ just looked at me and then left for the mess tent. I lied back down on my cot, thinking about my most recent conversation with BJ.

_Choppers! Incoming wounded._

And thus began yet another day in Korea.

Even if I tended to forget the war at times, seemed war didn't want to forget me. Frank was doing the triage and so first I and then BJ did the re-triage to make sure Frank's attempts to thwart what could be described as an effort to keep these kids alive long enough to get operated didn't reach fruition.

First kid I got had a small hole in his side and Frank had him marked as priority two. I had seen him in the triage and so he got the first seat on my table.

As expected, his insides were an unholy mess with his gut having multiple large silver dollar size holes as well as one large one in his mesentery. And of course, a large pool of blood in his abdomen soon as I opened it welcomed my senses and I thanked myself for skipping the breakfast earlier.

The bullet had done more damage to him than I had hoped for, going straight up to his diaphragm and making a through and through hole in his liver and on its way, nicking the portal vein. There was a small graze to the pancreas as well. Everything that came in the way of that little piece of metal was injured by it till it left the body on the opposite side.

Not the kind of injuries I had seen frequently enough in one person after _one_ gunshot wound. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that, everytime such a patient came, whole of my surgical might and skill was tested till it was ready to break.

I had seen enough blood and gore to last me a lifetime!

Maybe I COULD get used to having Crabapple Cove say 'Aah' after all.

After being in that kid's belly for half a lifetime lasting about two and a half hours, there was enough of him out in the tray to make him miss it.

"How did we do?" Asked Margaret who had been assisting me.

"I think half his gut is out and I have left enough silk in him to tickle him no matter where he sleeps and how he sleeps."

"Pierce! I won't have this dirty talk here." Frank snarled at me from the next table and I looked at him in surprise.

"Good!" Was the clever reply I came up with. Shaking my head, I asked for the next patient and the next set of gloves and gowns.

Business was brisk that day.

I got my first break around 3pm when Klinger brought some orange juice. At least he _claimed _ it was juice. It looked less like it and tasted even less so. In dire need of water, I drank that ambiguous fluid and went back to the grindstone.

There was silence in the OR that day.

I hated it.

There just wasn't anything to say.


	100. Chapter 100

Thanks to you all for reviewing. Here's the newest chapter. Will look forward to reviews and might post an update sooner than you expect ;)

Read on!

**Chapter 100**

It was a long while past exhaustion that we sewed up last of our patients. I finished earlier and went to assist Potter who looked as tired as I felt.

"Rough shift, eh?"

"Bet your belly button, Col." I cracked a small one as I tied last of the bleeders before starting the anastomosis.

"Feels like we've been here for days. What time is it?" Potter asked, stifling a yawn and failing miserably.

"Quarter past dead." I said.

"And I thought cat got your tongue today." Came the voice of the man I respected as much as my own father.

"It did. Didn't like the taste so it returned it with a note of no-thanks."

"You did good today, Pierce!"

"I know Col. Potter." I said tiredly and without sarcasm as this statemet hit my self-piteous sentiment on the head. How could Army forget all the good that I did do in the last year and a half and stick to the non sequitur commonly known as Frank's figment of not-so-imaginative-imagination?

Even my love for the world of word and letter couldn't make me enjoy the irony of this situation.

"Hunnicut has been awful quiet today."

"Yeah. Cat took his tongue as well. His it liked better."

"Something I should know about?" Potter raised his eyebrows from behind his glasses.

"Should? Hmmmm. Let me think." I stalled while I thought about how much Potter _needed_ to know.

Colonel just looked at me. I couldn't see his expressions but his eyes said enough. He was curious and perhaps tad bit concerned. At least he sounded and seemed like that. Or maybe my self piteous imagination was playing games with me.

After closing this patient, I went to change in the scrub room. My clothes and shoes were again full of blood. Smell of warm blood and now, after speding a whole day in it, even its thought made me feel sick.

BJ was long gone and Frank finished almost the same time as we did and was probably coming here as well. I took that as a series of fortunate events and quickly left for post-op.

Patients were all fine and their doctor was making rounds. I made my own quick round, gave orders to the nurse on duty and left for the Swamp. Army owed me a year worth of sleep and I was out to collect the interest tonight.

It was dark outside. Snow had covered the ground though it was less of the beautiful virgin snow I remembered fondly from olden days and more the slush we had gotten used to ever since our first winter in Korea. I needed new boots as I was reminded of this need by the seepage of the icy broth I was treading in.

Rumbling of my stomach reminded me of my prolonged fast and I turned towards the mess tent against my better judgement. As expected and par for the course, mess food was less of food and more of a mess. For the countless time, I wondered about the contractor responsible for the provisions and wondered some more what would happen to him if he were to receive surgery and one of his victims , the surgeon?

After putting some strange looking semi-solids and some veggies in varying shades of gray, I turned to find a familiar face to sit with and pretend to be eating real food. Margaret and Father Mulcahy were there.

"Good morning, Lady and Gentleman! I present in front of you the finest, handsomest, most eligible bachelor in whole of South East Asia. Too bad neither of you could have me." I declared before crashing on the bench across Margaret, next to Father. My sigh was less dramatic than my dialog, albeit more real.

Margaret snorted. I should have known. Father Mulcahy, however, had the desired and again, fairly predictable reaction as he chuckled.

"Cummon Margaret. You missed the golden chance." I wiggled my eye brows at her and tucked in which was more like a dive, all things considered.

"My word, Hawkeye! You're chipper considering the long shift you had today."

"You were very quiet today in the OR. What happened now? Got a date?" Margaret asked me in a mocking tone herself. I had a feeling she knew something was up with me, _again_.

"I had some real doozies today, Father. Pass me the salt please." I generously salted the mystery gravy. It had a very dominant soapy taste. I could smell some Zest in it. "And if you want me to have a date, you have to transfer this batch and get a whole new bunch. These ones are boring. Pass me the ketchup, Margaret. I can still taste the soap." I commented with my eyes scanning the whole mess tent for any sign of any other nurse within earshot.

"They didn't look as smart as you say they are, Pierce!" Margaret commented wryly but I could see her eyes were smiling. Father Mulcahy just had a very bemused smile on his face the entire time.

"You didn't say they were smart because... Oh no, you didn't. That was below the belt!" I feigned heartbreak as taste of soap got taken over by ketchup, if only marginally.

"Or above your head." Margaret was in form tonight.

"Hawkeye! Can you tell me something?" Father Mulcahy asked me in his earnest tone and gave me an excuse to ignore Margaret.

"Of course, Father. Either I know the answer or it isn't worth knowing." I grinned at father but felt like all the food I had already eaten rose to my throat as a dollop of salt disintegrated in my mouth.

"Is everything alright, Hawkeye?" Father Mulcahy who was looking at me suddenly got worried.

"I have to show the cook how to use the ladle correctly is all. What was your question?"

Father Mulcahy turned slightly pink at that and stuttered, "Maybe sometime later. I shall get going. I have an appointment."

"That was weird!" I commented as I pushed the tray away.

"Hmmm." Margaret mumbled before looking at me directly, "Pierce!"

"Yes?" I looked at her as well, concerned by the seriousness in her voice.

"Col. Potter told me about the upcoming ... hearing." She sounded as worried as I felt.

"Its going to be nothing, Margaret. I'm not worried. And neither should you be." I gave her false hope and some to myself as well.

"I know what your worries are all about." Margaret snorted this time, per reflex before continuing, "Just try not to piss off all the friends you've got."

"BJ?"

"Yeah!"

"I know. I know, Margaret. I know." I took a deep breath before getting up from the bench.

"And Pierce!" I turned to see what she had to say and was surprised to see the grin on her face.

"Kickass!" She told me before turning her attention to her food again.

_Some woman!_

I thought as I headed off to see what BJ was upto.


	101. Chapter 101

Here I am. Thanks for the reviews, few as they were. I read the whole story to understand what the hell was I writing actually. I think when the website changed its interface and all that crap, it messed with the word processor compatibilities. There were so many typos, I almost went crazy. Its impossible to correct them all.

Now I am sort of starting all over again, the last stretch only, in case you got concerned. I like this chapter a lot. Hope you do too!

Keep reading and if possible, reviewing as well. That does make me feel better!

**Chapter 101**

BJ was not in the Swamp. Frank was sitting on his cot, polishing his boots as usual. He looked at me somewhat expectantly, and maybe preparing for a return volley but I never put the ball in his court. His smug look didn't give away much but the slight slump in his shoulders meant he had come up with something 'witty' to respond to my usual jibes at his ferocity with which he attacked his boots.

I just smiled and sat on my cot. And then, due to absence of the usual two companions, martini glass and BJ, I lied down.

So BJ had talked to Peg. He didn't seem like it when he came back. And now that I thought about it, I found it hard to believe that he might have called her. He was mad at her. He was suspicious and downright paranoid before he left for Seoul. What could have happened there that made him change his mind all of a sudden?

_He was lying about calling Peg!_

That was not a very nice thing to conclude but it fit. The BJ Hunnicut I knew had his head right up his ass when it came to seeing logic in certain things and nothing but the harshest exposure to reality made him see daylight and where his head was before he left, from a proverbial standpoint, it was a place where sun don't shine.

_Did he...?_

_He couldn't have..._

Nah! He couldn't have.

Sanctimonious and self-righteous he might act sometimes, but he surely subjected himself to a very high standard and stuck to it no matter what. In fact, that was part of the problem more often than not where he was concerned.

I briefly thought about asking him about this glitch in his characteristic behavior but pended it for a later time when we had less audience.

And now, back to my own problem, I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I hadn't done anything negligent – except letting Frank get to that kid first – and yeah, in doing that, I had sealed the fate of that kid but still, I didn't **do** anything to harm that kid as was claimed by Frank and his new friend.

_That still doesn't make it easy to accept. Billy Johnson is dead. We could have saved him!_

_**I **__ could have saved him!!_

For the first time since that happened did I acknowledge this fact to myself.

**I** could have saved that kid.

_Damn you, Frank!_

I glared at him this time. And to think Potter wanted me to make nice to him. I decided to ignore his orders. There were worse things in life but none came to my mind right now. This man, through his lack of ... skill? Compassion? Basic humanity?... let a kid die.

Call me sanctimonious or whatever, I could not stand him at this moment as I remembered that kid's face and his last smile.

_Seventeen!_

_He was only seventeen, Goddamnit!  
_

And then I realized, I needed to talk to Cate O'Hara. She was my only hope short of Army actually being fair. I wasn't sure which of the two was the longer shot.

BJ wasn't due back till midnight when Frank was going to take the shift. I decided to catch a few winks till he left and BJ returned. For once, he didn't make a racket just to make me miserable.

I could get used to this peace.

Except...

_Attention!_

_Attention!_

_Wounded in the compound. Come on people. Wake up. If I'm awake..._

I didn't hear the rest of the announcement as it was overcome by a noise that seemed to be arising due to a scuffle.

This was a large intake, larger than the one we had seen earlier in the day. And this was an American unit that was ambushed by the Korean forces dressed as peasants. Most were close range wounds and quite a few of them were from some sharp instruments, probably bayonets or knives.

The upside was, the trajectory of the injuries was predictable. Two had their injuries in the neck and they got the first place on the tables and pretty soon, we got working.

After my fifth patient, I felt my fingers cramping and exhaustion setting in. I turned to look first at Potter and then at BJ. They had their heads down and were busy, oblivious to the whole world. Frank was right behind me and I could hear his angry remarks every now and then. Margaret wasn't scrubbed with him tonight. Instead, Brenda was trying to work with him but I knew how hard it was to assist Frank. I decided to go and see what he was doing.

"Need a hand Frank?" I leaned in to look in the operative field. One look said it all. All I could see was blood and some shredded muscles. If I let things be, this limb wasn't going to remain attached to this patient for long.

"Suction and artery clamps." I commanded. There was just too much mess and I needed to check the operative field to assess the extent of the damage.

There was a lot of bleeding from the cut muscle edges but that was controllable. The problem was the depth of the wound. Some vascular damage was very much possible.

"Pierce! I didn't ask for your help." Frank told me in a smug tone.

"Then you made a mistake, Frank! Clearly you're out of your depth here. Now I've got this one. You can take the next patient on my table... Unless you need a break..." I spoke in a serious tone and saw Frank back off somewhat sheepishly.

All this patient needed was a quick exploration of his wound and that was going to decide further course of action. All Frank had done in the last hour or so was yell at Brenda a few times and gotten his gown all soaked in blood. And maybe open a few additional bleeders. After securing all the bleeders, I proceeded with the exploration. Vessels were safe. I closed him quick as possible before moving to the next table where Frank was working.

"Why are you here _now_?" He asked belligerently.

"To see if you need my help." I spoke neutrally again, waiting for Potter to tell me to leave him alone. That command never came.

"You think you're the only competent surgeon in this room, huh? That everybody else is an idiot? Like we don't know how to operate? Let me tell you one thing..."

"Frank. You can tell me all your 'one things' when we get to the Swamp. Now either finish the work on this patient or I take over. There's a long line awaiting and they can do without your poetic eloquence regaling my flaws. And contrary to what you said, I don't think _everybody_ else is an idiot or that **I **am the only competent surgeon. Now hurry so we can finish our work today!"

"I. Resent. That. Pierce!" Frank looked at me venomously and then stole a look at Col. Potter who was busy discussing something with Margaret.

"Your choice. Now get moving unless you need me to interject here as well. Klinger! Send in the next patient."

Suddenly without any support from anybody in the room, Frank cowered quite visibly. I could not care any less. There was enough damage that this dunce had done and I had just about had it. Losing patients was a reality, painful as it was. But to lose them like we lost Johnson and on top of that, getting the blame for the ineptness he displayed in the OR on a regular basis was just not going to happen.

"Hawk! Can you come here for a minute?" BJ called me to his table. His patient had some lower abdominal injuries. Telling him to repair the damaged gut and make a covering stoma after assessing the extent of the injuries, I came back to my own patient. I was called once again and this time, by Potter who had a soldier with some retroperitoneal injuries involving lower pole of right kidney and ureter. After helping him out as quickly as possible, I again returned to my own table and started closing the patient. Brenda assisted me quietly. I didn't try to talk either. She never even listened to what I had to say and never gave me the benefit of the doubt. Under normal – my usual – circumstances, I would have ignored the whole incident but I remembered the way I had felt on our first date and her attitude on the second date was not something I was ready to forget real soon.

It was 4pm the next day when we finally finished. Sun was out even if getting ready to go back down West again and snow had melted completely. Beginning of December brought brisk business to us, just as promised. I wondered if there was going be a redux of previous year's deluges that earned us the 'Best MASH Unit'. There were easier ways of earning that title. We just never found any, that was all.

After a cup of coffee, I decided to visit the post-op before I completely ran out of any left over reserves.

_You did good today, Hawkeye!_

I told myself as I hummed my way into the post-op.


	102. Chapter 102

Hey guys!

Missed me?

*Ducks and takes cover*.

Yeah, I know its been a long while. VERY LONG WHILE. But honest to God, I was so busy, so overworked, I was feeling like I was living the nightmare of my story.

Now, I have some easy schedule for next couple of months and all the will and desire to end the story as planned and promised. Any and all feedback will be welcome, greatly appreciated and will act as a catalyst for me.

Meantime, read it again, as much as is possible anyway, and stay tuned.

**Chapter 102**

Post-op was fine. I could've skipped the visit but for the force of habit. After putting down the orders for the shifing of patients with relatively minor injuries, I decided to go get something to eat. I simply could not remember when I last ate and my brain was sending urgent 'Crash' signals to rest of my body.

Mess tent was vacant on account of not serving dinner at this very moment. There was nothing edible in the kitchen but then, when did it ever have anything edible?

I went to the backside to find something that could be eaten and wasn't disappointed. Passing over peanut butter as its taste still lingered in my mouth from a few days back, I decided to make some French Toast for myself. No such thing as vanilla flavor and one look at the powdered eggs and milk and I changed my mind back to a peanut butter jelly sandwich.

After gulping down my meager lunch cum dinner, I left the mess tent.

Sun was down now and there was a bitter chill in the wind. While I enjoyed the cold weather, winters in Korea were nothing close to even resembling fun. If anything, they were brutal, unfriendly and did nothing to remind me of home in a pleasant way.

Some distant rumblings told me to get ready for another intake of injured. It had been a long while since I last slept so I made a beeline for the Swamp to catch up on some lost sleep before another night and quite possibly, a day was shot to hell.

Swamp was cold and dark and both my bunkies were fast asleep. Come to think of it, from the lack of action in the kitchen, cook perhaps knew that most of the camp was going to bed and very few would show up for dinner.

I lied down on my cot and my mind went to the events of the last few days. Since my return to work last week, I had little time to think about what was going on in the world. Christmas was close. I could imagine the insanity that took over some real decent people when close to this time of the year. Those like me could go either way, sometimes having a good time with those around them and sometimes, just staying at work to avoid the whole happiness-enchilada.

I had a feeling this year was going to be rougher than it was last year. Last year, we were sure we would be home by this time next year. This year was more melancholy especially for people like me. There was a fear, of expecting something that might not happen... ever. I knew that according to point system, my discharge papers were probably already in the making but the way things were going both in my life and in the life of Army, I was afraid to be optimistic.

'Did you just hear yourself, Hawkeye'? I thought, chuckling this time. I had never been like this in my life and this new, dark, brooding side was scary. I could imagine some people refusing to identify this new side as me. Even I was afraid of accepting this new _me_ as me.

I was awakened around midnight. There was a patient who had spiked a high grade fever and pain abdomen and unbeknowest to me, I was the one on-call. With my head full of cotton and my muscles disobeying any command to contract and relax in a regular, orderly fashion, it took me a while to comprehend what the nurse was saying to me and then get moving. Somebody handed me a mug of coffee which was perhaps the best coffee I had ever had in this bug-infested hellhole in... a very long time.

_You need to come up with some new names for this place, Mister! You've started repeating yourself and its pathetic!_

Patient was a seargent, mid forties, and from the looks of him, smoked cigarettes like Bogie did. He had a fever because of the wound. A couple of stitches had to come out and soon as I opened the wound cavity, a small collection of pus followed it. After cleaning the wound, I tried to find out a cause behind his pain in the abdomen. It seemed like he was having it on account of an ulcer.

"War spared you. Your cigarettes won't!" I told him without much passion. His fingers stained with nicotine and teeth brown, I didn't need exceptional powers of deduction to get to that conclusion. He looked embarrassed.

After advising him and adding antacid treatment to his list of medication, I returned to the Swamp. If only I could sleep some more…

No such luck!

Maybe getting something warm to eat and some warm company to sit next to would alleviate this tiredness, I thought almost optimistically as I started towards the mess tent a few hours later.

"You look terrible!" Margaret commented as I landed next to her. Brenda, who was sitting opposite her excused herself and I just rolled my eyes. "And why did you have to do that?"

"I 'feel' terrible. It's a set. And do what? Sit next to you? You don't like it, next time I'll sit next to…" I looked around and saw Frank sitting alone in a corner, playing with his breakfast, "… Frank." I informed her and tried to figure out what had landed in my tray and how.

"You should try and make nice with him, Pierce. Sitting with him would be a good start!" She spoke with a straight face but maybe it was my imagination or what, I felt a whiff of mischief in her voice.

"You first!" She glared at me, "Potter's asking me the same thing. You sure you both didn't come to that failsafe plan to exonerate myself while emptying a bottle of single malt? Single malt…." My mind drifted to the bouquet, the taste of a real deal glass of scotch.

Something snapped in front of my eyes and I returned to the planet earth once again, courtesy Margaret.

"Why do you feel terrible? Because of what Colonel asked you to do?" And then, misjudging my expressions, quickly added, "Pierce! I didn't discuss it with him. I was just kidding…"

"I know, sweetcheeks!"

"Major Sweetcheeks to you, Captain!" And with that, we both laughed.

"Why do you feel terrible?" She asked again, somewhat seriously.

"I don't feel terrible." I don't know why I said that but maybe the fun of the moment was too nice to be disturbed by the inane discussion about how and why I felt terrible. Such moments had become rare lately.

"But you just told me you felt terrible." She sounded incredulous and I enjoyed that.

"I was lying." Again, I deflected.

"You haven't been trolling for my nurses lately." Touch of concern in her voice and I smiled.

"Do I look like I have the reserves to spare on that daunting and hopeless task?"

"You've been an awfully good boy ever since…" And I could hear the cogs turning.

"Ever since Cate O' Hara turned me into a frog?"

"I wasn't going to say that." She retorted and seemed like she was telling the truth.

"This breakfast tastes like nothing I've ever eaten." I generously put more salt and pepper on the gray-green-brown stuff in front of me. She was right. I hadn't been going after her nurses like I used to. Carlye was to be blamed, I thought ruefully, remembering how I had walked myself into a corner while making the effort to stop her.

"Get some rest, Hawkeye! You do look awful." Margaret got up from her place and so did I after she left the tent.

Food just wasn't worth eating.

Realizing Margaret's advice was the best kind money couldn't buy, I returned to Swamp but with all the noise around and the light outside reflecting from the snow, I just couldn't sleep.

BJ was moody and it was not hard to guess why. Yet another mail call went by without him receiving any letter from home. Very few received any letters or packages but BJ was so used to receiving them, he simply was unable to deal with having to do without them.

After tossing and turning for what seemed like a very long time, I sat up and decided to write Dad.

"I thought you were going to kiss Frank and make up?" I looked up and saw BJ looking at me intently.

"No. I was going to 'try', try being the operative word. And considering the liplessness of the subject…"

"So you were trying yesterday?" BJ's tone wasn't genial and I wondered what I had done now.

"No. I wasn't trying. I was trying to try."

"Where were you last night?" His tone still had a bit of resentful moodiness about it. I decided to play along but remembering his reaction to my relentless 'pursuit of happiness', wearing skirts and dresses of course, I stayed away from any glib retorts.

"Went to post-op. I was on-call last night, to my utter surprise." I closed my eyes to block out the tiredness that was descending in my veins.

"I had told Brenda to wake me if need be. You need to rest."

"She wasn't there when I went. And it was nothing. Just needed to add antacids to a patient's meds."

"I thought it kept you awake for a long time." BJ spoke neutrally this time again.

"Not the patient. I just couldn't sleep once I was awakened." I ran a hand through my hair. There just wasn't a way to ward off this tiredness, was there?

I returned my attention to the letter even though I wasn't getting anywhere with it.

BJ was returning to the moody being he was before his visit to Seoul and I wasn't sure I liked it.

This also confirmed, as much as was possible, that he hadn't talked to Peg.

He had lied down and had his arm over his eyes.

I just shook my head.

PS: Due to some weirdass glitch, chapters 102 and 103 became conjoined twins sharing some vital organs and such. And none of you even noticed/bothered to point at the weirdness.

Now I am posting the two chapters again, and implore you to please read before reviewing :-p


	103. Chapter 103

Hey guys!

New chapter is up. Half of it got, I have no clue how, presumably through my own incompetence, well, half of it got affixed to the previous chapter. I finally made sense of it today.

Now reposted the previous one, and this is new, fresh from laundry.

Read it. And stay tuned as more will follow soon.

Also, I reread the story. It IS good. So read it again if you forget something. You'll have fun. I know I did :-p

**Chapter 103**

There was no winning, was there?

Still tired from those long hours spent in the OR, I decided to lie down myself. That letter wasn't getting anywhere and I could feel the cramps from the long sessions.

Was it that I was growing old?

"Captain Pierce!"

I must have dozed off as this voice had a startling effect on me. One look at the watch and I realized that it couldn't have been more than a few minutes nap.

Shaking my head, trying to clear my head, I looked at the intruder.

"Colonel Potter wants to see you." Klinger and his hideous layering of clothes from every fabric family and color pattern had a shocking effect on somebody operating on less than half his mental capacity. I was suddenly awakened.

Rubbing my eyes vigorously, I put on the robe and set out, taking Klinger's hand in honor of his temporary albeit hideous resemblance to a woman.

"Any idea why he wants to see me, m'dear?"

"Search me, Captain. He has a ton of paper work from last few days and he's angry as a …inhu junun al hajan…"

I looked at him quizzically but let it slide. Klinger must have been wringed pretty bad by Potter for him to revert to cursing in Arabic.

Potter was busy going over memos and SOPs and all the enchilada that went with the command.

"Mornin' Colonel!"

"Sit down, Pierce. Be with you in a jiffy."

I sat down and made a valiant effort not to fall asleep. Somehow, the peace and quiet of this office made me crave sleep. Or was it the southern drawl? Thinking of all the recent visits I had made to this office, I felt my eyes closing and so, in order to stop keeling over uber dramatically, I started to drum my fingers on the table.

Potter gave me a look and then decided I had waited long enough.

"Sorry I had to bother ya, Pierce. Did you get any shuteye?"

One look at the Colonel and I could see the tiredness etched around his eyes. It was a sure bet he didn't sleep enough himself and I didn't want to guilt him by answering truthfully.

"Well, I have been thinking. Army owes me almost a year's worth of sleep." I told him deadpan.

"But you've been here what? 17 months?"

"Ever heard of compund interest? Anyway, something came up I'm guessing. Regarding…?"

"I'll let you go get some sleep as we're expecting some heavy casualties and word is, 8063rd might have to bug out as they are sitting almost next to the Chinese. Nothing came up regarding your trial expect I-Corps will be sending an investigator…"

"Please. Not Flagg!" I didn't even let Potter finish but this almost painful plea of mine brought a grin to his tired face.

"No. He's more… espionage. Causes more espionage then a bunch of spies combined." Last bit was almost a mumble, "No, that wasn't the reason I called you."

"Alright!" I raised my eye brows to let him know I was still waiting for the reason he called me.

"What is going on?" Finally, he just blurted.

"A lot is going on. I'm going on. War is going on. Life is going on. Could you be more specific?"

"I remember telling you not to antagonize Burns. I was sitting here. You were sitting there. I remember. I drank half my single malt to get that through your head. What a waste…" Last part was again, a stage whisper crossed with a mumble.

"I didn't antagonize him."

"That's all you've got to say? That you didn't antagonize him? And what was that in the OR yesterday?"

"Oh, you mean when I told him he was incompetent in not so many words?"

I saw Potter flush with anger this time.

"Pierce! You don't even realize…"

"Wait! I thought when you said not to bug him you meant while we're in the Swamp. Or mess. Or… well, anywhere but the OR. You do realize he commits malpractice the moment he starts scrubbing up." I informed Potter, though I had a strong feeing of déjà vu. We did have the very same conversation just last week. And the week before. And the week before that.

"Pierce! He's …"

"Colonel Potter, Sir! He's doing what he has been doing for last year and a half. You might think I'm not taking this seriously but you're wrong! Pick up my file and read through it. Its just that…"

_Choppers!_

_Choppers!_

I looked at him and he, at me. Shaking my head, I tied the robe tightly and left his office without another word. One look at the intake of these patients and I braced myself for another long night to be spent in the OR. The ground was strewn with wounded. There were more on the way as 8063rd sent its relatively stable ones to us.

I took the triage again. It was a large intake and patients were sorted out pretty slowly. After I established the fact that I was to be in the OR for no less than eight hours , I headed there. I was still tired from previous long shifts and the little bit of sleep I managed to get didn't do much good. All it did was remind me how painfully sore I was and how much I wanted to sit this one out.

_Crush all hope_!

That was Frank's motto. After grumbling from the time he came in the OR till he committed his first act of malpractice, he kept whining about the usual lack of consideration on part of Koreans to attack our troops so frequently.

"You should have sent them your time table, Frank." I mumbled to Margaret.

"I heard that Pierce!"

_Liar!_

"Good. Then you can pass that clamp to me. Unless _you_ need it. Sometimes…" And suddenly, there was a squeal from Frank. I turned to look at what happened. Frank's gown was drenched in blood and this one seemed more a gusher than a spurter.

Panic followed as Frank started berating his scrub nurse.

I wasn't sure what to do as my own patient had some hemorrhaging going on. BJ, who had just returned from triage, saw the commotion and went to help Frank out.

There was silence on that table and it felt ominous.

"What happened, Beej?" I asked as I tried to control the bleeding in my own patient.

"Nothing, Hawk!" BJ wasn't talking and that didn't bid well for the patient. With Potter knee deep in another patient's blood, I decided to just have a look.

"I told you it was nothing!" BJ spoke somewhat crossly this time. I wasn't going to let him suffer my fate and told him gently to let me see.

"I think the clot on the spleen dislodged and Frank panicked." BJ informed me.

"I. Did. Not." The ever-present indignation was expected.

I returned to my own patient who had some bleeding issues of his own.

"Shove it, Frank!" BJ retorted crossly.

"Need help, Beej?" I asked BJ knowing the response but felt Frank would try to pin anything that went wrong on BJ.

"You really think you're the only one here, Hawkeye Pierce, Surgeon Extraordinaire, don't you!" Frank whined, almost eloquently.

BJ stayed quiet this time.

"Pierce!" Margaret looked at me and spoke my name in a concerned, strained voice.

I silently returned to my own patient who had some bleeding but was otherwise alright.

My fingers were beginning to cramp earlier today. I just needed some rest and somehow, I wasn't able to get any.

"Pierce! You OK?" I heard Margaret talking to me in a low whisper and realized I had blanked out for a bit.

"Yeah. Yes. Just hold this clamp here… yes. Thank you. Can somebody get me a glass of water. All this talking has made me thirsty!"

Another mosntrous shift had started. Maybe Army was going to juice me fully before hauling me to Kansas.

"Aren't you a quivering mass of indecision today, Frank!"

Water ought to do the trick, I hoped.

"What is going on, Pierce?" Colonel Potter wasn't as unaware of his environment as he made us believe.

"Just thinking, Colonel." I deflected expertly.

"Want to take a break, son?" Maybe no so expertly…

"No. I am fine. Just got distracted. Retraction here, Margaret!"

And with that, the OR returned to its usual state of controlled chaos.


	104. Addendum

Prologue

Hi there.

Its been a while. For the new readers, welcome.

For the old ones, welcome back and I am very sorry.

Excuses can run a page long, maybe even more.

But guess the oldest in the book ought to do for now: Life _happened_.

This is to tell you that even though I won't promise YOU I'll finish this story by the end of this year, I do solemnly swear that I'll do my best to finish it by Jan 14th, 2012.

It's a good story and deserves a good end.

Its readers are great, and reviewers, simply the best.

They deserve nothing less.

So here I am, back at my laptop, opening the ginormous file I labeled 'I Think Too Much' because that's what I did do and figured, so would Pierce.

He might get his answers when I do…

Thanks for a helluva ride though.

I won't tell you to hold your breath but…

I wouldn't mind if you did


End file.
